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What's the point?
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Guy Barry
Sep 26, 2014, 3:58:02 PM9/26/14
to
I've come back here because I've got relationship issues. I don't know
where else to talk about it.
Most of you probably know that I'm not very experienced in this area. I'm
48. I had a disastrous relationship with a woman about fourteen years ago
who bullied and abused me, and that's about it. I stay out of them mainly.
I found someone a few weeks ago who I really cared about. She's funny,
clever and sensitive. She's coming out of a nasty abusive four-year
relationship with someone who treated her like absolute shit. She's really
articulate and great at talking about the issues. She had a pretty
successful ten-year relationship before that which (as far as I can tell)
ended because of her own behaviour, and before that another one which
produced two daughters - one's away at university, the other is working and
still sometimes living at home. But she's an alcoholic, and she's had
violent and abusive episodes of her own, some of which have got her into
trouble with the authorities.
We've got on pretty well in the main. We've had a few rows (mainly
alcohol-fuelled) but we generally communicate very well. We've spent a lot
of time in each other's company over the past week, going for walks, talking
about our past lives, singing together (both of us are fans of the old
American musicals) and generally supporting each other. But she's been
adamant that she's not my girlfriend and that we're not in a relationship;
I'm just a friend. She didn't like me touching her at all at first but now
she seems perfectly happy to touch me in an affectionate, non-sexual way.
I'm very happy with it.
I thought I wasn't going to see her today. I was sitting with some friends
and she phoned me out of the blue to give me her new number, asking if she
could come and join me. I was delighted. I thought I'd terminated the call
and jumped for joy, saying "That was my dearly beloved [XXXX]". She was
still on the end of the phone and asked me what I'd said. I said it didn't
matter and waited for her to join me. It took a lot longer than I expected,
but eventually she turned up. I chatted to her animatedly, amongst other
things asking if I could bring my washing round to her place tomorrow since
I'm fed up with lugging it to the launderette every week. She said yes, no
problem. After a while she asked if we could go elsewhere.
Then things got sour. She asked me what the "dearly beloved" stuff was
about. She said that she'd explained to me before that we were just friends
and that I didn't seem to understand. She said there'd be rumours all round
the district that we were sleeping together. I pointed out that I'd told my
friends quite explicitly that she didn't want a relationship right now, and
that I'd respected that. She started telling me that I was weird and that
she couldn't be friends with me any longer. She went off on her own and I
was heartbroken. I went back to my friends, who were really good and
supportive.
What's the bleeding point?
--
Guy Barry
where else to talk about it.
Most of you probably know that I'm not very experienced in this area. I'm
48. I had a disastrous relationship with a woman about fourteen years ago
who bullied and abused me, and that's about it. I stay out of them mainly.
I found someone a few weeks ago who I really cared about. She's funny,
clever and sensitive. She's coming out of a nasty abusive four-year
relationship with someone who treated her like absolute shit. She's really
articulate and great at talking about the issues. She had a pretty
successful ten-year relationship before that which (as far as I can tell)
ended because of her own behaviour, and before that another one which
produced two daughters - one's away at university, the other is working and
still sometimes living at home. But she's an alcoholic, and she's had
violent and abusive episodes of her own, some of which have got her into
trouble with the authorities.
We've got on pretty well in the main. We've had a few rows (mainly
alcohol-fuelled) but we generally communicate very well. We've spent a lot
of time in each other's company over the past week, going for walks, talking
about our past lives, singing together (both of us are fans of the old
American musicals) and generally supporting each other. But she's been
adamant that she's not my girlfriend and that we're not in a relationship;
I'm just a friend. She didn't like me touching her at all at first but now
she seems perfectly happy to touch me in an affectionate, non-sexual way.
I'm very happy with it.
I thought I wasn't going to see her today. I was sitting with some friends
and she phoned me out of the blue to give me her new number, asking if she
could come and join me. I was delighted. I thought I'd terminated the call
and jumped for joy, saying "That was my dearly beloved [XXXX]". She was
still on the end of the phone and asked me what I'd said. I said it didn't
matter and waited for her to join me. It took a lot longer than I expected,
but eventually she turned up. I chatted to her animatedly, amongst other
things asking if I could bring my washing round to her place tomorrow since
I'm fed up with lugging it to the launderette every week. She said yes, no
problem. After a while she asked if we could go elsewhere.
Then things got sour. She asked me what the "dearly beloved" stuff was
about. She said that she'd explained to me before that we were just friends
and that I didn't seem to understand. She said there'd be rumours all round
the district that we were sleeping together. I pointed out that I'd told my
friends quite explicitly that she didn't want a relationship right now, and
that I'd respected that. She started telling me that I was weird and that
she couldn't be friends with me any longer. She went off on her own and I
was heartbroken. I went back to my friends, who were really good and
supportive.
What's the bleeding point?
--
Guy Barry
Guy Barry
Sep 27, 2014, 3:17:23 AM9/27/14
to
"Guy Barry" wrote in message news:7zjVv.435326$m41.2...@fx34.am4...
> I've come back here because I've got relationship issues. I don't know
> where else to talk about it.
It was good to write about it even if no one replied.
--
Guy Barry
Steve Daniels
Sep 27, 2014, 12:45:46 PM9/27/14
to
On 27 Sep 2014 03:17:23 -0400, against all advice, something compelled
"Guy Barry" <guy....@blueyonder.co.uk>, to say:
So while you have screaming alcohol fueled fights, she's keeping you at
arms' length. But hey! Free laundry!
Dude.
http://www.fleshlight.com/
"Guy Barry" <guy....@blueyonder.co.uk>, to say:
arms' length. But hey! Free laundry!
Dude.
http://www.fleshlight.com/
Guy Barry
Sep 28, 2014, 3:39:06 AM9/28/14
to
"Steve Daniels" wrote in message
news:taqd2a92h3pngv17u...@4ax.com...
Thank you, Mr Daniels, for your customary cynicism. It's good to know
you're still around.
I spent the whole day with her yesterday and there was scarcely a cross
word. It was great. She played me all the old songs she'd written and
hadn't performed for ages. She's so talented. We communicate really well
when we're sober - it's only when we've had a few that there can be
problems. I'm learning.
Can't wait to see her again today. She only lives round the corner. I'm so
happy.
--
Guy Barry
news:taqd2a92h3pngv17u...@4ax.com...
you're still around.
I spent the whole day with her yesterday and there was scarcely a cross
word. It was great. She played me all the old songs she'd written and
hadn't performed for ages. She's so talented. We communicate really well
when we're sober - it's only when we've had a few that there can be
problems. I'm learning.
Can't wait to see her again today. She only lives round the corner. I'm so
happy.
--
Guy Barry
Guy Barry
Sep 28, 2014, 4:28:20 AM9/28/14
to
"Steve Daniels" wrote in message
news:taqd2a92h3pngv17u...@4ax.com...
> But hey! Free laundry!
news:taqd2a92h3pngv17u...@4ax.com...
By the way, Steve, I paid her for it.
--
Guy Barry
Paul Wallich
Oct 1, 2014, 1:37:13 PM10/1/14
to
On 9/28/14 4:28 AM, Guy Barry wrote:
> "Steve Daniels" wrote in message
> news:taqd2a92h3pngv17u...@4ax.com...
>
>> But hey! Free laundry!
>
> By the way, Steve, I paid her for it.
>
Countdown to wilful misinterpretation in
> "Steve Daniels" wrote in message
> news:taqd2a92h3pngv17u...@4ax.com...
>
>> But hey! Free laundry!
>
> By the way, Steve, I paid her for it.
>
3, 2, 1...
Steve Daniels
Oct 1, 2014, 1:49:27 PM10/1/14
to
On 1 Oct 2014 13:37:13 -0400, against all advice, something
compelled Paul Wallich <p...@panix.com>, to say:
Nah. Low hanging fruit. ATE.
compelled Paul Wallich <p...@panix.com>, to say:
Guy Barry
Oct 2, 2014, 5:29:33 AM10/2/14
to
"Paul Wallich" wrote in message news:m0he34$n6g$1...@reader1.panix.com...
Well, at least that gave me a chuckle. Twenty years ago, this group (or its
predecessor) would have been the ideal place to write about such things.
Now everyone's grown up and moved on, except me.
We had a great weekend together, with very little acrimony. Then on Monday
morning I phoned her to tell her about something I'd heard on the radio and
to remind her about an appointment later that morning. She was furious
because I'd woken her up, and started calling me weird and telling me to
back off again. I let her go to her appointment and thought I wouldn't hear
from her for the rest of the day, but she phoned me later on when I was
sitting with a group of friends and I invited her to join us. We had a
generally pleasant afternoon and then she had to go off and meet another
friend, but invited me to come back to her place and meet him later. I did
and he was very pleasant. He left, we carried on alone together for a
little while. Then I got a bit over-emotional and it all got acrimonious
again. I left quickly.
I left her alone mostly the next day, but thought I'd write a little song to
cheer her up. I texted her about it and she asked me to come round later.
I asked her "Are you all right?" and she said no - at least I think that's
what happened; she claimed she was answering no to a different question, so
we got off on a bad foot to start with. I mentioned that my appetite was
down because of all the disruption to my routine over the past week or so.
"Why, what's been happening, then?" she asked.
I was bewildered. "I've been with you for most of it."
She tried to claim that I hadn't, which was simply untrue. We'd spent the
entire day together (or a large chunk of it) for six days out of the
previous nine, and we'd seen each other on all the intervening days. I'm
still trying to work out what she meant.
I never got to sing her my song. We went up to the local shop together, but
when we returned she didn't invite me in as her daughter was coming round
later. I was a little bit put out but tried to dismiss the incident from my
mind (without much success).
I wasn't sure whether to contact her again yesterday, but ran into her
anyway as she was coming back from town with her shopping. It was fairly
pleasant for a little while, then I made the mistake of bringing up what had
happened the previous day. I told her I was a little bit miffed and she
called me a "wimp". I tried to explain that I was only teasing and that it
didn't really matter. I asked her not to take things so personally and she
told me to "get off her case". She got up and left, taking the heavy
shopping with her. I told her I wanted her to be happy and she said "I am
happy". That's the last time I spoke to her.
I really don't know what to do today. I had a dream about her last night
where she and I had been assigned to do some job elsewhere in the country.
She was completely in charge and I was following her about the place like an
idiot. Then I lost sight of her and couldn't work out how to get back home
without her.
Am I losing it completely?
--
Guy Barry
predecessor) would have been the ideal place to write about such things.
Now everyone's grown up and moved on, except me.
We had a great weekend together, with very little acrimony. Then on Monday
morning I phoned her to tell her about something I'd heard on the radio and
to remind her about an appointment later that morning. She was furious
because I'd woken her up, and started calling me weird and telling me to
back off again. I let her go to her appointment and thought I wouldn't hear
from her for the rest of the day, but she phoned me later on when I was
sitting with a group of friends and I invited her to join us. We had a
generally pleasant afternoon and then she had to go off and meet another
friend, but invited me to come back to her place and meet him later. I did
and he was very pleasant. He left, we carried on alone together for a
little while. Then I got a bit over-emotional and it all got acrimonious
again. I left quickly.
I left her alone mostly the next day, but thought I'd write a little song to
cheer her up. I texted her about it and she asked me to come round later.
I asked her "Are you all right?" and she said no - at least I think that's
what happened; she claimed she was answering no to a different question, so
we got off on a bad foot to start with. I mentioned that my appetite was
down because of all the disruption to my routine over the past week or so.
"Why, what's been happening, then?" she asked.
I was bewildered. "I've been with you for most of it."
She tried to claim that I hadn't, which was simply untrue. We'd spent the
entire day together (or a large chunk of it) for six days out of the
previous nine, and we'd seen each other on all the intervening days. I'm
still trying to work out what she meant.
I never got to sing her my song. We went up to the local shop together, but
when we returned she didn't invite me in as her daughter was coming round
later. I was a little bit put out but tried to dismiss the incident from my
mind (without much success).
I wasn't sure whether to contact her again yesterday, but ran into her
anyway as she was coming back from town with her shopping. It was fairly
pleasant for a little while, then I made the mistake of bringing up what had
happened the previous day. I told her I was a little bit miffed and she
called me a "wimp". I tried to explain that I was only teasing and that it
didn't really matter. I asked her not to take things so personally and she
told me to "get off her case". She got up and left, taking the heavy
shopping with her. I told her I wanted her to be happy and she said "I am
happy". That's the last time I spoke to her.
I really don't know what to do today. I had a dream about her last night
where she and I had been assigned to do some job elsewhere in the country.
She was completely in charge and I was following her about the place like an
idiot. Then I lost sight of her and couldn't work out how to get back home
without her.
Am I losing it completely?
--
Guy Barry
Paul Wallich
Oct 2, 2014, 9:23:38 PM10/2/14
to
On 10/2/14 5:29 AM, Guy Barry wrote:
[....]
about what's going on, fwiw.
It sounds as if she wants you around but doesn't want to admit she wants
you around, with resulting unpleasant behavior, plus the
alchohol-related stuff. Also sounds as if that's not going to change.
paul "This is a lighthouse. Your call."
[....]
> I really don't know what to do today. I had a dream about her last night
> where she and I had been assigned to do some job elsewhere in the country.
> She was completely in charge and I was following her about the place like an
> idiot. Then I lost sight of her and couldn't work out how to get back home
> without her.
>
> Am I losing it completely?
Not completely quite yet. I think your dreaming self is pretty clear
> where she and I had been assigned to do some job elsewhere in the country.
> She was completely in charge and I was following her about the place like an
> idiot. Then I lost sight of her and couldn't work out how to get back home
> without her.
>
> Am I losing it completely?
about what's going on, fwiw.
It sounds as if she wants you around but doesn't want to admit she wants
you around, with resulting unpleasant behavior, plus the
alchohol-related stuff. Also sounds as if that's not going to change.
paul "This is a lighthouse. Your call."
Guy Barry
Oct 3, 2014, 3:55:23 AM10/3/14
to
"Paul Wallich" wrote in message news:m0ktqf$qde$1...@reader1.panix.com...
>It sounds as if she wants you around but doesn't want to admit she wants
>you around, with resulting unpleasant behavior, plus the alchohol-related
>stuff. Also sounds as if that's not going to change.
That's pretty much the conclusion I'd come to. I deliberately didn't
contact her yesterday and kept away from places where I thought she might
be, as she said she didn't normally have friends she saw every day. I'll
probably send her a message later today to find out how she is.
At least I know I can manage a day without her. It's hard, though.
--
Guy Barry
>
>On 10/2/14 5:29 AM, Guy Barry wrote:
>[....]
>> I really don't know what to do today. I had a dream about her last night
>> where she and I had been assigned to do some job elsewhere in the
>> country.
>> She was completely in charge and I was following her about the place like
>> an
>> idiot. Then I lost sight of her and couldn't work out how to get back
>> home
>> without her.
>>
>> Am I losing it completely?
>
>Not completely quite yet. I think your dreaming self is pretty clear about
>what's going on, fwiw.
That's quite often the case.
>On 10/2/14 5:29 AM, Guy Barry wrote:
>[....]
>> I really don't know what to do today. I had a dream about her last night
>> where she and I had been assigned to do some job elsewhere in the
>> country.
>> She was completely in charge and I was following her about the place like
>> an
>> idiot. Then I lost sight of her and couldn't work out how to get back
>> home
>> without her.
>>
>> Am I losing it completely?
>
>Not completely quite yet. I think your dreaming self is pretty clear about
>what's going on, fwiw.
>It sounds as if she wants you around but doesn't want to admit she wants
>you around, with resulting unpleasant behavior, plus the alchohol-related
>stuff. Also sounds as if that's not going to change.
contact her yesterday and kept away from places where I thought she might
be, as she said she didn't normally have friends she saw every day. I'll
probably send her a message later today to find out how she is.
At least I know I can manage a day without her. It's hard, though.
--
Guy Barry
songbird
Oct 8, 2014, 7:35:51 PM10/8/14
to
Guy Barry wrote:
...
feed yanked...
songbird
...
> It was good to write about it even if no one replied.
right when things get interesting, i get my internet
feed yanked...
songbird
Paul Wallich
Oct 15, 2014, 12:43:54 PM10/15/14
to
songbird
Oct 15, 2014, 5:31:53 PM10/15/14
to
continue to do so happily as a desktop user.
i'm still not in the cellphone generation.
nothing i do is that important that i need to be
contacted "right now" nor am i often away so if
someone calls, they get the answering machine and
then i get back to them when i see the blinker
winking at me.
songbird
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