'Dear Miss Demeanor (Advice)' - Bared Affair #4.01 (F/f Spoof)
Angie B
BARED AFFAIR: For old-fashioned ladies and the modern-minded girls in their
care.
#4.01, January 2006
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DEAR MISS DEMEANOR
Advice for _real_ girls (and the women who discipline them.
By "Miss D."
Miss Demeanor is the pseudonym of a licensed psychotherapist who practices
in a small town in North America. As a side project, she offers free advice
to older girls and women dealing with disciplinary difficulties, ranging
from the proper way to deliver (or receive) a scolding to recommended
post-spanking skin care.
Dear Miss Demeanor,
I am the mother of three boys. My husband's sister Elise has two boys and
one fifteen-year-old girl, Janie. This girl is treated as a princess! Janie
sits at the "adult table" for gatherings, while all boys sit in the kitchen
even though all of my sons are older than her. She is also always given the
first serving of dessert, always gets to open her presents first, and is
always the center of attention.
All this happens and the teen doesn't even speak to me or my children. I am
about at my wits' end. I have to restrain myself from spanking this girl for
her rude behavior! I realize, however, that it is her parents who need the
discipline. How do I deal with this so that my boys don't end up feeling
like second-class citizens when they're with their cousins?
MRS. EPANGER
St. Paul (Minnesota), U.S.A.
Dear Mrs. Epanger:
Someone deserves a spanking here, but it may not be who you think. Were you
hoping Miss Demeanor would say, "Put Janie over your knee a few times and
all will be better"? It's not that simple, honey.
From your description of Janie, she is the textbook definition of "spoiled
rotten." She does need to be taught the difference between rights and
privileges, though I caution you that whatever corrective measures --
including a reddened rear end -- need to be administered by the parents
rather than you. Yet, at this stage, it is going to take a lot more than a
single intervention to straighten things out for this girl.
The question that needs to be addressed at this point is: why have things
gone on for so long? There's enough blame to go around in Miss D's opinion.
I'm just as appalled by the way Elise treats (i.e., spoils) her daughter as
I would be if I learned that she beats the girl with an extension cord. But
I have to wonder: just as she is putting no guideposts on Janie's behavior,
where are the people in her life looking out for Elise?
Where does your mother-in-law stand on this issue? Grandparents can be
indulgent, but if she raised your husband and his sister right, she knows
that it is a mistake to treat one sex significantly differently than the
other. Surely she has earned Elise's respect enough to be a positive
influence on getting her to treat all of her children properly. I lay some
of the responsibility for this situation at Grandma's feet. Why is she
afraid of correcting her own daughter about this?
And then there's your husband. Was his sister favored growing up, so that he
allows Elise to do the same with her daughter? I would hope not! But either
way, he has a brotherly duty to talk to Elise, peer-to-peer, to get her to
see the error of her ways. Already Janie is behaving like a rude brat. How
much worse will it be if she goes off to college never having learned the
adult skills of compromise, cooperation and polite interchange with people
her own age?
Lastly, my dear, there's you. I presume that Elise has always spoiled her
daughter this way in your presence. Why did you wait until Janie was 15 to
raise the flag on this? Cat got your tongue? And it seems to me that you're
still unwilling to confront your sister-in-law about her poor parenting
techniques, choosing instead to dash off a frustrated note to an advice
columnist rather than talking with Elise directly. Start by looking in the
mirror. If anything, someone needs to take you down a notch with a few hot
bottoms, for allowing your sons to suffer under the yoke of favoritism in
the family. -- Miss D.
Girls and women may write to MISS DEMEANOR in care of Bared Affair magazine.
Although we cannot print every letter, all inquiries will be answered by
private post.
domino
wrote:
Dear Editor,
Firstly, thank you for your most excellent publication which I always
read most thoroughly, cover to cover, each month. Keep up the
sterling work!
My main motivation for writing however, is to comment on the attitude
once again displayed by Miss Demeanour in her reply to Mrs Epanger
from St Paul's in this latest edition.
You may recall that this lady wrote in regarding her neice's uppity
attitude due to her having been spoiled by her mother, and I have to
say that I take exception at parts of Miss Demeanour's reply.
Permit me to elaborate :
>It's not that simple, honey.
I find this line very condescending - of course Mrs Epanger realises
there is no simple solution - that is why she has had the courage to
ask for expert advice in the first place!
>The question that needs to be addressed at this point is: why have things
>gone on for so long? There's enough blame to go around in Miss D's opinion.
Surely Miss D should not be sitting in judgement and apportioning
blame! It would seem to me that a more gentle investigation into the
circumstances would be called for.
> I lay some
>of the responsibility for this situation at Grandma's feet. Why is she
>afraid of correcting her own daughter about this?
What an assumption to be making! Maybe the poor lady is deceased?
Maybe she lives a thousand miles away? Maybe she is ill and unable
to?
>And then there's your husband. Was his sister favored growing up, so that he
>allows Elise to do the same with her daughter? I would hope not! But either
>way, he has a brotherly duty to talk to Elise, peer-to-peer, to get her to
>see the error of her ways.
Does the possibility not enter Miss D's mind that if Elise is raising
her family in the way she was raised then Mr Epanger is unlikely to be
*able* to challenge her?
Or - what if Elise is several years her brother's senior? One does
not lightly challenge a senior sibling.
And why does Miss D not also address Elise's husband?
>Already Janie is behaving like a rude brat. How
>much worse will it be if she goes off to college never having learned the
>adult skills of compromise, cooperation and polite interchange with people
>her own age?
Well - once she gets to college, she will ikely have a nasty shock,
but these things have a way of working themselves out. Her class and
room mates at college will not treat her like a princess and I suspect
Madam Janie will have to learn a few lessons the hard way.
>Lastly, my dear, there's you. I presume that Elise has always spoiled her
>daughter this way in your presence. Why did you wait until Janie was 15 to
>raise the flag on this?
Again - does the possibility not cross Miss D's mind that there may
have been good reasons why this may not have previously occurred?
Maybe Mrs Epanger was a service wife living with her family in a
different state or even a different country? (Maybe Elise and her
family were). It seems to me that if Mrs Epanger had noticed a
problem before she would have taken action before, since she does not
hesitate to do it now.
> Cat got your tongue?
How absolutely *rude*! How dare Miss D respond in this manner to
someone who has approached her for help in her official capacity!
Does she think this way of addressing your readers is likely to endear
her to them, or encourage them to write in to your magazine?
> And it seems to me that you're
>still unwilling to confront your sister-in-law about her poor parenting
>techniques, choosing instead to dash off a frustrated note to an advice
>columnist rather than talking with Elise directly.
Well- it seems to me that rather than leaping in and possibly causing
a family rift, which would help no-one, Mrs Epanger took the sensible
step of seeking what she thought would be expert advice on how to deal
with a sensitive situation!
> Start by looking in the
>mirror. If anything, someone needs to take you down a notch with a few hot
>bottoms, for allowing your sons to suffer under the yoke of favoritism in
>the family. -- Miss D.
How very glib! First of all Miss D should know that it is only polite
to observe the customs of the family one is invited to join, whether
that be taking off one's shoes when they enter a house, or what.
Then - many houses these days do not have the physical space to seat
large numbers around one dining table - certainly in my youth atlarge
family gatherings there were always two sittings - children in the
kitchen and adults in the dining room. Whilst it's wrong that Janie
is singled out for attention, there is no reason that Mrs Epanger's
boys should have been more than momentarily annoyed about the
situation.
It is to Mrs E's credit that her boys were well-bred enough to accept
the situation with good grace and not cause an unpleasant scene.
I note that there is no real word of encouragement or proper advice
given by Miss D in this reply - it is merely another high-handed rant
of which she is so very fond.
Instead of the confrontational way she appraoches the subject, why
does she not suggest for example, that Mrs E broaches the subject with
Elise to try and find out why the girl has been spoilt rotten. Maybe
the child was very sick as an infant and Elise has been
over-compensating because of that. Maybe Elise suffered the loss of
child before Elise was born, or maybe she had been told she
coudlnt'have children - all of these things make women treat a baby as
a very great gift and they run the risk of spoiling the chidl as a
result.
Gentle and sympathetic enquiry by Mrs E might show that maybe Elise
realises now that there is a problem but can't see a way to tackle it.
Surely befriending Elise is going to be more productive than Miss D's
suggestion of confronting her!
I shan't say any more on the subject, obviously, it is you who has the
final say in deciding on the behaviour of your employees. I do feel
however that Miss Demeanour detracts rather than adds value to your
otherwise excellent publication.
Best Regards
Domino
angie...@hotmail.com
> On Sun, 15 Jan 2006 17:54:22 -0800, "Angie B" <angie...@hotmail.com>
> wrote:
>
> Dear Editor,
>
> Firstly, thank you for your most excellent publication which I always
> read most thoroughly, cover to cover, each month. Keep up the
> sterling work!
Dear Domino,
Thank you for this most thoughtful reply. I read all of your comments
carefully and although I am not able to respond to each of them, we
very much appreciate candid and constructive feedback.
> I note that there is no real word of encouragement or proper advice
> given by Miss D in this reply - it is merely another high-handed rant
> of which she is so very fond.
As an editrix, we stand behind all of our writers unless they have been
found to be in grievous breach of our standards.
But as a fellow reader, I must sadly agree with you, Domino. It seems
that some readers look for Miss D's column solely for the schadenfreude
they experience when she dresses down an advice-seeker. I am not one
of those readers, but Miss D appears to be appealing more and more to
that segment of our subscribers. I will discuss this matter with her
at our next monthly teleconference.
> I shan't say any more on the subject, obviously, it is you who has the
> final say in deciding on the behaviour of your employees. I do feel
> however that Miss Demeanour detracts rather than adds value to your
> otherwise excellent publication.
>
> Best Regards
> Domino
Thank you again, Domino, for having the courage to make observations
with the intention of strengthening our publication. We continue to
respect and appreciate Miss Demeanor as a long-time contributor, having
run her advice column for 11 years now, but nobody is infallible -- not
us and certainly not Miss D.
Very kind regards,
Angie Heart, Editrix in Chief
Bared Affair Magazine
The publication for old-fashioned ladies and the modern-minded girls in
their care