old virgins and women's take
Todd
especially romantic relationship. I've only had one crush in my life. My
brother told me that women love virgins. Is there more to life than
masturbation, pics, mags, and porn? What do women think about old virgins?
Thanks.
Desideria
Depends on the old virgin!
Could be fun and even sexy, if the fella is not a virgin because of
emotional hangups, and if he's willing to be both openminded and
taught by a more-experienced woman.
Desideria
Todd
attached to the woman. Is that usually the case with first sex partners?
Some women don't want a serious relationship, and I've been told that
serious relationships are difficult.
Serene Vannoy
There really is no one way that women think about these things. Some
women, like me, were late bloomers ourselves and don't attach much
weight to it. Some women probably care more than that. The nice thing
about the world is that there's someone out there (probably lots of
someones) who will see you for what you are, not for whom you have or
haven't fucked.
As to your first question, yes, of course, there's more to life than
that, but there's also nothing wrong with masturbation and porn --
they're great things to have available, whether or not you're in a
relationship.
When I was a 24-year-old virgin, part of me felt defective for not
having had sex yet, but mostly, I felt like I would do it when I was
ready, and that's what happened. I actually pity people who have sex
really young, before they really know what they want out of sex and
relationships. I think the fact that I waited so long is part of the
reason I've had good, solid, healthy relationships, and have never had a
truly bad one (nor any truly bad sex, though some of the sex has been
boring).
I had one partner who was 37 years old and still a virgin when we met. I
didn't hold it against the person, who turned out to be one of the great
loves (and lays!) of my life.
Serene
--
42 Magazine, celebrating life with meaning. Issue 2 is here!
http://42magazine.com
"I tend to come down on the side of autonomy. Once people are grown up,
I believe they have the right to go to hell in the handbasket of their
choosing." -- Pat Kight, on alt.polyamory
Serene Vannoy
I don't think virgins are any more likely than anyone else to fall in
love with their sex partners. I know I certainly wasn't in love with my
first partner, and I was clear with him on that. We had a lot of fun for
several months before we drifted apart, but we both knew it was sex, not
love.
suzee
> Todd wrote:
>> It might scare women away since a virgin might fall in love or get too
>> attached to the woman. Is that usually the case with first sex
>> partners? Some women don't want a serious relationship, and I've been
>> told that serious relationships are difficult.
>
> I don't think virgins are any more likely than anyone else to fall in
> love with their sex partners. I know I certainly wasn't in love with my
> first partner, and I was clear with him on that. We had a lot of fun for
> several months before we drifted apart, but we both knew it was sex, not
> love.
That's certainaly true. There may be a big infatuation with the first
partner, but that can be said for many new relationships, not just the
first one.
sue
Serene Vannoy
My first sex partner was years and years and years after my first
infatuation (25 years old and 10 years old, respectively). By the time I
was ready to have sex, I had graduated from college, figured most of my
shit out, and gotten over the idea that love and sex had to be
intertwined. I was not infatuated with my first sex partner; I liked
him and I was ready to have sex, so we had sex.
Now, my FOURTH sex partner, that's a different story. I used to dream
about her lips. I couldn't stop thinking about her. Eventually, I
married her. Whoa, that was some good shit. :-)
Todd
> with their sex partners. I know I certainly wasn't in love with my first
> partner, and I was clear with him on that. We had a lot of fun for several
> months before we drifted apart, but we both knew it was sex, not love.
OK. I was concerned that I'd fall in love or get attached to someone I
don't really like or shouldn't. Up until the age of about 30 I wasn't
interested in women that much. Not enough to do all the work associated
with romance. Before 30, masturbation was more than enough to satisfy me.
I have given out a few crushes, but haven't had my 2nd one yet. Strip clubs
are lots of fun, but too expensive to go. I wonder what the "real thing" is
like. Is it physically awkward to have sex the first time, or does it come
naturally? Hah, I feel a lot like a 34 year old teen.
Serene Vannoy
> I have given out a few crushes, but haven't had my 2nd one yet. Strip clubs
> are lots of fun, but too expensive to go. I wonder what the "real thing" is
> like. Is it physically awkward to have sex the first time, or does it come
> naturally? Hah, I feel a lot like a 34 year old teen.
I know what you mean. I was really SO curious about sex when I was 24.
It's part of why I decided to have a non-romantic, purely sexual
relationship before I fell in love with someone (I was 32 before I
actually fell in love with anyone; I wasn't actually sure I was capable
of that until it happened).
Sex the first few times was fun and funny and occasionally awkward, but
mostly easy and fun. If you're with someone who doesn't take it to
all-fired seriously, it can be a good time. Be ready to laugh more than
you may be expecting to: sex is funny stuff sometimes. Funny noises,
funny body positions, etc.
Desideria
<ser...@serenepages.org> wrote:
>Todd wrote:
>
>> I have given out a few crushes, but haven't had my 2nd one yet. Strip clubs
>> are lots of fun, but too expensive to go. I wonder what the "real thing" is
>> like. Is it physically awkward to have sex the first time, or does it come
>> naturally? Hah, I feel a lot like a 34 year old teen.
>
>I know what you mean. I was really SO curious about sex when I was 24.
>It's part of why I decided to have a non-romantic, purely sexual
>relationship before I fell in love with someone (I was 32 before I
>actually fell in love with anyone; I wasn't actually sure I was capable
>of that until it happened).
>
>Sex the first few times was fun and funny and occasionally awkward, but
>mostly easy and fun. If you're with someone who doesn't take it to
>all-fired seriously, it can be a good time. Be ready to laugh more than
>you may be expecting to: sex is funny stuff sometimes. Funny noises,
>funny body positions, etc.
>
>Serene
<g> Exactly!!!
It can be sweet and loving, but with a partner who can laugh at
himself or herself, mostly it can be a very bonding experience with a
great many laughs involved.
Even now, Denny and I do quite a bit of laughing during sex...along
with many other sounds that we make, of course. :-)
Desideria
Todd
others? Do they feel like they've missed out?
Serene Vannoy
> What about people that are each 1st time sex partners and never have any
> others? Do they feel like they've missed out?
Some of them probably do. Some people with lots of partners feel
they've missed out on marrying their childhood sweethearts. People with
kids miss their freedom; people without kids wonder if they should have
had kids. Part of life is that sometimes we wonder if we should have
made other choices.
Serene
prettyan...@gmail.com
how, but at some point, I met a man well into his thirties, who for
whatever reason was a virgin. As far as I know, it was essentially
being caused by insecurity and shyness. For, he wasn't religious, it
did not apepar out of a lack of trying, or any diagnosable medical
condition, and/or social phobia.
He was a genuinely nice guy, and I felt bad for him. Nonetheless, I
was not at all attracted to him, and this was aside from the obvious
and inappropriate age gap. Ultimately, he reeked of desperation, and
he spoke of contemplating hiring a prostitute to get it over with.
Reflecting upon it, he could have very well had a serious mental
disorder, or perhaps he was just too nice of a guy. Although, I still
wouldn't find attractive now. For in my memory, there was something
very awkward teenager about him; and for me stuff like that is a turn-
off, when it is present in extreme.
I'm not saying I want a casanova, but something can be said for the
confidence that comes with experience or just having self-assurance.
So, if a virgin carries themself with some assurance, than it's
possible to forget their lack of experience.
In the time since then, I "dated" a guy in his mid-twenties, who had
slept with but one person, and not a great handful of times. When we
met, it had been several years, since he'd stopped seeing this woman,
and thus he had not had intercourse for seven years. In my eyes, this
made him pretty darn close to virginal. However, one would never know
it, as he did not act insecure about it for a second, and he possesed
a very open sensuality.
David
> Alright, I was fairly sexually active when I was 15/16. I don't recall
> how, but at some point, I met a man well into his thirties,
<snip>
> this was aside from the obvious
> and inappropriate age gap.
Just out of curiousity, are you referring to the fact that you were
15/16 and the man you met was in his mid/late 30's made the age gap
inappropriate, or because the 20'ish years between you made it
inappropriate?
--
David
Sarah C
> What about people that are each 1st time sex partners and never have any
> others? Do they feel like they've missed out?
My partner was a virgin when we first started seeing one another, and
I was very much not a virgin.
His feelings of missing out have given our relationship the only real
problems it's had.
I would strongly suggest everyone to get at least some sexual
experience with more than one person before settling into a monogamous
relationship.
Dave
<33543724-f023-45e7...@g1g2000yqi.googlegroups.com> Sarah
C <secret....@gmail.com> was claimed to have wrote:
>On Dec 7 2009, 7:28�am, "Todd" <nos...@nospam.com> wrote:
>> What about people that are each 1st time sex partners and never have any
>> others? �Do they feel like they've missed out?
>
>My partner was a virgin when we first started seeing one another, and
>I was very much not a virgin.
>
>His feelings of missing out have given our relationship the only real
>problems it's had.
Hey Sarah... Long time :)
If you don't mind me being snoopy, have you made any progress in that
area?
>I would strongly suggest everyone to get at least some sexual
>experience with more than one person before settling into a monogamous
>relationship.
Speaking as the guy who entered into a similar relationship, I would
definitely agree here. Easier said than done though, since it can be a
bit late once you find that right person.
Sarah C
>Sarah_C was claimed to have wrote:
> Hey Sarah... Long time :)
It has indeed been a long time. I'd be interested in working out just
how long, but Google Groups is too clunky, and I am too lazy, to look
up my last post.
> If you don't mind me being snoopy, have you made any progress in that
> area?
I don't mind anyone asking me questions in the group, ever :)
We've made some progress in some ways, although Wolf has still only
had any sort of physical sex with me.
We've spent a Very Long Time Indeed just going around in circles, him
feeling deprived and me feeling worthless. We're both getting better,
separately and together.
The biggest thing that's helped us out happened very recently. About
two weeks ago, I sent Wolf to one of the very few remaining (in our
area) bars which have topless bar staff. He spent a couple of hours
with a couple of beers served by a pretty girl wearing only a pair of
tight denim shorts, and then saw a fifteen minute or so strip by
another pretty lady who took the time to speak to or interact with
each member of the crowd (about a dozen guys all up).
He had a really good time. A few hours after he got home we spent a
couple of hours together, talking about his afternoon.
And I know it probably seems really stupid, but even after spending
time with nekkid and semi-nekkid wimmins, He Still Liked Me.
Yeah, I know I sound a bit dumb - I can live with it :)
His still liking (and wanting) me after that afternoon made far more
of an impact on me than either if us expected.
A week after the bar trip, we spent a few hours together at a nude
beach. That day brought the number of pairs of naked breasts he'd seen
up to about 15 (the bar having brought it up to four) and the number
of naked vulvas to a similar number. (It also brought the number of
naked preop M>F transsexuals either of us had seen up to 1.)
I'm still deeply, deeply uncomfortable with the idea of his having sex
with anyone who isn't me, but I'm more relaxed about his looking hard
at other women (which was beginning to become a bit of an issue
between us) and he's feeling a little less deprived.
Baby steps. We're working hard together because we love each other and
want to be happy, together and separately.
> Speaking as the guy who entered into a similar relationship, I would
> definitely agree here. Easier said than done though, since it can be a
> bit late once you find that right person.
Absolutely right there :)
And now I think I am going to start a thread about my experiences on a
nude beach.
Cheers,
Sarah_C
Serene Vannoy
> He had a really good time. A few hours after he got home we spent a
> couple of hours together, talking about his afternoon.
>
> And I know it probably seems really stupid, but even after spending
> time with nekkid and semi-nekkid wimmins, He Still Liked Me.
>
> Yeah, I know I sound a bit dumb - I can live with it :)
Doesn't sound dumb. Sounds insecure, and we ALL get insecure sometimes.
When James was dating L., I used to tell him "Now's the time when you
tell me she's not hotter than I am," or "Tell me all the things you love
about me." Insecure, yes, but having a partner who enthusiastically
responded with long lists of the ways in which I am hot and desirable
and lovable to him went a long way to calming my insecurities, so it
worked for me.
> I'm still deeply, deeply uncomfortable with the idea of his having sex
> with anyone who isn't me, but I'm more relaxed about his looking hard
> at other women (which was beginning to become a bit of an issue
> between us) and he's feeling a little less deprived.
>
> Baby steps. We're working hard together because we love each other and
> want to be happy, together and separately.
Very sweet.
Serene
--
David B.
Firstly, sorry for bumping this post but I found this thread interesting as it talks about older virgin males.
Well, my name is David, I am a white, very skinny male, I am almost 44 years old and I am very still much a virgin as I have never had a sexual relationship before. I get on well with people and they say that I'm a nice person too - I always believe in doing as you mean to be done by. I have a pretty content life but I suppose I've always been pretty shy with starting a conversation with a girl who I may fancy.
As far as the closest thing to a sexual experience goes there were a couple of times I have been seen naked by young women although I don't think these really count as sexual though... The first time was when I was 32 and showering on my own at the sports centre I go to. An attractive girl of 19/20 years old walked in, saw me completely nude and said, "Oh sorry, I thought my boyfriend was still here." I then said something like, "That's okay," while feeling slightly aroused that a pretty girl had seen me with no clothes on (I had noticed that while talking to me she glanced at my genital area before making eye contact again). The second time was a couple of years ago when I had just finished doing a World Naked Bike Ride (WNBR), clad in only socks, trainers and cycle helmet (in London) and all the cyclists congregated on St. James' park green where there are also lots of tourists around too. A group of 3 Japanese female university students (aged around 21) approached me asking if they could have a photo of two of them each side of me doing victory signs. I didn't have a problem with that and was happy to pose for them where two of the females put an arm each around my shoulders and I put both my arms around there's. I must have had over half a dozen photos taken of me naked and they even offered to take a photo using my own camera for me, which I accepted.
I suppose the thing is, my sexual inexperience with a girl would show as I would be blushing a lot but at the same time I would be nervous about ejaculating prematurely. You obviously have a lot of sexual experience yourself but would it put me at such a disadvantage if I was to find a girl who is a lot more experienced than myself?
Thanks for reading.
David
David Solimano
<david...@gmail.com> wrote:
>Hi VelvetAc,
>
>Firstly, sorry for bumping this post but I found this thread interesting as it talks about older virgin males.
>
>Well, my name is David, I am a white, very skinny male, I am almost 44 years old and I am very still much a virgin as I have never had a sexual relationship before. I get on well with people and they say that I'm a nice person too - I always believe in doing as you mean to be done by. I have a pretty content life but I suppose I've always been pretty shy with starting a conversation with a girl who I may fancy.
>
>As far as the closest thing to a sexual experience goes there were a couple of times I have been seen naked by young women although I don't think these really count as sexual though... The first time was when I was 32 and showering on my own at the sports centre I go to. An attractive girl of 19/20 years old walked in, saw me completely nude and said, "Oh sorry, I thought my boyfriend was still here." I then said something like, "That's okay," while feeling slightly aroused that a pretty girl had seen me with no clothes on (I had noticed that while talking to me she glanced at my genital area before making eye contact again). The second time was a couple of years ago when I had just finished doing a World Naked Bike Ride (WNBR), clad in only socks, trainers and cycle helmet (in London) and all the cyclists congregated on St. James' park green where there are also lots of tourists around too. A group of 3 Japanese female university students (aged around 21) approached me aski
ng if
>they could have a photo of two of them each side of me doing victory signs. I didn't have a problem with that and was happy to pose for them where two of the females put an arm each around my shoulders and I put both my arms around there's. I must have had over half a dozen photos taken of me naked and they even offered to take a photo using my own camera for me, which I accepted.
>
>I suppose the thing is, my sexual inexperience with a girl would show as I would be blushing a lot but at the same time I would be nervous about ejaculating prematurely. You obviously have a lot of sexual experience yourself but would it put me at such a disadvantage if I was to find a girl who is a lot more experienced than myself?
>
>Thanks for reading.
>
>David
associates, I would say it depends strongly on the lady and where she
is in life. One in particular used to turn down guys whom she didn't
think were sexually active enough, then changed her tune later in life
for whatever reasons.
But, why worry about something you can't control, eh? Just have fun
and see where it goes, I would say.
--
David Solimano
da...@solimano.org
david...@gmail.com
Thanks for your helpful reply and sorry I didn't respond sooner as it seems the automated response went into Gmail spam for some reason.
Anyway, I guess you're right and that it depends on the lady in question and what her thoughts are about dating virgin guys.
While I would say I'm not what you call 'Proud to be a virgin' as such, I am comfortable with my virginity and my inexperience and am okay with admitting that I am a sexual virgin!
David Band