Love, Sex and the Changing Landscape of Infidelity - NYTimes
JustGB
October 28, 2008
Well
Love, Sex and the Changing Landscape of Infidelity
By TARA PARKER-POPE
If you cheated on your spouse, would you admit it to a researcher?
That question is one of the biggest challenges in the scientific study
of marriage, and it helps explain why different studies produce
different estimates of infidelity rates in the United States.
Surveys conducted in person are likely to underestimate the real rate
of adultery, because people are reluctant to admit such behavior not
just to their spouses but to anyone.
In a study published last summer in The Journal of Family Psychology,
for example, researchers from the University of Colorado and Texas A&M
surveyed 4,884 married women, using face-to-face interviews and
anonymous computer questionnaires. In the interviews, only 1 percent
of women said they had been unfaithful to their husbands in the past
year; on the computer questionnaire, more than 6 percent did.
At the same time, experts say that surveys appearing in sources like
women’s magazines may overstate the adultery rate, because they suffer
from what pollsters call selection bias: the respondents select
themselves and may be more likely to report infidelity.
But a handful of new studies suggest surprising changes in the marital
landscape. Infidelity appears to be on the rise, particularly among
older men and young couples. Notably, women appear to be closing the
adultery gap: younger women appear to be cheating on their spouses
nearly as often as men.
“If you just ask whether infidelity is going up, you don’t see really
impressive changes,” said David C. Atkins, research associate
professor at the University of Washington Center for the Study of
Health and Risk Behaviors. “But if you magnify the picture and you
start looking at specific gender and age cohorts, we do start to see
some pretty significant changes.”
The most consistent data on infidelity come from the General Social
Survey, sponsored by the National Science Foundation and based at the
University of Chicago, which has used a national representative sample
to track the opinions and social behaviors of Americans since 1972.
The survey data show that in any given year, about 10 percent of
married people — 12 percent of men and 7 percent of women — say they
have had sex outside their marriage.
But detailed analysis of the data from 1991 to 2006, to be presented
next month by Dr. Atkins at the Association for Behavioral and
Cognitive Therapies conference in Orlando, show some surprising
shifts. University of Washington researchers have found that the
lifetime rate of infidelity for men over 60 increased to 28 percent in
2006, up from 20 percent in 1991. For women over 60, the increase is
more striking: to 15 percent, up from 5 percent in 1991.
The researchers also see big changes in relatively new marriages.
About 20 percent of men and 15 percent of women under 35 say they have
ever been unfaithful, up from about 15 and 12 percent respectively.
Theories vary about why more people appear to be cheating. Among older
people, a host of newer drugs and treatments are making it easier to
be sexual, and in some cases unfaithful — Viagra and other remedies
for erectile dysfunction, estrogen and testosterone supplements to
maintain women’s sex drive and vaginal health, even advances like
better hip replacements.
“They’ve got the physical health to express their sexuality into old
age,” said Helen E. Fisher, research professor of anthropology at
Rutgers and the author of several books on the biological and
evolutionary basis of love and sex.
In younger couples, the increasing availability of pornography on the
Internet, which has been shown to affect sexual attitudes and
perceptions of “normal” behavior, may be playing a role in rising
infidelity.
But it is the apparent change in women’s fidelity that has sparked the
most interest among relationship researchers. It is not entirely clear
if the historical gap between men and women is real or if women have
just been more likely to lie about it.
“Is it that men are bragging about it and women are lying to everybody
including themselves?” Dr. Fisher asked. “Men want to think women
don’t cheat, and women want men to think they don’t cheat, and
therefore the sexes have been playing a little psychological game with
each other.”
Dr. Fisher notes that infidelity is common across cultures, and that
in hunting and gathering societies, there is no evidence that women
are any less adulterous than men. The fidelity gap may be explained
more by cultural pressures than any real difference in sex drives
between men and women. Men with multiple partners typically are viewed
as virile, while women are considered promiscuous. And historically,
women have been isolated on farms or at home with children, giving
them fewer opportunities to be unfaithful.
But today, married women are more likely to spend late hours at the
office and travel on business. And even for women who stay home,
cellphones, e-mail and instant messaging appear to be allowing them to
form more intimate relationships, marriage therapists say. Dr. Frank
Pittman, an Atlanta psychiatrist who specializes in family crisis and
couples therapy, says he has noticed more women talking about affairs
centered on “electronic” contact.
“I see a changing landscape in which the emphasis is less on the sex
than it is on the openness and intimacy and the revelation of
secrets,” said Dr. Pittman, the author of “Private Lies: Infidelity
and the Betrayal of Intimacy” (Norton, 1990). “Everybody talks by
cellphone and the relationship evolves because you become increasingly
distant from whomever you lie to, and you become increasingly close to
whomever you tell the truth to.”
While infidelity rates do appear to be rising, a vast majority of
people still say adultery is wrong, and most men and women do not
appear to be unfaithful. Another problem with the data is that it
fails to discern when respondents cheat: in a troubled time in the
marriage, or at the end of a failing relationship.
“It’s certainly plausible that women might have increased their
relative rate of infidelity over time,” said Edward O. Laumann,
professor of sociology at the University of Chicago. “But it isn’t
going to be a huge number. The real thing to talk about is where are
they in terms of their relationship and the marital bond.”
The General Social Survey data also show some encouraging trends, said
John P. Robinson, professor of sociology and director of the
Americans’ Use of Time project at the University of Maryland. One
notable shift is that couples appear to be spending slightly more time
together. And married men and women also appear to have the most
active sex lives, reporting sex with their spouse 58 times a year, a
little more than once a week.
“We’ve looked at that as good news,” Dr. Robinson said.
Copyright 2008 The New York Times Company
Irfon-Kim Ahmad
> The most consistent data on infidelity come from the General Social
> Survey, sponsored by the National Science Foundation and based at the
> University of Chicago, which has used a national representative sample
> to track the opinions and social behaviors of Americans since 1972.
> The survey data show that in any given year, about 10 percent of
> married people -- 12 percent of men and 7 percent of women -- say they
> have had sex outside their marriage.
They really broadly use the term "infidelity" and "cheating" and it
makes me wonder if they discern between those concepts and sex outside
of marriage among, say, poly people or swingers, where sex outside the
marriage may not constitute cheating.
Norton
--
--- Norton
Norton
Probably not, since poly folks and swingers make up only
a small fraction of the population -- at least in the minds
of most folks.
--
--- Norton
Denny Wheeler
<getti...@gmail.com> wrote:
>But it is the apparent change in women’s fidelity that has sparked the
>most interest among relationship researchers. It is not entirely clear
>if the historical gap between men and women is real or if women have
>just been more likely to lie about it.
My question, when I see studies like "20% of married men have been
unfaithful" and "5% of married women have been unfaithful" is simply
"who dey doin' it wit'?" Are all those married men getting it on with
single/divorced/widowed gals? Or (whisper it) have the women simply
been less likely to reply honestly?
(not to imply women are more likely than men to lie about sex, or
anything else--though each gender likely has tendencies wrt what
aspects of a given activity are most likely to engender dishonesty)
--
"Every single religion that has a monotheistic god
winds up persecuting someone else."
-Philip Pullman
-denny-
(not as curmudgeonly as I useta be)
Denny Wheeler
<getti...@gmail.com> wrote:
>“If you just ask whether infidelity is going up, you don’t see really
>impressive changes,” said David C. Atkins, research associate
>professor at the University of Washington Center for the Study of
>Health and Risk Behaviors. “But if you magnify the picture and you
>start looking at specific gender and age cohorts, we do start to see
>some pretty significant changes.”
Hey, cool!!! In the mid-70s, I had a Human Sexuality course he
taught.
toramjero
> >But it is the apparent change in women’s fidelity that has sparked the
> >most interest among relationship researchers. It is not entirely clear
> >if the historical gap between men and women is real or if women have
> >just been more likely to lie about it.
>
> My question, when I see studies like "20% of married men have been
> unfaithful" and "5% of married women have been unfaithful" is simply
> "who dey doin' it wit'?" Are all those married men getting it on with
> single/divorced/widowed gals? Or (whisper it) have the women simply
> been less likely to reply honestly?
Apparently about a quarter of the male population uses prostitution.
This is consistent with estimates of the numbers of sex workers.
Norton
>On Tue, 28 Oct 2008 23:00:55 -0700 (PDT), JustGB
><getti...@gmail.com> wrote:
>>But it is the apparent change in women’s fidelity that has sparked the
>>most interest among relationship researchers. It is not entirely clear
>>if the historical gap between men and women is real or if women have
>>just been more likely to lie about it.
>My question, when I see studies like "20% of married men have been
>unfaithful" and "5% of married women have been unfaithful" is simply
>"who dey doin' it wit'?" Are all those married men getting it on with
>single/divorced/widowed gals? Or (whisper it) have the women simply
>been less likely to reply honestly?
>(not to imply women are more likely than men to lie about sex, or
>anything else--though each gender likely has tendencies wrt what
>aspects of a given activity are most likely to engender dishonesty)
Norton has devoted some thought to this. If one wants
to avoid "entanglements" in sexual relationships, the
best thing is to find a partner who is married. Often
both folks involved are married.
They are not very likely to reveal this relationship to
ANYBODY, much less a surveyor attemting to discover such
information.
Another way of avoiding entanglements is to have a fairly
large age disparity. It works both ways, older men and
younger women and vice versa -- especially now that some
younger men have discovered the wonders of older women.
Non-standard sexual relationships are far more complex
in their variety than most folks suspect.
--
--- Norton
Dave
<714ff460-e72a-4b35...@t18g2000prt.googlegroups.com>
toramjero <tora...@googlemail.com> was claimed to have wrote:
>On Oct 31, 5:11 am, Denny Wheeler(REMOVE
>LUNCH)<den...@TANSTAAFL.zipcon.net> wrote:
>> On Tue, 28 Oct 2008 23:00:55 -0700 (PDT), JustGB
>>
>> <gettingb...@gmail.com> wrote:
>> >But it is the apparent change in women’s fidelity that has sparked the
>> >most interest among relationship researchers. It is not entirely clear
>> >if the historical gap between men and women is real or if women have
>> >just been more likely to lie about it.
>>
>> My question, when I see studies like "20% of married men have been
>> unfaithful" and "5% of married women have been unfaithful" is simply
>> "who dey doin' it wit'?" Are all those married men getting it on with
>> single/divorced/widowed gals? Or (whisper it) have the women simply
>> been less likely to reply honestly?
>
>Apparently about a quarter of the male population uses prostitution.
>This is consistent with estimates of the numbers of sex workers.
What is the definition of "uses"? Has used once, uses regularly? Do we
include dinner and drinks and shiny stones?
I still can't fathom why prostitution is illegal, especially in this
climate you'd think the easy tax dollars would be appealing, especially
with so many high profile politicians getting busted.
toramjero
> In message
> <714ff460-e72a-4b35-b121-55afa2801...@t18g2000prt.googlegroups.com>
I live in a country where prostitution is legal, and the number of
prostitutes is known. From that number, one can have a relatively good
estimate of the number of customers necessary to keep the business
running.