Obama Determined To Find Warehouse Where Ark Of Covenant Is Stored
Jim Higgins
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33042
WASHINGTON, DC�In a surprise press conference Monday, President Obama
said he will not rest until the warehouse where the Ark of the Covenant,
the vessel holding the original Ten Commandments, is located. "Nazis
stole the Ark in 1936, but it was recovered by a single patriot, who
braved gunfire, rolling boulders, and venomous snakes," Obama said,
addressing the White House press corps. "Sadly, due to bureaucratic
rigmarole, this powerful, historic relic was misplaced in a warehouse.
Mark my words: We will find that warehouse." Obama added that, after
they are strengthened by the power of the Ark, U.S. forces will seek out
and destroy the sinister Temple of Doom.
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Civis Romanus Sum
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> Obama Determined To Find Warehouse Where Ark Of Covenant Is Storedhttp://www.theonion.com/content/node/33042
>
> said he will not rest until the warehouse where the Ark of the Covenant,
> the vessel holding the original Ten Commandments, is located. "Nazis
> stole the Ark in 1936, but it was recovered by a single patriot, who
> braved gunfire, rolling boulders, and venomous snakes," Obama said,
> addressing the White House press corps. "Sadly, due to bureaucratic
> rigmarole, this powerful, historic relic was misplaced in a warehouse.
> Mark my words: We will find that warehouse." Obama added that, after
> they are strengthened by the power of the Ark, U.S. forces will seek out
> and destroy the sinister Temple of Doom.
>
> --
> Civis Romanus Sum
Bush actually found the Ark. It was in the warehouse where the armor
for U.S. troops was stored. In order to provide appropriate security,
the warehouse was locked down for 3 years while a search was
conducted. No equipment was allowed to be shipped during this period.
However, a small number of vests were smuggled out and sold on eBay.
Once the plates were found Bush hired the finest stone masons
available, using funds from Southern Baptists church donations to
remove the 9th commandment which said, "Thou shalt not bear false
witness against thy neighbor" and replace it with "British
intelligence has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought
significant quantities of uranium from Africa".
The revised tablet will be on display, for private viewing, at the
Bush, presidential library for those making an appropriate donation to
the Bush presidential retirement fund.