Dying
Peggy Rogers
link below) who is a kind of "death consultant," I guess. She helps people
whose family members are dying, so that the death can be as peaceful and
spiritual as possible. She talks about the traditions from the far-away
times when most people died at home, rather than in sterile hospitals or
care centers, and tries to help the survivors focus on the needs of the
person who is dying, rather than on their own trauma. Interesting book.
Since we boomers are beginning to move into the dying ages, I expect we'll
be seeing quite a bit more about death in the years to come!
The author talks about traditions, and it made me wonder: As Latter-day
Saints, do we really have any traditions about what to do with the dying -
to help ease their way, to help them feel secure and cherished? Here are a
few thoughts.
Among Catholics, and in some other traditions, people are often given
communion on the point of death. Has anyone ever seen or heard of this being
done among Mormons? In some ways, it doesn't make a lot of sense, since most
of the emphasis in the LDS ceremony is on the renewing of covenants. At the
point of dying, it would seem that you've already done your enduring to the
end - or else you haven't. I wouldn't feel that "taking the Sacrament" would
be of much importance in preparation for dying.
I suppose the dying are sometimes anointed with oil and given blessings of
comfort and release. The only death of someone close to me (LDS) was my
grandmother, a few years ago, and I don't recall any such thing being done
for her. But maybe I just didn't get the word. Is this typically done, or
just sometimes?
Anderson talks about bringing sacred objects to surround the dying with. Of
course we don't use crosses, and I don't know how much reassurance would be
gained by having a CTR ring slipped on your finger. (Again, isn't it pretty
much too late for that?) Of course there are scriptures, which it seems
people just like to hold sometimes. Maybe the best things, just for looking
at, would be family pictures? Pictures of Jesus? Of the temple where they
were married?
I know that the dead are dressed in their temple garb, but that can't be
done until after they have died. Doesn't seem very useful for the process of
dying.
She also talks about creating ceremonies - even spontaneous, made-up ones
for people who don't have much in the way of traditions. One thing she does
is to mark off sacred space, most often by using candles. Isn't it kind of
sad (it is to me) that candles are basically forbidden in LDS worship?
(Wonder what the pioneers did about that! ;-> )
Anyway, I'd like some feedback: What sorts of things have you seen done, or
heard of being done, that feel "right" in this situation? Or if you were the
one dying, what would you like people to do for you?
Peggy
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0761534539/qid=1033338045/sr=1
-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-0585418-0990444?v=glance
Robert Perkins
<proger...@xmission.com> wrote:
>Among Catholics, and in some other traditions, people are often given
>communion on the point of death. Has anyone ever seen or heard of this being
>done among Mormons?
I haven't. Perhaps the weekly tradition of taking the Sacrament makes
it moot for "last rites" among Mormons?
Somehow, I doubt it's that as much as it might be just that noone has
really though to do it.
I've heard of one or two things that might happen when a faithful
Church member approaches death by natural old age or illness. One
thing is that it seems his family gathers close, if they can.
Culturally, it might be that many folk-Mormon families don't require
it of distant brothers and sisters because of the cost involved.
Another is that the dying might be offered an blessing with an
annointing for the sick or afflicted. And, finally, I've heard of
fathers gathering their children for father's blessings before he
passes on.
I think it really varies from family to family, that is, there is no
formal "last rite" performed; just what occurs to the family to be
important. I can't decide whether that's a good, bad, or indifferent
thing.
What I *do* know is that when it's time for either of my parents to
go, provided I get that chance, I will be there for them, not for me,
except that I might ask my dad for one last blessing. But I won't
regret it if I don't get the blessing.
Rob
Iosepa Hawai'i Loa
> Anyway, I'd like some feedback: What sorts of things have you seen done,
> or heard of being done, that feel "right" in this situation? Or if you
> were the one dying, what would you like people to do for you?
>
> Peggy
>
My uncle is dying. He has alzheimers and some other disease. It affects
his memory, speach, and balance.
While he is still with us, his wife redecorated their home. There are
pictures and cards from their grandchildren. Nic-naks they picked up
from their travels adorn their shelves. There isn't a week that their
kids and grandkids don't visit.
I think that human contact is probably the best thing. Find activities where
they can participate. Let them know they are still important.
Aloha,
Iosepa Hawai'i Loa
--
: Ua Mau Ke Ea O Ka 'Aina I Ka Pono
: The Life/Sovereignty of the Land is Perpetuated in Righteousness
Evan Thompson
"Peggy Rogers" <proger...@xmission.com> wrote in message
news:upf9sck...@news.supernews.com...
> The author talks about traditions, and it made me wonder: As Latter-day
> Saints, do we really have any traditions about what to do with the dying -
> to help ease their way, to help them feel secure and cherished? Here are a
> few thoughts.
We certainly have teachings and an understanding of our purpose here on
earth that makes
the transition from this life to the next a meaningful and purposeful
transition.
> Among Catholics, and in some other traditions, people are often given
> communion on the point of death. Has anyone ever seen or heard of this
being
> done among Mormons? In some ways, it doesn't make a lot of sense, since
most
> of the emphasis in the LDS ceremony is on the renewing of covenants.
Those who are dying feel more intensly the need to declare their commitment
to
our savior and his mission than many of us who take things for granted each
day.
They feel that need just as those of us who participate regularly in
Sacrament Meeting.
>
>
> I suppose the dying are sometimes anointed with oil and given blessings of
> comfort and release. The only death of someone close to me (LDS) was my
> grandmother, a few years ago, and I don't recall any such thing being done
> for her. But maybe I just didn't get the word. Is this typically done, or
> just sometimes?
If the only purpose of a blessing of those in the process of dying were to
release them,
I would agree with you, but they receive assistance and comfort that will
sustain
them and their family members during the difficult moments for them in the
dying process.
>
>
>
> Maybe the best things, just for looking
> at, would be family pictures? Pictures of Jesus? Of the temple where they
> were married?
I agree with you that things that remind them of their families and of the
Savior
all provide comfort to them as they proceed along the path to death.
>
>
> I know that the dead are dressed in their temple garb, but that can't be
> done until after they have died. Doesn't seem very useful for the process
of
> dying.
The preparation if the temple clothing may be an important consideration for
those who think their death is imminent.
>
>
> She also talks about creating ceremonies - even spontaneous, made-up ones
> for people who don't have much in the way of traditions. One thing she
does
> is to mark off sacred space, most often by using candles. Isn't it kind of
> sad (it is to me) that candles are basically forbidden in LDS worship?
> (Wonder what the pioneers did about that! ;-> )
Why does it have to include candles, events involving members of the
family provide tremendous support for a person who realizes they will soon
leave
this existence. Just the simple communication with and respect for family
members provides
much needed support.
>
>
>
> Anyway, I'd like some feedback: What sorts of things have you seen done,
or
> heard of being done, that feel "right" in this situation? Or if you were
the
> one dying, what would you like people to do for you?
My experience is very recent with a person with whom I spent 43 years
together,
whose role as mother and homemaker were very important to her. A long
period
of challenges with cancer followed by the realization that the only
important things
were eternal and family related, provided an experience for the whole family
that was
very spiritual and positive. The support of caring and respective medical
personal and
friends each provided a needed part of the transition. Finally, the
experience of participating
with the members of my family with my spouse passing on in our home under
the
direction of hospice although dreaded at first, turned into spiritual
experience that
strengthens our resolve to avail ourselves of the promises of the gospel and
our
purpose for being here on earth.
Finally, surrounding the bed of a loved one who has just passed on by those
who understand
the gospel and its teachings is indeed a very spiritual experience.
E M Thompson
Faireday
Saints, do we really have any traditions about what to do with the dying -
to help ease their way, to help them feel secure and cherished?>
The first thing that came to my mind was making sure they left a history of
their life, either in written or oral form. I for one find it comforting to
think that there would be a record of who I was, beyond just the dates of my
birth and death, that would let future generations of my family know who I had
been in my time here on earth.
Other than that, there could be the gathering of family and the sharing of
joyous family memories, especially remembering those who have passed beyond the
veil. Kind of like preparing the dying person not so much to leave people
behind, but to rejoin those who went on ahead.
Regards,
Deb
phatchik
>Peggy Rogers wrote:
>Anyway, I'd like some feedback: What sorts of things have you seen done,
orheard >of being done, that feel "right" in this situation? Or if you were the
one dying, what >would you like people to do for you?
Personally, I'd like an Irish wake. I'd like my loved ones to get together, eat
way too much; tell all the jokes I used to tell; say things like, remember that
time Liz said she belched in the middle of a job interview? Not a Sikh tradition
(this kind of wake, not belching in embarrasing places!) but one I'd like to do
anyway. Comfort comes in sharing the good memories; that's how the departed
really live on anyway.
My almost-husband and I live near Niagara Falls. We have promised each other
that whomever survives the other, will put the ashes into a sealed vessel made
like a barrel, and put it all over the Falls. We'll have to get permission. It
is Sikh tradition to cremate, and to scatter the remains in a body of water. The
dying have a prayer read over them called Kirtan Sohila, which is also the
prayer said each night before sleep. They are "sung up" to God. It is written
that they dying should be comforted with hymns and the praises of God; then the
body sung into the cremation fire, and sung into Heaven at the memorial after
the Holy Book is read straight through. Death is seen as a "homegoing" and while
the survivors are comforted and supported, the focus is on the concept that the
departed have gone to their real home.Hymns sung around the departing strenthen
the dying soul and remind them not to miss this tired old earth, but to rejoice
because they're going where the stars are.
I do not know what happens in case of sudden death. I do know that the reading
of the Book (Akand Paat) is a 48-hour service and is akin to the Jews' ritual of
shiveh. As shiveh ends after 7 days, the mourning period ends after Akand Paat.
Hoping it's going to be a long time before I need permission from Niagara Falls,
Phatchik.