Climate and Light-bulb Change...
Ahrvid Engholm
The first few jokes in this file are by ahr...@hotmail.com. Feel free
to add your own and share the fun with others!
Question: How many Climategate deniers does it take to change a light
bulb? (Q repeated for every answer)
What light bulb? The EU has banned them for environmental reasons.
None. Media prefers to stumble around in the dark.
Thirty. Because when you've done you need a whole platoon to dig
trenches and put up barbed wire to defend your position to the very
last man.
2501. That's the number in the Intergovernmental Panel of Light-bulb
Change. 2451 of them are only formally members and couldn't care less,
though everyone flies their jet planes to expensive international
conferences to get pissed and allow their names to be used in several
thousand pages thick reports, sure to lay substantial areas of forests
barren. There are about 50 that sit and cherry-pick the light bulbs
that are suited for "the cause". Of these only about a dozen check
that the correct light bulb - and only the correct light bulb - is
selected. Finally Al Gore climbs to the very top of the ladder and
make sure that everything becomes totally screwed up.
What a bloody bickering about light bulbs! We will not change light
bulbs. The light-bulb science is settled once and for all. You're only
a gang of conspiracy theorists that deny the Holocaust, think the US
Government blew up the Twin Towers and see Flying Saucers in the sky.
None. because you can use the trick of hiding the decline in
luminosity.
What's a "light bulb"? We only have camp fires, where we come from,
and are almost freezing to death. Oh, how we long for Medieval times!
It's supposed to have been a Warm Period then.
It will be impossible to change any light bulbs. You see, even if we
here on the BBC are about 23 000 employees, every single one of us is
fully occupied with making new programmes where we repeat the same old
message about "climate change", day out and day in. That's public
service TV for you!
Changing a light bulb, you said? I'm from the government and I'm here
to help you. Of course you have to pay the light-bulb tax, the
electricity tax and of course the CO2 tax, not to forget the climate-
change fee, the environment duty and the fossil-fuel charge. What?
Well, mortgage your house, for heaven's sake! Think of the poor panda
bears, please. First we must make sure that the light bulb complies
with regulation 4.71, paragraph B) in sub section...
To: Ph...@cru.co.uk
Subject: Annoying idiot wants scientific openness
Howdy amigo!
I got this outrageous E-mail by some idiot that wants to check our
light-bulb figures. If I see him I promise you I'll beat the crap out
of him. Suggest that you immediately delete everything. Chris will do
the same. We can't have others coming and checking our light bulbs.
Scientific scrutiny and freedom of information in my ass! I propose
that we gang up and oust this annoying man from everything. BTW, I
attached the latest version of our program code, with should fix the
travesty about that the increase simply hasn't happened.
--Mike
Ps. Send the money in chunks below 10 000 dollars, so authorities
won't find them, though I know that's a heck of a job for the 100
billion of tax-payer's money we have gotten so far.