Der Kodex des Nibelungen
John Flanagan
Given all the Ring talk the past few days, here's something that has
been, so far, a private joke among some grad students and other
friends on the net.
Disclaimer: Yes, it's derivative. So sue me.
History: Quals were coming up.... 'Nuff said.
Suggestions welcome; send them to: jo...@uhheph.phys.hawaii.edu.
(If your suggestion didn't make it in, I probably lost it. Typical.
Resubmit, and I'll try not to blow it this time.)
---------------------Der Kodex des Nibelungen---------------------------
Feel like you spend your whole life toiling away in a dark, damp cave,
doing the bidding of others, only to have the fruits of your labor
wrested from your grasp by capricious would-be gods, or slip through
your fingers due to your own short-sighted bungling? Have you
considered the possibility that you are living the life of a Nibelung?
Perhaps you ought to.
Nibelungs, for those who consider themselves above such things as
Wagnerian opera, are the hapless cave-dwellers at the bottom of the
totem pole in Wagner's _Der_Ring_des_Nibelungen_. They are some of
the more miserably desperate characters in a four-day opera cycle
chock full of miserably desperate characters whose only hope for
respite lies in the annihilation of the world as they know it. (If
you are a Tolkien fan, think Gollum (and stay away from me.))
The following code, still in development, offers a means to evaluate
the extent to which your life has been reduced to that of a
troglodyte. I may finish it someday, if I ever get the time.
Have fun.
------------The Officious Nibelung Code (Release 0.91 Beta)---------------
Nibelungenheit: Troglodicity.
How strongly do you identify as a Nibelung?
N0 What's a Nibelung?
N1 Vaguely dissatisfied smurf.
N2 Disillusioned ex-smurf.
N3 Bitter ex-smurf.
N4 What's a smurf?
N5 It hurts when I smile. So I don't.
N6 Bright lights hurt my eyes.
N7 Get that mirror away from me.
N8 What? I wasn't paying attention.
N9 Go away, I'm busy. And shut the trap door behind
you.
NA Unavailable for comment.
(Note: feel free to use multiple digits. E.g.: N5679)
Leben: Life.
How much of a life outside of work or school do you
have?
l Not much, but probably not much less than most folks.
I hope.
l+ Hey, I have _some_ friends.
l++ Parties, dancing, fine wine, good food. The
occasional foreign film.
l+++ She's got a life, and she's not afraid to use it!
l- Overworked professional. Burger flipper. Unemployed.
Undergrad.
l-- Graduate student. Programmer.
l--- Physics graduate student.
(Note: l--+++ is possible. l---+ is not.)
Angst: Angst.
Are _you_ a fuck-up? Are you lying?
a I fucked up again, but that's...ok.
a+ I'm not a _total_ failure. If only I weren't so
intellectually lazy...
a++ I am a total failure. And an intellectual fraud. And
everybody knows it.
a- I work hard for my rewards, and I deserve them. So
lay off.
a-- Hah!
Freudlosigkeit: Joylessness.
Does life suck or what?
f I prefer not to dwell on that.
f+ Life sucks. No getting around it.
f++ I hate life.
f- Don't be such a whiner. It ain't _all_ bad.
f-- Happy happy joy joy! Heiajaheia! Heiajaheia!
Nacht und Nebel: Night and mist.
How's the weather down there?
n Not _too_ bad, considering.
n+ I wouldn't know. I haven't seen the sun in 3 days.
n++ It's precipitating inside....my head.
n- Partly sunny, clearing by nightfall.
n-- It's noon, the sun is out, and I'm at the beach
having sex.
Entsagung: Renunciation.
What have you sacrificed for the mere privilege of
engaging in this futile drudgery?
e Some free time, which would have been wasted anyway.
e+ I don't get out as often as I'd like. Some of my
friends have stopped calling.
e++ I curse and renounce love, happiness, affection, and
any semblance of a social life. Oh, and I've sold my
soul.
e- Nothing; can't give up what wasn't there to begin
with.
e-- Actually, I've gained friends and impressed my enemies
since embarking on this course. So there.
Druck: Pressure.
How badly are deadlines squeezing your brain?
d I get uptight, but in general I handle whatever comes up.
d+ Dyslexia.
d++ Aphasia.
d+++ Amnesia.
d- Deadlines? What deadlines?
d-- Buddha's Wisdom is as broad as the extensive ocean and
the Spirit is full of great Compassion.
Ameliorating factors
--------------------
Mut: Courage.
What reserves of courage or blind faith do
you have to draw on to get you through this ordeal we
call life?
m Not quivering too badly, but loud noises startle.
m+ Brave, if somewhat misguided.
m++ Sociopathically incapable of fear. Deserve to be run
through with a spear and incinerated in the wreckage
of the Palace of the Gods, Valhalla.
m- Please don't kill me.
m-- Please kill me now.
Beharrlichkeit: Perseverance.
Gonna grit those teeth and forge ahead with dogged
determination?
b I guess.
b+ Look, I can't afford to think right now.
b++ Outta my way. I'm coming through!
b- I don't know. What's really the point?
b-- It was a stupid idea in the first place.
Maintenance
-----------
Gesundheit: Health.
Taking good care of yourself?
g I eat my Wheaties.
g+ I make it to the gym semi-regularly.
g++ I just shaved 15 minutes off my triathlon performance.
g- If it ain't in the vending machine, it ain't in my diet.
g-- Maybe some more caffeine will clear up this dizziness.
Vorzeigung: Presentation.
Do you manage to project fearless self-confidence to
the rest of the world, or do you telegraph
ship-in-distress? How far have you had to let
yourself go?
v I dress a little funny, but not enough to alarm
small children. Apt to be having a bad hair day.
v+ I like the way I look. I have my own unique style --
which may get some funny looks, but I think they're
just jealous.
v++ Supermodel. Sashay, chantez, sashay sashay sashay!
v- I dress funny and I smell bad. I should take a shower
one of these days. Frighteningly bad hair day.
v-- I dress funny, I smell bad, my hair is greasy, and my
teeth are scummy. I haven't left my office or changed
my clothes in a week. I suppose I ought to go home
and make myself presentable, but I've run out of soap,
shampoo, laundry detergent, deodorant, toothpaste and
toilet paper, so there'd be no point. Maybe next week.
Unterhaltung: Conversation.
A little human contact now and then wouldn't hurt.
Do you have time for conversation?
u Oh all right, but make it quick.
u+ I suppose I could use a tiny break.
u++ Why, that reminds me of the time...
u- Hmmm... ("It _better_ be a work-related,
yes-or-no question.")
u-- Nh. ("Uh-uh.")
Miscellaneous
-------------
Wissen: Knowledge.
Indicates familiarity with Nibelung background and
history.
w Nibelungs live underground.
w+ Nibelungs are the hapless cave-dwellers at the bottom
of the totem pole in Wagner's _Der_Ring_des_Nibelungen_.
They are some of the more miserably desperate
characters in a four-day opera cycle chock full of
miserably desperate characters whose only hope for
respite lies in the annihilation of the world as they
know it. (See, it pays to read the intro.)
w++ Es wuochs in Burgunden ein viel etelieu Magadin
Das in allen Landen nicht scoeners mochte zin
Kriemhild geheizen sie wart ein scoenes Wib
Darumbe muosten Degene viel verliezen Leben und Lib
(If you can add to this, take another "+")
w- Wagner was a proto-Nazi.
w-- Wagner played the Bionic Woman.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mahalo to:
Sian
Sian's stressin' lab-mate, Jennifer
David
///Peter
"e"
and miserable folks everywhere.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
--John
--
John Flanagan N...ah, maybe later ||
jo...@uhheph.phys.hawaii.edu ||"This brain intentionally
U. of Hawaii, Dept. of Physics & Astro.|| left blank."
2505 Correa Rd., Honolulu, HI 96822 ||
George Dalton Madison
>[...]
Oh my. I haven't laughed so hard at something in soc.motss in
ages... and I'm not even terribly familiar with the opera in
question.
Let's see, now... I think I work out thusly:
N0 l-+ a+ f n+ e+ d m- b- g-- v+ u+ w-
;-{)##]
() The meek are contesting the will.
-----
[> George D. Madison | NBCS: B8f+t+w-e+s+k+a!cv | Just say NO to razors! <]
[> It's a BEAR thing -- you wouldn't understand. <|> fu...@cup.portal.com <]
Tim Pierce
did neglect to mention me in his Bi-L lineup at the end. (Is that the
unspeakable act you promised me, or what?)
T, N5/6 l-(+/++) a-+ f+- n e-- d--- m+ b+ g-- v--+ (and fuck you, too) u w--
--
____ Tim Pierce / ?Usted es la de la tele, eh? !La madre
\ / twpi...@unix.amherst.edu / del asesino! !Ay, que graciosa!
\/ (BITnet: TWPIERCE@AMHERST) / -- Pedro Almodovar
John Flanagan
(Tim Pierce) writes:
>
>Kudos to John, even if he
>did neglect to mention me in his Bi-L lineup at the end. (Is that the
>unspeakable act you promised me, or what?)
Aw, I can do better than that. Up to you.
Robert Coren
> Oh my. I haven't laughed so hard at something in soc.motss in
> ages... and I'm not even terribly familiar with the opera in
> question.
You will be, George, by the time we're through with you.
George Dalton Madison
>> Oh my. I haven't laughed so hard at something in soc.motss in
>> ages... and I'm not even terribly familiar with the opera in
>> question.
>
>You will be, George, by the time we're through with you.
I tend to doubt it. The view a bear rug gets *is* rather
limited.
Frankly, I think the role is -- ahem - beneath me. Better that
something synthetic take that place.... Melmac comes to mind,
though he'd certainly need some acrylic fur applied with some
spray-on glue to play a mammal-skin rug.....