Coming out at work - HELP!
Tom Chatt
| Well, last night was the office Christmas party. [...]
| [...] Any ideas, history or suggestions about being
| out at work in a _very_ small (9 employees) company (which does have an
| anti-discrimination policy)? Thanks in advance for the support.
Good for you for being out at the Christmas party!
I work for a company of about the same size as yours. I was the 6th
to join; we're up to 15 now. It was that last parenthetical comment
that I tripped over: a *policy*? Your company has a *policy*?
If you work for a 9-person company that has a written anti-discrimination
policy that includes sexual orientation, then you *know* you're
working in a gay-positive place. While I've gotten our company
president to agree to DP benefits (in principle; we currently have
no takers :-( ), that "policy" consists of making a statement at
an all-hands staff meeting. We don't even have a written policy
manual.
A company of your size does not have written policies unless one of
two things happened: (1) people at the company have written down some
policies which most people in the company have actually read and
discussed; or (2) somebody bought one of those "off-the-shelf"
company policy manual kits. And if it was (2), I don't think most
of those have any policies about sexual orientation. So, if your
company of 9 people has a sexual orientation *policy*, it must
be because somebody there actually gave it some thought.
It sounds to me like you have nothing bad to look forward to
from this company!
--
Tom Chatt \ Don't take offense, take action.
Internet: t...@flood.com \ Speak up. When we remain silent,
UUCP: ...!uunet!flood!tom / \ we oppress ourselves.
Mark Morrissey
>In article <47...@ogicse.ogi.edu> ma...@ogicse.ogi.edu (Mark Morrissey) writes:
>>I am very out at work, but Intel is
>>a large company and so lots of people not only don't know I'm gay, they
>>don't know me, period.
>
>Well, Mark... how about putting a pink triangle in place of the "i"...
>assuming you have one on your badge. Mine fits nice and snug in the
>square in the middle of AMD's "a" :)
Actually, I am trying to get permission to officially do just that. As
the founder of the not-very-active Intel lesbian, gay, and bisexual
employees group, I have been looking for ways to increase queer and bi
visibility at work. This suggestion has been given to the human
resources lawyer (who is on our side!).
Until then, I just wear a pink triangle everyday and keep a triangle-
shaped rainbow flag on my jacket.
btw: did you use a sticker or just deface the darn badge?
--mark
--
Mark Morrissey One Hatred to rule them all. One Hatred to find them.
ma...@cse.ogi.edu One Hatred to bring them all and in the darkness bind
them. In the land of Bigotry where the Shadows lie.
abe...@enh.nist.gov
>
>And, if that ain't enough advertisment... rainbow coffee mugs are
>pretty neat!
It's a little too obscure for me at this point. I've been looking for
something obvious, like one which says "Queer" or "Faggot." Anyone have
any suggestions? One would think with all the witty t-shirts
around, a coffee mug wouldn't be so difficult.
Also, I've been looking for greeting or note cards lately, not necessarily
of the holiday type. It is odd to me that I have such difficulty finding
nice lesbigay cards to send people. There is a huge selection of naked
people cards all over, but nothing I've seen is exactly what I'm looking
for to give to a motss lover for a holiday, birthday, or anniversary,
or even just to friends. I hate having to buy <generic card company>
cards which are somewhat appropriate.
Sim Aberson Ft. Lauderdale, FL aberson%3328...@sdsc.edu
"Home is where your roof landed" - t-shirt seen in Miami
Mark Morrissey
[about the possible problems of being "seen" as a motss couple at the
Xmas party]
I hope that Michael answered his own question in that he knows that at
least some people knew his orientation before the party, the company is
small so gossip should approach light speed, he did not indicate any
problems with his orientation at the party proper. I think that things
will be just fine. However, you could have ensured this by being
confident in who you are and not conforming. Tomorrow evening is my
group's party at my second-level manager's house. All sort of people
from all over Intel will be there. I am very out at work, but Intel is
a large company and so lots of people not only don't know I'm gay, they
don't know me, period.
Roger and I (okay, I haven't told Roger yet) intend to find the
mistletoe at every opportunity. We love to snuggle (the top of my head
and the bottom of his chin seem to be made for this) and do all the
things which straight society is comfortable with for themselves and
which most of my group is comfortable with for motss as well. We will
be doing all this as it would be silly of us to change who we are based
upon the sexual orientation or working relationship of the people we
are seeing in a social setting.
I don't think we will have any problem at all. This makes me think
that you will not have a problem either.
The main thing is: PMA, dude, PMA(*)
(*) PMA == Positive Mental Attitude.
Thomas D. Barrett
>a large company and so lots of people not only don't know I'm gay, they
>don't know me, period.
Well, Mark... how about putting a pink triangle in place of the "i"...
assuming you have one on your badge. Mine fits nice and snug in the
square in the middle of AMD's "a" :)
And, if that ain't enough advertisment... rainbow coffee mugs are
pretty neat!
--
| Tom Barrett (TDBear), Sr. Engineer | tom.b...@amd.com
| AMD PCD / Austin, TX 78741 | v:512-462-6856 / f:512-462-5155
| "No is yes, And we're all free" | CO made a #2 no-no... PU!
| My views may not be shared by the organization of origin
Michael Lax
job for about two months (the probationary period is three months), so I
haven't made a _big_ noise about being gay. My politics are fairly well
known, and just about everybody (it's a small company) has seen my pink
triangle and rainbow flag, but I've never come out and said "I'm gay." As
my lover pointed out, last night kind of clinched that. Everybody came
with their spouse, except the other secretary who's husband is overseas,
who came alone. While we didn't hold hands or kiss (neither did anyone
else), we were fairly obviously a couple. My boss, a former mayor of
Austin, even mentioned how this small company represented the diversity of
the city (not quite - one Hispanic, no African-Americans). It was kind
of refreshing. I'm getting ready to go to work and I'll be the first to
admit I'm a bit nervous. Any ideas, history or suggestions about being
out at work in a _very_ small (9 employees) company (which does have an
anti-discrimination policy)? Thanks in advance for the support.
========================================================================
"For I can see that in the midst of death, Life persists; in the
midst of untruth, Truth persists; in the midst of darkness, Light
persists."
"An eye for an eye will blind the world."
Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi
"I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it."
ME!
laz...@wixer.cactus.org
Michael Lax, 12514 Esplanade St., #B, Austin, TX 78727-4409
Thomas D. Barrett
>out at work in a _very_ small (9 employees) company (which does have an
>anti-discrimination policy)? Thanks in advance for the support.
I think it goes the same at a larger company... don't annoy and don't
be easily annoyed. Don't hit everyone over the head with a penis
poster and nothing much will come of it (especially knowing where the
company and the city stands on non-discrimination based on the sex of
your desired partner).
roger.w.crice
>In a previous article, tdb...@dvorak.amd.com (Thomas D. Barrett) wrote:
>>
>>pretty neat!
>
>something obvious, like one which says "Queer" or "Faggot." Anyone have
>any suggestions? One would think with all the witty t-shirts
>around, a coffee mug wouldn't be so difficult.
How about a mug that was probably inteneded for use by a
single straight female? We have in our cupboard a nice pink
coffee mug that has the inscription "On a HUNK hunt!" on it.
When we trade our everyday mugs for the holiday ones, this
one stays out.
Just a thought,
Roger.
Joseph Francis
>>
>>And, if that ain't enough advertisment... rainbow coffee mugs are
>>pretty neat!
>
>It's a little too obscure for me at this point. I've been looking for
>something obvious, like one which says "Queer" or "Faggot." Anyone have
>any suggestions? One would think with all the witty t-shirts
>around, a coffee mug wouldn't be so difficult.
>
>Also, I've been looking for greeting or note cards lately, not necessarily
>of the holiday type. It is odd to me that I have such difficulty finding
>nice lesbigay cards to send people. There is a huge selection of naked
>people cards all over, but nothing I've seen is exactly what I'm looking
>for to give to a motss lover for a holiday, birthday, or anniversary,
>or even just to friends. I hate having to buy <generic card company>
>cards which are somewhat appropriate.
I had a group of polyethnic bear-oriented Santa Cards designed with
some cartoonists, but because of my lack of business timing and
capital-raising acumen, they were, alas, not to be. Next year. There
is /very little/ in the market as a whole because it is such a niche
thing, and believe me, if you look at the prices, you need to sell
lots (like 10-20,000 starts) to break into enough profit to have had
the company (more than 5 people) produce them. That's why virtually
all the naughty Christmas cards you see are not glb oriented. DTP has
made the design easier, but the nitty gritty facts of printing and
distribution have not changed at all. Most GLB oriented stuff you see
is made to be sold year-round - books, cards, notepads, teeshirts,
etc.
--
US Jojo; damp, slighly soiled, but tasty nonetheless.
Chad Jones
>It's a little too obscure for me at this point. I've been looking for
>something obvious, like one which says "Queer" or "Faggot." Anyone have
>any suggestions? One would think with all the witty t-shirts
>around, a coffee mug wouldn't be so difficult.
There's a store in West Hollywood called Don't Panic that has all kinds
of confrontational t-shirts. My latest favorite: "Due to the change in
the administration, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned
back on."
They have a mail-order operation and the number is 1-800-DONT PANIC.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chad Jones | Do I need someone here to scold me or do I
Network Manager | need someone who'll grab and pull me out of
UCLA Physiological Science | this four poster dull torpor pulling
cjo...@physci.ucla. | downward? -- 10,000 Maniacs
Mark Morrissey
I have ordered a couple of the "I can't even think straight" t-shirts
to help my coworkers enjoy an inside joke. I have found that several
of my office friends enjoy the fact that while I am out at work, there
are several people who either just don't get it or choose to ignore
the fact. As a result, we have lots of fun with puns, double-entendres,
etc. Doing this has built an interesting support network for me based
on the cluelessness of others.
Paul Hastings
>In article <19DEC92....@enh.nist.gov> , abe...@enh.nist.gov writes:
>>It's a little too obscure for me at this point. I've been looking for
>>something obvious, like one which says "Queer" or "Faggot." Anyone have
>>any suggestions? One would think with all the witty t-shirts
>>around, a coffee mug wouldn't be so difficult.
>
>There's a store in West Hollywood called Don't Panic that has all kinds
>of confrontational t-shirts. My latest favorite: "Due to the change in
>the administration, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned
>back on."
>
Xmas I've received a 'Don we now our gay apparel' T-shirt. But one
of my faves is still that from which sprang my .signature...
-paul
--
Aunt Em, I think we better go get some-
Hate you. Hate Kansas. thing to eat before we end up
Taking the dog. like the Donner party.
Dot. Buster Bunny.
Sandy --not Sandra
Also, a test drive of the new resume.
I thought things were going o.k. when she said, "oh, you sing?" (The
last line on my resume is "Sing with the Seattle Lesbian and Gay
Chorus") "I have a couple of friends in the (gay) men's chorus..."
The best news of all is, I GOT IT! (yeah, it's only an internship, but
it's better than anyjob I've ever had!! 6 months at Microsoft!!)
(Does anyone have Frank or george's e-mail address?)
YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!
--
* Sandy * "I'll believe Avon treated men and women equally the day I see
him kiss a man, tell him he's beautiful when he's angry, kill
him and then gloat over it." Sue Clerc <scl...@andy.bgsu.edu>
Thomas D. Barrett
>>It's a little too obscure for me at this point. I've been looking for
>>something obvious, like one which says "Queer" or "Faggot."
>
>single straight female?
Roger... I had forgotten about my DICK [someone's name] mug. I
actually used it for a few weeks at my last job. At least it wasn't
like the pins that I have which say "I LOVE DICK" [someone's name]. I
got the joke from a friend in k'zoo who was telling me of the time
that he and his roommate were wearing the pins when the roommate's
parents dropped in... the parents did not know their son was gay and
so wondered why on earth he was wearing the pins... oops! :)
Tom
Ken Richards
>In a previous article, tdb...@dvorak.amd.com (Thomas D. Barrett) wrote:
>>
>>And, if that ain't enough advertisment... rainbow coffee mugs are
>>pretty neat!
>It's a little too obscure for me at this point. I've been looking for
>something obvious, like one which says "Queer" or "Faggot." Anyone have
>any suggestions? One would think with all the witty t-shirts
>around, a coffee mug wouldn't be so difficult.
A place called The Pink Zone in Portland and Seattle has mugs with sayings
like: FAG COFFEE, QUEER MUG, DYKE COFFE, etc...
Ken
--
___________________________________________________________________________
Ken Richards | | It's tragic that families can be
Logic Modeling Corp | ke...@lmc.com | torn apart by something as simple
| | as wild dogs.
Richard Poppen
>There's a store in West Hollywood called Don't Panic that has all kinds
>of confrontational t-shirts. My latest favorite: "Due to the change in
>the administration, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned
>back on."
That's _wonderful!_
>They have a mail-order operation and the number is 1-800-DONT PANIC.
That's not correct: It's 1-800-45-PANIC. (I just called 800 directory
assistance to verify it.)
--Rich
Gay and Lesbian Liberation of Waterloo
>In article <1992Dec21.0...@mic.ucla.edu> cjo...@physci.ucla.edu (Chad Jones) writes:
>>In article <19DEC92....@enh.nist.gov> , abe...@enh.nist.gov writes:
>>> I've been looking for
>>>something obvious, like one which says "Queer" or "Faggot." Anyone have
>>>any suggestions? One would think with all the witty t-shirts
>>>around, a coffee mug wouldn't be so difficult.
>>
>>
Hmmm. You might also try the Wear Me Out Company, in LA, I believe.
>Here in Toronto, Out on the Street is the place for gayeT's. For
>Xmas I've received a 'Don we now our gay apparel' T-shirt. But one
Good call, Paul. Here are some of my favourites from Out on the Street:
The Family Tree Stops Here
Gay Boys Make Me Hard <-----that oughta be obvious enough!
The Ten Percent Club <-----people seem to think this is for a
discount store we have here!
The Shocking Gray Catalogue ("The Store for the Other 25 Million People")
also has a good selection of stuff. Out on the Street also has boxers,
bathsheets, shower curtains (!), bedsheets (lotsa sizes!), and an
absolutely * f a b u l o u s * collection of handpainted t-shirts
featuring....yep, you guessed it, the Wizard of Oz characters.
The Tin Man, the Cowardly Lion, the Scarecrow....and Dorothy, with Toto.
Glinda the Good Witch is there too, as is the Wicked Witch of the West
(along with a t-shirt that asks "Are You A Good Witch or a Bad Witch?").
Drop by if you're ever in Toronto -- Out on the Street is on Church Street
2 1/2 blocks north of Wellesley (the heart of Boystown!), on the north side
of Cawthra Square Park.
**Chris, who really oughta ask Out on the Street for a commission....:-)
| ____ |
| \ / love + pride + strength + unity = freedom |
| \/ |
| Chris Chin hcc...@civil.watstar.uwaterloo.ca |
..disregard the .sig, the email expires soon. try me at ah...@yfn.ysu.edu
or email gl...@watserv1.uwaterloo.ca with my name in the subject header...
greg berryman
: be easily annoyed. Don't hit everyone over the head with a penis
: poster and nothing much will come of it (especially knowing where the
: company and the city stands on non-discrimination based on the sex of
: your desired partner).
I must agree. Here at Motorola I am out to anybody that asks. My cube
sports a male pinup type calendar, I wear freedom rings and a triangle
necklace, etc. Nobody cares! Errr, well, the calendar has attracted some
attention from both males and females. All compliments and one request for
the name of the place wher I bought it.
Sometimes makes it hard to fight the system when the system isn't fighting.
Greg.
--
My words, not Motorola's. * ______ *
g...@gpb-mac.sps.mot.com * \ BI / * I will NOT ride in the back of the bus.
Greg Berryman (512)928-6014 * \ / * SILENCE = DEATH
Motorola Austin, Texas, USA * \/ * First, be true to yourself.
George Battrick
>
>Well, Mark... how about putting a pink triangle in place of the "i"...
>assuming you have one on your badge. Mine fits nice and snug in the
>square in the middle of AMD's "a" :)
>
originated from Tim Gill, the founder and chairman of Quark, it struck
me that the "A" in the "QUARK" logo on their business cards *is* a pink
triangle. Perhaps this is no coincidence?
Leslie Farnell
him to unlikely places like the Bankstown Trots, marching for Kentucky Fried
Chicken, and playing in the (Gay & Lesbian) Mardi Gras Parade. This was a
lead-in to performing the Queen of the Night's aria as a tuba solo in the
show. (Well what else could I do?)
I guess this counts as coming out to the 80 or so people who don't work in
my group. (The latter have nearly all met my other half anyway.)
Interestingly, the only vaguely relevant comment anyone has made is that 3 or
4 of the women have independently asked why I don't wear my ear-ring more
often.
Les
Robert Coren
> This was a
> lead-in to performing the Queen of the Night's aria as a tuba solo in the
> show. (Well what else could I do?)
>
> I guess this counts as coming out to the 80 or so people who don't work in
> my group.
I know I've ruthlessly deleted context, but I couldn't help reading
this as implying that anyone who would play the Queen of the Night's
area on the tuba in public must be gay.
Which, come to think of it, is a perfectly reasonable proposition.
Henry Mensch
->Well, last night was the office Christmas party. I've only been at this
->job for about two months (the probationary period is three months)
the length of the probationary period doesn't matter; if they're going
to fire you for being queer then they're going to sack you ...
->.... I'm getting ready to go to work and I'll be the first to
->admit I'm a bit nervous. Any ideas, history or suggestions about being
->out at work in a _very_ small (9 employees) company (which does have an
->anti-discrimination policy)? Thanks in advance for the support.
yeah; just do what you need to do. act like the homo you are, and
everyone who's going to like you will probably still like you, and
those who don't will probably still call you a homo.
seriously.
--
# henry mensch / booz, allen & hamilton, inc. / <he...@ads.com>
# "fight the real enemy." -- sinead o'connor, and many others.
# for information on the league for programming freedom,
# write to l...@uunet.uu.net
Henry Mensch
->btw: did you use a sticker or just deface the darn badge?
my badge has a pink triangle sticker on it. i didn't ask about it,
either (don't ask questions whose answers you mightn't want to hear).
Thomas D. Barrett
>
>btw: did you use a sticker or just deface the darn badge?
>
It was so tiny that I have to use tape to protect it. However, the
olive-yellow background and the black "a" symbol sets it off nicely,
so it isn't really defacing it. Besides, I have seen others walking
around with all sorts of things stuck all over their badges (we have
seperate keycards).
BTW, I meant to say put the pink triangle in place of the dot over
your "i" (assuming you have an "i").
I wish that our companies weren't such hot competitors... sharing
domestic partner info and HR diversity programs shouldn't know any
borders, but I'm quite sure someone would say no if we tried to get
our HR people talking to one another (mine is starting a diversity
program in '93, and I'm going to make sure the lesbigays have a good
voice in it). At least we share other bay area companies as partners
and as diversity mentors.
Happy December!
Tom
--
|Tom Barrett (TDBear), Sr. Engineer|tom.b...@amd.com|v:512-462-6856 |
|AMD PCD MS-520 | 5900 E. Ben White|Austin, TX 78741 |f:512-462-5155 |
|"No is yes, And we're all free" |CO made a #2 no-no... PU! |
|My views are my own and may not be the same as the company of origin |
Thomas D. Barrett
>
>A place called The Pink Zone in Portland and Seattle has mugs with sayings
>like: FAG COFFEE, QUEER MUG, DYKE COFFE, etc...
>
offices are ready for this... even within our community we have a lots
of disagreement on whether "FAG" and "QUEER" are appropriate terms (as
for me, I go off the context and QUEER COFFEE is positive).
Tom
--
|Tom Barrett (TDBear), Sr. Engineer|tom.b...@amd.com|v:512-462-6856 |
|AMD PCD MS-520 | 5900 E. Ben White|Austin, TX 78741 |f:512-462-5155 |
|"No is yes, And we're all free" |CO made a #2 no-no... PU! |
Mark Morrissey
>In article <47...@ogicse.ogi.edu> ma...@ogicse.ogi.edu (Mark Morrissey) writes:
>>
>>btw: did you use a sticker or just deface the darn badge?
>>
>
>your "i" (assuming you have an "i").
We do have an "i", but the darn dot is so small it wouldn't show. Besides,
it is at the top, which isn't noticed too much. My plan is to put the
sticker just below and after the name, which is the most visible part
of the badge.
>I wish that our companies weren't such hot competitors... sharing
>domestic partner info and HR diversity programs shouldn't know any
>borders, but I'm quite sure someone would say no if we tried to get
>our HR people talking to one another (mine is starting a diversity
>program in '93, and I'm going to make sure the lesbigays have a good
>voice in it). At least we share other bay area companies as partners
>and as diversity mentors.
The understanding and acceptance of human diversity knows no bounds.
I will send you the contact info under separate cover.