Another Bisexual Speaks Up.
Walter Peterson
I have been following this thread regarding bi-bashing and I
FINALLY, feel compelled to say something.
For the first time in my life I'll state publicly ( that is to
others besides relatives, very close friends and lovers ) that I am
bisexual. THERE! I actually, said it, now I can get to the point.
The point being: just what to I mean by saying that I'm bi ?
First of all, it is a SELF-identification. The idea of self
identification is, I believe, important. At the heart of the matter
is how one views one's self. We are the only true judges of our
own worth and self-esteem.
By saying that I am bi I indicate to myself and to others that I
am not afraid of my feelings. I fully accept and rejoice in the fact
that I can be physically and emotionally attracted to person of either
gender. To me it also means not "just" physical attraction, the emotional
ties of friendship can and have grown into love, regardless of the
"plumbing."
My self-identification means that I am not only not afraid of my
feelings, but also that I am not ashamed of my actions. I do not and
will not apologize to any of my gay, lesbian or bi friends ( nor to
former lovers ) for currently being married to a loving, supportive
woman. Nor have I ever, nor ever will apologize to any "straight"
( I do dislike that term ) friends of either gender for having had
male lovers and for once having thought of myself as married to a
loving, supportive man. There is nothing for which to apologize.
If this is a "transition phase" between being "straight" and being
gay, then it is one that has gone on for almost twenty years. My first
same-gender lover and I were together for over three years, living
together, working together and traveling around the planet together.
During that time I had to seriously consider the issue of whether I
should self-identify as "gay" or whatever. I did give it serious
consideration and the result of those considerations I have stated
above, with one exception.
That exception is how I react to the labels that others would
attach to me. When my first lover and I met, we were both still in
the military. When I consider what the consequences would have been
if we had been discovered, it gives me cause to think. The military
would not have seen a claim of "bisexuality" as a mitigating
circumstance; we whould have been just two more faggots to be kicked
out of the service in disgrace.
Taking that realization into account, I don't shy away from or
"defend" myself against being labeled as "gay" by others. I have
encountered three basic reactions to comming out. Surprisingly, the
most common has been an almost immediate "Oh, I didn't know that"
acceptance, the second is the "well, you still like girls so your not
really gay", the third, and thankfully least common, is "WHAT !?
YOU'RE a queer!?" ( there is a fourth, very uncommon:
"Oh yeah? Me too!" )
It is in my response to the third reaction that I may part ways
with many other bis. I DO NOT go into a long string of denials and
explainations. Lets face it, most of our society believes "If you do
it once, you are." Logic, reason and discourses on psychology,
relationships and human sexuality are lost on them. If they want to
label me as "gay" or "queer" or whatever, let them.
I can understand how the denials of those externally applied
labels by bisexuals can be offensive to our gay and lesbian
self-identifying brothers and sisters. If we want respect, acceptance
and affirmation of our self-worth by the wider gay/lesbian community,
then those of us who identify as bisexual, must be willing to share
all of the labels, hatred and discrimination. Only by sharing the
burden of oppression will we be able to lay claim to any progress that
might be made. The worst thing that any of us in the GLB community
can do is to allow ourselves to be divided by externally imposed
labels.
This is not to say that some people who call themselves bi are not
in a transitional phase between identifying as "straight" and as gay.
Obviously, some are. However, the fact that it might be a phase for
some, does not invalidate its importance as a permanent fact of life
for others.
Ultimately, the labels are trivial. The important thing is being
true to yourself. None of us should deny our feelings and our true
selves simply to fit into the "properly" labeled molds of others. This
is especialy true when the labels and molds are supplied by our oppressors.
Well, that is quite a way to end almost 5 years of soc.motss
muffinhood, isn't it ?
Peace,
Walt
------------------------------------------------
--
"Exploring the consensual hallucination of cyberspace."
Walt Peterson. w...@calmasd.Prime.COM
Silence = Death
"The opinions expressed here are my own."
Nancy Fox
>
>
> I have been following this thread regarding bi-bashing and I
> FINALLY, feel compelled to say something.
>
> For the first time in my life I'll state publicly ( that is to
> others besides relatives, very close friends and lovers ) that I am
> bisexual. THERE! I actually, said it, now I can get to the point.
>
Just wanted to say welcome, Walt. Can't believe you've been
quietly reading my postings for the last 3 years...;-)
Hope I see more of you here now that you're fully baked!
Nancy
Ellen Keyne Seebacher
> I have been following this thread regarding bi-bashing and I
>FINALLY, feel compelled to say something.
And I'm glad you did.
>I don't shy away from or "defend" myself against being labeled as "gay"
>by others. ...
Good. This rather reminds me of the discussion going on over in
alt.pagan, about witches who are not Satanists and "defend" themselves
against the "accusation." When they come for us, they'll come for us
all: witches, Satanists, queers.
This is the one small quibble I have with you, Walt:
>...the third, and thankfully least common, is "WHAT !? YOU'RE a queer!?"
> It is in my response to the third reaction that I may part ways
>with many other bis.
I do want to point out that many of us other bi folk consider the word
"queer" to be *inclusive*" -- I think of it as all the shades of L, O,
G, *, _and_ B. (I want to clarify this because I apparently confused
someone here, by saying I was a queer woman with a male life partner.)
> Well, that is quite a way to end almost 5 years of soc.motss
>muffinhood, isn't it ?
Yes. Thanks for your thoughts, and welcome.
--
Ellen Keyne Seebacher I didn't say that I didn't say it.
el...@midway.uchicago.edu I said that I didn't say that I said it.
The University of Chicago I want to make that very clear.
Academic/Public Computing --former Mich. gov. George Romney
Michael S. Pettersen
> FINALLY, feel compelled to say something.
Greetings!
I just wanted to make a little comment on the following:
> The point being: just what to I mean by saying that I'm bi ?
> First of all, it is a SELF-identification. The idea of self
> identification is, I believe, important. At the heart of the matter
> is how one views one's self. We are the only true judges of our
> own worth and self-esteem.
I wish that it were entirely a matter of self-identification; but to
a certain degree this is also a social convention, for in previous times
people weren't defined (and didn't define themselves) by what they did with
who they liked.
> Let's face it, most of our society believes "If you do
> it once, you are."
> Ultimately, the labels are trivial. The important thing is being
> true to yourself. None of us should deny our feelings and our true
> selves simply to fit into the "properly" labeled molds of others.
Gosh, you have said it so well.
> By saying that I am bi I indicate to myself and to others that I
> am not afraid of my feelings. I fully accept and rejoice in the fact
> that I can be physically and emotionally attracted to person of either
> gender.
This is the important point, of course.
Great post, Walt!
Now here's a question addressed to a wider audience: what sorts of
problems do bis face in addition to those faced by gay or lesbian folkss?
--
Michael Pettersen, m...@ohstpy.bitnet, ohio state physics
Once I saw a Devil in a flame of fire, who... utter'd these words:
"The worship of God is: Honouring his gifts in other men, each according
to his genius, and loving the greatest men best." Blake
John Merrill
Peterson) writes:
> Lets face it, most of our society believes "If you do it once, you
> are." Logic, reason and discourses on psychology, relationships and
> human sexuality are lost on them. If they want to label me as "gay"
> or "queer" or whatever, let them.
What he said. Fuck it (or, at least, him or her): I'm queer. And, in
the end, when they come for us, they'll come for me, too.
--
John Merrill / mer...@bucasb.bu.edu / harvard!bu.edu!bucasb!merrill