CN U RD THS?
![Christina Black [Chris]'s profile photo](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/a/default-user=s40-c)
Christina Black [Chris]
personal add seeking a non-het relationship. But I have done the het ad
thing, in both directions. My experiences are also with relationship
ads, rather than sex ads (and I suspect that BBC, who started this
thread, shares this emphasis). My main tips:
1. Don't go into a blind date expecting too much. You'll be happier
with the attitude that if you have a nice conversation, it's a win, than
with the attitude that if you don't wind up in a relationship, it's a
lose. (Actually, this is true of a lot more than blind dates.)
2. Be fearless -- what have you got to lose?
3. Don't write, or be overly convinced by, an ad which describes the
advertiser as intelligent, interesting, attractive, or whatever.
Anyone can say these things about her/him self, and in the world of the
personals, they often do. Instead, try to write/answer ads which show
by their composition that the author is witty, well-informed, eclectic,
or whatever. Describe appearances (if they are important to you) with
details, not vague endorsements.
4. Try communicating your personality, but again, more by example than
by abstract description.
5. Saying what you're looking for is a good way of saying who you are.
6. Answering ads is cheaper; placing an ad gives you more control,
since you can read a whole letter by a person before you decide whether
to respond. I think what I did is about right -- answer a few to find
out how the system works and whether you can stand blind dating (it's a
really stressful business, especially at first) and then place one, to
get a little more control over the process.
7. I decided that ads which dwelt on appearances, or requested
pictures, were not ads from people I was interested in. However, your
mileage may vary. Especially worth noting is that a gay male friend fo
mine who has perused the men-seeking-men ads for some time says that
many of them are very appearance-oriented. Now, this may be a function
of the particular paper he was reading, but it may be a more general
trend, in which case (1) a gay man might limit the field too much with
this rule and/or (2) it may be that it is general practice, and reflects
less on the particular advertiser than I felt it did in the
men-seeking-women world.
8. Different papers have different kinds of ads and reader comunities;
look around for one where they seem, in general, to be your kind of
people.
Ads I wrote that I was happy with:
Can you appreciate both Jane Austen and Spike Lee? East Bay SWF
grad student, 24, seeks SWM, literate but not snobbish, romantic,
progressive.
This one actually a housing-wanted ad, not a relationship ad, but I think
it embodies the principles I set forth here:
Bi female grad student seeks room in household involving
spontaneous meal-sharing, recycling, creativity, and loose-knit
community.
Take for example "recycling" -- it's hardly my top priority in a
household, and a household that doesn't recycle can probably be gotten
to start. But I'd thought a lot about what kind of people I was looking
for, and it seemed to me that the household I was looking for would
probably be one that was already recycling. And, as it happens, I found
them (through an ad they placed), and they do recycle and eat together.
Now, it's not clear how much of an expert I am. Neither of the ads
above actually netted me what I was looking for. I do think, though,
that I started liking more of the people whose ads I answered when I
started using the guidelines above to pick ads.
Happy hunting!
-- Chris (bl...@ernie.berkeley.edu, ucbvax!ernie!black)
Asmodeus
> Anyone here have any stories to relate regarding personal ads?
>Do they ever work (if you were/are the advertizer)? Do most people
>use "truth in advertizing" (if you were the respondent)?
Yup. I've had suck-sess with Drummer ads, and I've had
some bombs. C'est la vie. Perhaps the most entertaining
one, however, is also the most recent ...
I had this student last semester, very small but built
like a brick shithouse. Wore cammies to class, never
looked me in the eye, and always called me "Sir" -- even
*in* class, with a groin-erupting tone of respect.
He got lots of points.
Anyway, halfway into the semester I got a response to an
ad I had placed in Drummer (you are assigned a box number,
so when the person responds, their response, with return
address, is forwarded to you. You know who THEY are, but
they have no idea who YOU are.) My, my, my, talk about a
hot, kinky letter. But ... the first thing I had noticed
was the Bloomington return. The second thing was the oddly
familiar handwriting. When the photo fell out, though,
there was no question who it was.
All the rest of the semester I looked at him and saw him
hooded, clamped, weighted and bound to a whipping post
just like he had been in that photo ... and no, I didn't
answer it. I do have eithics, you know (which is not always
a good thing.) Damn, he had a nice back, too, furry and
it would have looked so hot with welts all over it ...
>(though it would be nice :-), nor am I husband shopping by putting the
>ads in per se...
Good for you. I have an SO, though if I did not, I certainly
would not go "husband hunting." It's too bad that so many
people seem to think they must validate themselves by being
in some sort of a relationship.
Being single isn't too odious, is it Jess?
--
"It's 8 o'clock ... do you know what newsgroup you're in?"
-- Charles Forsythe
Wendy Thrash
>I had this student last semester . . .
>I got a response to an ad I had placed in Drummer . . .
>When the photo fell out, though, there was no question who it was. . . .
>and no, I didn't answer it. I do have eithics, you know . . .
OK, ethics are a fine thing, but it's a _new semester_ now!
Wouldn't that poor boy just love to get a friendly note from his
old teacher? Perhaps one with a [certain] photo attached?
Seriously, just what ought one to do in such circumstances? Must the
teacher _never_ date* the student? If so, I know some fine professors
who'd be looking for a new line of work.** Is there an accepted
waiting period, rather like a period of mourning? What's a prof to do?
*Substitute appropriate verb here.
**Though it often seems to be the student who must move on to smaller
and lesser things.
---
Resisting the temptation to crosspost to soc.college, I am,
-Wendy T., who has had few opportunities for such dalliance, none of them taken
Henry Mensch
>Sorta like the weather; it depends. A friend and I, when
>we're bored, go to the malls, which makes us realize we
>weren't *really* bored yet. Of course, we spy cuties in
>there, and of the really hot ones we say, "oh look, there
>goes my new potential future ex-husband now!"
yeah, i usedta do this when i lived in the midwest, too. don't have
to anymore 8-]
>More seriously, although I lived most of my life as though
>having an SO were maximally important, I seem to be getting
>along all right without one. I can say that being single
>has quite a few of the alternatives beat to hell.
sure does. i know so many people who are 'coupled' (won't say
married, despite urging by bob paris ... ) who are positively
miserable, yet won't end it all because then they would be single,
which would be *really* *awful*.
Leon Ham
lin...@watnow.waterloo.edu (Lindsay Patten) wrote:
Lindsay> > for the connesieurs: "B6 d+ f++ r+ t- w+ s?+v e? m" and in THAT order!
Lindsay> > which should compliment my "B4/5 c+ f r t- w s?"...) living in the
Lindsay>
Lindsay> Will some kind soul *please* explain what all this means? I
Lindsay> can't even guess!
Er, Lindsay, would it be too much trouble to ask you to make the results of
this inquiry public? I, for that matter, am also _totally_ unaware of the
meaning of this codified jargon.... :-(
Ok, Ok, other motss-ers, I am, be it reluctantly, willing to admit that I'm
also VERY curious.... ;-)
--
Respectfully yours,
---------- Leon.
\ / (Email: leon...@es.ele.tue.nl; Phone: +31 40 473345)
\ /
\"There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about,
\and that is not being talked about." -- Oscar Wilde.
\/
Dana Bergen
>E> er...@hpcilzb.HP.COM (Eric Novikoff) writes:
>
>E> Irrespective of the publication I write an ad for, I agree with
>E> Dana: the best way to advertise for a relationship is to concentrate
>E> on those things that make the relationship successful:
>
>Ideally I would like to see more ads like you and Dana are talking about.
I agree with me, too, except that it's not me I'm agreeing with. I didn't
post on this subject; I think you're referring to Chris Black's article.
Dana (not Chris)
da...@sybase.com | We women do talk too much, but even
{pyramid,pacbell, | then we don't tell half what we know.
sun,lll-tis}!sybase!dana | -- Nancy Witcher, Lady Astor
Steven Fruitbat Foster
|2. Be fearless -- what have you got to lose?
*That* my dear, depends on just what sort of a muffin is answering the
advert. The first driving lesson is free dontcha know ;-)
I recommend the soc.motss blind date. You don't alf meat some yummy people
that way.
"The not the one and only" Fruitbat.
r l reid
>Lindsay> > for the connesieurs: "B6 d+ f++ r+ t- w+ s?+v e? m" and in THAT order!
>Lindsay> > which should compliment my "B4/5 c+ f r t- w s?"...) living in the
>Lindsay>
>Lindsay> Will some kind soul *please* explain what all this means? I
>Lindsay> can't even guess!
Oh dear. You're listening to too much opera or DFS, I guess.
They're chord symbols used in certain jazz improvisation circles.
The first is a B(major) sixth chord, with a double-augmented 5th,
an augemted 17th, a diminished 19th, an augmented 22nd, a blue 18 with
an added 21st, a microtonally reduced 4th, and half a chococolate
candy the melts in your mouth, not in your hand. I suspect
you can now interpolate the second.
These get used in personal ads between horny jazz musicians
looking for that special dissonance that only two people
can make together (unless theres only one in whicc case
we'll play a solo, or more than two in which case you bring the
chocolate chip cookies and I'll bring a rubber sheet).
Hope that clears things up. Gotta run, there's a piece of
bamboo that needs to be blown and some skin to be beat.
Ro
UUCP: { uunet | cmcl2 }!esquire!rreid
Internet: rr...@dpw.com -or- r...@woof.columbia.edu
I ack all email. If I don't respond, it probably didn't make it.
Bob Donahue
BBC> > "B6 d+ f++ r+ t- w+ s?+v e? m" and in THAT order!
BBC> > which should compliment my "B4/5 c+ f r t- w s?"...) living in the
Lindsay> Will some kind soul *please* explain what all this means? I
Lindsay> can't even guess!
>The first is a B(major) sixth chord, with a double-augmented 5th,
>an augemted 17th, a diminished 19th, an augmented 22nd, a blue 18 with
>an added 21st, a microtonally reduced 4th, and half a chococolate
>candy the melts in your mouth, not in your hand. I suspect
>you can now interpolate the second.
(heh heh)
No, to answer this, it's the latest in pure scientific things:
the Natural Bears Classification System, devised by Jeff Stoner and
myself. What's scarey is that it works. Anyway right now we
are using version 1.5. Version 2.0 would have been done this coming
Monday over lunch at the Wendy's in Boulder where version 1.0 was hashed out
in late November, but since too many things are changing in the Denver
area wrt who is interesting in "keeping my company" these days (i.e. zip
there - before anyone gets offended "keeping my company" IS a euphemism,
I know there are lots of neat-o people up there!) my plans for Bkrea
changed abruptly on Monday night ast about 9:30.
But I digress...
The newest version will be out in a week or so, and I promise
I will post a copy to motss forthwith... then you can show it to
your friends, fellow bears, friend bears and stranger bears, bear
lovers, and bear chasers alike.
The day I see it in an Advocate ad I may faint, but it would
be a riot! (I''ll settle for BEAR magazine or the new one DADDY
[could someone get me a copy of that - I'll pay for it! I'm REAL curious
about it!]
So that's the scoop...
A motss.map should also be available by next week;s end.
The people who sent SASE an eternity ago will get theeirs
first and then I will somehow post it (PostScript format).
T-shirt order forms (+ tanks + sweats + etc.) will follow
soon thereafter! Promise!
Hugs,
BBC a/k/a BtT
Robert Swirsky
> Of course, I have had some
> had some "dates from hell", but they're worth putting up with for the....
>
> Eric
Was your date with me one of those "dates from hell?"
Just curious!
"All opinions are my own, and may not be those of my employer."
Jack Hamilton
>In article <951...@hpcilzb.HP.COM>, er...@hpcilzb.HP.COM (Eric Novikoff) writes:
>> Of course, I have had some
>> had some "dates from hell", but they're worth putting up with for the....
>
>> Eric
>
>Was your date with me one of those "dates from hell?"
>
That really sounds like one of those questions you might not really want
the answer to!
--
Jack Hamilton
j...@netcom.com (UUCP)
netcom!j...@apple.com (Internet, if you're lucky)
j...@cup.portal.com (Another system, if all else fails)
Jay Schuster
>In article <56...@oliveb.olivetti.com> swi...@olivee.olivetti.com (Robert Swirsky) writes:
>>In article <951...@hpcilzb.HP.COM>, er...@hpcilzb.HP.COM (Eric Novikoff) writes:
>>> Of course, I have had some
>>> had some "dates from hell", but they're worth putting up with for the....
>That really sounds like one of those questions you might not really want
>the answer to!
This is the perfect example of a bad habit many people have of ``asking
questions they don't really want to know the answers to.''
Other good ones are:
``What are you thinking?''
and
``Do you really like me?'' -- said by insecure person taking advantage of
the kindness of another by forcing them to say yes.
--
Jay Schuster <j...@pcc.COM> uunet!uvm-gen!banzai!jay, attmail!banzai!jay
The People's Computer Company `Revolutionary Programming'
Kimberly Disney
now what is this about East Bay women in Chi Pants?