Rob Bernardo
Roger Phillips
to...@panix.com (Tovah Hollander) writes:
> I keep saving messages. My home directory on Panix is full of files
> called rob.by.jess and rob.by.jim and rob.by.mara. Et cetera. I
> guess it helps.
I didn't think I'd have anything to say;
I've been keeping out of the way of this, but
143> ls -l ~/News/rob
-rw-rw-rw- 1 roger 157998 Aug 19 14:55 /home/kapiti/roger/News/rob
and there are tears saved with every article.
--
Roger Phillips ro...@quantime.co.uk
"Being kissed by a man who didn't wax his moustache was --
like eating an egg without salt." -- Rudyard Kipling
Randy Clark
In article <2-!nahj...@netcom.com> j...@netcom.com (Jack Hamilton) writes:
>In article <22...@sybase.sybase.com> bl...@sybase.com (Chris Black) writes:
>>
>>He could be harsh about urban cowboy wannabes -- not that he was the
>>Marlboro Man himself.
>
>I remember a discussion we had once, in a gas station, about blue
>jeans. There are, he claimed, strong preferences for particular brands
>among different types of cowboys. Urban cowboys tended to like one make,
Levis
>rodeo cowboys another,
Lee's
>and working cowboys a third,
Wrangler
>because of differences in fit and how they make they wearer look. [...]
At least, that's how friends from places
as disparate (or not?) as Idaho, Arizona,
and Texas have explained it to me.
>
>Wranglers feel more comfortable to me than Levi's, something which I regret
>- Levi Strauss is a local company, and one of the best corporate citizens
>there is.
Agreed. I still stick with Levis, as a loyal
Californian and San Franciscan.
However, I have a Wrangler shirt that I'm very fond of.
>Jack Hamilton j...@netcom.com P. O. Box 281107 SF, CA 94128-1107
-R
--
There is a sad gaiety in our love, and though we have more wit
than Sunday lovers by the water's edge, our wit attracts misfortune.
-- Genet
Randy Clark {}!autodesk.com!randyc
Jim Wood
>In article 714141992@jfred, wo...@siemens.com. (Jim Wood) writes:
>> He was named for his father, Jack Robert Bernardo.
>Are you sure? That goes against Jewish tradition. Jews name in honor of those
>who have passed on. I trust someone soon will be named after Rob...
Yes, I am sure (saw it on the gravestone). His father's name was Jack Robert
Bernardo. The family was Sefardic, so perhaps their traditions are a little
different. I don't know.
By the way, I didn't mean to imply that Rob's name was the exactly same as
his father's. It was simply "Robert Bernardo."
As for naming a child after him, well if I were straight I'd name a son
Robert. But if I were straight, chances are I wouldn't have even met him.
Glad to be gay ...
--
Jim Wood [jw...@siemens.siemens.com] (609) 734-3643
"Rise up on the wings of eagles, and two step among the stars.
You are not forgotten. Your smile will echo forever."
-- Ryerson Schwark, to my friend Rob Bernardo.
Roger B.A. Klorese
>h...@the-temple.East.Sun.COM (Howard Solomon - SunExpress Support Engineer) writes:
>>In article 714141992@jfred, wo...@siemens.com. (Jim Wood) writes:
>>> He was named for his father, Jack Robert Bernardo.
>>Are you sure? That goes against Jewish tradition. Jews name in honor of those
>>who have passed on. I trust someone soon will be named after Rob...
>Yes, I am sure (saw it on the gravestone). His father's name was Jack Robert
>Bernardo. The family was Sefardic, so perhaps their traditions are a little
>different. I don't know.
Bingo. Ashkenazim (Eastern European tradition) name for the dead. Sefardim
(elsewhere) honor the living, often a grandparent though sometimes a parent,
with a name.
Not to use this in place of a full eulogy, but it occurs to me that the first
time I spent a block of time at Rob's house after my move to California was
(Thanksgiving? Christmas?) 1988; in addition to Terry, Rob's mother and me,
both Rob and his father were there.
Sigh. Farewell for now, fine sirs.
--
ROGER B.A. KLORESE +1 415 ALL-ARFF
rog...@unpc.QueerNet.ORG {ames,decwrl,pyramid}!mips!unpc!rogerk
"Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away from."
-- J. Foster
Shawn Hicks
>
>I remember a discussion we had once, in a gas station, about blue
>jeans. There are, he claimed, strong preferences for particular brands
>among different types of cowboys. Urban cowboys tended to like one make,
>in fit and how they make they wearer look. People in those different
>categories tend to have different body types as well.
Levi's tend to age better, meaning they fade and soften faster. Most important
to me, though, is the fact that I have butt in Levi's, but seem to lose it
in Wranglers. All the Urban Cowboys here were Wranglers, and my boyfriend, who
rides straight/gay rodeo, wears Levis. (Of course he's 6'8", and that may
limit his choices...)
>I don't remember which is which now, although the brands we discussed were
>Levi's, Wrangler, and Lee's. I do remember that we preferred different
>brands, but I'm not in any of the cowboy categories at all.
I'm not too sure but I believe it's Levis for the Urban crowd, Wranglers
for the Rodeo crowd, and Lee's for the work crowd.
>Wranglers feel more comfortable to me than Levi's, something which I regret
>- Levi Strauss is a local company, and one of the best corporate citizens
>there is.
I like the feel of Levis, they seem less rough. Yes, Levi Strauss is a good
company.... (unlike BofA)
Shawn
George Dalton Madison
I prefer Levis for the very simple reason they're the only jeans
that come with a BUTTON fly. I can indulge my preference for
going without underwear without worrying about pinching tender
bits or catching hairs in the damn zipper.
[In fact, the only times these days when I do wear underwear is
when circumstance forces me into a pair of pants with a zipper
fly.]
() It feels so right |
() When you squeeze it tight | -- _Velcro Fly_
() When you reach the end | by ZZ Top
() Do it over again |
-----
[> George D. Madison | NBCS: B8f+t+w-e+s+k+a!cv | Just say NO to razors! <]
[> It's a BEAR thing -- you wouldn't understand. <|> fu...@cup.portal.com <]
Tim Pierce
>I don't remember which is which now, although the brands we discussed were
>Levi's, Wrangler, and Lee's. I do remember that we preferred different
>brands, but I'm not in any of the cowboy categories at all.
I remember a thread in which he mentioned that Wranglers are -- I
believe -- an excellent rodeo jean, as they are among the more durable
brands. This conversation stuck out in my mind because being a city
boy, I have always regarded Wranglers to be a poor man's designer
jean, and Rob, for all that I disagreed with him, always seemed to
have better taste than that.
--
____ Tim Pierce / "I don't know how much support NAMBLA
\ / twpi...@amherst.edu / has in the gay community."
\/ (BITnet: TWPIERCE@AMHERST) / -- Clayton Cramer, August 1992
Chuck Fisher
>I remember a thread in which he mentioned that Wranglers are -- I
>believe -- an excellent rodeo jean, as they are among the more durable
>brands. This conversation stuck out in my mind because being a city
>boy, I have always regarded Wranglers to be a poor man's designer
>jean, and Rob, for all that I disagreed with him, always seemed to
>have better taste than that.
I posted an article sevral months ago about a Consumer Reports rating
of the Wrangler 13MWZ jeans being the highest rated. Rob complained
that I had beaten him to the post. But then again, I had given him a
subscription to Consumer Reports as a gift in the first place... :-)
Chuck
--
Chuck Fisher Work: (800) 359-7997
ch...@netcom.com IP address: 192.100.81.100 Home: (415) 964-2819
{apple,claris,amdahl,tandem}!netcom!chas
r l reid
>I prefer Levis for the very simple reason they're the only jeans
>that come with a BUTTON fly. I can indulge my preference for
>going without underwear without worrying about pinching tender
>bits or catching hairs in the damn zipper.
Well, I can dig it, but I got a question - how do you avoid that
embaressing wet spot after you pee?
I *still* think these's a fortune to be made by one of the
one of the "personal products" companies by butching up the
packaging of mini-pads and coming up with a marketing strategy
to sell them to men (the non-penis-challanged) to catch those last
few drop of the famous rhyme.
(Commercial: Marlboro Man and Son, out riding on the
range...
"Dad, how do you keep yourself...you know....fresh?"
"Hell, boy, I wash my underwear once a month
whether it needs it or not, and I always use
Studley Deoderant Super Absorbent Drip Pads
with the exclusive mauve adhesive strip"
--
r l reid r...@panix.com
Rob Foye
poses a question to Furr Madison:
|> Well, I can dig it, but I got a question - how do you avoid that
|> embaressing wet spot after you pee?
|>
don't think he'd be embarassed by a little bitty wet spot on his jeans.
Mike Drayton
> (Commercial: Marlboro Man and Son, out riding on the
> range...
> "Dad, how do you keep yourself...you know....fresh?"
> "Hell, boy, I wash my underwear once a month
> whether it needs it or not, and I always use
> Studley Deoderant Super Absorbent Drip Pads
> with the exclusive mauve adhesive strip"
* OUCH! *
Mike Drayton
Daniel MacKay
>I remember a discussion we had once, in a gas station, about blue
>jeans.
My only pair of blue jeans; there's a mixture of loving remembrance and
pain to wear. The last time I was in California, Rob had extended his
extraordinary hospitality, and had offered to take myself and another
motsser visiting -- it was Interop '90, in the fall -- from the UK out to
supper, then to a bar.
"You'll have to wear jeans," he said. I didn't own a pair of jeans.
"Umm- OK, I can buy a pair after the show today. What kind?"
"Levi 501s." No problem. I went to the giant jean store on Church
St and bought a pair that felt wonderful and (I thought) looked *great.*
I met Rob later at the restaurant.
"What do you think of the jeans? Perfect, eh?"
"Nope. Wrong colour."
I had bought the light blue, soft prewashed jeans to go to the C&W bar.
I think of Rob every time I put 'em on.
--
Daniel MacKay dan...@nstn.ns.ca
Homo habilis
abe...@enh.nist.gov
>I *still* think these's a fortune to be made by one of the
>one of the "personal products" companies by butching up the
>packaging of mini-pads and coming up with a marketing strategy
>to sell them to men (the non-penis-challanged) to catch those last
>few drop of the famous rhyme.
SNL did a commercial for this product, Playtex Peenie Pads. Jim Belushi
was in a restaurant with a woman, and asked to be excused. He returned
from the bathroom with a spot on his pants. The announcer said, "Does
this ever happen to you?" The next time this does not happen.
Sim Aberson Ft. Lauderdale, FL aberson%3328...@sdsc.edu
"It's always Beach Party Barbie, or Malibu Barbie.... That shit does not
prepare you for the true horror of a real woman's life. Where is Single,
Abused, Trailer-Park Barbie?" - Roseanne Arnold
Mary Shafer
o> Well, I can dig it, but I got a question - how do you avoid that
o> embaressing wet spot after you pee?
o> I *still* think these's a fortune to be made by one of the
o> one of the "personal products" companies by butching up the
o> packaging of mini-pads and coming up with a marketing strategy
o> to sell them to men (the non-penis-challanged) to catch those last
o> few drop of the famous rhyme.
Too late! Saturday Night Live has already had an ad for this product.
The name was "Peni-pads".
--
Mary Shafer DoD #0362 KotFR NASA Dryden Flight Research Facility, Edwards, CA
sha...@rigel.dfrf.nasa.gov Of course I don't speak for NASA
"There's no kill like a guns kill." LCDR "Hoser" Satrapa, gunnery instructor
"A kill is a kill." Anonymous
George Dalton Madison
>(George Dalton Madison) writes:
>>I prefer Levis for the very simple reason they're the only jeans
>>that come with a BUTTON fly. I can indulge my preference for
>>going without underwear without worrying about pinching tender
>>bits or catching hairs in the damn zipper.
>
>Well, I can dig it, but I got a question - how do you avoid that
>embaressing wet spot after you pee?
What's "embarrassing" about it?
() God's laughing, of course. All HE has to do is lift His
() little finger and He's got a thousand sycophantic, prissy
() little angels dancing 'round His beck and call. *I'm*
() lumbered with Anger and Sloth.
() -- George Spiggot (a/k/a Lucifer) from _Bedazzled_.
Jack Hamilton
>
>Well, I can dig it, but I got a question - how do you avoid that
>embaressing wet spot after you pee?
I've never gotten the impression that George might embarrass easily.
--
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela Gilham
o> Well, I can dig it, but I got a question - how do you avoid that
o> embaressing wet spot after you pee?
o> I *still* think these's a fortune to be made by one of the
o> one of the "personal products" companies by butching up the
o> packaging of mini-pads and coming up with a marketing strategy
o> to sell them to men (the non-penis-challanged) to catch those last
o> few drop of the famous rhyme.
Too late! Saturday Night Live has already had an ad for this product.
The name was "Peni-pads".
Occasionally I think that American TV is just too bland for words
(Goddess I hated TV in the States when I was over there last summer),
but just every so often, a small gem such as this redeems my faith
that US TV can actually be OK.
OK. Confession time. Also a question. How many other women out there
wear certain miniature personal products with their lycra leggings
so that they don't have to put up with either a) panty lines or
b) potential embarrassment?
Ang
--
Angela Gilham. Dept of Computer Science | "You walked out of my front door,
University of Wales, Penglais, | I wasn't then, but now I'm sure;
Aberystwyth. SY23 3BZ. UK | I need to be at least 2,000 miles
a...@aber.ac.uk +44 970 622433 | away from you!" --- Erasure
George Dalton Madison
>I've never gotten the impression that George might embarrass easily.
Well, it can be done.... but one has to know where to look.
I will note that those I call "friends" do so only on
extraordinary occasions; this is not something one does lightly
to this particular Bear.
() If you cannot comfortably deal with someone of the same
() sex making a pass at you, get out.
() -- "Queers Read This"
George Dalton Madison
Hiroshima in this context..... ;-)
I just bought their new album today, which is intriguingly
titled "PROVIDENCE". The last track is a song called
_One Of Us_, and listening to it, I was strongly reminded
not so much of Rob, but of the outpouring of memories and
love... so, here it is:
ONE OF US
by Hiroshima
Some people say they know
Just how far love should go
They say when it's too much
There's a time to turn away
But 'til the end you've got us all
You're one of us and you are loved.
I could not love you more
If you were my very own
In this new world we'll make
You are where you'll always belong
And for your life and for your trust
We welcome you as one of us.
Darling, you will always be part of the family
You're one of us, you're one of us
Nothing can undo the ties that bind us
You're one of us.
So let the cold winds blow
You're anchored stronger than any storm
We're one for all and all for one of us
And you're one of us.
The way we love you now
Won't change life's ups and downs
But when others let you down
We will never let you go
And even when you're on your own
As one of us, you're not alone.
Darling, you will always be part of the family
You're one of us, you're one of us
Nothing can undo the ties that bind us
You're one of us.
So let the cold winds blow
You're anchored stronger than any storm
We're one for all and all for one of us
And you're one of us.
Mara Chibnik
> * OUCH! *
Turn it over, Mike. The sticky side goes _away_ from you.
--
Mara Chibnik
ma...@panix.com Life is too important to be taken seriously.
Howard Solomon - SunExpress Support Engineer
> h...@the-temple.East.Sun.COM (Howard Solomon - SunExpress Support Engineer) writes:
>
> >In article 714141992@jfred, wo...@siemens.com. (Jim Wood) writes:
> >> He was named for his father, Jack Robert Bernardo.
>
> >Are you sure? That goes against Jewish tradition. Jews name in honor of those
> >who have passed on. I trust someone soon will be named after Rob...
>
> Yes, I am sure (saw it on the gravestone). His father's name was Jack Robert
> Bernardo. The family was Sefardic, so perhaps their traditions are a little
> different. I don't know.
>
> By the way, I didn't mean to imply that Rob's name was the exactly same as
> his father's. It was simply "Robert Bernardo."
>
To everyone who has "corrected" me on this both on the net and in email, thank
you. Does anyone else find this irony wonderfully beautiful? As I said in my
first post about Rob recently, we "met" over my making a "jewish-related" error.
I think (and I am sure Rob does too!) that it is the sweetest of ironies that
our relationship began and "ended" on similar notes...
Please note that ended is in quotes for a reason. Important relationships never
end, but I coudln't think of just the right word...
Howard
---
========================================================================
Howard I. Solomon |ELECTION '92
Software Support Engineer, SunExpress |Hold your nose and vote for Bill!
h...@east.sun.com |
=========================================================================
Ailsa N.T. Murphy
does this mean that men don't use toilet paper? wow...
-ailsa
david carlton
> does this mean that men don't use toilet paper? wow...
We don't when we're just pissing, at any rate. I suppose it would be
possible at home; public urinals don't have toilet paper available at
all.
david carlton
car...@husc.harvard.edu
Hey, I could be wrong.
- Arthur Hu
Nelson Minar
>> does this mean that men don't use toilet paper? wow...
>We don't when we're just pissing, at any rate.
that's not completely true. My father taught me to use toilet paper
after I had pissed, but I never picked up the habit.
The thing I do to deal with the "drippies" is to sort of put a kind of
milking pressure on the perineum (aka "the taint", aka the bit between
asshole and balls) forward. This tends to flush the rest of the urine
right out of the ol' urethra. Makes me look like a pervert at the
stall, though.. :-)
>I suppose it would be possible at home; public urinals don't have
>toilet paper available at all.
this is a shame.
--
__
nel...@reed.edu \/ Fortune presents gifts not according to the book
George Dalton Madison
>re peni-pads:
>does this mean that men don't use toilet paper? wow...
They don't *HAVE* TP dispensers at urinals.
() What sane person could live in this world and not be
() crazy?
() -- Ursula LeGuin
Roger Phillips
nel...@reed.edu (Nelson Minar) writes:
> The thing I do to deal with the "drippies" is to sort of put a kind of
> milking pressure on the perineum (aka "the taint",
"Taint"? 'Taint never bin called that round here.
I've always called it the "septathorpe". :-)
> aka the bit between
> asshole and balls) forward. This tends to flush the rest of the urine
> right out of the ol' urethra. Makes me look like a pervert at the
> stall, though.. :-)
I've heard that this milking is what foreskinned people do,
while standard procedure for the unhooded is a few shakes
(more than three means you're wanking).
Then there's always the fingernail fillip,
like knocking the ash off a cigarette,
for those who can stand it.
As for people with metallic add-ons,
they were probably sitting down when they peed,
so they'll have bogroll on hand.
--
Roger Phillips ro...@quantime.co.uk
"*crib-biting* in horses, a vicious habit of biting the manger, etc.,
and swallowing air" -- Chambers English Dictionary (1988)
Robert Coren
> stall, though.. :-)
Truth in advertising, eh? :-)
Tom Barrett
>does this mean that men don't use toilet paper? wow...
I tend to use it at home (and others homes), but when you're
out and about it's the old jiggle and milk it out :)
--
Tom Barrett (TDBear) tdb...@tandon.com voice: 805-378-6207
Tandon Corporation 609 Science Drive Moorpark, CA 93021
Sr. HW Design Engineer "War is Peace, No is Yes, And We're All Free!"
-=>NOTE: The feed to tdb...@tandon.com may be interrupted in Sept.<=-
Terry Bartlett
many of us knew that he'd been ill for a few weeks.
Rob has been a significant contributor to motss over the years, and
it saddens me a great deal that we'll no longer have him here with us.
I shall miss him.
Details on services will be forthcoming, but I already know that the
family plan to have services for him in New York. His friends in
California are also planning services there.
Terry Bartlett bart...@rmtc.Central.Sun.COM
Sun Microsystems "You've got to stand for something,
Rocky Mountain Technology Center or you'll fall for anything..."
Colorado Springs, CO 80918
ryerson.schwark
Rise up on the wings of eagles, and two step among the stars. You are
not forgotten. Your smile will echo forever.
Jojo (as told to FJ!!)
has no access until Sunday.
He expressed relief that Rob's ordeal was over, and he'd just like to
extend his condolances, and thank everyone that stayed with Rob during
his last days.
FJ!! (As he thought about what
to say...it was during this
call that I realized how much
"Silence == Death")
Howard Solomon - SunExpress Support Engineer
I'm not sure when we first met (I'm lousy at remembering that type of thing)
but it was the 1988 con at latest. (Well, I just looked it up. He had me over
for dinner in April of 1987)
A little stream of consciousness:
I was just rereading old email we exchanged. One directory had 10 emails from
Rob with my responses. While reading through, I went to read Rob11. It wasn't there.
Neither is Rob and I think it finally hit me...
Rob was a wonderful person. We kept in infrequent contact that was always fun.
Although I could never call us close, he has been a good friend.
The most interesting memory of my interaction with Rob, though, was an
embarrassing one for me. There was some religious or ethnic thread going on
motss. Rob said something that I took (at the time) as anti-Jewish although
the details are long gone. I was mortified when I found out that he was
indeed Jewish himself (changed last name) and had meant nothing of the sort!
I could ramble forever, but I'll leave that to those who know him better, I think it
would be nice, though, to close with Rob in Rob's own words. The following
is from the first email of his that I have (my phone bill had gotten
dangerously high so we tried email). I asked him to tell me a little about
himself. Although I don't think he would have minded my printing the whole
thing, I have removed one or two things that might be sensitive. In Rob's words,
here is Rob Bernardo in 22 easy steps:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
You asked to tell me about myself ...
How does a nice upper middle class genteel ex-sissy suburban Jewish
gay boy who went to an Ivy League college wind up a gentleman farmer?
In twenty-two easy steps:
1. He applies to Berkeley to attend graduate school.
2. He accepts Berkeley because it has a good linguistics department
and because, being near San Francisco, is a good place for a young gay
man to be (1974).
3. Towards the end of his graduate program, he realizes:
a. he won't get a job with a PhD in linguistics
b. he hasn't seen much of California the six years he's been here
c. he is finally beginning to fit into the gay milieu in San
Francisco.
d. he has some computer experience that could possible get him
an entry level job.
4. He abandons a futile dissertation, gets a computer job with the phone
company, and moves across the bay to San Fran, to "become a clone" he jokes
(1980).
5. Being 15 minutes walk from the center of the Castro district, he goes
out mainly to the Castro to meet other gay men.
6. He joins a gym that plays disco music. His hair gets shorter. His muscles
get bigger. Rob finally becomes handsome.
7. He even begins to like disco music a bit, but begins to get bored with
the bars in the Castro after six months.
8. The Urban Cowboy craze sweeps the country. It becomes fashionable to
wear a cowboy hat and duster, even in Manhattan.
9. A gay c/w dance bar opens in San Francisco.
10. Rob goes to the c/w bar. Not only are the guys dressed in boots, jeans,
and hats (and therefore look real sexy to Rob), but there is a large portion
of them who are "down home" type folks. Real friendly, who introduce you
to all their friends the minute you enter the bar (1981).
11. He learns to like the melodiousness, the simpleness, the directness,
the *down to earth* qualities of country music. He learns to dance the Texas
two step, the Cotten Eyed Joe, and the waltz. He loves to dance with another
"cowboy" in his arms.
12. A gay outting organization has a poster in the bar for a Wagon Train
trip in the desert near Reno over Memorial Day weekend. One can ride a
horse or wagon or even walk. He decides that if he doesn't like horses
(he doesn't know yet - never been on one of 'em critters), he can always
ride in the wagon.
13. He takes to horses like a fish to water.
14. A group of gay guys start a rodeo group in the SF area. They have two
big barn dances/parties at a ranch 40 minutes from SF. Rob goes and wants
to fit in. He meets a guy who lives [...] up near Sacramento,
and they hit it off.
15. The relationship lasts a few months [...]! But in those months Rob gets a view
of what it is like for gay men to be settled down together, and of what
country living is like. Rob decides, "This is how I'd like to live."
16. The next two summers Rob learns to ride a horse and often rents one
for trail riding out on the edge of the suburbs from a gay friend who
runs a horse stable (1982,3).
17. Rob decides he wants to try owning a horse. He meets a guy at the
Reno Gay Rodeo that summer who needs to sell his horses for the money.
Rob buys one (1984).
18. The Reno Rodeo no longer exists, but in its place a whole rodeo
circuit develops (1984-current). Rob would like to be part of the
action, not just an envious spectator and convinces his old friend
Mark to do the simpler team events with him. They travel to Houston,
they travel to Denver, they even travel to Los Angeles?!
19. Rob's company moves from downtown SF to the suburbs (actually newly
the suburbs, recently a cow pasture), but the company offers Rob
closing and moving costs if he wants to move closer instead of commute
(1985).
20. Rob decides maybe he'll move to reduce his commute and to be closer
to where the horse is stabled. He looks and looks for a suitable house.
Four deals fall through.
21. Rob is discouraged, but then stumbles on a house with a horse
set-up right on the property. It's expensive, but he won't have to pay
the stables anymore to board his horse. And besides it's so close to
his *ideal* lifestyle. The house is even in decent shape, has a barn
and small pasture, and the state trail goes right behind the pasture
and leads to an open space of hundreds of acres, a half a mile away,
where Rob can go riding. The interest rates plummet and with some
belt tightening, Rob decides to go for it.
22. Rob gets the house. He buys a pickup truck. He moves. Rob is happy.
(1986).
See, I told you in twenty-two easy steps.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
There, everyone, is Rob Bernardo. Rest in peace. You will always be
remembered fondly.
Howard
---
========================================================================
Howard I. Solomon
Software Support Engineer, SunExpress
h...@east.sun.com
========================================================================
George Dalton Madison
First, I am told that my mother's macular degeneration has
progressed to the point that, while she still has some sight, she
is now legally blind.
Second, I return to work after a harrowing trip back from a
weekend excursion to find out that our Art Director's lover has
just died.
Then I read the net and find out that Rob Bernardo -- who I never
managed to meet in person -- has died.
I think I'm going to go put on Hiroshima's _Thousand Cranes_
and just cry for an hour or so.
adolphson
about me. And by me I mean real.life.arne, not my evil twin
soc.motss.arne. I've resisted writing a tribute, or memorial,
or remembrance until now because we never met each other in
person, and because we did nothing but argue with each other
on the net and in email. Anything I might choose to write about
him, I thought, would be self-serving, opportunistic. But I've
been so depressed that I feel it necessary to write *something*.
I know Rob would have hated this, but then I think he hated
everything I ever wrote on soc.motss.
If Rob wasn't the very first -- and I think he was -- he was
one of the first soc.motss regulars I recognized as an
individual when I first started reading motss slightly over
a year ago. I would be lying if I said that I read
everything or even most of what he wrote, but that really
doesn't matter. Rob quickly became part of my family. And
I mean that literally.
Nothing I can think to say seems right, and I don't know where
to go from here. Rob *was* soc.motss and I miss having him
here more than I can say.
Arne
Gerry Swetsky
>I'm sorry to report that Rob passed away about an hour ago. I think
>many of us knew that he'd been ill for a few weeks.
I didn't. Please accept sympathy from all of us here at vpnet
who read and enjoyed his posts over the years. I feel terrible.
--
============================================================================
| Gerry Swetsky |
| |
| lis...@vpnet.chi.il.us |
============================================================================
Penn Collins
I too, just had to say how startled I was about Bob's death (I don't even
know if I knew him enough to use his first name).
When I, finally, got access to Usenett (urso talked about it constantly)-
Bob's name was one that I began to recognize and 'follow' the messages of (this
place can be overwhelming). I never met Bob- or have I met many of the motss'ers/
But as I sat there (when I found out Friday night (the irony being I had
just walked in the door from working at a nearby AIDS Hospice, and was discussing
how cool the 'veteran' volunteer was on loosing people)
well, I sat there crying over someone I had never met, and listening to
good peoples comments on loosing what must have been one heckuva wonderful
fellow, I am really struck by how many friends this man has. He was a very
lucky man.
Bob, I am honestly sad to have never met you, or gotten to know you- but
it sounds like you will Never be forgotten. thanks everyone for all the wonderful
memories you are sharing with us.
growf.
Robert Coren
soc.motss, and may have exchanged some inconsequential mail. But I
recognized a sort of kindred spirit -- a Jewish inteelectual of about
my age, from the New York area, with a keen interest in language and
languages. I always read everything he wrote here: I knew it would be
educational, or affirming, or entertaining, or very likely all three.
I got to meet him once; I visited him at his house in Concord about 2
months ago. (This would probably have been one of Rob's Famous
Barbecues, except the only other person he could summon at short
notice was Chuck.) He wasn't exactly what I expected, in ways I can't
quite put my finger on; gentler, maybe -- more of the nice Jewish boy
from Long Island than the cowboy. I don't remember much about the
conversation, except that it was pleasant and interesting. I am more
grateful than I can express that this meeting came about.
I wish I had known him better. He will be missed. But he is also still
here, in the memories of those who knew him, in "quotes" files all
over the world, in this strange family of soc.motss.
Steve Dyer
>I too, just had to say how startled I was about Bob's death (I don't even
>know if I knew him enough to use his first name).
Hmmm, I have barely managed to read "Robert Bernardo" without flinching.
Penn, there are many "Bob"s in this world, but Rob wasn't one of them.
I wish he were here to start a chorus of joyous indignation at the
mangling of his name! That would be one sweet flame we'd all welcome.
--
Steve Dyer
dy...@ursa-major.spdcc.com aka {ima,harvard,rayssd,linus,m2c}!spdcc!dyer
Tim Pierce
in my must-read list, nor was he someone whose postings I found
distasteful; he was, altogether, among the few motssers who I thought
to embody soc.motss. While often I found his posts to be over my
head, there were a few that clicked for me with such precision that
they resonate with me still. Whenever I mentioned that to him, he
seemed tickled pink. Rest in peace, Rob, even if you _were_ born in
Long Island.
--
____ Tim Pierce / "Bisexual just means you pay for it."
\ / twpi...@amherst.edu /
\/ (BITnet: TWPIERCE@AMHERST) / -- Rock Hudson
Mara Chibnik
Remembering Rob-- through everything that's been said here, and in
email, and in the phone conversations I've had since I got back to
New York-- remembering Rob is wonderful. It's when I realize _why_
I'm doing all this remembering that it aches.
Rob was already a fixture in soc.motss by the time I got here, or at
least it seemed so. (Of course, at that point _everyone_ else
looked like a fixture to me. That's the cabal effect.) I had
occasional exchanges with him, always pleasant but not always
agreeing, but we didn't really get to know each other well until I
proposed to him.
Proposed? you ask. Well, you see, it was the time of the conceptual
family, and there was a brief vogue of folks' claiming to wish that
they were otherwise sexed, gendered or orientated [sic] so that they
could marry each other. Meanwhile, in another thread (dare I say,
"back at the ranch"?) Rob's kitchen was being drooled over by an
impressive number of people. Rob responded that he was surprised to
find his kitchen an object of such admiration, and added that all he
needed was a husband to cook for.
So, in email (I'm nothing if not discreet, at least sometimes), I
wondered whether he'd consider a (married) woman for the job, adding
possessively that Marty wasn't up for grabs. I expected polite regrets,
but his answer (in toto) was, "What about gropes or pats?" That was
our betrothal.
I never did get to that kitchen, just as Rob never got back to NY.
But I did meet Rob, in San Francisco last October. He put together
the motss dinner for us there (and it was so dark in the restaurant
that I didn't get a really good look at the color of those eyes).
We had just arrived that day, so our talk was mostly about touristy
things. By that time we had a regular and not wholly unsubstantial
correspondence going. I felt, as I often do, that meeting face to
face was important, but that our real conversations would be mediated
by keyboards. I wasn't really right about that.
The following month I got a note from Rob saying that he planned to
visit his family on Long Island and asking whether I'd be willing to
organize a supper gathering for him here. (That, in fact, is how
the NY dinners got started, folks, so there's something else for which
we have Rob to thank.) Rob cancelled that trip because of Mark's
death. Somehow, at that point, we began to supplement email with an
occasional phone call. It added an emotional dimension to our
exchanges that I can't quite describe. It doesn't happen with
everyone, and when it does it usually means that email becomes a
very secondary and unsatisfying channel of communication, but this
was not so, for me, with Rob.
Too soon after that Rob called to ask a favor. The news from
the lab wasn't good, and he thought it was time to tell his family
that he was HIV+. He asked my help in looking up support groups
so that he could refer his mother to one when he spoke to her. I
made a couple of phone calls, was treated by all of the people to
whom I spoke with remarkable warmth and considerateness, and was
happy to report back to Rob that there was a group not far from his
mother. He called me back after he'd spoken to them himself, sounding
greatly pleased.
We managed to cram a long-term friendship into just over a year of
close acquaintance. I was away for almost the exact time of Rob's
hospitalization. I returned to seventeen messages on my answering
machine, mostly about unrelated matters, but including calls from
several motssers trying to reach me about Rob, some wanting me not to
find out, first, by reading it in the news. Thank you, all.
As it happened, Jim Wood's call came in just after we walked in the
door. I'm still awash in grief and overwhelmed by the suddenness of
it all. But I'm also struck, not for the first time, by the magic
of this family of ours, at the deep emotional ties we have forged
with our impersonal computers, and at the commitment and generosity
people here have towards each other. Rob was part of that, and will
always be part of it for me.
Mara, still teary
--
Mara Chibnik
Terry Bartlett
fact that Rob had died. I've lost a number of friends to HIV-related
causes, but Rob's passing has affected me more profoundly than any of
the others.
I think I knew Rob better than most people. We were SO's for about
two years, and we lived together for better than half that time. Like
Jim Graham, I too expected to see him in late July when I was visiting
San Francisco for their Gay Rodeo. He was conspicuously absent, and
when I returned to Colorado the next day I got a call from my friend
Chuck Fisher saying that Rob had gotten sick the previous Thursday.
At the time I didn't think too much of this, as I assumed that Rob
would recover. It was the first time he'd been ill, and most of my
previous experiences with people and HIV led me to believe that people
often recovered from their initial illnesses. Chuck's ensuing reports
made me doubt that more and more, and so I made plans to go back and
visit Rob. Unfortunately, Rob passed the day before I arrived.
This past Saturday I went to Rob's house. It was an amazingly painful
thing for me--so much of the place has Rob written all over it. I kept
expecting to see him walk up from the corral or out of the garden, but
I knew that wouldn't happen. I walked down to the barn to visit with
Oriana, who appeared more than just a little lonely. For her sake I
walked her out into the corral and lunged her a bit, as I'm sure she
needed the exercise. And I thought back to all of the times that Rob
and I performed those exercises together. I lost my urge to take
Oriana for a ride in the hills behind the house--my visit was becoming
much too painful. Oriana was one of the true loves and joys of Rob's
life, and it just wasn't the same without him there.
After returning Oriana to the barn one of our former neighbors recognized
me and came over to talk. LB is an older gentleman, perhaps in his late
60's or early 70's. He was always nice to me when I lived there, and he
expressed his great sadness that Rob had been taken at such an early age.
We talked for about half an hour, but just before he went back to his
chores he told me that *he* was angry, and that it was about time someone
did something about AIDS. I don't think he ever expected to have his
life touched by this disease, but like the rest of us whose lives have
been and still are affected by this, he was angry. Can there really be
any other response?
The next morning I went to visit Chuck, who told me all the details of
Rob's care and his rapid decline. I hope I never have to hear another
story like that; it was by far the most heartbreaking thing I had ever
heard. Hearing the story over the phone and through e-mail didn't
prepare me to hear it firsthand. Having been in the same position Chuck
was in for another friend didn't prepare me either. It was impossible
for me to have my usual emotional detachment where he was concerned.
My relationship with Rob has broadened me in so many ways. He introduced
me to a number of his personal passions, some of which I've incorporated
into my own life since we went our separate ways. I don't think Rob ever
understood the degree and depth of my feelings for him. We talked about
this a few times as I was planning to leave California. I think he realized
then that I still loved him, and that it would be very difficult for me
to get over that. It still is, and he will always have a special place in
my heart.
I want to thank everyone who has posted a rememberance of Rob here. Each
of them has gone a little way towards easing the grief I feel at his
passing. I especially want to thank Jess Anderson, Chuck Fisher, Steve Dyer,
and Jim Graham, as they all went, I feel, above and beyond the call of duty.
I especially appreciated their personal letters of support.
If you know someone who is affected by HIV, please, don't wait to tell them
how much you love and care for them. There is nothing worse than being a
day late, as I was.
Finally, I will be dedicating one of the trophy buckles at the upcoming
New Mexico gay rodeo to Rob. Jim was right--in my mind, the sport of gay
rodeo and Rob are synonymous. He's the one who introduced me
to the sport, and I'd like to see the sport recognize him, if only for
one day and in the record books. And in response to the person who asked
if we'd ever hear from Oriana again on the net--yes, you probably will.
Goodbye, Rob. I still miss you, and I'll always love you.
Chris Black
each other at the Rawhide or Thunder Bay every month or so, we would
talk a little and dance a dance, me leading. He wasn't the best c&w
dancer I've known, but he loved country dancing and country music and
the cowboy life. That's a lot, really -- to have something you love,
and live it as far as you can. More than a lot of us do in this life.
He could be harsh about urban cowboy wannabes -- not that he was the
Marlboro Man himself. And I was as wannabe as you can get -- but I
could dance, and I was his friend, so it was ok. That was one thing
about Rob -- he could be real harsh on the net, but if you were his
friend, you were his friend, and that was that.
I went out two-stepping the evening of the day Rob died. I knew he'd
been ill, but didn't know yet that he had died. I kept sort of looking
for him, then rembering that he wouldn't be there because he was sick.
I have a feeling I'm going to be looking for him, and then remembering,
for a long time to come.
I'm listening to KSAN as I type this -- seems appropriate. And now, in
Rob's memory, a medly of country-western songs, great dance tunes all:
Dwight Yoakum's in the corner
trying to catch my eye
Lyle Lovett's right beside
me with his hand upon my thigh.
...
Hey Dwight, Hey Lyle,
Boys, you don't have to fight.
Hot dog! I feel lucky tonight.
--
Don't call him a cowboy
until you've seen him ride.
--
My heros have always been cowboys.
--
I want to be a cowboy's sweetheart
I want to learn how to rope and to ride.
From Billings down to Laramie
the cowboys take good care of me.
--
And who's this cowboy
who's sleeping beside me?
He's real cute but
how'd I get his shirt on?
I had too much tequila last night.
--
When I die I may not go to heaven.
I don't know if they let cowboys in.
If they don't, just let me go to Texas,
'cause Texas is as close as I've been.
Rest in peace, Rob.
I still don't really believe he's gone.
-- Chris
bl...@sybase.com
Tovah Hollander
called rob.by.jess and rob.by.jim and rob.by.mara. Et cetera. I
guess it helps.
Rob and I weren't exactly friends, but we were a bit more than
net.acquaintances. We exchanged Rosh Hashanah and Passover e-cards,
and the occasional e-mail. He was the first motsseur I met in person
(well, okay, this was 30 seconds before I met everyone else, but that
cowboy hat made him easy to identify while walking to the rainbow-
festooned picnic area in Golden Gate Park). One of my favorite
memories of that first motss.con was standing on the sidelines, watching
Rob and Jess standing on the sidelines, making random observations and
cracking each other up.
Much to my great joy, a cancelled, re-scheduled, re-re-scheuled, and
re-arranged camping trip to Northern California last summer found me
driving home through Concord just as one of those famous barbecues was
happening. At the time, I thought it was terrific to see Rob _in situ_,
and a lovely site it was, too. Now, it's an especially precious memory.
I'm afraid this was more about me than about Rob. I wish I could've
known him better. I wish I still could.
Alav ha'shalom.
-- Tovah Hollander
to...@panix.com -OR- to...@onion.salad.mssm.edu
John Dorrance
not fair. He was a nice guy, and I really liked him a lot from afar.
I want to have a good anecdote or 'remember when...' to talk about
to show how much I liked him, but it's kind of upsetting for me to
say that I can't. He's one of the people that are in the soc.motss
conglomerate; people that I know and love, though I can't give
specific reasons why. I guess there are a lot of people like that
around here; people whose contributions and friendships I value
greatly, but who I don't talk with much.
The Con brought a lot of things home for me; it showed me exactly
how much I cared for everyone and how much I really valued motss
as a home. And now someone whose name I always directly associate
with my home is gone. I don't want it to happen again, and I'd take
this opportunity to tell you all that I love you and... and that I
really, really love you, but to do so would be anticipating that
this is going to happen again, and that's something I'm just not
willing to do.
John, upset and not knowing how to deal with this, and hoping every-
one will still be around when he gets back. Please stay, everyone...
--
John Dorrance ** Disco Diva y Flamenco Chico ** tha...@odin.unomaha.edu
I always thought of you as my brick wall
Built like an angel, six feet tall.
Powell Way
I have been reading soc.motss for some time now from my
scbear machine enjoying all of the contributors. But due to lack of
storage I do not have a newsreader so cannot post, but can send
and receive mail. I always enjoyed what Rob said. And one of my
best friends here introduced me to John Higdon and we correspond
by way of e-mail and occasionally telephone. John had told me
that Rob's Mt.Diablo machine is connected through him. I have so
enjoyed reading the posts from Concord, about the farm. I had always
meant to write him and tell him so. Jess, Chuck, Steve and all the
others said it so much better than I can. I am so very sad. I miss
him too.
Powell
Jim Wood
>In article <g95LPB...@penn.Gwinnett.COM> bfb...@penn.Gwinnett.COM (Penn Collins) writes:
>>I too, just had to say how startled I was about Bob's death (I don't even
>>know if I knew him enough to use his first name).
>Hmmm, I have barely managed to read "Robert Bernardo" without flinching.
>Penn, there are many "Bob"s in this world, but Rob wasn't one of them.
>I wish he were here to start a chorus of joyous indignation at the
>mangling of his name! That would be one sweet flame we'd all welcome.
Rob was most particular about his name. He disliked "Bob." He felt
that "Robert" was somewhat officious and pretentious. It was interesting
to me when talking to his sister that she referred to him as "Robert,"
and I wondered if he was "Rob" to his friends and "Robert" to his family.
He was named for his father, Jack Robert Bernardo.
--
Jim Wood [jw...@siemens.siemens.com] (609) 734-3643
"Rise up on the wings of eagles, and two step among the stars.
You are not forgotten. Your smile will echo forever."
-- Ryerson Schwark, to my friend Rob Bernardo.
Howard Solomon - SunExpress Support Engineer
> dy...@spdcc.com (Steve Dyer) writes:
>
[...]
> He was named for his father, Jack Robert Bernardo.
>
> --
> Jim Wood [jw...@siemens.siemens.com] (609) 734-3643
> "Rise up on the wings of eagles, and two step among the stars.
> You are not forgotten. Your smile will echo forever."
> -- Ryerson Schwark, to my friend Rob Bernardo.
Are you sure? That goes against Jewish tradition. Jews name in honor of those
who have passed on. I trust someone soon will be named after Rob...
Howard
---
========================================================================
Howard I. Solomon |ELECTION '92
Software Support Engineer, SunExpress |Hold your nose and vote for Bill!
h...@east.sun.com |
=========================================================================
George Dalton Madison
fact that other people have been posting lyrics or poetry that
they find valuable either as remembrances or as healing, I'm
going to expand a bit on the reference I made to the song
_Thousand Cranes_ by Hiroshima.
It's almost as much the liner notes explaining the song as the
song itself:
When we first visited Japan in 1981, we visited the
Peace Memorial in the city of Hiroshima. There, amidst
reminders of the horrors of nuclear warfare, was a tree
of sorts, fashioned from literally a thousand
multi-colored folded paper (origami) cranes. These
cranes are a memorial to a little girl named Sadako who
was hospitalized at age 11 with leukemia from the
radiation of the atom bomb dropped on the city of
Hiroshima. Her friend told her that if she made a
thousand cranes, her wish would come true and she would
live. She had made 644 cranes when she died.
As this story spread throughout Japan, children sent
origami cranes. Today, children of the world send their
cranes to the city of Hiroshima to maintain the
thousand cranes in memory of the little girl and the
dream of peace.
The lyrics are very simple, repeated several times:
Show her now that we do care
With a love that we all share
Send her a thousand cranes
Send her your thousand cranes
Show her now that we do care
With a hope that we all share
Send her a thousand cranes
Send her your thousand cranes
I'm not even going to try to describe the beauty of the
accompanying music.
I don't know if anyone else will react in the same way to this,
but it's one of the first things to come to my mind whenever I
have to face such painful events. Maybe it's the spark of hope
represented by the thousand cranes; in any event, I think that
perhaps it's time I located a book on origami and started
folding.
Bria Lewis
> In <2-!nahj...@netcom.com> j...@netcom.com (Jack Hamilton) writes:
> >I remember a discussion we had once, in a gas station, about blue
> >jeans.
> My only pair of blue jeans; there's a mixture of loving remembrance and
> pain to wear. The last time I was in California, Rob had extended his
> extraordinary hospitality, and had offered to take myself and another
> motsser visiting -- it was Interop '90, in the fall -- from the UK out to
> supper, then to a bar.
> "You'll have to wear jeans," he said. I didn't own a pair of jeans.
> "Umm- OK, I can buy a pair after the show today. What kind?"
> "Levi 501s." No problem. I went to the giant jean store on Church
> St and bought a pair that felt wonderful and (I thought) looked *great.*
> I met Rob later at the restaurant.
> "What do you think of the jeans? Perfect, eh?"
> "Nope. Wrong colour."
> I had bought the light blue, soft prewashed jeans to go to the C&W bar.
> I think of Rob every time I put 'em on.
> --
> Daniel MacKay dan...@nstn.ns.ca
> Homo habilis