Now what do I do?
elf%halc...@seattleu.edu
I need to talk to you. Any one of you. All of you, I guess.
Until yesterday, I was a straight-as-an-arrow, calm, married kind of
guy. Not a shut-in. Not a geek. I have a successful job, an ordinary
job. My wife has an ordinary job. We've tried a few experiments,
cutesy little things.
Wait, wait, before the flames come for the word 'geek.' I know
what the word means. I know I was one. I know that eventually, almost
all of us grow out of it. I know that now (I'm 24) I'm actually
good-looking. Maybe it's just the ring, but as the years come more and
more women are attracted to me. My only oddity is that I have very long
hair, a distinction that has not hurt my career. My wife likes it that
way
Sounds great, huh? Except why am I posting on soc.motss? I'm not
even sure if this is the right board to post on. But I've got to try
somewhere.
You see, yesterday my wife and I rented an all-male videotape. Her
suggestion; she wanted to "see what it was like." Great. I was not at
all enthused. It was called "A Night At Hallsteads," I think. At first
it was okay, typical smut, just no women. I could handle it. In fact,
I found it interesting.
Until this one scene. Most of the film had been oral up to this
point, boring. This was the first fuck scene.
What ended up happening is I told my wife I wasn't interested, and
she said she wasn't either, so we turned it off, and went to sleep. I
couldn't sleep, so I got up. Since I do that often, Deb didn't question
it; she just went back to sleep. But, I went back out to the living
room, put the tape back in, and watched that scene. Again and again.
Watching it, I know what I want. The scene showed one guy bent over a
bench while the other guy just pummled him. I fantasized about being
the guy on the bottom. I know now that I'm gay, or at least bi. I
guess bi is the right word... I still love Deb and find her appealing.
But my mind is filled with fantasies, gay... almost rape fantasies. I
must have masturbated four times that night.
The trouble is, now as I think about it, I worry about my
fantasies. If I were to act them out the way I want to, I put myself in
the most dangerous category, and in these times that's not a good place
to be. I want to be a receptive partner... Tie me down to a table an
use me all night long, I guess. That sort of thing's been running
through my head all day.
Only I've put off thinking about it, because I know what kind of
trouble I'll be in.
So what do I do now?
Jess Anderson
In article <a106q...@halcyon.wa.com>
elf%halcyo...@seattleu.edu (somebody) writes:
[about seeing his first fuck scene in an all-male porn
video]
>I fantasized about being the guy on the bottom. I know now
>that I'm gay, or at least bi. I guess bi is the right
>word... I still love Deb and find her appealing. But my mind
>is filled with fantasies, gay... almost rape fantasies.
It sounds like you've uncovered something in yourself you
didn't know was there. It may take a while to get things
sorted out, but don't forget that it's your life and you're
entitled to run it as seems best to you. I'd worry less
about the labels and more about the qualitative content and
your own emotional comfort.
Despite the fantasies you're having, I would be wary of
letting yourself get confused about what rape is. Rape is a
thoroughly detestable violent crime, irrespective of the sex
of the participants. It's impossible to be inside your mind
wrt the fantasy (or the fact) of being the bottom and/or
being restrained and/or acting out helplessness, but rape it
probably isn't.
>The trouble is, now as I think about it, I worry about my
>fantasies. If I were to act them out the way I want to, I
>put myself in the most dangerous category, and in these
>times that's not a good place to be. I want to be a
>receptive partner... Tie me down to a table an use me all
>night long, I guess. That sort of thing's been running
>through my head all day.
Well, you're sure right that being the receptive partner is
risky in our times. There are a number of ways to work with
that, but for heaven sakes, don't get foolish.
>Only I've put off thinking about it, because I know what
>kind of trouble I'll be in. So what do I do now?
Not thinking about it probably won't do much for you. But
don't forget to take your own sweet time deciding what you
want to do about it.
I hope you have a sense of humor; you may need it. For
example, if you were here instead of Seattle, perhaps I
could render some more, ah, detailed support. :-)
--
Jess Anderson Madison Academic Computing Center University of Wisconsin
Work: Rm. 3130, 1210 West Dayton St., Madison WI 53706, Ph. 608/262-5888
Home: 2838 Stevens St., 53705, 608/238-4833 Bitnet: anderson@wiscmacc
Internet: ande...@macc.wisc.edu UUCP:{}!uwvax!macc.wisc.edu!anderson
John Passaniti
> From: elf%halcyo...@seattleu.edu
> You see, yesterday my wife and I rented an all-
> male videotape. Her suggestion; she wanted to "see
> what it was like." Great. I was not at all enthused.
> It was called "A Night At Hallsteads," I think. At
> first it was okay, typical smut, just no women. I could
> handle it. In fact, I found it interesting.
A (straight) friend of mine was in a similiar
situation. Seems his wife was interested in experimenting
around with having a threesome-- with another man-- and the
way she introduced the idea was to rent bisexual and gay
videotapes.
Has you wife expressed any kind of desire to experiment
around sexually? Or was renting the tape just something
silly to do for her-- an off-the-cuff whim? Did you
discuss with her why she wanted to rent the tape?
> Until this one scene. Most of the film had been
> oral up to this point, boring. This was the first fuck
> scene.
>
> What ended up happening is I told my wife I
> wasn't interested, and she said she wasn't either,
> so we turned it off, and went to sleep. I couldn't
> sleep, so I got up. Since I do that often, Deb didn't
> question it; she just went back to sleep. But, I went
> back out to the living room, put the tape back in, and
> watched that scene. Again and again. Watching it, I know
> what I want. The scene showed one guy bent over a bench
> while the other guy just pummled him. I fantasized about
> being the guy on the bottom. I know now that I'm gay, or
> at least bi. I guess bi is the right word... I still love
> Deb and find her appealing. But my mind is filled with
> fantasies, gay... almost rape fantasies. I must have
> masturbated four times that night.
Who says you are gay OR bisexual? Maybe you've just
got an interesting sexual fantasy. The label isn't
important-- what you do about it is.
While it would probably be easy to find someone to fill
your fantasies, I would stay away from that. (I would stay
away from that anyway, these days.)
First, I would find out why your wife rented the tape.
Was it to turn her on? Was it to turn you on to
experimenting with having a threesome? Was it a joke?
Whatever the reason, find out. It may make things easier
for you.
Second, why not tell her your feelings? That of course
depends on how strong your marriage is, and how much of an
open mind your wife has. Tell her when you saw the tape,
you got excited. Tell her the idea of being the "bottom"
is turns you on. I'm sure you two could play around with a
dildo. No, not quite The Real Thing, but an incredible
life-like simulation! ;^)
> The trouble is, now as I think about it, I worry
> about my fantasies. If I were to act them out the way
> I want to, I put myself in the most dangerous category,
> and in these times that's not a good place to be.
Not only for you, but for your wife.
> I want to be a receptive partner... Tie me down to a table
> an use me all night long, I guess. That sort of thing's
> been running through my head all day.
You're probably going to get some sleazy private mail
for that comment.
Incidentally, the couple that I mentioned at the top of
this message did end up trying another partner-- tried it
several times in fact. The wife decided it was better with
just her husband. The husband while having a fun time too,
said he liked it better with just his wife. A fling for a
couple months ended up making them closer (if not just a
touch more kinky).
Whatever you do, you should try to be open and honest
with your wife about your feelings.
--
*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*
John Passaniti - via FidoNet node 1:260/230
UUCP: ...!rochester!ur-valhalla!rochgte!201!John.Passaniti
INTERNET: John.Pa...@f201.n260.z1.FIDONET.ORG
*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*
David R Preston
>
> I need to talk to you. Any one of you. All of you, I guess.
>Until yesterday, I was a straight-as-an-arrow, calm, married kind of
>guy. Not a shut-in. Not a geek. I have a successful job, an ordinary
>job. My wife has an ordinary job. We've tried a few experiments,
>cutesy little things.
I haven't seen anything this bogus sounding since the last Revolting
Temporary posting. However, pretending for the moment that you are
real, you don't mention being attracted to men, just to the idea of
getting fucked. So buy a dildo harness for your wife and get her to
do the deed.
> Sounds great, huh? Except why am I posting on soc.motss?
Funny, I was wondering the same thing.
>even sure if this is the right board to post on.
I think you're looking for alt.sex.
pre...@lll-crg.llnl.gov
B4 f+ t- k+ s-/+ r P8/3 S6 b+/- g- l-/+ y- z/! n o+/++ x a+ u v-- j++
D. R. Preston 584 Castro St. #614 SF CA 94114 USA
John Hall
few other motssers) are isolated from the majority of the net and your
message may not have gotten very far. Anyone know what's up?
In article <a106q...@halcyon.wa.com> elf%halcyo...@seattleu.edu writes:
>
> I need to talk to you. Any one of you. All of you, I guess.
>Until yesterday, I was a straight-as-an-arrow, calm, married kind of
>guy.
> ... [snip...snip]
>I fantasized about being
>the guy on the bottom. I know now that I'm gay, or at least bi. I
>guess bi is the right word... I still love Deb and find her appealing.
>But my mind is filled with fantasies, gay... almost rape fantasies. I
>must have masturbated four times that night.
Well, assuming this is'nt a joke, you are now experiencing what we call
coming out. Coming out is the continual process of discovering new and
unexpected things about yourself and (eventually) sharing those things
with those close to you. You have experienced an intense response to
something which, if you are not careful, could end up hurting you and
those around you terribly. NOT TO IMPLY THAT YOU SHOULD'NT COME OUT!
You need to understand that you have found something radically (I
assume from the tone of your posting) unexpected about yourself. Those
around you may find it just as, or more difficult to accept than you can.
Since, for you, it is already fait-accompli.
I would suggest that you do not go out and precipitously try to
realize your fantasies, which is much easier than you may think. You
found the scene in the video extremely exciting. What was it that
stimulated you so much? The idea of submitting to the will of another
man? The physical sensations you imagine (I assume) feeling? The idea
of having raw sex without foreplay? The concept of having "rough" sex?
Which of these questions feels right? I see a different course of action
depending upon which of these questions feel right for you.
Here are some more questions to think about:
What do you think about the idea of kissing, or being kissed by another man?
When walking down the street, whom do you find attractive? Men, women, both?
Regarding the figure you imagine fucking you in your fantasies. What
characteristics do they have? What do you find exciting about them? Could
it be your wife? (Wierd question? YUP, but the human mind is even wierder)
Are they fucking you, or do you do something else?
Is the scene just a replay of the video?
(By the way, who suggested the all-male video?)
> The trouble is, now as I think about it, I worry about my
>fantasies. If I were to act them out the way I want to, I put myself in
>the most dangerous category, and in these times that's not a good place
>to be. I want to be a receptive partner... Tie me down to a table an
>use me all night long, I guess. That sort of thing's been running
>through my head all day.
If you do decide to go through with it. BE SAFE!!!!!!!
Understand that no matter what your partner says or looks like, he may
have something (AIDS, VD, herpes, bugs, ...) and if you are unsafe you
may only find out the worst possible way. IF YOU FUCK, USE A CONDOM! Also
be aware that condoms can break even if not treated roughly. I have only had
them break when putting them on (Maybe 2%). Is it worth your life and the
lives of those you may have fun with later?
> So what do I do now?
Here are some possibilities:
Talk to someone about it.
If you feel you can talk with your wife about this, do so. Remember, you
exchanged vows and promises with her. She should be aware of what is going
on.
A realization like this can make your relationship with her feel like
another life, but she is still here, and you MUST consider her feelings.
She is (I assume, again) unaware of your turmoil, and her feelings for
you will not change too suddenly. Her responses, on the other hand, may.
No one can predict that well.
There are Gay rap, social, and discussion groups all over Seattle. Pick
up a copy of the SGN (Seattle Gay News) you must have seen it around.
Seattle U may have a Gay/Lesbian or Sexual Minorities Resource Center/Rap
Group/Services Center/Association. I don't know. I know the U of W does:
Gay Mens and Lesbians Association of the UW, GMLA, 543-6106 (I think).
Or you could try Seattle Counselling Services. I don't know their phone.
Last I knew they were on the second story of the brick building on the
north west corner of Broadway and Pine.
If you want to explore the physical sensations, try stimulating yourself
(carefully, although the anus and rectum are pretty sturdy) with your well
lubed fingers or a reasonably (means REASONably, no monsters!) sized dildo.
Supplies can be found at The Crypt (13th and Union) or Fantasies Unlimited
(downtown on 1st and Pike). Getting used to being fucked is not as easy as
it looks in the movies. Remember, they're professionals. ;-)
You could try renting other all-male movies. It's a good way of exploring
without touching (as an avid videophile friend of mine says).
And finally: WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF ALTERNATE SEXUALITIES! :-)
WELCOME TO JOY AND NEW FRIENDS AND SELF DISCOVERY! :-)
WELCOME TO BIGOTRY AND HATE AND DISCRIMINATION
(fortunately rare) :-(
WELCOME TO THE OPEN ARMS OF YOUR GAY BROTHERS AND
SISTERS, THE FREEDOM OF SELF EMPOWERMENT, AND TO
THE CONFIRMATION AND CELEBRATION OF LIFE! :-)
HUGS, 8-)
John Hall
Hint:
My email address is jh...@amc.com check your message header for uucp path.
John "Down Ball" Hall | Disclaimer: *I* often don't know what I'm thinking. |
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