The Code System To End All Code Systems
David B. O'Donnell
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-\\ BODY CODES //-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
______________________________\\ Release (1.0) //______________________________
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JUST WHAT YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN WAITING FOR! THE FIRST TRULY
DEMONSTRATIVE, EASY-TO-MISUNDERSTAND CODE SYSTEM TO END
ALL SILLY CODE SYSTEMS!
(!C) !Copyright 1990 (2745 AUC) Atropos. No Rights Reserved.
_______________________________________________________________________________
STATEMENT OF PURPOSE:
BODY CODES 1.0 is designed to meet every aspiring lesbigay's innate desire to
classify and codify all sorts of things about themselves so that all the other
aspiring (and aspired, though doubtfully expired) lesbigays out there can croon
over them and write neat signatures which the Evil Hets can't understand and
which will force Muffins to Come Out and Ask What They Mean.
_______________________________________________________________________________
HISTORY OF BODY CODES 1.0:
BODY CODES 1.0 came about on IRC on the afternoon of 23 November 1990 (2745
AUC) when an itinerant IRCer wanted to have cheap electronic sex with everyone,
their brothers, sisters, small housepets, and hoover-matics(TM).
_______________________________________________________________________________
WHAT ARE BODY CODES 1.0 USED FOR:
BODY CODES 1.0 are used to identify all those neat things that categorize and
label every lesbigay out there. BODY CODES 1.0 are put in cryptic .sig files
and will also confuse any Evil Hets out there who shouldn't know whether you
are a SCREAM++ or a WINK~+ or a !SNIFF. Contrary to popular opinion BODY CODES
1.0 are COMPLETELY SERIOUS and anyone not taking them to be COMPLETELY SERIOUS
will be snapped at and made fun of in a most derogatory fashion.
_______________________________________________________________________________
WHAT THE BODY CODES 1.0 ARE:
Here are all the BODY CODES 1.0. Memorize this list IMMEDIATELY. Update all
your .sig and .plan files IMMEDIATELY. Toss away any other code systems as
they are clearly inferior to the PERFECTLY SERIOUS BODY CODES 1.0 and besides,
they can't be said aloud.
PART 0: THE LEVELS OF BODY CODES 1.0:
Each BODY CODE 1.0 has a number of degrees. These are listed below.
(none) -- You are "average".
+ -- You've studied this a bit (or, you do it occasionally/think it's
"OK").
++ -- You're a master (or mistress) [or both] at it (or, you do it a lot/
think it's Pretty Darn Cool).
* -- You wrote the documentation on it (or, you do it all the time/think
it is The Answer To All Your Troubles).
& -- You CORRECTED the documentation on it (or, you do it to the
exclusion of all else/think it is The Answer To Life, The Universe
And Everything).
- -- You could use more practice (or, you don't do it much/think it
isn't QUITE objectionable).
-- -- You could pass for an Evil Het (or, you practically never do it/
think it's only something Nazi Torturers would think up on a bad
day).
# -- You get queasy doing it but will if your {SO|Trick|FB|Friend} wants
(or, prefer to not think it exists outside of bad dreams or B
movies starring Gidget).
! -- You and Jesse Helms agree that it's Vile and Un-American and
everyone who practices it will Go To Hell. This only appears
BEFORE a BODY CODE 1.0, like the logical-not. Also: A Pack of
Raving Fundamentalist Tibetian Monks With Uzis Could Not Make You
Do It.
~ -- Your expertise varies but is mostly ratable by the symbol(s) which
follow. The "~" and the "!" are incompatible unless you are
(a) Republican
(b) Still In The Closet To Yourself
(c) On a Schedule I Controlled Substance.
(Also: You And Charlie Brown Wrote the Book on Being Unsure About
It.)
PART I: VISUAL CODES: These measure your social skills
WINK -- How good are you at picking up Evil Hets?
GRIN -- How good are you are picking up CYTs or Clones; also, how good are
you are making THEM think they just picked YOU up?
FROWN -- How good are you at turning away the Old, the Ugly, the Fat, and
the other Sinners?
STARE -- How good are you at making someone come at ten paces?
GLARE -- How much Attitude do you exude?
PART II: AUDITORY CODES: These measure your sexual prowess or preferences
SCREAM -- Measures the comparison between your orgasms and the explosion of a
Thermonuclear Device.
MUTTER -- Measures your interest in Different Sexual Positions or Locations.
WHISPER -- Measurement of your Romantic Leanings.
WEEP -- Measures your Sado-Masochism or Bondage-and-Domination interest.
SNIFF -- Measures your interest in oils, food coloring and Artifical
Preservatives (lube).
YAWN -- Measures your Frequency interest. (How Often Would You Do It If You
Could).
PART III: PHYSICAL CODES: These measure your taste and degree of culture
SNAP -- Measures your Ability To Dress Well In The Midst Of World War III.
(this may have more relevance than we thought)
NUDGE -- Measures your interest in Smoking or Other Illicit Substances.
(ooh--morality/judgment call on Author!)
SWISH -- Measures your interest in Dancing (Making A Fool Of Yourself In
Front Of Hundreds Of Total Strangers).
SCRATCH -- Measures your Willingness To Bash {Back|Others|Bad Caterers}.
CRINGE -- Measures your Willingness to Use Plastic Where No
{Man|Woman|Womyn|Fag|Dyke|Dijk|Phagg|Bi|Queer|{Other PC Term}}
Has Charged Before.
_______________________________________________________________________________
AN EXAMPLE OF BODY CODES 1.0:
Here is the author, by His Own Estimation:
"Wink-- !Grin Frown~- Stare~-- Glare~- Scream+ Mutter~#
Whisper* Sniff- Yawn* Snap-- !Nudge !Swish Scratch~-
Cringe++"
Spoken: "Double-Nope-Wink, Bang-Grin, Wiggle-Nope-Frown, Wiggle-Double-Nope-
Stare, Wiggle-Nope-Glare, Plusgood-Scream, Wiggle-Lib-Mutter, Whisper-Splat,
Nope-Sniff, Yawn-Splat, Double-Nope-Snap, Bang-Nudge, Bang-Swish,
Wiggle-Nope-Scratch, Doubleplusgood-Cringe"
_______________________________________________________________________________
ABBREVIATED BODY CODES 1.0:
For those of you too Busy With Life to write out the Full and Complete BODY
CODES 1.0, the following Abbreviations of Terms may be used:
WI: WINK ST: STARE MU: MUTTER YA: YAWN SW: SWISH
GR: GRIN GL: GLARE WH: WHISPER SN: SNAP SR: SCRATCH
FR: FROWN SC: SCREAM SF: SNIFF NU: NUDGE CR: CRINGE
Which would make Our Author a:
WI-- !GR FR~-- ST~-- GL~- SC+ MU~# WH* SF- YA* SN-- !NU !SW SC~- CR++
Bob Donahue
uh-huh... so where were the bears?
BBC who in the body
system has found that clothes do not
necessarily make the cub, or more aptly
--- do you how HARD it is to
find freaking dress shirts with a 17 1/2 neck and only 33" sleeves?
I swear that a lot of gene mixing went into the
production of my DNA and not ONE clothing
manufacturer has caught on yet.... :-)
Steve Dyer
>BBC, a bear who actually can communicate in polysyllabic words but is also
>proud of his fur despite how much it is an affront to "good faggots"
>everywhere.
Groan.
>"If people spent more time emphasizing the good things in people, rather
> than why they either don't fit in or are different, the world would be
> a MUCH quieter place to live in..." --- Waldeaux's Book of quotes
Yes, and Waldeaux was trying to give you a message. This is not a bad
idea to apply to one's self.
--
Steve Dyer
dy...@ursa-major.spdcc.com aka {ima,harvard,rayssd,linus,m2c}!spdcc!dyer
dy...@arktouros.mit.edu, dy...@hstbme.mit.edu
David B. O'Donnell
>
> uh-huh... so where were the bears?
>
Actually, that's part of the sublime beauty of BODY CODES 1.0: It doesn't
care about what body type you are (though the observant may note a certain,
ahem, prejudice against Clones).
BUT, since BODY CODES 1.0 Aims To Please (or at least Aims To Hit The Cracker),
here are the Official BODY CODES 1.0 Extensions For Secondary Sexual
Characteristics (ESSC):
PART II: AUDITORY CODES: These measure your sexual prowess or preferences
GRUNT -- Measures your interest in People Who Don't Need Fur Coats. (just
for BBC)
GIGGLE -- Measures your interest in People Permanently On Nitrous Oxide; Or,
your interest in CLONES (Cute Luscious Obviously Nubile Egregious
Sexpots).
[Abbreviations, GU = GRUNT and GG = GIGGLE]
--Dave
_____
WI-- !GR FR~- ST~-- GL~- SC+ MU~# WH* SF- YA* GU~- GG~ SN-- !NU !SW SR~- CR++
Asmodeus
>GRUNT -- Measures your interest in People Who Don't Need Fur Coats. (just
> for BBC)
Unfortunately, I have never seen (or, uhm, well, <fill_in_the_verb>)
any positive correlation between body hair and MCUG (Monosyllabic
Caveman Utterance Generation.) I'm still looking, however.
--
"It was supposed to be a devastatingly withering and dismissive
remark. I'll just have to try harder next time."
-- Steve Dyer
Bob Donahue
>EL40...@BROWNVM.BROWN.EDU ("David B. O'Donnell") writes:
>>GRUNT -- Measures your interest in People Who Don't Need Fur Coats. (just
>> for BBC)
>Unfortunately, I have never seen (or, uhm, well, <fill_in_the_verb>)
>any positive correlation between body hair and MCUG (Monosyllabic
>Caveman Utterance Generation.) I'm still looking, however.
Yeah, when I first read it I didn't notice that there is
a veiled anti-bear slam here. Oh well.
BBC, a bear who actually
can communicate in polysyllabic
words but is also proud of his
fur despite how much it is an
affront to "good faggots"
everywhere.
"If people spent more time emphasizing the good things in people, rather
Greg Parkinson
>
> uh-huh... so where were the bears?
>
> BBC who in the body
> system has found that clothes do not
> necessarily make the cub, or more aptly
> --- do you how HARD it is to
> find freaking dress shirts with a 17 1/2 neck and only 33" sleeves?
>
Probably about as hard as it is to find 18 neck and 37 sleeves.
I have had to make rolled-up sleeves and loose tie a personal style. Makes me
look like I'm working hard....
And from my experience, shopping in "Big and Tall" shops is not as exciting
as it should be. Lots of wives shopping for their husbands.
--
Greg Parkinson (GregBear) Phone: 212-657-7814
Citibank Fax: 212-657-0068
111 Wall Street E-Mail: uunet!ibism!glp
New York, NY 10043
The opinions expressed are my own and not those of the 10th largest bank
in the world.
Jess Anderson
>BBC, a bear who actually can communicate in polysyllabic
>words but is also proud of his fur despite how much it is an
>affront to "good faggots" everywhere.
Sometimes it's hard to tell whether you're being serious,
or if you are, what it is you mean to say. On one level,
this remark could be seen as pretty obnoxious. On another,
as indicating an odd view of those who are merely unlike
you. As it is, I don't what you meant to convey.
>"If people spent more time emphasizing the good things in
> people, rather than why they either don't fit in or are
> different, the world would be a MUCH quieter place to live
> in..." --- Waldeaux's Book of quotes
Waldeaux (apparently pluralia tantum) has it more clearly.
--
Jess Anderson Madison Academic Computing Center University of Wisconsin
Work: Rm. 3130, 1210 West Dayton St., Madison WI 53706, Ph. 608/262-5888
Home: 2838 Stevens St., 53705, 608/238-4833 Bitnet: anderson@wiscmacc
Internet: ande...@macc.wisc.edu UUCP:{}!uwvax!macc.wisc.edu!anderson
Jess Anderson
]In article <48...@dogie.macc.wisc.edu> ande...@udder.macc.wisc.edu (Jess
]Anderson) writes:
]>Waldeaux (apparently pluralia tantum) has it more clearly.
]Oooh, Jess, I love it when you talk dirty. You knew I keep my dictionary
]next to the bed, didn't you?
Liber libertinum? Wish I'd had the wit to say pluralia ursum
the first time around. Oh well.
Jack Hamilton
>
next to the bed, didn't you?
--
Jack Hamilton j...@netcom.uucp or netcom!j...@apple.com
SHAWN HICKS
>>> for BBC)
>
>can communicate in polysyllabic
>words but is also proud of his
>fur despite how much it is an
>affront to "good faggots"
>everywhere.
Actually, the only connection I have ever noticed between smarts (IQ) and
body hair (Fur) is that sometimes, when the hair falls from the top of
the head, it collects on the body! ;> The point? IMHO the more hair one
finds on the Bod, the less important the hair on the Noggin. #|-> Or,
for you romantics... Hair is irrelivent, it's the mind you fall in love
with.
"Give me hair or give me death!"
P.s. is there a Bearcub code? (ducking #|-> )
//B//
Amelia T. Smith
> In article <1990Nov25.0...@athena.mit.edu>, rdon...@arktouros.MIT.EDU (Bob Donahue) writes:
>>
>> uh-huh... so where were the bears?
>>
>> BBC who in the body
>> system has found that clothes do not
>> necessarily make the cub, or more aptly
>> --- do you how HARD it is to
>> find freaking dress shirts with a 17 1/2 neck and only 33" sleeves?
>>
>
> Probably about as hard as it is to find 18 neck and 37 sleeves.
> I have had to make rolled-up sleeves and loose tie a personal style. Makes me
> look like I'm working hard....
Thanks to the kindness of a certain someone, I only have to roll up my
sleeves when a button has fallen off (or it gets too warm for long
sleeves). As for loose ties, they *are* a personal style for me. B-)
> And from my experience, shopping in "Big and Tall" shops is not as exciting
> as it should be. Lots of wives shopping for their husbands.
Are you sure? Oh, never mind. I see you work in NY. I go into Big and
Tall men's stores to shop for myself. Not that I'm any more attractive
to you than those other wives... but I *do* give good hug!
Amelia
----- Amelia T. Smith -----
Opinions: MINE! MINE! MINE! University of Pennsylvania
B0(h-?) f- t- w++ d- s+ r- p++ e++ Medical School Computer Facility
Internet: sm...@mscf.med.upenn.edu C511 Richards Bldg.
Voice: (215) 898-7158 (work) Philadelphia, PA 19104-6062 U.S.A.
Rob Boldbear
In article <1990Nov25.0...@athena.mit.edu> rdon...@arktouros.MIT.EDU (Bob Donahue) writes:
>BBC who in the body
>system has found that clothes do not
>necessarily make the cub, or more aptly
>--- do you how HARD it is to
>find freaking dress shirts with a 17 1/2 neck and only 33" sleeves?
Gee, that must be worse than I have it and I almost never find 15 32's.
I was just e-griping two days ago to a motssketeer about how hard a time
I have finding clothes that fit.
Short jackets are absolutely the worst. If I'm looking for a jacket
that's supposed to come down to the top of my pants like the usual denim
jacket, if I find one that fits my shoulders and chest, it will extend
way over my butt. If I find one that extends to my belt, it's about 2
to 4 inches to small in the shoulders and chest. It turns out that the
men's smalls are hardly any shorter than the men's xlarges. Check it
out the next time your looking at men's waist-length jackets.
I guess that "small" really means "average height but very, very thin".
So you're thinking, "Why doesn't Rob just but a 'short' size?" Well,
they don't make shorts like the make longs (they're very rare), and when
you find them, they usually aren't in the smaller sizes. The last denim
jacket I bought I actually took to a tailor to have it shortened!
Now I'm somewhat muscular but not *that* muscular, but I can't imagine
how bad clothes shopping must be for a *really* muscular non-tall body
builder. I guess they have to run around in knit shirts and sweat pants
all the time. On the other hand I also can't imagine how nice it must be
to be able to just pick a jacket off the rack like I can pick socks
or underpants off the rack.
And then there's that "one size fits all" medium-centric crap. Depends
on what you call "fit".
A very large friend of mine and I used to say that All American Boy (clone
clothes store on Castro St.) used to carry one size: extra-medium.
--
Rob Bernardo Mt. Diablo Software Solutions _ /
email: r...@mtdiablo.Concord.CA.US phone: (415) 827-4301 <_/_><
"Putting dogma ahead of people is the antithesis of compassion. But /
that's exactly what many avowed Christians who profess `compassion' do." -Me
Jess Anderson
>On the other hand I also can't imagine how nice it must be
>to be able to just pick a jacket off the rack like I can pick socks
>or underpants off the rack.
Rumor says that ain't all you can pick underpants off of,
honey! :-)
>A very large friend of mine and I used to say that All American Boy (clone
>clothes store on Castro St.) used to carry one size: extra-medium.
What a great line, made me cackle! HAND (have a nice day).
Steve Warner
>On the other hand I also can't imagine how nice it must be
>to be able to just pick a jacket off the rack like I can pick socks
>or underpants off the rack.
I just love to watch men pick their underwear off of racks :)
>A very large friend of mine and I used to say that All American Boy (clone
>clothes store on Castro St.) used to carry one size: extra-medium.
Ive been there - only bought a speedo. But everything else they have is
size range 28-32. Personally I like my men 34+ :)
--
----
Steve Warner - Fremont, CA, USA etc...
replies to: sun!indetech!stables!sw (forget what the header says)
Joseph Francis
I can commisserate with the all of you w.r.t. this chilling tite-shirt
problemish those larger have found now. I found Jojo in ambsterdam
on a cold, fresh November day after having sampled numberous cofffieshop
goodies of abjectly suspect content (delicous, deelightful...) and
needing ohso desparately a gruesome black leather jaquet. From ROB's
To Expectations I roamed (ends of the city?) but *my shoulders were
too big for OTR (off the Rack (membership?))*. I cast my glances
hither and thighther, and in the deluded daze I wuz in, what to my
wondering eyes should appear, but racks and racks of blackrubber gear.
Dears. Black rubber is one of those fabled (fabula rasa) one-size-
grips-all substances, which I confirmed with the able help of the
young gentleman behind the counter. Squeeze and tuck, gasp and
pull, down comes the rubber tite and firm, sliding slowly with
talcum lubricant. I groaned as it finally snapped into place, and
pleased with the result, paid 100 guilders.
I've now made it my look, firm sloping pecs encased in shiny black
latex, a drastic vee shaped back aerodynamic and glossy sliding
into exhaustively shredded bluejeans with telltale kneeholes from
hours of oral fixation. Seemingly perpetually turgid, and an
always-spectacular show during the unwrapping in local bars and
backrooms, squeaky and contorted groans emitted during the sliding,
gasps of unexpecedly exquisite pain as entire armpits of hair are
jerked off.
Fresh, Clean.
American.
*All American. Speaking out to the way you want to live, today.
Speaking volumes. Rubber, black latex. Safety wrap.
Bruce Weber. Calvin Klein.
Bill Blass. Turgid. Make a fashion statement.
American.
Fresh, Clean.
Darling.
(jojo: to be read slowly, and luxuriantly).
Bob Donahue
>r...@mtdiablo.Concord.CA.US (Rob Boldbear) writes:
>>A very large friend of mine and I used to say that All American Boy (clone
>>clothes store on Castro St.) used to carry one size: extra-medium.
>Ive been there - only bought a speedo. But everything else they have is
>size range 28-32. Personally I like my men 34+ :)
Yeah, why is this looksist shit store allowed on Castro
Street? It irks me to no end to have such a garbage unaccepting attitude
in full face of what is supposed to be an accepting community.
Of course I also think that all IM and GQ catalogs/magazines
should be torched until I see models of a variety of ethnic and "type"/body
backgrounds regularly displayed.
I went into a mall last week to get some new clothes for my orals
(I shocked the entire dept by wearing a full suit). Anyway, in all but the
last store I was treated quite poorly by the salespeople. Apparently
short, fat, hariy people are such a lost cause when it comes to buying
nice clothes that the people working in the store feel QUITE put upon
to be forced to actually wait on you. Needless to say they didn't see
any $$$. I did finally get to a store that had a very nice womyn who was
busy but DID help me get all the things I needed. Plus the porices in
the store were about half what they were in Dillard's (the worst offender).
Well, no, the person in the shoe store was very very nice too...
(So not ALL...)
It's not surprising when I called IM and asked questions about their
homogeneous layouts, that they had no idea what the words "looksist"
or "homogeneous" meant. They also seemed to be quite confused why I would
identify with a model 5'7" and 170# (they implied there were no models that
fit that description) who didn't have false hair and was unshaved...
Weird.
BBC, who was once described by a strayt
womon as having no fashion sense whatsoever.
I guess compliments come in ALL Shapes and sizes!
:-)
Asmodeus
>I can commisserate with the all of you w.r.t. this chilling tite-shirt
Ooooooooooo! Jojo's back! Jojo's back! Jojo's back!
Hi, Jojo! Here's a great big HUG!
<SMOOCHES!> to all! (-:
--
"You probably go to museums and complain that Monet pressed down
too hard with his crayons because the picture is all bumpy."
-- John Woods
Steve Dyer
>>[All-American Boy]
> Yeah, why is this looksist shit store allowed on Castro
>Street? It irks me to no end to have such a garbage unaccepting attitude
>in full face of what is supposed to be an accepting community.
This is sarcasm, right? I thought you might be following Rob's example
by leaving out the smileys...
> Of course I also think that all IM and GQ catalogs/magazines
>should be torched until I see models of a variety of ethnic and "type"/body
>backgrounds regularly displayed.
"I'm holding my breath until bears are pictured as vapid, too."
Anyway, why would anyone want to WEAR that stuff? We should all be
thankful that the world will see neither BBC or me in "Heather Cotton-
Pique Jersey Step-ins" or "Teal Aviator Velcro Jumpsuits".
>Apparently short, fat, hariy people are such a lost cause
You are neither particularly short, fat nor hariy (whatever that last one is.)
>nice clothes that the people working in the store feel QUITE put upon
>to be forced to actually wait on you.
Your best bet is to go to a "Big'n'Tall" store. Of course with your
luck they'll toss you out for not qualifying...
Jess Anderson
[about All American Boy clothing store]
I hope you're just somewhat carried away with fury over your
shopping trip, because if you're not, you're saying pretty
strange things here.
>Yeah, why is this looksist shit store allowed on Castro
>Street?
Allowed? Is there a censor of Correct Stores somewhere?
>It irks me to no end to have such a garbage
>unaccepting attitude in full face of what is supposed to be
>an accepting community.
If the store didn't offer what people there will buy, it
would be closed in a flash, given today's high costs of
doing business. If it's open and thriving, then clearly,
however *you* may find it repellent, the customers are
flocking to the place. Now those customers, like it or not,
*are* the community, and *they* accept what you do not
accept.
This is a serious issue, no doubt, but let us at least start
from the facts.
>Of course I also think that all IM and GQ catalogs/magazines
>should be torched until I see models of a variety of ethnic
>and "type"/body backgrounds regularly displayed.
Now just a little while back, someone around here was
railing in the *most* outraged terms about being harranged
by so-called PC types to do otherwise than he wanted to do.
Now that someone is calling for the burning of books unless
and until these publications get with the PC program.
Understand, I neither defend nor condemn IM or GQ just now,
but last I heard, there was freedom of the press.
>I went into a mall last week to get some new clothes for my
>orals (I shocked the entire dept by wearing a full suit).
Don't think I'm not sympathetic to the problems you
experienced when you went shopping, but there's one more
matter in your posting.
>[IM] seemed to be quite confused why I would identify with a
>model 5'7" and 170# (they implied there were no models that
>fit that description) who didn't have false hair and was
>unshaved...
So because IM doesn't cater to your business, they should
go out of business? That's about equal to saying The
Limited should fold because you're not a woman.
So in sum, commercial life is crazy as hell, to be sure,
*but* why get so overwrought about the inevitable (apart
from letting off steam, maybe)?
Jess Anderson
(Steve Dyer) writes:
]In article <1990Dec2.2...@athena.mit.edu>
]rdon...@arktouros.MIT.EDU (Bob Donahue) writes:
]>Apparently short, fat, hariy people are such a lost cause
]You are neither particularly short, fat nor hariy (whatever
]that last one is.)
Bobby was making an obscure Japanese joke, hara being the
word for belly.
Henry Mensch
-> Yeah, why is this looksist shit store allowed on Castro
->Street? It irks me to no end to have such a garbage unaccepting attitude
->in full face of what is supposed to be an accepting community.
because there already is so much of this "looksist shit" on castro
street, and the pc police are way too busy in the dressing rooms
mixing and matching speedos ...
bob, every few months you bring this up, and you seem to miss the
point: the proprietors of these shops are making money catering to a
clientele which appreciates their offerings. nobody's forcing you to
look or buy. really. you can go shop at chess king if you like; i won't
tell if you won't...
-> Of course I also think that all IM and GQ catalogs/magazines
->should be torched until I see models of a variety of ethnic and "type"/body
->backgrounds regularly displayed.
that's nice. who asked you? see above.
-> I went into a mall last week to get some new clothes for my orals
->(I shocked the entire dept by wearing a full suit). Anyway, in all but the
->last store I was treated quite poorly by the salespeople.
of course, this is your side of the story. what might the salesclerk
tell us: "this short hairy dude with a huge chip on his shoulder came
in to look at the double-knits ... "
-> It's not surprising when I called IM and asked questions about their
->homogeneous layouts, that they had no idea what the words "looksist"
->or "homogeneous" meant. They also seemed to be quite confused why I would
->identify with a model 5'7" and 170# (they implied there were no models that
->fit that description) who didn't have false hair and was unshaved...
when you call their catalogue numbers you are calling an operator who
probably has neither seen the catalogue nor has any influence on
management. insert more bits here about teaching pigs to sing ...
btw, i don't understand what your problem is, really ... at 175 cm and
90 kg, i'm not exactly a men's "medium" and yet i have no trouble
finding useful-yet-stylish clothes at reasonable prices ... i don't
have trouble getting acceptable service from store clerks, either (and
perhaps the best came from a fellow who worked in a department where i
don't shop, but that's not important ... )
# Henry Mensch / <he...@garp.mit.edu> / E40-379 MIT, Cambridge, MA
# <hme...@uk.ac.nsfnet-relay> / <he...@tts.lth.se> / <men...@munnari.oz.au>
# via X.400: S=mensch; OU=informatik; P=tu-muenchen; A=dbp; C=de
Henry Mensch
->"I'm holding my breath until bears are pictured as vapid, too."
moo ha ha!
->Anyway, why would anyone want to WEAR that stuff? We should all be
->thankful that the world will see neither BBC or me in "Heather Cotton-
->Pique Jersey Step-ins" or "Teal Aviator Velcro Jumpsuits".
don't you believe in halloween?
a flying squirrel
[stuff I agree with]
Bob Donahue wrote:
[stuff I disagree with]
+
Bob, ask yourself why this really bothers you. I've lost at least 40% of
my hair so far at 31, and don't experience rude salesclerks (yes, even
here in Paris) or hair envy every time I look at the IM catalog. I keep
my hair cut very short as well -- no rug action here. Should I run up
and down Castro and scream at all the hair styling shops? Oh, but
that's hereditary one might say. Well, weight/height ratios could be as well.
If you can't accept yourself as you are, then do something about it.
For me, my non-acceptance options are Minoxdyl and wigs. Decide what
yours are. Whingeing is not one -- distributing your anger doesn't make
you happy.
Hug everyone? No way. Arms are for restraining with chains.
richard.
--
===> richard w. johnson. nobody knows...
===> apple computer europe. no one but the fool
===> paris la defense, france. and me.
===> ric...@apple.com
Brown Behr
I TOLD you that we should have gone to a BIG and TAll Men's store. :-)
Obviously GQ and IM are catering to a small subset of men. *I* try not to order
from those stores that do not have a variety of models in their pixs(people
of colour, husky guys to be specific ). But usually I go to Big and Tall stores b/c I can find what I want( and not be bothered with salesperson attitude)
without spending HOURS searching and trying on clothes. All in all though,
I think the 4 of us did very well in finding clothes for you(*I* especially
liked the tie I picked out for you! :-) ).
*Hugs* from a Brown Behr
David Stevenson
tirade against All American Boy clothiers on Castro Street:
>If the store didn't offer what people there will buy, it
>would be closed in a flash, given today's high costs of
>doing business. If it's open and thriving, then clearly,
>however *you* may find it repellent, the customers are
>flocking to the place. Now those customers, like it or not,
>*are* the community, and *they* accept what you do not
>accept.
I don't know about this "flash" business. There was one store a block up
the street from AAB that offered for sale what looked like Oriental bricabrac.
In ten years or so I'd never seen a customer in that place, and it finally
closed a few months ago.
My all time favorite "store" was the shoe shine and record store located in the
Ariwahnee hotel in Middletown, CT. It's slogan was "we deliver," and it
specialized in sending young ladies to your hotel room with the record you
"purchased." Did a thriving business, especially since it was open when most
record stores were closed (to satisfy those nocturnal urges to hear your
favorite song). Although all their customers were heterosexual males, I
don't think this is any indication that heterosexual males are interested
only in shined shoes and 45 rpm records, although I wouldn't know and certainly
would not project the behavior of travelling salesmen onto a whole class of
individuals.
Rob Boldbear
>>r...@mtdiablo.Concord.CA.US (Rob Boldbear) writes:
>
>>>A very large friend of mine and I used to say that All American Boy (clone
>>>clothes store on Castro St.) used to carry one size: extra-medium.
>
>>Ive been there - only bought a speedo. But everything else they have is
>>size range 28-32. Personally I like my men 34+ :)
> Yeah, why is this looksist shit store allowed on Castro
>Street? It irks me to no end to have such a garbage unaccepting attitude
>in full face of what is supposed to be an accepting community.
I think the store generally carries only mediums and larges. Few small,
and extra larges. So what. Many if not most stores anywhere are like
that. It's a matter of the market, not lookism.
--
Rob Bernardo Mt. Diablo Software Solutions _ /
email: r...@mtdiablo.Concord.CA.US phone: (415) 827-4301 <_/_><
"Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?" /
- Hobbes (Bill Watterson)
Michel Fingerhut
>at 175 cm and 90 kg, i'm not exactly a men's "medium"
>and yet i have no trouble finding useful-yet-stylish clothes
Joseph Francis
>>>[All-American Boy]
>> Yeah, why is this looksist shit store allowed on Castro
>>Street? It irks me to no end to have such a garbage unaccepting attitude
>>in full face of what is supposed to be an accepting community.
>
Of course I can't resist fashion talk.
I when I want a teeshirt, I don't go to a suit shop. When I want a jacket,
a serious jacket, I don't go to International Male. Go to an appropriate
store.
I suggest that all those who are upset over clothes sizes (and believe me,
there is nothing more annoying than having the salesclert exclaim
"Mon Dieu!" in an Armani shop in Paris, trying to get a suit, because
the waist/shoulder differential is so wide) do as I have done, and go
to a tailor. Tailors will take your measurements, and keep them, making
shirts and whatnot from the *material of your choice, and in the
*style of your choice (remember to avoid fitted shirts, please), and
at not a tremendous cost. You furthermore are supporting handcrafted
items here in the united states instead of an Indonesian sweat-shop, and
everything fits perfectly. For XXX and XXXX large teeshirts in
a spectrum of colors by Haynes, Fruit-of-the-Loom, etc., go to Big and
Large Men's Stores, or to Surplus Stores (which always manage to have
an incredible range of sizes and colors). If you want an AXIS or
BASCO look, then remember: the look/body/brain is all of a mold. It
is odd to imagine a pattern/shirt designed for a specific size to look
good one one that is drastically different. Go to the GAP. If they
don't have the size, they will order it.
If you really want to have a littleboy lost look on a linebacker body,
then send me a message, and we can negotiate purchases. I have many
*large* friends I buy for occasionally, being an incorrigable shopper
with a good memory. And, if you think you have problems; try living
in asia and buying Pret-a-porter. Give up ready-to-wear - its a
plan designed to support efficient distribution, rather than quality
or choice.
Fresh. Clean.
American.
All American.
Speaking out to the way *you want to live today.
Speaking Volumes.
Bill Blass.
Calvin Klein.
Norma Kamali.
American.
Fresh. Clean.
-jojo
Joseph Francis
>thankful that the world will see neither BBC or me in "Heather Cotton-
>Pique Jersey Step-ins" or "Teal Aviator Velcro Jumpsuits".
>A
acid-green/blood-red J.P.Gautier workout tights (well, I guess the
shiny green is a bit..) my transparent J.P.Gautier raincoat, my
Brilliant Rust Orange Cashmere boxy smoking Jacket, my huge collection
of Paul Smith Bizzaranalia, the shoes, the transparent heather rayon
teeshirts, the chain mail shorts, the 4,000 pairs of socks in patterns
(FUCK the Lost Language of Cranes). Some people like to wear Clothes.
I don't wear fisherman open-weave black tank-tops, French Army underwear,
One-Piece spandex bodygloves (well...hmmm), butt-huggers, butt-squeezers,
nipple protruders, "french army" tanktops, "southwestern inspired" pastel
sweaters with images of Native American women with Papooses (paposii)
grinding cornmeal in front of spectacular pastel sunsets with obviously
fake Zuni pottery that when you take Acid seems to be weaving itself
continuously in front of you as the salesclerk brushes polychromed
hands over the Teal Aviator Velcro Jumpsuits, and a cigarette
and coffee make a full meal before launching into Brooks Brothers
all-wool sweaters for (wow!) $80, which considering the Nordic
"oversize" handknit wool sweaters I felt I absolutely STOLE in
Stockholm, are an incredible buy, and don't have images or titles which
say things like "Funky Guy" or "NO!" or "Beasty Boy", being Brooks
Brothers, that bastion of conservative teal-less and heather-free
coloration, a beige, white, "ecru", midnight blue, cerulean, viridian,
vermillion world inhabited by strait-laced non-butt-hugged CEOS
who only wear velcro jumpsuits from LEW MAGRAM when they have secret
desires to CASH and CARRY 18-year-old Methadrine Children off Santa
Monica Boulevard off to their Maui Hideaway.
Some people!
(And if you think teal-jersy-jumpins are bad, I'll send you a Sweetman
catalogue from Paris. It makes International Male look like prison
garb.)
Clean. Fresh. Tingling.
That Sensation of crisp openness.
Ultra-tight. American.
New for the '90s.
Love.
It's IN again.
Rod Williams
...and how! JoeJoe's back - yeaaaa!
--
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* Rod Williams * Enlarge! Enliven! Enlighten! *
* Pacific Bell - San Ramon CA * - "L. Douffet" *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Joseph Francis
I have a catalogue for those 'Big and Large and Tall' etc. who like
boytoy clothes. The clothes are designed for large men and I belive waist
sizes start at 38 and go to 60. This avoids entirely the problem of
fabrics/patterns which are designed for 30 and when scaled to 40 look
terrible. You can even indulge in fantasy wear:
"Double Breasted Soft Luxurous Cashmere with Canadian Back Mink Collar"
"Naked Italian CalfSkin By Scully, with Pleated Front and Back Yoke.
Black, Cognac"
"Powderhorn. Matching Jacket and Pants made of Microplex with Thintech
and Thermoloft Insulation.
"Jim Proby. Washed Silk Shirt. Styled with Darts and Pleats.
Unique Buttoning Placket. Black, Grey, Copper, Plum,
Teal, White, Olive"
There store is down the street from where I live, which is where I got
the Catalog - its sort of a men's "Forgotten Woman" for those who know
what that is. If you write to me by regular mail, I'll be happy to send
you a few catalogs.
Joe Francis
279 S. Beverly Drive #987
Beverly Hills, CA 90212
The store name is "Rochester Big and Tall", and when I was in there,
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was trying on stuff. The stores are in BH, Boston,
SF, and Newark, Chicago, blah blah.
Henry Mensch
affectation, or have you been hiding it all along?
responding to quotes out of context doesn't reflect well on you. try, try
again...
--
Steve Dyer
>responding to quotes out of context doesn't reflect well on you.
Hold that thought...