Sex and the Nepali Woman: a Research Report
atul...@vax.clarku.edu
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[The following is an extract of a research report by Elaine Schroeder, who
completed her thesis on "Sexual Behaviour of Chetri-Brahmin Women in Nepal"
for her Masters in Social Work in University of Washington in 1982, Source:
Himalayan Research Bulletin, Monsoon 1982, Vol ii, no. 2 pg.47-54]
Amulya Ratna Tuladhar
Have you wondered if there has been a Kinseyan study of sexual behaviour of
Nepali women? Well, here it is. Based on a study of 226 samples of married
Chetri-Bahun women of Pokhara and kathmandu and in-depth of seven articulate
Chetri-Bahun women as well as participant oberservation over a period of 14
months, Elaine has come out with statistical numbers to underscore her
findings.
Findings:
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"sexual behaviiour is always covert. Even moderate displays of affection
between husband and wife are concealed. However, Chetri-Brahmin women freely
discuss in public their opinions about sexual behaviour of others, so long as
only women are present.
[This behavioural pattern of high-caste Brahmin-chetri
women is confirmed by Julia Thompson who studied them for 2.5 years .
she found that beauty
parlors are sequestered localities that represent traditional Hindu gender
ideals, where they indulge in ribald jokes while having facials, in Himalayan
Research Bulletin, 1992, 12(1-2):123].
"Women spoke of sex as a marital duty rather than volitional experience. The
fertile wife who denies sexual access to her husband may be replaced by a
co-wife or lose status in the household.
"It is the male who initiates sexual contact, either verbally by calling his
wife to his bed or physically by going to her sleeping place. Chettri-Bahun
women are not socially permitted to be sexually assertive or to indicate
sexual desire. Women are expected to be reticent and naive about sex.
"There are words in Nepali referring to common female sex behaviour which
literally translated mean "log" ("mudha justo?"), "corpse" ("murda justo ?"),
"stone" ("dhunga justo?"). There is not any word in nepali for female orgasm,
{really? I thought Vatsayana 's Kama Sutra and Kok Shastar sexual "all you
wanted to know about Hindu sex but were afraid to ask )
did acknowledge the existence of a female
orgasm, could some of our Nepali pundits couter this, could "mokcha" or
"Chirananda" describe a climax?}, although there is a term for vaginal
lubrication which literally translated means "slippery water" ("chiplo,
chiplo?").
"Rural Chetri-Bahun couples apart and rarely have a separate bedroom except
when they are newly married. An increasing number of urban couples are living
in a nuclear family situation and have a private sleeping room, but even then
the wife often sleeps on the floor next to her spouse's bed. Chetri -Bahun
women remain clothed during sex and during childbirth and bathing. Privacy and
clothing restrictions may account for the narrow range of coital positions
reported. The "missionary position" or male superior posture accounts for
the majority of coital connections. Varitions include the female wrapping her
legs around the male ("penchis mar" or pliers position?) while lying beneath
him, and occasionally the female superior position.
"Sexual foreplay is minimal among Chettri and Brahmin married couples,
according to the indirect interview informants. There may be some teasing,
pushing, and smacking on the backside by a husband to his wife before they make
love, especially during the early years of marriage. Other, more explicitly
sexual behaviours which precede or coincide or coincide with intercourse are
few. Kissing, except on the cheek, is rarely practiced by other than highly
educated couples. Breasts are only erotic until they become functional by
feeding a baby. If any part of the woman's body is caressed, it will probably
be her thighs or buttocks.
"Oral or manual genital stimulation of the female by the male is practically
unheard of among Hindu Nepali {It should be more familiar with the ready
availability of pornographic "adult" films in Kathmandu and Pokhara now.}
Informants said this was because female genitalia is considered unclean, and
even manual stimulation would have overtones of pollution{ probably a good
thing in the age of aids where "safe sex" brochures in campus health
dispensaries show oral sex with a plastic ceran wrap prophylactic for
protection!}. Some women did admit to manual contact with their partner's
penis, to assist insertion (many "virgin males" the "Kumars" report prematurely
ejaculating
between the thighs during the first sex encounter after marriage when they
have no help from their partners in navigating through the labyrinth of 12
meters of gold brocaded saree and equally convulted petticoat and with modern
women, the final panty). Postcoital (i.e after ejaculation by male) behaviour
usually consists of either falling asleep or one of the participants returning
to her or his own bed (so children and in-laws will never know!).
Coital Frequency
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"The mean coital frequency is 7 times a month (about 2 a week), the median
frequency (not the same as mean) is 4.2 times a month, with the maximum being
30 times a month (holy cow that is every day!). Coital frequency decreaes with
age as follows:
Age group Coital Frequency per month
15-19 9
20-24 9.3
25-29 9.7
30-34 6.8
35-39 4.3
40-44 2.8
45-49 3.3
50-54 1.3
>54 1.1
Mean 7.0
"In Indian Calcutta, mean coital frequency was 6.4 (does that mean Nepali women
are "sexier" than the Bengali women?) while another Indian study of eastern
Indian villages reported slightly lower frequency of sex and often lower even
than the Muslim.
"Coital frequency also changed with urban and rural, literate/illiterate
variables. It is 9.5 or twice a week for urban Hindu women and half of that in
rural situations; similarly literate women had sex 9.3 times a month while the
illiterate had half as much.
"The mean monthly coital frequency during the first year was 14.3 (that is
every alternate day.) while the median was 11.6. Sexual intercourse more often
during the first year of marriage than during the later years because the high
sexual expectance is associated with the social pressure for the first child
(to affirm her fertility and not booted out as an inauspicious, sterile one.)
"Agricultural season affects sexual behaviour in rural areas, during teh
busiest agricultural cycles, men and women work in the field all day and are
too exhausted to indulge in sex in the night (does that mean few childrean are
born in march "chait" month which is June/July + 9 months?). Village birth
records show cyclical decline in births during those time of the year which
follow peak agricultural seasons by about 9 months (can any nepali from the
villages confirm or challenge this interesting hypotheses?)
"Women abstain from sex involuntarily when men migrate and voluntarily during
the 3 days of menstruation, the taboo number one, and by frequent visits to
the maita to avoid sex. Women also abstain from sex about 3.4 months before
delivering the baby and after 5.9 months after delivering a baby.
Sexual Feelings
----------------
"The mean DESIRED coital frequency reported was 4.1 times a month, the median
was 1.7 (i.e. half the 226 women inteviewed said they wanted it only twice a
month, woe to the masculinity of Hindu Chetri-Brahman men of
Kathmandu/Pokhara!). The DESIRED coital frequency was far less than the actual
sex (7, which means more than half the time they are NOT enjoying sex at all).
Women in the late twenties wish sex most at 6.2 times a month relative to 9.7
times they have to indulge in it "involutarily"). Urban and literate women
desire sex four times more than rural, illiterate women.
"When women were asked how much they enjoy sex, 36 percent orthe total sample
and answered "never", 46 percent "sometimes", and 18 percent "usualy".
Younger, urban,and literate groups more frequently indicated that they usually
enjoyed sex.
"The reasons given for avoiding or disliking sex was fatigue, fear or
resulting bad breadth (hey there is a toothpaste market,there), fear of
pregnancy, dislike husband's behaviour, and dysmenorrhea. No respondent was
free of complaints about sexual activity. Fatigue was the greatest
distraction, followed by fear of pregnancy.
"Women are generally believed to be incapable of enjoying sex, and almost half
of the women in the sample responded that they never enjoyed sex. Sexual
response and enjoyed are culturally determined and some cultures such as Hindu
are not supposed to have women enjoy sex. The given data seem to indicate that
only an infinitesmal number of Hindu Chetri-Brahmin women have orgasm.
Effective and sufficient stimulation is a prerequisite for orgasmic release.
In a cultural context where sex equal coition and where direct clitoral (is
there an Nepali word for clitoris?, will our Nepali medical doctors help us
here?) stimulation is not practiced, few women will be able to respond
orgasmically.
"Women are subject to strong sexual controls from pubescence through old age.
A double standard certainly prevails in the areas of premarital and
extramarital sex, as well as the right to initiate and enjoy conjugal sex.
"In the area of sexuality and in other realms of life, the Chetri-Brahmin
woman is placed in a rigidly defined role. The wife who is expected to act
like a stone in bed and show no sexual interest is also permitted to
demonstrate autonomy in other apsects of her behaviour. In fact, almost any
expression of personal drive and assertiveness is strongly repoved. In most
aspects of a Chetri-Brahmin woman's lie there are limitations on expression
similar to the ones which exist in the area of sexuality.
Amulya's Postscript:
Julia j Thompson, a Lecturer in the Department of Anthropology at the
University of Wisconsin, has just studied Hindu high caste Chetr-Brahman women
in kathmandu in the context of post-democratic Nepal after 1990. According to
her findings, "Hindu women continue have socially constrained life but they
use their daily religious activities, fasts, weddings, and filial rites as
social sites of resistance and protest. These protests range from very overt
to very covert. They continue to demonstrate that they are not passively
conforming to although they continue to participate in Hindu ideals of
religious and social rituals.
"Despite this situation, Thompson also found that man and woman also share a
common discourse based on common meanings, mutuality, trust, and balance in
constructing a life history of a high-caste married couple.
"High caste conservative Hindu women in kathmandu are also sites of
interaction for new ideologies in the transition of kathmandu society from a
monarchy to democracy. Like the village water spouts, high class women gather
in beauty parlors where they negotiate new gender roles from their
conservative hindu values to western values such as that espoused by the
Cosmopolitan, phoning their lovers while paying the bills. These multiple
discourses demonstrate that change does not affect culture uniformly even
within class, caste, and gender lines, nor can influence of social change be
predicted.