Lao Girlfriend
anita jamar
I will first start off by telling you that I don't mean to be hurtful
or to flame you, but I think your post needs a blunt reply. I am very
disappointed that you have all of these stereotypes of people. Maybe your
girlfriend has less in common w/ you than you think. You say that "she chooses
African American and homosexual males as her social group over European
American heterosexuals". Apparently not. She's dating YOU, a heterosexual
white guy right?! As an African American heterosexual woman who has had a Lao
best friend for almost 14yrs, I know a little of Lao culture and lanuguage.
Lao people are like anyone else, they don't want to be insulted and
patronized. You ask "what can she get from these people"-- plenty apparently .
Maybe you should except her as she is. Her friends were probably there before
you and will probably be there after you.
You seem to have trust issues w/ her NOT cultural ones. She seems to
have a racist as her man. Why must you blame her problems on African American
and homosexuals? Can't she just be lacking in good judgement?
Who are YOU to tell her to stick w/ her own culture? What do YOU
know of Lao men? How many do you know? As for her staying w/ her own race, the
same question can be asked of you. Why are YOU dating a woman outside YOUR
race? What if some Lao guy told HER to ditch you? Would you like that?
Contrary to popular belief, Asian people are NOT white. To say/think so is
completely ignorant. Therefore why should she have more in common w/ you as a
white guy than w/ a black. Have YOU ever been to Laos? Are you sure that you
aren't dating her to fulfill some Suzy Wong Asian woman fantasy in YOUR head?
I'd think about that if I were you.
Finally as to your comments about African Americans being "chubby",
"able to dance", "Democrats", "playing basketball", "watching Martin", "just
wanting her for sex", and being "Muslim". I am not chubby, I can't dance, I am
not a Democrat, I can't play basketball, I don't like "Martin", and I most
certainly want sex w/ her or Any woman. You were right on one account though.
I am Muslim, an Orothodox one. Before you ask, NO
I haven't blown up anything nor do I support those who do. On the rest, I
don't presume to speak for all African Americans or any homosexuals. As for
you not "trusting homosexuals motives for starting a conversation w/ you"
that's YOUR problem, not hers.
Would it be acceptable for her to have a gay LAO friend? You see, Lao
people are like everyone else, they choose/reject people on whatever grounds
that they choose to.
A piece of advice form one American to another, ask these people in
the ng about their culture. I'm sure that they would be happy to help/share w/
you. Just don't tell them that you think they are " lying" if they give you
answers that you don't like. You asked "what can these people offer her"? My
best friend and I have remained friends because we accept each other as we are
and learn from each other. Alot can be gained in 14 yrs! I hope that in future
you will refrain from insulting the intellegence of this ng w/ stereotypes and
generalizations.
Sincerely,
Anita
P.S. We have something in common. We're both subscribed to this ng. A.
Thaddaeus Earl Eckard wrote:
> I have a girlfriend who is half Lao and half Thai. She often talks about
> her culture, but I sometimes think she uses her ethnicity as an excuse to
> do things that I do not like. Because I am white, she thinks that I could
> not understand her ethnic heritage even if I dared to question her reasons
> for acting as she sometimes does. I wanted to tell her that I think she is
> not being honest with herself about her friends. And I did. Recently, she
> wanted to let a newly-homeless and (I believe) potentially dangerous
> aquaintence move into her home. She cannot afford to support
> anyone--sometimes not even herself. When I expressed how unrealistic her
> altruism is, she told me it was her Buddhist custom to help others. Also,
> she consistently chooses African-american and homosexual males as her
> social group over European-american and heterosexual people, especially
> women. As a general rule, I have no interest in African-american and
> homosexual culture because I have very little in common with the vast
> majority of African-americans and homosexuals. I do not appreciate rap or
> jazz, I do not care for Martin or basketball, and I am niether a Christian
> nor a Muslim. I am not a democrat, I do not like chubby women, and I do
> not care to dance. As far as homosexuals are concerned, I do not trust
> their motives for starting a conversation with me or wanting to get to
> know me. I do believe, however, that I have plenty in common with my
> girlfriend, and I also believe she has nothing in common with the groups
> she migrates toward. She tells me she does not see anything odd about
> singling out blacks and gays exclusively to pal around with because those
> are often the people she says Lao people live with when they first
> immigrate here. Still, I do not understand what blacks and gays can offer
> her now. From what I can tell, they do not act like they want to be her
> friends. The blacks all want to go to bed with her, and the gays all want
> a designated driver when they go gay bar hopping. She is nothing like
> them, and I think she has far more in common with me as a straight white
> person. As soon as I told her what I thought, she said I was attacking
> her because I was racist and homophobic. She said that she would not even
> be having this discussion if she stuck to her own race because Lao men
> have more respect for their women than I seemed to have for her. I told
> her that I had nothing but respect for her culture, but that I could not
> understand why a Lao man would accept her destructive behavior--especially
> when what makes her behavior problematic is that she chooses to hang
> around people with very different values than the values of Lao people.
> She said that in her culture, the man accepts his girlfriend's choice of
> friends without question. I think she was lying, but, hey, what do I know?
> I am just a white man.
anita jamar
I am disappointed to hear all of your stereotypes about everybody.
Maybe your girlfirend has less in common w/ you than you think. You say that
"she chooses her African-American males and homosexuals as her social group
over European American and heterosexual people. Apparently not. She's dating
YOU isn't she, a white heterosexual, right?! As as African-American
heterosexual female who has had a Lao best friend (a girl) for almost 14 yrs,
I know something of Lao culture and language. Lao people are like anyone else,
they don't want to be insulted or patronized. Maybe you should except her and
her friends as they are because chances are that they were there before you
and will be there after you.
I don't intend! to be mean or flame. You seem to have trust issues w/
her, NOT cultural ones and she seems to have racist problems w/ you. Why
should she be forced to stick w/ her own culture? What do YOU know of Lao men?
How many do you know? As for her staying w/ her own race, the same question
YOU to dictate who she can/cannot be friends w/? What if some Lao guy told her
to ditch YOU? Would you like that? Contrary to popular belief, Asian people
are NOT white. Are you just dating her to fulfill some Suzy Wong Asian woman
stereotype in YOUR head? I'd think about that if I were you.
Finally as for your comments about African-Americans being "chubby",
"able to dance", "Democrats", "just wanting your girlfriend for sex", "playing
basketball", "watching Martin" and being "Muslim". I am not chubby, I can't
dance, I'm not a Democrat, I don't like "Martin", can't play bball, and I most
CERTAINLY DO NOT want sex from you girl or any woman. You got one right
though, I am a Muslim, and Orthodox one. On the rest, I don't persume to speak
for all African-Americans or any homosexuals.
Just a piece of advice from one American to another, ask the people
on this ng about their culture. They would be very happy to share it w/ you
from my experience. Please don't insult their intellegence w/ all of these
stereotypes and racist remarks. Take it from me, Lao people like everyone, can
accept/reject people on whatever grounds that they choose to. The reason that
my Lao friend and I are still close after so long is that we take the other as
we are. It works man.
Sincerely,
Anita
Thaddaeus Earl Eckard
GRGLY
similare to what you described. She is from vietname and has the same interests
and talks about her cultural and likes to treat and go out with her females
friends than us. Thanks, it ended amonth ago and I just found out in the past
two weeks that she is a lesbian........ Using and dating me, so could hide
under her immortor skin. I'm Asian and I think it's not too late to leave now
or feel sorry and hurt mpore later on
Ai_...@hotmail.com
Sorry for your disappointment!!! I have been noticing the Lao girls who like
Black men (African-American). Living in a free country like in USA, They have
a choice to chose their own "mate". I try to understand why they want to go
date and have sex with Black men, sorry, African-American. The reasons are
such: They are nice and sweet. Whatever reasons are, In USA, it is a free
country. I must respect that.
From my personnal observation. These girls end up being DUMP by their NICE
AND SWEEEEEEET guy. I don't know if it is obvious to these girls that their
Black guy just want to have sex with them and then move one to the next one.
The most tragic event from this are the girls who ends up being pregnant.
Well, it is their life. Hope there is a lessong from this!!!!!
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Verge Granger
would be no
reason for you to try to understand, you would respect and accept their right to
make these choices.
Furthermore, you have no control or influence in these ladies choices. Your
posting reads as if there
is something other than what you have written. Maybe you should ask yourself the
question, “Why
do I choose to date and have sex with a particular woman?” There is a good
chance that these
ladies make their choices for many of the same reasons.
Maybe I misunderstood what you have written about African-American men and young
Laotian
women. Are you saying that Laotian and other men do not have sex with young Lao
woman, get them
pregnant, dump them and move on to other women. Are you saying that Laotian and
other men do not
divorce Laotian women and move on to other woman. Only African-American have sex
with young
Laotian women, dump them and move on to the next woman. Take off those rose
colored glasses, the reality of the world is much different than your perception.
I will agree with you, that anytime a young woman has an unplanned or unwanted
pregnancy it is tragic,
regardless of her race. Especially, when she does not have a support system.
I suggest that you step outside of your isolated world and make some real
observations. You
should give Laotian women the respect that they deserve by not referring to them
as girls. Furthermore,
your comments skink of ignorance and racism towards African-American males.
African-American men
are no different than any other race of males. I would venture to say that males
of other races have
done precisely what you have implied only African-Americans have done to young
Laotian
women, as well as women of other races.
Ignorance and racism are the same regardless of their names.
Verge