Japanese Mothers are Awesome: What We Can Learn from Them
abirdson
One truth Confucius emphasized often that deeply influenced the
great inward enlightenment of cultures in Asia was the power of example --
that It is good examples that makes us want to become better human beings
-- that the excellent example of one family could change a community.
This great truth seems to have given Asian mothers completely
different ideas about child rearing than American mothers. American
mothers often think human nature is bad to the bone, as the Bible teaches,
and that children must be beaten (spare the rod and spoil the child) and
harshly scolded with the voice of authority and trained early to suffer to
be disciplined. I watched a mother on the subway recently as her 16
month old child cried and cried to be held. "NO!" the mother told her
daughter time and time again. "I'm not picking you up." There was such
anger and bitterness in the child's tiny little eyes. I observed another
American mother in the library as her three-year-old daughter begged and
cried and pleaded to check out all her little stack of library books.
"NO! the mother told her repeatedly. You can only take two." The stand
off must have lasted 15 minutes.
But the Japanese mother is not concerned with forcing her child to
respect her authority -- and she is not afraid at all of spoiling her
child. She rarely if ever spanks her child. In fact, she is often called
indulgent -- yet Japanese children are among the most obedient, most self
reliant and most disciplined children in the world. They delight in
obeying.
The Japanese mother seeks to win her child by her example . She
does not want her child to be obstinate -- so she models submission. She
does not want her child to be the kind of person that confronts others or
conflicts with others -- so she gives hints and suggestions rather than
commands. When she must give imperatives, she softens her voice so she
sounds less harshly commanding.
She wants the child to realize the importance of maintaining a cheerful
and pleasant demeanor -- never complaining -- so she strives to keep her
child happy.
Also, she believes one of the most important aspects of child
rearing is to keep a close emotional tie between herself and her child so
her child has a great motivation to please her.
As the child grows and develops the Japanese mother keeps good
examples before him or her.
"Look at her how she makes up her bed every day. She brings great
honor to her family," the mother may say.
If a child slams a door, without saying a word (Asians use as few
words as possible,) the mother may show the child how to close the door
softly. The Japanese mother usually uses literature to put good
examples before her child. Confucius taught that literature has great
imporance in forming the moral develpment of people. Asians have a great
wealth of literature collected for over 2,000 years designed to put good
examples before children. (I hope to be publishing a book this year that
includes some of these.)
Today, we see that Asians will not tolerate bad examples on TV as
we are doing. Our silence concerning the bad examples on commercial TV
may one day come to haunt us -- you may wake up one morning to realize
you are a stranger in your on home -- and that your children have become
people you abhor.
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The teachings of Confucius are so life transforming and
stablilizing. They can be a priceless tools for parents in teaching
values to their children. He was like the Eionstein of the field of
philosophy.
Keep in mind that Confucianism is not a religion at all -- it is
just a set of ethics. Confucius made that clear time and time again. He
said he learned many of his teachings by studying history and ancient
writings (not by inspiration by God.) Also, he made it clear he was not
divine. He said he was 60-years-old before he felt he lived what he
taught.
His books include The Golden Mean, The Great Learning and The
Analects of Confucius.