Purim stuff

[Gabriel Z. Wasserman]

Forward of the nth degree of purim schpiele from LAST year Purim (purim
5757):

A poem and a song in honor of Purim. The poem is foist, und dem
shong iz
shecind. It helps if ye speaks Yinglish mitout de false teeth
dat yer suppoze
to vear. A Happy Purim and Shoeshine Purim to one and alle
yiddin, mentchen,
maidelach, und kinderlach. Sorry, I already don't know who's
Haman and who'se
Mordy whats-his-face?
Rav Graffitti
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Murry and His Tallis
(Varning: It helps if you know how to speak "Yinglish")
Murry had a big tallis. It’s tzitzis ver vhite as snow.
And every vere dat Murry vent, his tallis was sure to go.
He vore it in shul every day. It made his day so bright.
Oy, dat Murry vaz so heppy, ‘cause his tzitzis ver alvays vhite.
But den it got a bissel shmutzik. So in de machine it vent. Vot
could he do?
But ven he took it out instead of four tzitzis, all he hed left
ver two.
He brought his tallis to the tailor, and asked him if he vould
Fix his tallis and make it kosher just like it should.
De tailor vorked on his tallis sewing mit needle and thread.
Ven Murry came to pick it up, dis iz vot de tailor said:
"I’ve seen many taleisim before, dose of Chayim and Yossel.
But as for your tallis, I must say, dis iz definitely possul.
I could vork on your tallis some more, but it really doesn’t pay.
If I vere you, I vould buy a new tallis, and throw dis old von avay."
So off Murry vent to de store. He vaz really in a hot mess.
For de only tallis dat he could find vere vons dat ver shatness.
He said, "If I don’t find de right tallis, I really von’t be heppy.
De tzitzis are too short and aren’t straight like uncooked spaghetti."
But he bought von anyvay and asked his rov if it vaz OK
To buy a tallis made of shatness and to daven in it every day.
And his rov said, "Your tallis is fine! You can even make ah brocheh.
Because having a tallis made of shatness is perfectly vitin Halocheh."
So now Murry has a new tallis, bigger and better dan de von
frum before.
He doesn’t miss his old talis, because he likes his new von
more.
And in dis whole story, Murry learned von ting, he teaches
throughout de land.
"Don’t put your tallis in de vashing machine! It iz better to
vash it by hand!"
De Gemorreh Song (To the tune of Bonomo Turkish Taffy
commercial)
Look in de gemorreh, der’s another shtick
Abayeh says halocheh, and Ravah contradicts.
Why do dey argue, vot do dey say?
De Rashi and Rif
Don’t give us de drift
Mai Nafka Minei
Kashyos, Pilpul, Mefarshim, Lo Tzericha.
Another ten blat more and we’ll finsih de masechta.
So ve sit in de bes hamedrash vondering vot ve should do?
De gemorreh says, "Taiku".