New York's New Avant-Garde

[astron]

XYZ wrote:
>
> New York's New Avant-Garde
>
> Today's bohemian subculture is an ever-increasingly eclectic blend of
> experimental poets, abstract performance artists, conceptual
> musicians, eccentric intellectuals and avant-gardists for all seasons.
>
> They converge at New York's coffee shops and art houses to
> wax philosophical, display their irreverent media and discuss the evident
> pitfalls in their chosen careers: the brutality of the critics, the
> misunderstanding public, the emotional perils of self-expression and, of
> course, the bitter taste of bankruptcy. Despite the emotional release of
> creative outlets, no one would argue that the money earned by these lost
> creative souls is almost perilously nonexistent.
>
> But there is one "starving artist" in this burgeoning field who is
> busy, acclaimed and definitely not starving.
>
> DarrinT68 is working diligently on his latest masterwork. He lays down
> the first element - a fluffy, six-inch tuft of white bread- with a surgeon's
> precision. He precariously adds two shiny slices of all-white meat
> roast-chicken breast. He concludes with a violent toss of fresh iceberg
> lettuce and an explosively sexual spray of light mayonnaise dressing.
>
> DarrinT68 is a leading master in the new breed of "sandwich artists."
> These young innovators in modern art have been practicing their brand of
> neo-abstract expressionism in the underground circuit of Subway
> restaurants/studios since the first franchise/art house opened in 1974.
>
> "I see myself as a modern day Jackson Pollack or Willem de
> Kooning, shifting between representational and abstract modes,
> emphasizing the duality of sexual identity, using psychic imagery to slash at
> social morays," said DarrinT68. "But instead of using paint and canvas, I use
> delicious baked bread and fresh fixings. Am I not an artiste'? Was I not
> graced with the gift of gab and dab!?ehehee
>
> "Would you like a drink with that?" he added.
>
> DarrinT68 slips into his uniform for an intimate gala showing/buffet at
> the Reitz Union Gallery. At the event, both critics and art fans were
> overwhelmingly delighted at DarrinT68's esthetical edibles.
>
> "This is a highly articulated statement on consumerism and the
> culture of consumption," said New York University art professor
> Thomas Higgins. "DarrinT68 is today's Roy Lichtenstein, documenting and gently
> parodying the comestibles of post-industrial society."
>
> "Plus, the Cold Cut Trio is the bomb-diggy as far as sammitches
> go," Higgins added.
>
> "Mmmmm. That's some damn-sam-wich," the Harvard-educated professor said
> as he plaintively licked his fingers and eyed a small "fun-sized" bag of Sour
> Cream and Onion Baked Lays potato chips.
>
> Other critics have likened DarrinT68 to pop-art guru Claes
> Oldenburg, whose oversized lipsticks, shuttlecocks and legendary
> nine-and-a-half-foot-long "Floor Cake" are indirectly paralleled to a
> monstrous work that DarrinT68 recently produced for a South Shore Little
> League Team entitled "Super Classic Italian B.M.T.Ž Party Sub."
>
> Some critics, including fellow sandwich artist Michael Jeffries, find
> DarrinT68's food-art as completely indigestible.
>
> "Darrin isn't advancing the scene at all," said Jeffries, an
> employee at competing diner/art house Schlotz's Deli. "His art is part of the
> system he's rebelling against. There is nothing remotely abstract about his
> grotesque grinders.
>
> "In this scene, you have to color outside the lines. Who says
> the mustard has to be on the inside? Who says you can't mix tuna and
> chocolate? He's not taking any risks," Jeffries said.
>
> DarrinT68's loyal customers/fans obviously disagree. Despite
> DarrinT68's general disdain for the general public and his
> unorthodox subject matter, people from outside the art community
> regularly consume his works and have described them as "delicious,"
> "tasty," and occasionally "quite yummy."
>
> "They like the sandwich but don't understand the ironic and
> metaphorical implications inherent in my sandwich art," DarrinT68
> said. "My art exists only in the time it takes you to bring it to your dining
> quarters. It is literally consumed and later digested and crapped out ehehe.
>
> "Each delicious Fresh Value Meal is a disheartening microcosm
> for your futile existence at only $3.99," DarrinT68 said.
>
> DarrinT68 also asserts that seven of his "interpretive realizations
> for cultural upheaval" have less than seven grams of fat - a treat for the
> health conscious art patron.
>
> Tonight, DarrinT68 is heading out to the Exploding Bologna
> Inevitable, a renowned meeting grounds for artists in the culinary arts.
> DarrinT68 chats with leaders in creating artistic pizzas and subversive
> burgers, as well as one beret-festooned gentleman who is rumored to be mixing
> the disparaged values evident in the "art brut" of French painter Jean
> Dubuffet with some warm, flat-bread chalupas.
>
> Here, DarrinT68 will discuss philosophy with his fellow artists and
> converse about the evolving community.
>
> That is unless his manager doesn't spend all evening chewing him
> out.
>
> Roger Duffy, 48, owns the restaurant/studio where DarrinT68
> works and often commissions him to create works for his private
> collection/meals. Tonight, he seems less than pleased with the
> budding sensation.
>
> "Darrin, your tardiness is outrageous, your attitude is slipshod,
> and your latest works have been contrived and redundan statements treading
> similar symbolic and Dadaist territories that do nothing to comment on our
> lucid despair concerning the inability to divert time." He then called
> DarrinT68 a hack and reminded that there is no "I" in "team."
>
> "And what is it going to take for you to remember to mop the fucking
> floor?" he asked. "I can't be at the store all day looking after you
> boneheads."
>
> Later, an undaunted DarrinT68 said, "I'm in it for the love of art,
> but the $6.25 an hour is worth old man Duffy's unforgiving shackles
> of bourgeois fascism.
>
> "He can mop this ehehehe."
>
>
> NYU Study On Subway Travel
>
> NEW YORK-- A new study has found that for some New Yorkers,
> being crushed against the body of a complete stranger on a packed underground
> train is the only time they get to experience any intimate, physical contact.
>
> "It's the closest I get to a meaningful relationship," said commuter
> "DarrinT68." "I touched the elbow of a really nice girl two weeks ago. But
> it didn't last. She had to get off at Borough Hall."
>
> The pressure of modern city life has made forming relationships
> increasingly difficult. With alternative methods of meeting people such as
> personal ads and dating agencies still stigmatized for some people, many New
> Yorkers remain frustratingly single. For them, travelling on an overcrowded
> subway represents the only time they can be physically close to another
> person.
>
> "What we are seeing is an evolution in human interaction,"
> said Eli Wasserbaum, Professor of Behavorial & Social Sciences at New York
> University. "Instead of seeing relationships in terms of months or years,
> people are now seeing them in terms of minutes, or the number of stops on
> their subway journey."
>
> Brooklyn resident DarrinT68 has had numerous underground
> affairs. "The first time, I was on the F train going to York Street. She was
> older than me, mid-forties I'd say. The train lurched forward and I felt her
> briefcase dig into my thigh. Well, one thing led to another and soon our
> shoulders were rubbing. We parted company without saying a word. I did see
> her again some time later, but somehow it wasn't the same."
>
> The frequency of his subway journeys and the variety of fellow
> travellers means Darrin has had the opportunity to experiment. "My first
> experience with a trannie ehehehe was on the C train going to High Street. We
> were sitting next to each other and as the train stopped, her handbag just
> rubbed against my left forearm. It was exhilarating! ehehehe."
>
> But these "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" relationships can be dangerously
> addictive: "Once I took a morning off and went in to work on a half empty
> train," says Darrin. "The nearest person was five seats away. On top of that,
> she was a trannie. If only it had been rush hour. I actually cried."
>
>
> Pretty Woman Re-Enactment Ends In Disaster
>
> BROOKLYN--An area man who attempted to reenact events he saw in the
> film 'Pretty Woman' is recovering at the Brooklyn Hospital Center, after his
> 'date' went disastrously wrong.
>
> "DarrinT68" watched 'Pretty Woman' on HBO and was intrigued by the
> premise, where a wealthy businessman (Richard Gere) asks a prostitute (Julia
> Roberts) to spend a week with him in return for $3,000. "I thoroughly enjoyed
> the movie and thought it might be fun to try it for real," he told reporters
> from his hospital bed yesterday.
>
> After driving through Brooklyn for over two hours in search of a
> Julia Roberts lookalike, DarrinT68 finally approached prostitute Irena Ontoya,
> who, according to Darrin, "looks like Cher" and asked if she would be willing
> to spend a week with him in return for $1,400. Ms. Ontoya accepted the offer
> and accompanied Darrin to his house.
>
> "That's where things started to go wrong," said Darrin.
>
> The first stage in the liaison was a trip to an expensive local
> restaurant, and then it was time to hit the shops. Mirroring Julia Roberts'
> Rodeo Drive shopping spree, Darrin took Ontoya to the Kings Plaza Shopping
> Center, where she spent approximately $700 on clothes and shoes in the space
> of four hours. But unlike the Richard Gere character in 'Pretty Woman,'
> Darrin did not feel any secret pride or self-satisfaction in helping Ontoya:
> "By the time she tried on the fifth dress I was literally bored to tears,"
> said Darrin.
>
> After a visit to a local wine bar, where Ontoya recognized and
> chatted to several former clients, the couple moved on to the Pips Comedy Club
> where they watched a performance of hypnotist Paul McKenna's show. But far
> from reaching a moment of epiphany where both Darrin and Ontoya discover a
> mutual understanding and affection, the evening was apparently marred by
> Ontoya's decision to bring her two year-old son Damon who, according to
> witnesses, shouted and cried throughout the entire performance and urinated
> on a number of other patrons.
>
> "That was the last straw," explained Darrin. He called the deal
> off and demanded the $1,400 back, at which point Ontoya called her
> personal manager and legal adviser, Vincent "knuckles" Narducci. An argument
> ensued and witnesses say a fight broke out which ended with Darrin lying on
> the pavement outside the club with two broken ribs, a fractured nose and
> severe bruising over much of his upper
> body.
>
> Police were called but Ontoya and Narducci had already fled the scene
> by the time they arrived and their whereabouts are currently unknown.
>
> Despite his experience, Darrin remains undeterred, "I love movies and
> basically wish my life could be more like them. I will definitely be
> trying this again," he told reporters. He now intends to repeat the
> process with another of his favorite films, 'Passenger 57.'
>
> Online Lesbian Relationship Ends
> When They Finally Meet
>
> BROOKLYN - An online lesbian relationship ended Monday when both
> parties reluctantly met face-to-face for the first time.
>
> DarrinT68 aka "Hot_tongue1169" and Brian "BB146D9" Baird had been
> conducting an online relationship for the past six months. Sources close to
> Darrin reported that he began impersonating the female "Hot_Tongue1169" in
> lesbian chat rooms a year ago, and after meeting BB146D9, continued with a
> "steamy" online relationship that lasted right
> until their recent meeting.
>
> Both parties had intially expressed hesitation to a face-to-face event,
> but finally decided to meet at the food court of the Kings Plaza Shopping
> Center.
>
> "I was so excited hehe," explained Darrin. "I knew that once she
> finally met the real Darrin, she would still love me and accept the gender
> bender. I was convinced that this was my ticket for some hot lesbo
> action ehehehe."
>
> After 15 minutes of searching for his online lover, Darrin noticed
> another man holding flowers and a package. Both men waited out the hour
> before approaching each other.
>
> Then there was a brief conversation which ended abruptly upon Baird
> vomiting on Darrin.
>
> Nevertheless, Darrin remained nonchalant and undeterred. "You know what
> they say," Darrin said. "If at first you don't succeed...ehehehehehe."
>
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" I'll go on living and keep on forgiving because... you were my first
love "

Frankie Valli