Yiddishkeit Code aka Hebrew Geek Code

[Robert D. Kaiser]

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*The Yiddishkeit Code* Version 9/25/96
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by Robert D. Kaiser kai...@pofvax.pnb.sunysb.edu
Formally known as "The Hebrew Geek Code"

Amaze your friends and family! Communicate volumes of information
about yourself with just a few letters! Give information to those in the
know! Don't limit yourself to uselss one word descriptions - Create your
own Yiddishkeit code, which you then can put in your .sig file. Have
fun. Permission is granted to spread this everywhere, as long as credit
is given. E-mail me any additions that you think would be good. They
might end up in the next version.

Example Yiddishkeit Code:
S+ Fa1 TM ng+ M K+ T t AT++ SY+=/SY+++ Te+ SC P+ FO++= D+ Tz++ E+ L- Am
hc I+

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Qualifiers: A&B Means A and B
A/B Means ranging from A to B
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Shabbat Observance

S--- I stone people walking to shul on Shabbat
S-- Of course. Every Sunday!
S- Not at all, or, "Shabbat - What's that?"
S Reform
S+ Conservative, will drive to shul
S++ Traditional, Orthodox
S+++ I stone cars on Shabbat

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Shabbat Candles

SC- I don't use matches. Only you can prevent forest fires.
SC Been there, done that.
SC+ Every Shabbat.
SC:( I blow them out afterwards so that they last longer.
SC++ I have been arrested for arson.
SC+++ I have been convicted for arson.
Add a 'W' for "My wife does that"
Example: SCW+, SCW ...

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Mishpacha (Family status)

Fa- Intermarried - but the children will be raised Jewish
Fa.n/a Not applicable. Don't you know? Gay people do not
get married!
Fa.gm Of course its applicable. Don't you know? Gay
people do get married!
Fa1 Not married - Single
Fa+ I married a Jew.
Fa++ I have more than one wife.
Only applicable for Yemenite Jews. Sorry :)

,c=# Where # represents the number of
children you have. Default = 0.

Default: Preseumed heterosexual. So sue me. :)

Examples: Fa1 Fa+ Fa+,c=1 Fa++,c=5

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Tohorot Mishpacha (Laws and customs pertaining to Family Purity, i.e.
sexual relations, the mikva, etc.)

TM-- I married a non-Jew, so this doesn't apply.
TM- I'm a pagan
TM I'm mostly following the rules
TM+ Traditional Orthodox
TM++ My wife and I have separate houses

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N'giah (Laws regarding touching a member of the opposite sex )

Ng--- I touch a memberof the opposite sex as much as possible
Ng-- I try to observe it as much as possible, but I'm in the same
cell as the arsonist. (see the Shabbat candles category).
Ng- I am Shomer N'giah, but not by choice.
Ng Liberal N'giah -- only touch a consenting partner
Ng+ Conservative N'giah -- only touch a consenting partner
I love and plan to marry.
Ng++ Orthodox N'giah -- Only touch my wife
Ng+++ I plan to have children by artificial inseminantion.

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Moshiach [Jews traditionally believe that there will be a messiah
(moshiach), who will be a normal human, unlike the Chrisitian concept,
and bring in a messianic era for humanity.]

M-- He's already come. Haven't you heard the Good Word?
M- Don't believe in it.
M Could be
M+ Ani ma'ammim (I believe with perfect faith)
M++ We want Moshiach now!
M+++ Shabbatai Tzvi is Moshiach.
M++++ I am Moshiach.

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Kashrut (Laws pertaining to what food Jews can eat.)

K-- I only eat at McDonald's. Also: What's kashrut?
K- Jewish in identity, not in practice. Likely to eat ham
and cheese, but will say a bracha afterwards
K Very liberal kosher. Won't eat any Torah forbidden
species, won't mix milk and meat. Will eat eat meat of
a permitted animal, even it not proeprly slaughtered.
K+ Conservative. Kashrut fully observed. Two sets of
dishes, etc. Add appropriate strictures as necessary.
If no codes are added, lenient options are default for K+
K++ Orthodox kashrut. Same as Conservative, but unless codes
are added, the stricter options are assumed for K++
K+++ Meshugge kosher. Even my vegetables are glatt!

ch+ Will only eat Kosher cheese.
ch Will eat cheese without a hechsher.
me+ Will only eat Glatt meat.
me Glatt not necessary.
mi+ Will only drink Chalav Yisrael milk.
mi Will drink regular FDA approved milk.
ge+ Won't eat gelatin, diglycerides, etc. unless
with an Orthodox hechsher.
ge Will eat gelatin, diglycerides, etc.
Considered pareve.
wi+ Will only drink kosher wine.
wi Will drink without a hechsher.

Examples: K+ K++ K++,mi k+,ch+

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Ivrit (Hebrew)

H- Is 'Jewish' a language?
H I went to Hebrew school. Shalom!
H+ I even took it in college.
H++ I'm not made fun of too badly by Israelis.
H+++ Ani midaber Ivrit tov me'od, nu?

Substitute Yid for H to denote Yiddish familiarity.
Substitue Lad for H to denote Ladino familiarity.

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Talmud study [The Talmud is the most important sourcebook of Jewish
law, legend, history and ethics.]

T--- I burn them whenever I get the chance. (Note: This
category is especially useful for apostates.)
T-- I'm a Karaite / Samaritan
T Studied in Hebrew school / Hebrew High School
T+ Studied in college or yeshiva; Competent to argue.
T++ Talmud Chochem
T+++ Adin Steinsaltz's chevruta.

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Tribe [All Jews are descended from one of the original 12 twelve
tribes.]

t Israel
t+ Levi
t++ Cohen
t+++ Next in line to be the Cohen Gadol
t? Not sure (be real - this is most of us!)

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Attendance at Shul (Synagogue)

AT-- Religion is for dweebs!
AT- Only for other people's weddings and bar/bat mitzvahs.
AT Regularly - Well, every Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur,
and I also had a Bar/Bat Mitzvah!
AT+ High holidays, Shalosh Regalim (Three festivals), and
occasional Shabbats.
AT++ I go regularly on most Shabbats.
AT+++ I even daven at shul on weekdays.
AT++++ The Rabbi wants to institute a restraining order to
keep me away!

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What type of shul do I got to?

SY--- First Church of Cthulhu, Friends of the Elder Gods, etc.
SY-- Jesus loves me, yes he does...
SY- Allah'hu Akbar!
-SY I don't go to shul
SYrc Reconstructionist
SY Reform
SY+ Conservative (egalitarian)
SY++ Non-egal Conservative or Union for Traditional Judaism
SY+++ Orthodox
SY+++M Modern/Centrist Orthodox
SY+++Y Yeshivish, Litvak, right wing, Agudath Yisroel
SY+++C Chassidic

You can add the appropriate Nusach code shown in the next section. If
you go to a shul that is different that your background, then code. If
you don't put a code after the shul type, the default is Ashkenazi.

You can add ",ch" to any of the above codes to indicate that you go to a
chavura instead of a shul or synagogue. Example: SY+,ch

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Nusach (liturgical and legal tradition)

A Ashkenazi (East European)
S Sephardic (North African, Middle Eastern)
Az Nusach HaAri (This is a Ashkenazi Chassidic nusach, which is
really a Sephardi nusach as modifed by Rav Shneur Zalman.)
SE Sephardic (European)
SY Sephardic (Yementite)
SI B'nai Yisrael (India)
ET Beta Yisrael (Ethiopian)

Examples: SY+ SY+/A SY+/A,SE SY+,SE

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Tefillin (Phylacteries) [Leather boxes with long leather straps that
contain biblical excerpts; Worn during morning prayers.]

Te- What's that? Is it good to eat?
Te I don't wear animal products, dude.
Te+ Sure, sometimes. Irregularly.
Te++ Every day, or almost every day. I'm a mensch! :)
Te+++ The doctors say if I don't taken them off soon,
they'll have to amputate.
Te.n/a Not applicable, I'm a woman.
Te!a Of COURSE Teffilin is applicable for women! Rashi's
daughters wore them! (Add appropriate + or - )

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Pesach (Passover)

P--- Happy Easter!
P-- Mohammed says to celebrate Moses's birthday !
P- I refrain from bacon double cheeseburgers on Pesach.
No bread at all! My parents are sooo proud!
P Yeah, I think I follow most of the rules. Mostly.
PC Everything except for the part about "Pour out thy wrath"
P+ Even the pet eats tuna and matzah-brei for a week
P++ I start cleaning right after Hanukkah !
P+++ Blowtorch the kitchen, buy new dishes every Spring
P++++ Blowtorch the house, move every Spring (This ties in
with that arson category of Shabbos candles).

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Festival Observance:

FO---- Sacrifices to Cthulhu, Nylarthotep, any Elder Gods, etc.
FO--- Christmas Tree and Easter Eggs
FO-- Chanukka Bush and Passover Candy Basket
FO- Secular home
FO Somewhat Traditional - add the following qualifiers
as you find appropriate:

s Go to a seder
m Light the menorah.
p Make noise and drink on Purim.
t Dance on Simchat Torah
su Eat in a Sukka on Sukkot.
sL Can LEAD a Seder :)
co Count the Omer
hh Go to High Holiday services.

FO+ Full Observance - Reform
FO++= Full Observance - Conservative, egalitarian
FO++ Same as above, but non-egalitarian.
FO+++ Orthodox observance
FO+++:( Celebrate all festivals but not new ones like Israel
Independence Day, and Yom Yerushalayim since Moshiach is
not yet here.

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Davening (praying) ability

D--- Ia, Shub Nigurath! Cthulhu Ftaghan Rylea!
D-- I daven Gospel.
D- What's davening?
D I know when to stand, sit and bow.
D+ I also know the Sh'ma and Kaddish by heart, and can
somehow make it through most of the rest.
D++ I can lead services
D+++ I can also read some/all Torah, Haftarah and Megillot
D++++ and they'll invite me back a second time :)

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Tzedakah (Charity)

Tz- I'm a professional shnorrer. Got a dollar?
Tz I give a few bucks - but not if it hurts! :(
Tz+ I actually notice when I give.
Tz++ Repeat donor to UJA, JNF, or SPCA, anything but the PLO.
Tz+++ Give till it hurts. A mensch. :)
Tz++++ I'm a Rothschild

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Egalitarianism Factor

E- uh...if a man heard a woman's voice, he'd be so overcome with
lustful thoughts he wouldn't be able to concentrate on his
prayers...
E OK, women can wear tefillin and have women's prayer groups,
just keep them behind the mechitza! But they don't count in
a minyan.
E+ Women (who REALLY have taken on the obligations of tefila
Tallit and Tefillin) can read Torah and count in minyans.
E++ Any women (even without taking on the obligations) can
count in a minyan.
E+++ I only like women rabbis/ I AM a woman Rabbi /
I married a woman Rabbi.
E++++ I'm an ultraliberal lesbian Reconstructionist Rabbi.

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Lashon Hora (Evil or hateful speech, gossip, slander)

L----- I am Ricki Lake; Lashon Hora is my job.
L---- I am a talk show host.
L--- I have appeared on a talk show and acted like
a true weenie in front of millions of people.
L-- I write for check-out counter tabloids.
L- I never speak Lashon Hora, but I'll tell you
someone who does!
L If you don't have something nice to say, than don't say
it.
L+ I can recite parts of Rabbi Pliskin's "Guard Your tounge".

A true mensch.
L++ The Chofetz Chaim is my inspiration. I have his books,
his commentaries, and the new interactive CD-ROM.
L+++ I even refrained from criticising Intel's Pentium
debacle. A tzaddik.
(Note: People who choose this last option are
high on morals, but possibly low on modesty)

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Tzin'out - Often pronounced Tzinous or Snious.
(Laws and customs pertaining to wearing modest clothing.)

(for women)

Aw---I love my bikini, I wear it everywhere.
Aw-- ...except in Syngaogue.
Aw- I don't wear mini skirts if they are "Shatnez"
Aw Conventional American dress.
Aw+ Modest Orthodox apparel. I wear long sleeves, only
dresses (no pants) and my hair is covered in public.
Am++ Real Haredi or Chassidic style dress.
Aw+++ Even my husband doesn't know what I look like.

(for men)

Am---I love my thong. I wear it everywhere.
Am-- ...except in Synagogue.
Am- Sure I wear leather and studs sometimes - after all, its
not Shatnez!
Am Conventional American dress.
Am+ Hat (usually black) and dark suit.
Am++ Real Haredi or Chassidic style dress.
Am+++I dress like a Cohen Gadol. You know, just like that
Vulcan High Priestess in the beginning of Star Trek: The
Motion Picture. (Really! Leonard Nimoy had that based
on the dress of a Cohen Gadol. B'emet!)

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Eretz Yisroel (The Land of Israel)

I--- Proud to be Hezbollah!
I-- I belong to the Neturai Karta
(Satmar anti-Zionist splinter group)
I-- (Alternative) Member of the Noam Chomsky fan club
I- What's the big deal about such a little country?
I I've planted a tree and donated to the JNF
I+ I visited and davened at the Kotel
I++ It's my second home
I+++ I made aliyah
I++++ I'll be at the Golden Gate (in Jerusalem) when
Mashiach comes through it.

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Head Covering

Male
hc--- Say it loud, I'm a skinhead and I'm proud!
hc-- Bareheaded even when in shul
hc- Reform Jewish/Protestant Christian clergy head gear
hc I wear a kipa (yarmulka) in shul, and at religous
events, and when studying Torah, etc.
hc+ I normally wear a kipa sruga all day. (Those
crotched, knit kipas. Worn by Modern Orthdodox,
Conservative and now some Reform Jews.)
hc++ Black power! (Black hatters unite)
Also, big Litvak style kipot.
hc+++ You're nor a *real* chasid unil you have a big FUR hat!
hc++++ Big fruity Carmen Miranda hat. Wear God's bounty
on your head. Birkat haMazon all day long!

Female
hc--- Say it loud, I'm a skinhead and I'm proud!
hc-- Bareheaded even in shul
hc- Reform Jewish/Protestant Christian clergy head gear
hc I wear a hat or doily in shul only.
hc+ I normally wear a kipa sruga (those crotched, knit
kipas. Worn by some Conservative and Reform Jews.)
hc++ I wear a scarf or hat when going outside the home.
hc+++ Wigging out!
hc++++ Big fruity Carmen Miranda hat. Wear God's bounty
on your head. Birkat haMazon all day long!

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By Robert D. Kaiser kai...@pofvax.pnb.sunysb.edu
with contributions from

Michael Turniansky mt0...@epfl2.epflbalto.org
Jonathan and Woody Anna Dresner dre...@ccy.yamaguchi-u.ac.jp
Wendy Morrison HMT...@aol.com
John Riehl
Yatzliakh Yisrael Abrahami Ya...@intxtdoc.demon.co.uk
Aaron Gross a...@pobox.com
Rachel Marans msma...@pluto.mscc.huji.ac.il
Joeseph W. Grayson jw...@columbia.edu
Leif Knutsen leif.k...@ac.com
David Joseph Grabiner grab...@math.huji.ac.il
Eric Brown ebr...@hpanix.an.hp.com