Jews Receiving Non-Religious "Seasonal" Party Favors
Avi Jacobson
version=3D2.63
I have been participating in a discussion of this subject on another
(parenting-related) board and am interested in hearing other people's
opinions.
Specifically, a poster (presumably Christian) will be holding a baby
shower around Christmas time, and was considering giving away "Seasonal"
(but non-religious) party favors such as tree decoration balls. She
wondered whether Jewish guests at her party would be offended by this.
I expressed doubt that anyone but the most observant Orthodox Jews would
take offense at a candy cane, snowman or tree decoration ball, but that
overtly religious symbols (e.g. manger scenes, crosses) would be
inappropriate. Another poster responded that the only Jews who shared my
view were "anti-Israel, anti-religion, anti-observant" Jews (which she
apparently presumes me to be, though I am none of these). She suggested
I post the question on a Jewish list to see what reactions I get.
So here I am. How would you feel if you were invited to a baby shower by
a Christian friend toward the end of December, and were given a tree
ball as a party favor? Would you be highly offended?
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Kevin Karplus
version=3D2.63
On 2005-10-18, Avi Jacobson <av...@pacbell.net> wrote:
> Specifically, a poster (presumably Christian) will be holding a baby
> shower around Christmas time, and was considering giving away
> "Seasonal" (but non-religious) party favors such as tree decoration
> balls. She wondered whether Jewish guests at her party would be
> offended by this. .... So here I am. How would you feel if you were
> invited to a baby shower by a Christian friend toward the end of
> December, and were given a tree ball as a party favor? Would you be
> highly offended?
Disclaimer: I am not Jewish, and my household celebrates both Christmas
and Channukah, so my opinion may not be relevant.
I would find giving tree ornament balls as party favors at a baby shower
inappropriate at any season, but not offensive. (Glass baubles are not
appropriate celebrations of impending child birth---the family with the
baby would not want it playing with hollow glass spheres, so why would
they inflect them on their friends?)
On the other hand, winter-themed gifts that were not so strongly tied to
a particular holiday would make better party favors, as the party is not
a holiday party.
For example, candles, which could be seen as seasonal party favors, are
both ornamental and useful, regardless of one's religious affiliation.
One can even come up with ways to make them symbolically appropriate for
an impending birth.
------------------------------------------------------------
Kevin Karplus kar...@soe.ucsc.edu http://www.soe.ucsc.edu/~karplus
Cyndi Norwitz
party is as you stated a baby shower. Now, if it were me and I was throwing a party that was close to
a religious holiday whereby I would be giving seasonal party favor...like menorah, some chanukah
favor and I did have non-jewish attendees, I would probably have somethingelse to give to my non-
jewish friends. I wouldn't look at it like it the party favor would offend someone but rather
something that I thought they would appreciate as a little token of coming to my party.
Wendy Darrow
a Christian friend toward the end of December, and were given a tree
ball as a party favor? Would you be highly offended?>>
that they would think everyone puts up a tree. But, mostly I would think
"What a waste of this person's money! I will never use a tree ball!" and
then would give it to a non-Jewish friend whom would enjoy it.
Wendy Darrow
Carrollton, TX
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tova stabin
trees are Christian (Christian secular culture, if you will) and giving
christmas tree ornaments to everyone makes the assumption that "christmas"
is what we ALL celebrate, that christmas is somehow the norm. I am nowhere
near orthodox (secular and reconstructionist) and I'm offended by people
assuming I do anything about christmas. On the other hand, if a christian
person invited me to their home to share in THEIR celebration, that's fine
(just as I might invite a non-jew at Passover), but to give me something
associated with christmas as if I celebrate it, is another matter and
insensitive.
tova
Irene Bleiweiss
favor offensive, but neither would I consider it especially thoughtful
of her Jewish guests. The purpose of a Christmas tree decoration is . .
. to hang it on a Christmas tree! So the hostess is being presumptive
in assuming that her Jewish guests will have any use for the gift. The
hostess also may not be aware of potential problems for Jewish parents.
For example, the parent may have explained to her children that they do
not have a Christmas tree because Christmas is not a Jewish holiday.
How will her kids react when she brings home a glass ball ornament?
This strikes me as a hostess who wants to find something plentiful,
inexpensive, but nice enough to use once a year. There are lots of
other gifts that fit those requirements and that can be used by all.
Avi wrote:
Specifically, a poster (presumably Christian) will be holding a baby
shower around Christmas time, and was considering giving away "Seasonal"
(but non-religious) party favors such as tree decoration balls. She
wondered whether Jewish guests at her party would be offended by this.
This post reflects the author's opinion; the moderators' opinions may differ.
Cyndi Norwitz
to be a real Jew, a religious person, you have to support the Israeli
government's positions. But that's another issue altogether. :-)
Most party favors are silly things that get thrown out when the person gets
home. They're generally a waste. I don't have more use for a little
plastic champaign glass with a wedding couple's names embossed on a ribbon
(an actual wedding favor I once recieved) than I do for a Christmas tree
ornament.
But I wonder why someone so worried about offending her Jewish guests would
give out favors that are only useful to Christians. There is no other use
for a tree ball than to put on a tree. No reasonable use.
Something like a candy cane is fine because, while they're traditional for
Christmas, they're just candy and anyone (who eats candy) can enjoy them.
When I see people do things that are presented as secular and "for
everyone" but they are actually Christian (like giving people tree balls),
I don't get offended but I do feel left out. Most people who celebrate
Christmas haven't a clue why us Jews would choose not to join in with such
a joyous holiday. I did once have a friend give me a Christmas gift which
was a tree ornament and it was just embaressing (we're still friends; she
just didn't think it through). In this case, the person throwing hte baby
shower already has thought about it and can't use that as an excuse.
An alternative would be to have a table full of favors that the guests can
pick from. Make some truely secular and have some Christmasy things for
the rest.
Cyndi
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kgold
version=2.63
"Avi Jacobson" <av...@pacbell.net> writes:
>>
>> Specifically, a poster (presumably Christian) will be holding a baby
>> shower around Christmas time, and was considering giving away "Seasonal"
>> (but non-religious) party favors such as tree decoration balls. She
>> wondered whether Jewish guests at her party would be offended by this.
I wouldn't be horribly offended.
However, assuming the poster knew in advance that I was Jewish, I
think it reflects negatively on the giver. Either
- the poster didn't understand that Jews don't celebrate Christmas, or
- the post knew that the tree decoration was inappropriate and didn't care.
But a baby shower is not the time to make a scene. Take the gift,
bring it to the thrift shop, and move on.
-- Ken Goldman kg...@watson.ibm.com 914-784-7646
fred
>> X-Spam-Status: No, hits=3D0.0 required=3D5.0 tests=3Dnone autolearn=3Dno
>> version=3D2.63
>>
>> I have been participating in a discussion of this subject on another
>> (parenting-related) board and am interested in hearing other people's
>> opinions.
>>
>> Specifically, a poster (presumably Christian) will be holding a baby
>> shower around Christmas time, and was considering giving away "Seasonal"
>> (but non-religious) party favors such as tree decoration balls. She
>> wondered whether Jewish guests at her party would be offended by this.
>>
>> I expressed doubt that anyone but the most observant Orthodox Jews would
>> take offense at a candy cane, snowman or tree decoration ball, but that
>> overtly religious symbols (e.g. manger scenes, crosses) would be
>> inappropriate.
I guess I would be classified as an "observant Orthodox Jew", and I
can't see anything to be offended by. These people aren't Jews, and
don't know anything about Jews. I obviously wouldn't bother to take
one of the favors, but then I wouldn't eat any of the food, either.
When you accept an invitation under such circumstances, you should know
what to expect.
>> Another poster responded that the only Jews who shared my
>> view were "anti-Israel, anti-religion, anti-observant" Jews (which she
>> apparently presumes me to be, though I am none of these). She suggested
>> I post the question on a Jewish list to see what reactions I get.
Does that mean that only "anti-Israel, anti-religion, anti-observant"
Jews would accept candy canes, etc? It seems to me that it is the
least religious Jews who are most bothered by what is known every year
on scjp as the "December Dilemma", of which this thread is merely
another facet. When you expect society at large to set your boundaries
for you, it isn't all that rare that you will find that it doesn't do
so to your satisfaction. Orthodox Jews set their own boundaries, and
thus are very clear and comfortable with themselves even when society
moves in a different direction. Of course the "downside" to that, if
you think of it as such, is that we also live with those boundaries the
other eleven months of the year.