my new jdate profile
Janet Rosenbaum From:
If anyone knows someone for me, please let me know!
As I walk down the street, birds swoop in to greet me, alighting on my
shoulder to chat if they have a moment. I sing symphonies to babies in
the subway, dance with small mammals in the park, and bring hash
brownies to the infirm. Raccoons do all my grocery shopping.
My masechet yomi program has swept the nation, my recently finished
Finnish translation and commentary of the Bavli has revolutionized
Helsinki, and my Finno-Ugric Jewish Classics Series will be completed in
May with my Estonian translation of the "women's Shulchan Aruch",
V'Nishmarto Mikol Dovor Ro: Laws of Tz'niyus for Our Degenerate Age,
written with ruach hakodesh by HHHH"H Eli Clark shlit"a.
My eyes emit laser beams of chessed capable of vaporizing a small
Reconstructionist synagogue. One week, the Stern College football team
unexpectedly ended up staying for shabbat, and I had only five rolls,
two pieces of fish, and a bag of pre-washed salad greens, but this food
fed all of us for lunch, we had leftovers for seudah shlishit, and
Shayndie the quarterback left with a doggy bag.
I was born and raised Jewish in a time before Oreos were kosher, so at
Hebrew School we threw Hydrox cookies out the window onto passing cars
on Lake Shore Drive. The cookie that landed on the windshield of the
Vice Lords' head limosine is one of the two mistakes I've made in my
life.
In recognition of our obligation to remember yetziat mitzrayim, I keep
kosher l'pesach year-round, shoot darts at sarcophagii I stole from the
British Museum and smuggled onto the airplane within the black hole I
keep in my chumash (in parshat korach), and write Y"M in the upper
right-hand corner of every piece of paper in sight.
After I started keeping shabbat (I had been raised to hold by the local
eruv), I discovered I knew my maternal line only back fourteen
generations, so I converted l'chumra (as HaRav HaGaon Scroll shlita
writes, "kol safek l'chumra"). As a bonus, I now enjoy all the benefits
of giyoret status.
Susan Cohen
"Janet Rosenbaum From:" <jero...@hcs.harvard.edu> wrote in message
news:c2g614$7vm$2...@news.fas.harvard.edu...
>
> If anyone knows someone for me, please let me know!
My brother is in his early forties - too old for you?
Susan
Janet Rosenbaum From:
>My brother is in his early forties - too old for you?
Can he speak Raccoon?
Janet
Susan Cohen
> "Susan Cohen" <fla...@verizon.net> writes:
> >My brother is in his early forties - too old for you?
>
> Can he speak Raccoon?
Hmmm, I think just Cat & Trout.
Susan
arise and learn
>
>As I walk down the street, birds swoop in >to greet me, alighting on my
>shoulder to chat if they have a moment. I >sing symphonies to babies in
>the subway, dance with small mammals >in the park, and bring hash
>brownies to the infirm. Raccoons do all >my grocery shopping.
>
>My masechet yomi program has swept >the nation, my recently finished
>Finnish translation and commentary of >the Bavli has revolutionized
>Helsinki, and my Finno-Ugric Jewish >Classics Series will be completed in
>May with my Estonian translation of the >"women's Shulchan Aruch",
>V'Nishmarto Mikol Dovor Ro: Laws of >Tz'niyus for Our Degenerate Age,
>written with ruach hakodesh by HHHH"H >Eli Clark shlit"a.
>
>My eyes emit laser beams of chessed >capable of vaporizing a small
>Reconstructionist synagogue. One >week, the Stern College football team
>unexpectedly ended up staying for >shabbat, and I had only five rolls,
>fed all of us for lunch, we had leftovers for >seudah shlishit, and
>Shayndie the quarterback left with a >doggy bag.
>
>I was born and raised Jewish in a time >before Oreos were kosher, so at
>Hebrew School we threw Hydrox cookies >out the window onto passing cars
>on Lake Shore Drive. The cookie that >landed on the windshield of the
>Vice Lords' head limosine is one of the >two mistakes I've made in my
>life.
>
>In recognition of our obligation to >remember yetziat mitzrayim, I keep
>kosher l'pesach year-round, shoot darts >at sarcophagii I stole from the
>British Museum and smuggled onto the >airplane within the black hole I
>keep in my chumash (in parshat korach), >and write Y"M in the upper
>right-hand corner of every piece of paper >in sight.
>
>After I started keeping shabbat (I had >been raised to hold by the local
>eruv), I discovered I knew my maternal >line only back fourteen
>generations, so I converted l'chumra (as >HaRav HaGaon Scroll shlita
>writes, "kol safek l'chumra"). As a bonus, >I now enjoy all the benefits
>of giyoret status.
Good luck in finding the right person.
shelebarch al ha bacharot im sheli yaffa im teferet yaffa meod Hag Sameach
Leman Purim Tovim im harbeh gilah, ditzah, rinah!!!!
Amen Selah
Israel Tekhelet
**************************************************************************
*******************
I believe with a complete faith that the entire Torah now in our hands is the
same one that was given to Moses, our teacher, peace be upon him.
Eliyahu Rooff
>
> If anyone knows someone for me, please let me know!
>
> As I walk down the street, birds swoop in to greet me, alighting on my
> shoulder to chat if they have a moment. I sing symphonies to babies in
> the subway, dance with small mammals in the park, and bring hash
> brownies to the infirm. Raccoons do all my grocery shopping.
>
hold by and one that you don't... :-)
Nice to see you back in the newsgroup, Janet.
Eliyahu
Jonathan J. Baker
>If anyone knows someone for me, please let me know!
>After I started keeping shabbat (I had been raised to hold by the local
>eruv), I discovered I knew my maternal line only back fourteen
>generations, so I converted l'chumra (as HaRav HaGaon Scroll shlita
>writes, "kol safek l'chumra"). As a bonus, I now enjoy all the benefits
>of giyoret status.
"But I have not yet gone to college."
So where's the punch line?
--
Jonathan Baker | Knock knock. Who's there? Mischa. Mischa who?
jjb...@panix.com | Mishenichnas Adar marbim besimcha.
--> New on <http://www.panix.com/~jjbaker/>: Tefilla columns <--
Janet Rosenbaum From:
>"But I have not yet gone to college."
You're the second person to notice the resemblance. I actually hadn't
read it before I wrote this, although after I read it I changed the
style a little.
>So where's the punch line?
I thought the raccoons were pretty good.
Obviously my humor writing isn't up to snuff yet.
Janet
Eliyahu Rooff
I enjoyed it, though, and found it quite amusing. I like your style.
Eliyahu
mos...@mm.huji.ac.il
It's nice to read Purim posts when they're not _labeled_ as such.
Thanks.
Moshe Schorr
It is a tremendous Mitzvah to always be happy! - Reb Nachman of Breslov
Nothing snipped
mos...@mm.huji.ac.il
Janet, your writing is great. For some reason Jon was parsimonious
with the praise.
And for the Record, I didn't go to college either. So?
cindys
<mos...@mm.huji.ac.il> wrote in message
news:2004Mar...@mm.huji.ac.il...
> Janet Rosenbaum From: <jero...@hcs.harvard.edu> writes:
>
> It's nice to read Purim posts when they're not _labeled_ as such.
> Thanks.
This was extremely clever, but I don't think it was a Purim spoof. I think
Janet is seriously trying to meet someone (and utilizing humor and wit to do
so).
Best regards,
---Cindy S.
Janet Rosenbaum From:
>And for the Record, I didn't go to college either. So?
Thanks for all the phrase.
Jon was talking about this essay:
--------------------------------
http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/~susan/joke/essay.htm
It seems that Hugh Gallagher wrote this for a national writing
contest, and that an Urban Legend has since arisen that he wrote it
as an actual application essay.
18 June 1998, update. Hugh Gallagher emailed me(!), and said: "I
was happy to see my college essay on your site (by the the way,
I did send it to colleges)". So that's that Urban Legend laid to
rest, then? He also said "... and my first novel, Teeth, was
published by Pocket Books this Spring. ... It's a coming of age
tale about a guy with really messed up teeth, who goes
travelling around the world instead of fixing his mouth." If
it's told with anything like the style and wit of what follows,
it should be great!
Hugh Gallagher's 'College Essay'
3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO
GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER
THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:
ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR
ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE
YOU AS A PERSON?
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing
ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch
breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat
retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write
award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I
tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can
pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I
cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in
stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once
single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin
from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I
was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous
documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges
in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after
school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless
bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of
corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen,
yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have
won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a
traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft
floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany
circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly
accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David
Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire
dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every
food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert
operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I
sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully
negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small
bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all
paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in
full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life
but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four
course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed
prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan,
cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the
Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart
surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
Creedmooronics!
>
> If anyone knows someone for me, please let me know!
Would you like to be the next Creedmoorer Rebbetzin? The Admou"r has a
couple of unmarried personalities :).
IS
Eliyahu Rooff
"cindys" <cst...@rochester.rr.com> wrote in message
news:1Ei3c.86$In4...@news01.roc.ny...
>
> <mos...@mm.huji.ac.il> wrote in message
> news:2004Mar...@mm.huji.ac.il...
> > Janet Rosenbaum From: <jero...@hcs.harvard.edu> writes:
> >
> > It's nice to read Purim posts when they're not _labeled_ as such.
> > Thanks.
> -------
> This was extremely clever, but I don't think it was a Purim spoof. I
think
> Janet is seriously trying to meet someone (and utilizing humor and wit
to do
> so).
> Best regards,
> ---Cindy S.
>
Eliyahu
Jonathan J. Baker
>"Janet Rosenbaum From:" <jero...@hcs.harvard.edu> wrote in message
>> >"But I have not yet gone to college."
>> You're the second person to notice the resemblance. I actually hadn't
>> >So where's the punch line?
>> I thought the raccoons were pretty good.
>> Obviously my humor writing isn't up to snuff yet.
>Well, you could always subcontract it out to the raccoons. :-)
>I enjoyed it, though, and found it quite amusing. I like your style.
I enjoyed it too. It's just that it was so over-the-top and reminiscent
of the other piece, that I felt that I was left hanging when there was
no concluding line like "But I have not yet found a shiddach".
Janet Rosenbaum From:
>This was extremely clever, but I don't think it was a Purim spoof. I think
>Janet is seriously trying to meet someone (and utilizing humor and wit to do
>so).
I'm not sure if I'm trying to meet someone or not. Not on jdate anyhow.
Janet
Susan Cohen
>
> It's nice to read Purim posts when they're not _labeled_ as such.
> Thanks.
You mean that was fake?
Darn!
My brother will be so disappointed....
Susan
Eliyahu Rooff
"Susan Cohen" <fla...@verizon.net> wrote in message
news:PEw3c.35872$rW6....@nwrddc03.gnilink.net...
>
> <mos...@mm.huji.ac.il> wrote in message
> news:2004Mar...@mm.huji.ac.il...
> > Janet Rosenbaum From: <jero...@hcs.harvard.edu> writes:
> >
> > It's nice to read Purim posts when they're not _labeled_ as such.
> > Thanks.
>
> You mean that was fake?
> Darn!
> My brother will be so disappointed....
>
spoof? IIUC, she's still "available" and, from everything I've seen here
over the years, Janet would be a great match for a man with a good head
on his shoulders and as quick witted as she.
Eliyahu
mos...@mm.huji.ac.il
>>And for the Record, I didn't go to college either. So?
>
> Thanks for all the phrase.
praise.
> Jon was talking about this essay:
Yours was _better_!
Moshe Schorr
It is a tremendous Mitzvah to always be happy! - Reb Nachman of Breslov
Nothing snipped. It _is_ very funny. M.S.
Janet Rosenbaum From:
>Because the raccoons don't really shop for her, or because it was a
>spoof? IIUC, she's still "available" and, from everything I've seen here
>over the years, Janet would be a great match for a man with a good head
>on his shoulders and as quick witted as she.
Thanks for thinking of me.
I'm available, but I don't date anyone more than 5 years older than I am.
Janet