[SP] Jancuk...! Jaranku ....!
huang chin lung
cuma sekadar lelucon "jorok".]
Jancuk...! Jaranku ..... !
Mat Pithi pancen bethike gak ketulungan. Masih bapakne kaji, Mo-Limo wis
dilakoni. Korak, balon, germo, tukang parkir sak Kermil kenal kabe karo arek
Dinoyo Gang Limo iki. Tapi sejak Suharto ngelundung, kelakoane rodok apik.
Mat Pithi gak tau ugal-ugalan maneh. Lek ditakoni koncone, "Mat raimu sik
mbalonan?". "Mathek ketubruk montor, tanganku kithing aku wis tobat
cuuk...!", Mat Pithi ngotot. Modele morale arek iki melu reformasi pisan.
Saiki kesibukane Mat Pithi meguron nang Kaji Kholil, guru ngaji soko Ampel.
Segala ilmu disinaui. Mulai ilmu kebal sampe ilmu gendhing wedhokan wis
dikuasani. Jangkep limang wulan meguru, Mat Pithi diwekasi gurune " Mat...,
ilmu sing mbok sinaui wis jangkep. Tapi lek koen kepingin ningkatno mane,
koen topo wae ning Gunung Batok.".
Ngeroso ilmune sik kurang, Mat Pithi berangkat topo ning Gunung Batok. Arek
iki bener-bener nuekat. Deweke topo terus gak atik turu nang guwo gumbul
karo jerangkong, sundel bolong, tuyul, wis pokoke sembarang kalir. Pas dino
ke-pitu, dalu pisan, ono wong tuwo muncul ning guwo mau iku. Wong tuwo iki
langsung wae ngomong "Mat..mat..!, gak ono wong sing sanggup topo koyok koen
ning guwo iki". Mat Pithi cuek wae karo nguyu nang jero ati (gendeng arek
iki...). "Wis koen lungo wae...", si Mbah rodhok nyentak. Gak kalah banter
Mat Pithi njawab "Mooh...!". "lho ojo ngonoo..rek...!", si Mbah mulai kalem
kalah gertak. "Aku gelem ninggalno guwo iki tapi ono sarate..., kabeh
penjalukanku kudu mbok kabulno", Mat Pithi negesno. Gak atik mikir
dowo-dowo, si Mbah langsung ngomong "wis ngene wae, koen iso njaluk opo wae
tak kabulno, tapi mek ping telu thok". Karo mikir gak sepiro suwih, Mat
Pithi njawab "O.K...!"
"Mbah.., rupoku iki lak gak sepiro elek, eeh...! gak sepiro ganteng, aku
kepingin duwe rupo koyok bintang pilem Bary Prima bekas bojone Eva Arnaz",
Mat Pithi njaluk. Si Mbah njawab "Le..le..saiki koen muleh wae, tekan omah
rupomu wis gak koyok meduro mane..!. Langsung wae Mat Pithi nginclik moleh
numpak jaran sewoan. Tekan omah langsung ngoco. "Wiik...guanteng men aku
saiki rek...!", Mat Pithi kaget ndelok dapurane gak koyok biyen mane. Tapi
Mat Pithi jik gak puas. Pikire mosok rai koyok Barry Prima tapi awak koyok
Timbul Srimulat.
Sisuk bengine, Mat Pithi balik maneh nang Gunung Batok nemoni Mbak
daden-daden iku. "Mbah..mbah.., raiku wis guanteng koyok bintang pilem ning
tipi-tipi iku. Tapi awak-ku jek kuru lan tepos. Dadekno awakku- koyok Barry
Prima, ojok mek rai thok", Mat Pithi nerangno penjalukane sing ke-2.
Komat-kamit diluk si Mbah langsung ngongkon Mat Pithi moleh karo njamin lek
awake mesti dadi dempal koyok Barry Prima. Tekan omah Mat Pithi langsung
kocoan. Ndelok awake sing dadi dempal iku Mat Pithi seneng banget. Pikire
cewek sak suroboyo mesti kepincut karo awake.
Urung suwih senenge, Mat Pithi moro-moro mecucu wae sak wise metu teko
jeding. Rupane "manuke" gak melu dempal. Gamblese Mat Pithi jik podo karo
biyen cilik lan bungkring. Mat Pithi dadine kepikiran terus. Njaluk nang
Mbah maneh..., eman polahe jatahe wis kari pisan. Tapi timbangane urip duwe
manuk sak upit, Mat Pithi nekat ngenthekno jatah penjalukane.
"Mbah..mbah..mbah..." Mat Pithi jerit-jerit nang guwo Gunung Batok. Dienteni
sampek elek gak muncul-muncul Si Mbah iku. Tapi persis sepuluh menit sak
gurungi magrib, Si Mbah muncul. "Mat..Mat.., jatah penjalukanmu ojo
dientekno. Eman-emanen kanggo mbesuk-mbesuk" Si Mbah nguwei nasehat.
"Mooh..mooh...!", Mat Pithi njawab karo matane rodhok mbrebes mili. "Mbah
tolong Mbah..., awak-ku lan raiku wis persis koyok Barry Prima, tapi
"barang"-ku sak umprit koyok slilit" Mat Pithi melas.
"Tolong mbah dadekno "barangku" koyok jaranku sing tak sewo iki", Mat Pithi
tambah melas. Modele arek sing biasa nekat iki "putus asa". "Aku isin
Mbah...!", ambek suoro sing rodok serak gara-gara kudu nangis. Gak tego lan
meksake si Mbah akhire ngabulno permintaane Mat Pithi. "Mat...gak suwih
maneh barangmu koyok barange jaranmu iku". "Suwun..suwun..suwun Mbah..., iki
sing terakhir koq", Mat
Pithi girang. Sampek gak sempet pamit, Mat Pithi moleh, plenciiing...!.
Tapi gurung tekan omah, Mat Pithi mikir, kaget..., moto mbrebes mili...,
cangkep mewek..., Mat Pithi nangis karo jerit-jerit "JUANCUUUK JARANKU
WEDHOOK...".
Mat..., nasibmu elek masio rupamu ganteng, awakmu dempal lek duwe "kimpet"
yoo ngilani...hi..hi..hi. (sumbangane salah sijine anggota milis)
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doddix
huang chin lung wrote:
--
Doddix
web:http://www.geocities.com/mac_doddix
email:dod...@mac.com
Dibayar waktu Surfing/chatting dengan ClickDough - daftar di:
https://secure.clickdough.com/servlets/cr/CRSignup.po?referral_id=(doddix)
Intel Inside
Mari kekeselen ngerombeng gak oleh-oleh, Kayat katene ngaso ngisore wit
asem, mripate nguantuk, sikile kemeng, wetenge lue.
Sik tas katene keturon, dhadhak sikile ngincak botol. Bareng botole dijupuk
dhadhak metu beluke, Kayat mencolot kuaget.
"Hua ha ha ha, jenengku jin botol, telu panjalukmu bakal tak turuti," jare
jine.
"Gak percoyo aku, paling kon kate mbujuki aku. Biyen aku iki guanteng lan
sugih, lha saiki aku malih ireng mlarat koyok ngene iki mergo dibujuki ambek
jin" jare Kayat.
"Lho biyen iku be'e awakmu pethuk ambek jin kaspo, lha aku iki lak jin
apikan tah, dhadhi wis gak usah khawatir.
Opo maneh awakmu wis kadung koyok ngono, gak bakal isok luwih soro maneh,
wis tah gak rugi pokoke. Lek gak percoyo, cobaken dhisik ae njaluk opo" jare
jine maneh.
"Yo wis, awas lek awakmu mbujuki. Tak gibheng kon !!!. Sing pertama, aku
kepingin ndhuwe dhuwik sak karung," jare Kayat
"Meremo dhiluk ..." jare jine. Ting ... Pas melek moro-moro ndhik ngarepe
Kayat wis onok dhuwik sak karung, seket ewuan kabeh.
"Sik gak percoyo tah awakmu, saiki njaluk opo maneh ... ?" jare jine.
"Saiki ... aku njaluk omah mewah sak montore, pokoke lengkap sembarange."
jarene Kayat.
"Meremo dhiluk ..." jare jine. Ting ... Pas melek moro-moro Kayat wis nang
njero omah mewah. Kayat sueneng gak karuan.
"Lha saiki kari sithok panjalukmu sing isok tak turuti, pikiren sing temenan
cik gak getun" jare jine. Ambek merem-merem mbayangno, Kayat njaluk, "Aku
kepingin kulitku malih putih wudho dirubung wong wedhok akeh".
Pas katene melek, samar-samar Kayat krungu suorone wong wedhok rame ambek
keroso awake dicekel-cekel. Tapi kok mambu iwak pindang, pikire Kayat wiwit
curiga.
Bareng melek, Kayat kuaget lha kok wis nang tengah pasar, tibake Kayat wis
dhadhi tahu ...
Defi Nofitra
----- Original Message -----
THE JAMAICAN AND THE GENIE
A poor Jamaican fisherman was shipwrecked on a desert
island. He had lost his boat, his livelihood and possessions. He was
trudging round the island in a dejected mood when he came across an old
brass lamp washed up on the beach.Remembering the tale of Aladdin (and the
role of magic lamps in jokes) he rubbed it.
POOF! A Genie appeared. A Jewish Genie." Oy Vey!" he said. "Am I glad
to be outta there. Three hundred years I bin in that thing, my life and
soul! What can I do for you my boy?"
The Jamaican asked if the Genie granted wishes.
"Wishes, Schmishes! Course I do. I'll grant you two
wishes, used to be three but I gotta think about my margins."
"Well," said the Jamaican after some consideration, "I'd like
to be white and surrounded by pussy."
"No problem" said the Genie,
POOF! - the Jamaican was transformed into a tampon.
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