Advice for lovelorn khichadi-wallahs and their wedding guests
Prentiss Riddle
has always brought in a lot of questions, some of which I've even
been able to answer. I've finally added a tiny FAQ for perplexed
non-Hindus invited to their Indian friends' weddings. It answers
just two questions:
Q: I've been invited to a Hindu wedding. What should I wear?
Q: My Hindu friends are getting married. What sort of gift
should I give?
Although the FAQ offers some alternatives, the short answer is:
do as you'd do in a non-Hindu wedding and you'll be fine.
A larger category of questions is not from wedding guests, but
rather from lovelorn members of mixed Indian/non-Indian couples
who find themselves in Romeo and Juliet situations regarding their
prospective in-laws. My replies to these questions aren't quite as
formulaic but they do generally boil down to these principles:
Have patience, it will all work out in the end.
Know that you're not alone: in the worldwide Indian diaspora
there must be at least a few hundred thousand of us in mixed
relationships.
Indians value family ties very strongly and are unlikely
to cast out their son or daughter for loving a non-Indian,
even if that's their initial impulse.
It helps if they recognize a kindred spirit behind the
non-Indian face, someone who also values family, tradition,
and Indian culture.
A few words of their home language will go a long way, as
will a taste for Indian food, music, movies or books.
The resistant in-laws aren't the only people whose values
need to be accommodated: the dutiful son or daughter
may feel terrible for sneaking around with a firang
girlfriend/boyfriend, and may be resistant to declaring
independence or severing ties even if doing so seems more
than justifiable to the non-Indian partner.
Again, patience. If all else fails, let things take their
course and you'll find that grandbabies are great peacemakers!
And if you're patient, you'll not only end up with the life
partner of your choosing but with a loving extended family,
something that's all too rare these days.
On the point of feeling alone, friends and I have fantasized
about setting up "khichadi.org" as an online community for mixed
Indian/non-Indian couples (khichadi/khichdi/kichri/kedgeree being a
dish consisting of rice and lentils cooked together). I just lack
three things: (1) time, (2) a business plan, and (3) a consistent
way to spell it!
Links and discussion at:
http://www.io.com/~riddle/time/?item=20020812
-- Prentiss Riddle ("aprendiz de todo, maestro de nada") rid...@io.com
-- You are in a maze of twisty little weblogs. http://www.io.com/~riddle/