Adultery comes naturally to many Filipinos
Filipino Community Computing Sector
News article from Reuters International News Service
This material is not for redistribution.
By Ruben Alabastro
MANILA, Philippines - Aris Dancel, a veteran
policeman and equally experienced philanderer, will probably
spend at least part of Valentine's Day doing what comes
naturally to many Filipino men -- making love to his latest
mistress, Reuters reported.
Dancel, who says he can't go a day without sex and has had
seven mistresses in seven years of marriage, will then go
through his usual routine before going back to his wife to tell
her he spent the night staking out kidnappers or bank robbers.
He sits inside his car, rolls up the windows and turns the
airconditioning off to ensure all traces of the other woman are
washed away by his own sweat.
``My wife is sharper than any bomb-sniffing dog. She would
really smell me up and down to try and detect the scent of a
woman, but she hasn't caught me yet,'' he said, chuckling.
In his 30s and the father of five, Dancel (not his real
name), is a highly decorated police intelligence officer who
shows not a trace of guilt over his extramarital activities.
His conquests, he says, include a businesswoman, two college
students, two night club dancers, an insurance agent and a real
estate agent who came to his office to report a stolen car.
His behavior is not unusual in the Philippines, where many
politicians, army generals, business giants, judges and even
priests are known to have mistresses and illegitimate children.
While the practice of keeping mistresses extends through all
strata of society, adultery among the rich and famous is a
staple of avidly-followed gossip columns and television shows.
``In this culture, having a mistress continues to be a
status symbol...proof of virility, manhood and the ability to
provide,'' concluded a 1995 survey by McCann-Erickson
Philippines.
Of more than 200 husbands polled in metro Manila, 51 percent
admitted extra-marital affairs, the survey said.
The study bolstered widespread perceptions about the
powerful libidos of married men in a country ironically known as
the biggest bastion of Roman Catholicism in Asia.
Allegations of infidelity dogged Fidel Ramos, the nation's
first Protestant head of state, when he ran for president in
1992. The charges led his wife to declare: ``What I can say is
that I am the only Mrs Ramos.''
Late president Ferdinand Marcos's reputation as a despot was
matched only by his repute as a lover. His romantic liasion with
a Hollywood starlet loomed as large as any of the political
scandals that rocked his government.
Sociologists say the practice of keeping mistresses dates
back to long before Spanish colonialists arrived to introduce
Catholicism.
``Having queridas (mistresses) was quite acceptable in
pre-Hispanic Philippines,'' sociologist Ricardo Abad said.
``This, in a sense, is a continuity of the past in a Catholic
setting.''
Another explanation is that the Philippines is a
male-dominated society, despite having one of the world's
highest percentages of female professionals and managers.
``Patriarchy is sustained by an ideology of the male's sex
needs, which is stupid, but under this system women are supposed
to serve the males sexually,'' Abad said.
While feminism has increased the power of the woman at home,
the deathless image of the Filipina as a woman born for
suffering has helped patriarchy to endure, he said.
``We have excellent models of suffering women in literature
and religion, as in the suffering Virgin Mary,'' Abad said.
But the prevalance of marital infidelity does not
necessarily mean society is morally rotten, psychologists say.
``Those who are doing it don't look at what they do in moral
terms, otherwise they would feel guilty,'' psychologist
Elizabeth Ventura said. ``To them, it's part of the machismo
culture.''
Some wives, totally dependent financially on their husbands,
have accepted the situation because, lacking skills and ``a
strong sense of self,'' they have nowhere else to go, she said.
``I know of a man who brought home a second woman to live
with him and his wife. They share the home, they share the guy
.. Everything is going for the guy,'' she said.
But in the Philippines, what is sauce for the goose can
definitely make the gander choke.
Civil servant Charlie de Villa says that in 20 years of
marriage he had more than 30 adulterous liaisons, with
secretaries, students, waitresses and an actress.
``My wife said, 'If you want to play with fire go ahead.
Just don't have children by them'.''
They broke up after he learned she was having an affair of
her own.
``A man can have 1,000 women and it's all right. But it's
different if it's a woman who has an affair, even just one
affair...,'' he said.
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ELC
World country. Very very very very very sad....
Fred M. Amores
>
>Filipino Community Computing Sector wrote:
>>
>> News article from Reuters International News Service
>> This material is not for redistribution.
>>
>> By Ruben Alabastro
>> MANILA, Philippines - Aris Dancel, a veteran
>> policeman and equally experienced philanderer, will probably
>> spend at least part of Valentine's Day doing what comes
>> naturally to many Filipino men -- making love to his latest
>> mistress, Reuters reported.
>
>> name), is a highly decorated police intelligence officer who
>> shows not a trace of guilt over his extramarital activities.
>> His conquests, he says, include a businesswoman, two college
>> students, two night club dancers, an insurance agent and a real
>> estate agent who came to his office to report a stolen car.
>> His behavior is not unusual in the Philippines, where many
>> politicians, army generals, business giants, judges and even
>> priests are known to have mistresses and illegitimate children.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I believe this is one of the root causes of corruption in the
Philippine bureaucracy. In this case, how can an ordinary policeman
with a meager salary can support a family of 5 plus his extramarital
affairs.No wonder why some cops have to make a living thru illegal
means, e.g. jueteng protectors,smugglers,drug dealers and other illegal
actvities.What's the best solution?.......Lorena Bobbit's cut. Aray!!!!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Da Salt Man
wrote:
>News article from Reuters International News Service
>This material is not for redistribution.
> [snip]
> But in the Philippines, what is sauce for the goose can
>definitely make the gander choke.
> Civil servant Charlie de Villa says that in 20 years of
>marriage he had more than 30 adulterous liaisons, with
>secretaries, students, waitresses and an actress.
> ``My wife said, 'If you want to play with fire go ahead.
>Just don't have children by them'.''
> They broke up after he learned she was having an affair of
>her own.
> ``A man can have 1,000 women and it's all right. But it's
>different if it's a woman who has an affair, even just one
>affair...,'' he said.
Yes, there is an imbalance here. However, the other imbalance is the
fact that extra-marital affairs committed by women is just as real and
jeopardizes the stability of the family unit just as much, as those
committed by men.
When my wife had an affair in 1993, i thought it was a phase. I said,
"This, too, will pass." Unfortunately for me and our kids, it didn't.
Several affairs later (and several times when i kept accepting her
back and forgiving her), our marriage reached the point in which it
was beyond repair. She finally left, kids in tow.
Infidelity is infidelity. Cheating is cheating. Who commits it is
irrelevant, particularly to the small victims of the breakdown of the
family -- the children.
"Gotta kick at the darkness till it bleeds daylight." - singer Bruce
Cockburn
Bill Sabalburo
says...
>
>
>
>News article from Reuters International News Service
>This material is not for redistribution.
>
> By Ruben Alabastro
> MANILA, Philippines - Aris Dancel, a veteran
>policeman and equally experienced philanderer, will probably
>spend at least part of Valentine's Day doing what comes
>naturally to many Filipino men -- making love to his latest
>mistress, Reuters reported.
<<Lots of stuff deleted>>
See what "pipit" can do?
Bill
Gorgeous
> aa...@freenet.toronto.on.ca (Filipino Community Computing Sector)
> wrote:
> > [snip]
> > But in the Philippines, what is sauce for the goose can
> >definitely make the gander choke.
> > Civil servant Charlie de Villa says that in 20 years of
> >marriage he had more than 30 adulterous liaisons, with
> >secretaries, students, waitresses and an actress.
> > ``My wife said, 'If you want to play with fire go ahead.
> >Just don't have children by them'.''
> > They broke up after he learned she was having an affair of
> >her own.
> > ``A man can have 1,000 women and it's all right. But it's
> >different if it's a woman who has an affair, even just one
> >affair...,'' he said.
>
> Yes, there is an imbalance here. However, the other imbalance is the
> fact that extra-marital affairs committed by women is just as real and
> jeopardizes the stability of the family unit just as much, as those
> committed by men.
>
It's sad, but having extra-marital affairs is quite prevalent in the
Philippines with both men & women doing it. It's quite common to see
matrons carrying on affairs with their so called "attorneys",
"commissioners", or D.I.s (dance instructor) - they claim they are just
getting even with their philandering hubbies.
Perhaps this comes along with the changing role of women. More & more
wives are joining the work force to help out with the family income. They
have become more career-oriented & financially self sufficient. In the
process, they have become less submissive then their counterparts in the
olden days who were more subservient.
Marian
http://www-leland.stanford.edu/~nebriaga/Gorgeous.html
mailto:nebr...@leland.stanford.edu
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life is truly good! ;)
KamaDancer
>In article <DMy4n...@revcan.ca>, ram...@revcan.ca wrote:
>> aa...@freenet.toronto.on.ca (Filipino Community Computing Sector)
>> wrote:
>> > [snip]
>> Yes, there is an imbalance here. However, the other imbalance is the
>> fact that extra-marital affairs committed by women is just as real and
>> jeopardizes the stability of the family unit just as much, as those
>> committed by men.
>>
>It's sad, but having extra-marital affairs is quite prevalent in the
>Philippines with both men & women doing it. It's quite common to see
>matrons carrying on affairs with their so called "attorneys",
>"commissioners", or D.I.s (dance instructor) -
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Ehemmmmmmm...................
Didn't you say you are in a Ball Room dancing lesson with who is that
official SCF dance master? What's his name? The one with the giant
ESPADA sig? Magaling mag-espada siguro, ano? ;-) <grin>
> they claim they are just
>getting even with their philandering hubbies.
Reminds me of your "MAMA FOOLS AROUND TOO JOKE".< big grin>
Archangel Enterprises
in their duality or conflicting morality. Even in the olden age, women
have cheated while their husbands were at work. Don't believe that only
The american and european counterparts are doing it. Filipino women
will not admit it, but they have cheated on their husbands in more
than one case. Blaming Philandering husbands is not the issue. It's
whether or not the wife will take it or not. Blaming the changing role
of women as the culprit to increasing number of philandering women is
trying to under value the efforts done by our predecessors in
emancipating women from a subservient role. Also, the more subservient
a woman was the more likely they were cheating on their husbands. Are
you sure that the father you have is your real father? You may be
someone else's child. AS THEY SAY, ONLY A WOMAN KNOWS WHO IS THE FATHER
OF HER CHILDREN.
KK> >Perhaps this comes along with the changing role of women. More &
KK> more >wives are joining the work force to help out with the family
KK> income. They >have become more career-oriented & financially self
KK> sufficient. In the >process, they have become less submissive then
KK> their counterparts in the >olden days who were more subservient.
* RM 1.3 01710 * RoboMail -- The ultimate QWK compatible message manager.
Maria Agnes
(Archangel Enterprises) wrote:
>Doi not blame the modernization of women or the changing role of women
>in their duality or conflicting morality. Even in the olden age, women
>have cheated while their husbands were at work. Don't believe that only
>The american and european counterparts are doing it. Filipino women
>will not admit it, but they have cheated on their husbands in more
>than one case. Blaming Philandering husbands is not the issue. It's
Etcetera and more etc. cut....
The real problem is one of loyalty and fidelity, regardless of gender. Lets
start talking about individual responsiblity rather than blame-hunting.
However, I have five brothers and four sisters. I can tell you that each of
my brothers have pursued multiple loves after marriage, but none of my four
sisters nor the wives of my five brothers has done so. All these women are
employed, six of these women have advance degrees, three are successful
business owners. Why have the women proven more faithful than the men in
this small microcosm of my family? I will not generalize with an answer
about men. But the male-centered laws of our Filipino past were implemented
for a reason, and the consequences of women's infidelity are still much more
severe than for the men.
But again, my point is not who is doing it, but WHY they do it when they are
allegedly raised with high Catholic principles. Improper example and
excessive self-interest are two of the major problems I see. When both men
and women begin demonstrating unselfish interest in their spouses, and a
determination to keep their own selfish passions in check, we will see less
heartache and unfaithfulness. Okay, okay, sermon finished. :)
Kelly Hinton
<snip of position on adultery>
>Etcetera and more etc. cut....
>
>The real problem is one of loyalty and fidelity, regardless of gender. Lets
>start talking about individual responsiblity rather than blame-hunting.
>However, I have five brothers and four sisters. I can tell you that each of
>my brothers have pursued multiple loves after marriage, but none of my four
>sisters nor the wives of my five brothers has done so. All these women are
>employed, six of these women have advance degrees, three are successful
>business owners. Why have the women proven more faithful than the men in
>this small microcosm of my family? I will not generalize with an answer
>about men. But the male-centered laws of our Filipino past were implemented
>for a reason, and the consequences of women's infidelity are still much more
>severe than for the men.
<sigh> It's fairly obvious that _my_ ex was not one of your sisters.
>But again, my point is not who is doing it, but WHY they do it when they are
>allegedly raised with high Catholic principles. Improper example and
>excessive self-interest are two of the major problems I see. When both men
>and women begin demonstrating unselfish interest in their spouses, and a
>determination to keep their own selfish passions in check, we will see less
>heartache and unfaithfulness. Okay, okay, sermon finished. :)
>
I have puzzled over this same question for the past ten years . . . as much as I
wonder about her going to mass, accepting communion and not going to confession
since she replaced me 5 years ago this month . . .
But then, what do I know? Our marriage represented the absolute best of times and
the absolute worst of times. And I guess I'll never know. . .
KAGE
11th ACR (Blackhorse)
Standard Disclaimers . . .
Virginia Mitchell
do with modern and changing role of women. This is a moral issue and it
depends on the individual.I must say that there are only a few cases of
such among Filipino women compared to women from North American and
European countries.
In article <56925.7...@bcsbbs.com>, archangel....@bcsbbs.com
says...
>
>Doi not blame the modernization of women or the changing role of women
>in their duality or conflicting morality. Even in the olden age, women
>have cheated while their husbands were at work. Don't believe that only
>The american and european counterparts are doing it. Filipino women
>will not admit it, but they have cheated on their husbands in more
>than one case. Blaming Philandering husbands is not the issue. It's
Sal Estrada
(Virginia...@ualberta.ca) says...
>
>I agree with you that women cheating on their husbands does not have to
>do with modern and changing role of women. This is a moral issue and it
>depends on the individual.I must say that there are only a few cases of
>such among Filipino women compared to women from North American and
>European countries.
I don't think I agree with that -- if we compare apples to apples. I would
venture to say (without any scientific numbers to back it up) that, if we
just look at married women who are college grads, the percentages of
married women who cheat vs. those who don't would probably be similar. I
am basing this on gossip I hear from Manila visitors, coupled with my 15+
years of "socializing" in the west coast and east coast, and further
refined by occassional US talk show viewing.
Of course, if and when the numbers do come out, I could be proven dead
wrong. Perhaps an scf'er could take this on as part of their school work.
People want to know! I want to know! And slip me a couple of names,
while you're at it <wink>...just for verification purposes, of course.
-Sal
Kelly Hinton
>I agree with you that women cheating on their husbands does not have to
>do with modern and changing role of women. This is a moral issue and it
>depends on the individual.I must say that there are only a few cases of
>such among Filipino women compared to women from North American and
>European countries.
>
So Virginia,
_MY_ experience having taught me otherwise, you would perhaps cite some authority
for this rather sweeping generalization?
KAGE
11th ACR (Blackhorse)
Did I SAY I was speaking for anyone else???????