Esperanto and Red Dwarf
Michael Kinyon
I have been following this group for a while now (so far just the
English postings), and just recently I started on the Free Esperanto
Course. A while back there was a thread on Esperanto in science fiction.
I thought that maybe this group would like the following passages from
the book "Red Dwarf: Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers". This book is
based on the British TV series "Red Dwarf". A bit of background follows.
The book/series takes place on board the mining ship Red Dwarf. The
characters in the following scene are David Lister, the last human being
left alive, Arnold Rimmer, or rather, Arnold Rimmer's hologram, and Holly,
the ship's computer. To explain: due to an accident indirectly caused
by the then alive Rimmer, everyone on board the Red Dwarf died except for
Lister, who was in temporal stasis as punishment for smuggling a cat on
board the ship. Holly could not release Lister from stasis until the
radiation reached a safe background level; as it turns out, this took
3 million years. Holly also activated the hologram of Rimmer, Lister's
bunkmate, in order to "keep Lister sane". In life, Rimmer had always
wanted to be an officer, but never rose above the rank of Second Technician.
The following passages may give you some idea why.
These passages seem much funnier to me now that I realize how easy
Esperanto is to learn. These are copied without permission, of course.
I take responsibility for any typos. I do not know enough Esperanto to
know if what appears below is gramatically correct or correctly translated.
****************************************************************************
With a rag soaked in white spirit, [Lister] sat on his bunk
methodically cleaning the greasy machine parts which were scattered
all over his duvet, while Rimmer pace up an down the metal-grilled
floor of the sleeping quarters.
'Mi esporas ke kiam vi venos la vetero estos milda,' said the
language instructor on the vid-screen, and left a pause for the
translation.
Rimmer paced.
'Errm...uhhhh...uhmmmm...Wait a minute...I know this...Ooooh...
hang on...don't tell me...Urrrh...'
Without looking up from the jet manifold he was fervently greasing,
Lister chimed: 'I hope when you come the weather will be clement.'
'I hope when you come the weather will be clement,' the woman on
the vid-disc concurred.
'Don't tell me. I would have got that.'
'Bonvolu direkti min al kvinsela hotelo?' the recorded instructor
prompted.
'Ahhh, yes...this is one from last time...I remember this...Ooooh...'
Lister took the screwdriver out of his mouth. 'Please could you
direct me to a five-star hotel?'
'Wrong, actually. Totally, completely and utterly, totally wrong.'
'Please could you direct me,' the instructor said, 'to a five-star
hotel?'
'Lister - would you please shut up?'
'I'm just helping you.'
'I don't need any help.'
Rimmer had decided to put his demise behind him, and vowed to make
his death as rich and fulfilling as was humanly possible. And so, he
had taken up again his Esperanto language studies.
Although technically Esperanto wasn't an official requirement for
promotion, officers were generally expected to be reasonably fluent in
the international language.
'La mango estis bonega! Dlej korajn gratulonjn al la kuiristo.'
Rimmer snapped his fingers. 'I would like to purchase the orange
inflatable beach ball, and that small bucket and spade.'
'The meal was splendid!' the woman translated. 'My heartiest
congratulations to the chef.'
Rimmer squeaked. 'Is it??' He asked the vid to pause.
'You've been studying Esperanto for eight years, Rimmer. How come
you're so hopeless?'
'Oh, really? And how many books have you read in your entire life?
The same number as Champion, The Wonder Horse. Zero.'
******* (Later) ******
Rimmer shook his head and re-started the language tape.
'La menuo aspektas bowege - mi provos la kokidajon.'
'Ah, now this one I *do* know...'
Holly's image replaced the woman's on the monitor, and smoothly
delivered the correct reply.
'The menu looks excellent; I'll try the chicken.'
'Holly, as the Esperantinos would say,' Rimmer made the Ionian sign
for 'Smeg off' with his two thumbs: '"Bonvolu alsendi la pordiston -
lausajne estas rano en mia bideo", and I think we all know what that means.'
'Yes,' said Holly, 'it means: "Could you send up the Hall Porter -
there appears to be a frog in my bidet?"'
'Does it?' Rimmer was genuinely surprised. 'Well, what's that one:
"Your father was a baboon's rump, and your mother spent most of her life
with her pants round here ankles, up against walls with astros"?
****** (Later, the Red Dwarf crew encounters a ship with (they think)
three live human females. In order to impress them, Rimmer pretends to
be 'Captain Rimmer'. The first entity they encounter is Kryten, a
cleaning mechanoid.) ******
'I'm so excited,' said Kryten, shuffling along and absently dusting
a completely clean fire-extinguisher. 'We all are. The girls can
hardly stop themselves from jumping up and down.'
'Ha ha haaa,' brayed Rimmer, falsely. 'Caxmita, Caxmita.'
'Ah!' said Kryten, 'Vi parolas Espekanton, Kapitano Rimmer?'
'I'm sorry?'
'Vi parolas Espekanton, Kapitano Rimmer?'
'Come again?'
'You speak Esperanto, Captain Rimmer?'
'Ah, oui, oui, oui. Jawol. Si, si.' Rimmer searched desperately
through his memory for the appropriate phrase. Mercifully it came to him.
'Bonvolu alsendi la pordiston lausajne estas rano en mia bideo.'
'A frog?' said Kryten. 'In which bidet?'
'Ha ha haaaaa,' brayed Rimmer, even less convincingly. 'It doesn't
matter. I'll deal with it myself.'
Michael Kinyon phone: (219)-237-4240
Dept of Mathematics & Comp. Sci. fax: (219)-237-4538
Indiana University South Bend
South Bend, IN 46634 mki...@peabody.iusb.indiana.edu
"I do not have a quote to put in my sig." - M. Kinyon