Rose of Tralee 1991 - very long

[sp...@galvia.enet.dec.com]

--

So many people have asked me what it was like being an escort at the
Rose of Tralee that I've decided to try and write about what it was like.
Needless to sat I won't be resigning next week to take a post with the Irish
Times but here goes anyway. Feel free to forward pass on etc.

Please note some people may find some things in here offensive. Stop
now if you are easily offended. You have been warned.

An escorts guide to the Rose of Tralee 1991

by Gary Spain

The Rose of Tralee Festival is the second biggest festival in Europe.
Despite watching it on TV it's difficult to comprehend what it's like without
actually being there.

I arrived at the mini dome (known as the baby dome) at 3pm on Friday
not knowing what to expect. My mate Hugh who got me into this and I were the
only 2 on time and we got a quick tour of the main dome. This is every bit
as impressive as it looks on TV. By the time we returned most of the other
escorts had arrived. Gerald O'Reilly was our minder for the week and he
gave us our itinery and a few words of advice. I actually knew a few of the
other escorts, Mick Lawlor also works here in Digital, Rory Tobin had been on
the Trinity Student's Union executive the same year that I was on the Cork
Union Exec. and Tim Collins had been in college with me. Jim Galvin the Shannon
fly half and Brendan Kinnane a well known jockey were among the others. We
got to know each other and the escorts got on well all week. We were then
told who we would be escorting. I was escorting Kathleen Zeng the Chicago
Rose. I bet there are even fewer Zengs than there are Spains in Ireland but
apparently the connections were on her mother's side of the family. A few
minutes later the Roses arrived and we had some awkward introductions over a
cup of coffee.

Joe Duffy was supposed to be an escort and do his radio show live from
Tralee but he couldn't spring an O.B. unit and had to cancel at the last
minute. Another escort was hurriedly arranged to replace him.

We didn't get much of a break as it was over to the Dome for rehersals.
The Festival Ball was on that night and each Rose had to be escorted
individually and introduced to the 1300 people in the dome. Then came the
difficult part, the 32 Roses and their escorts had to waltz around the floor
to the tune of "The Rose of Tralee." I actually learned to waltz before I
went down but Kathy couldn't waltz. Still we got by. We certainly weren't
the worst.

We were put up in B&Bs while the Roses were on the 4th floor of the
Mount Brandon Hotel. After rehersals it was a quick dash back to the B&B,
change into a dress suit and back to the Brandon to pick up the Roses. Our
landlady was very helpful and made us feel at home. She was also very
flexible which was a great help as we generally got back at 6am. The Festival
committee paid for our B&B but all other expenses were our responsibility.
We were also expected to pay for our Rose and buy drinks for the family
if appropriate.

We were supposed to protect the Roses from the tens of thousands of
barbarians milling around Tralee for the week but the Roses also had 2
chaperones in Claire and Ann to protect them from us. In many ways it's
terribly old fashioned but that may not be a bad thing. It works and it's
very successful although the roses feel like they are back in Boarding School
for a week. They don't mind what the escorts do as long as we as they don't
do it with the Roses. Claire and Ann were far too good at their job for our
liking.

We met the Roses in the Brandon and escorted them across the road to
the Baby Dome. This was our first experience of the crowds although the
Roses had been used to this since arriving in Dublin on Wednesday. Naturally
all eyes were on the roses but it was still a bit nervewracking. We had a
brief reception in the Baby Dome before going into the Rose ball. The 45
seconds it took us to walk around the dance floor seemed like an eternity.
The Ball is quite an occasion especially when you get the best tables, best
food and wine with your meal. Kathy was quite tired. She didn't realise
what she was getting herself into. I got to know quite a few of the other
escorts and Roses. It was a great night which all too quickly came to an end.
We escorted the roses back at 2am and retired to the bar. Guinness are one
of the biggest sponsors of the Festival and I felt obliged to consume some
of their excellent product.

The roses had to be up at 8am on Saturday morning for breakfast and
judging. They also visited Killarney Manor. We had the day off, which meant
a leisurely breakfast at 10.30am. Hugh and I wandered around town for a while,
enjoying the street carnivals. I met up with Tim, a mate of mine from college
now working in Tralee (although nobody did any work last week). We also
bumped into Kathy's Mum and aunt and by an amazing coincidence we were just
outside the Radio 2 roadcaster when they announced they had an interview with
the Chicago rose live on RTE radio. The link broke down but Kathy's family
were dumbfounded by the coincidence and it never ceases to amaze me how small
Ireland actually is.

Saturday evening meant a parade through the streets of Tralee with the
Roses on floats and the escorts walking beside. We handed up autograph books,
lifted up little children to shake hands with the Roses and tried to stop
big children from getting up on the floats. The gardai and Civil Defence did
a good job but there weren't enough of them around but we got through the
crowds unscathed. The parade stopped on many occasions due to the crowds and
on one such occasion we were directly under the Ashe memorial in Denny Street.
2 lads on top of the memorial tried to chat up Kathy and get her phone number
and just as we were about to move on threw down a present which Kathy caught
beautifully, discovered it was a condom and quickly hid it among the flowers
in the float. Whoever cleaned out that float got some shock. I got noticed
in the parade too including one girl who jumped out in front of me and shouted
"Gary Spain, do you remember me?," I just smiled and said yes eventhough I
hadn't a clue who she was. I still don't know whether she was able to read my
escort's badge from that distance or maybe she did know me. The roses were
introduced on stage to the Taoiseach Charles Haughey and to various other
dignataries. Denny Street had now completely filled with people and the
crowds were simply phenomenal. We retired then to a recption in the baby dome
for the roses and families which was a bit more sedate. The roses had their
only "early" night getting to bed at 1am. We went back across to the baby dome
and on the way I met another mate of mine Paddy and his friend Margaret.
Hugh and I got them into the Baby dome. It's amazing the power of an
escort's badge. We drank and danced the night away. We decided to go for
chips at about 3.30. Now for another problem, the previous night there
had been 1300 people wandered about Tralee dressed up to the nines. Now we
immediately stood out. "Are you escorts?" "Oh No we were bouncers" but then
I'm a hopeless liar. Still we didn't meet any trouble and the crowds were
generally good humoured.

Sunday meant casual dress although the festival committee's definition
of casual was a suit or sports jacket and trousers. The roses were expected
to attend one of 3 different church services that morning although all 3 were
R.C. masses. We were after all in Kerry. Thankfully we could lie in although
we were needed for another parade in the afternoon. I complimented the
brilliant organisation of the committee over breakfast which lasted from 10.30
to 12.00 and my words came back to haunt me. Our itinerary for the week was
crystal clear except for the location of the parade marshalling point. No
problem we thought, if we get to the Brandon 20 minutes before the alloted time
we should be able to walk anywhere. We spent 10 fruitless minutes wandering
around the Brandon before the doorman gave us directions. At 1.25 we spot the
roses bus in town and a committee member sends us off in another direction.
By now there were 10 escorts together and I was leading. We arrive at the
destination which was the railway station to discover 4 more escorts and the
Sealink float. We were of course at last year's marshalling point and we
had been warned that it had been changed. Since most of us hadn't realised
until now where last year's point was we had ignored the warning. A quick
15 minute walking tour which meant 2 different sets of directions from 2 more
people left us back where we started except we now numbered 20 of the 32
escorts. At least we were all going down together. At this stage some of the
lads headed back to join up with Roses bus and I and a few more followed a
band who seemed to know where they were going. They did and we met the other
escorts. The bus arrived 10 minutes later and we were still 10 escorts short.
It then became a case of any rose on any float with any escort and needless
to say nobody except ourselves noticed. This was a family day with thousands
of children around and it was very good humoured. After the parade the roses
signed autographs in the park and some of the kids even asked for mine. Fame
at last my first autograph. Today Tralee, tommorow Hollywood. I can see it
now my name in lights. Most of the kids had only scraps of paper but many
had photos of each Rose cut from a local or national paper pasted into a copy
book with space for an autograph and in some cases the escort's autograph.
It's a great feeling being asked for your autograph and I really enjoyed
it. It might get boring after a few thousand but when you're only signing
3 or 4 it's very flattering.

Sunday night saw a visit to the circus. Kathy was still very tired
and missing her family. It was amazing the different reactions of some of
the girls to the attention. Some lapped it up and enjoyed being a queen for
the week, others took it in their stride while a minority just couldn't
handle it at all. The Irish girls all knew what they were letting themselves
in for but it came as a shock to many of the visitors. Even at this stage we
were thinking of possible winners. Suzanne from Perth was very impressive as
was Sharon from Toronto. Denise from Cork and Siniad from Ulster also
seemed to be in contention. More were to emerge as the week went on and we
all had different opinions but we certainly had a chance to make some money as
the bookies knew a lot less than we did. I enjoyed the circus although most
people were bored to tears. It must be the child in me. A lengthy court
battle between the festival committee and the street traders resulted in the
traders being confined to a carpark. As a goodwill gesture we made a 15
minute visit after the circus. After 5 minutes wandering around chip vans
the moment was saved by a busker who started playing some Irish music and
suddenly most of the car park was dancing. It would have looked great on
TV. After that it was out to the Earl of Desmond Hotel for yet another
reception. Kathy's family were there and she wanted to spend the evening
alone with them so I drank and danced the night away. The main criteria for
matching roses and escorts had been height and neddless to say there were
clashes of personality etc. although this year nobody swopped which apparently
had been the norm in the past. Still as a group we got on fine and most people
mixed pretty well. I also met 2 1989 roses who had returned for a reunion.
They had travelled from Perth and Texas. 4 others had planned to travel but
pulled out late on. All too soon they announced that the roses and their
escorts were to leave after this song. Why do we always have to leave in the
middle of everything? This thought was replaced by "Where the hell is Kathy?"
A frantic search around the bar and outside with great help from the 1989
Perth Rose who checked the ladies proved fruitless before she eventually showed
up with her mother at the last minute. It was getting difficult trying
to draw the line between my duties and the wishes of Kathy and I. Anyway
it was back to the Brandon and we were free again to do what we liked. Some
of us then made the mistake of going into the huge disco in the dome. We
only made the last 30 minutes and of course the escort badges meant free
admission which didn't endear us to the multitudes waiting outside. Inside
it was bedlam, my efforts to get a pint resulted in a drunk falling on top
of me and depositing a pint on the jacket of my dress suit. I suppose it
could have been worse, it could have happened Saturday night. At least the
drycleaners would be open the following morning. I then retired to the
baby dome which was much more sedate.

Monday was a rest day for us but the roses had another full day.
The first port of call was the dry cleaners. Many of the lads were heading
for Dingle but the weather was too good for the Dingle pubs and I had a dinner
invitation from my uncle who lives just outside Tralee. I decided to go and
spend the day on Banna beach. On the way out I picked up 3 hitch-hikers and
as I had the Sawdoctors blaring on the car stereo they inquired was I at
their concert. Unfortunately I wasn't as duty called but when they heard I
was an escort they asked who I was escorting. A big guffaw greeted my answer.
"What's wrong," I enquired. "Well we saw her Saturday night and Sunday and
she was yawning both times and we though she was terribly terribly bored." I
could only smile in response. It's amazing how perceptive people can be. I
can sympathise with Kathy though. It's a long and tiring week for the roses.
The only way to keep going is on adrenalin. if you stop enjoying it you can
get tired very fast and the week seems like an eternity. It was much easier
for us as we were under no pressure andcould just enjoy ourselves. I'm not
normally able to go without sleep but I had no problem surviving the week.

My landlady's Irish breakfasts had been my only decent meals since
Friday but my aunt cooked a lovely dinner which was much appreciated. My
cousins were thrilled that they had seen me in the parade and that
Kathy and I had waved to them. It was a quick dinner as I had to be back in
the Brandon for 7.30. The roses were a little late and in the bar I got
talking to 2 guys who turned out to be from Limerick and one had been in
school with me. He remembered me but then he had the advantage of reading my
badge. They were seriously contemplating going to the Daniel O'Donnell
concert. It's a good thing we lost touch. I didn't think anybody under 50
with all their faculties liked Daniel O'Donnell. We had the marginally more
exciting prospect of a fashion show to entertain us. Needless to say the
escorts were the only males there but we enjoyed ogling the models and yawning
through the makeup demonstation. Unfortunately it wasn't considered necessary
to model swimwear in Kerry in late August. At least the bar was open. We
split up afterwards with half the roses going to Tralee Golf Club and the other
half to The Sailing club. We went to the Sailing club and fortunately had the
main bus. Brigid Little the Las Vegas Rose had been the life and soul of the
party and had been entertaining us all week. She was a professional dancer,
great singer and even composed a few rap songs. While she was dancing up and
down the aisle to the music on the radio a request came through for her. Talk
about good timing. The Sailing club was a bit more sedate although the
captain went out of his way to make us feel at home. I got talking to some
guys from Telegael who were capturing the week in order to make a programme
which they hope to sell to RTE and Channel 4. Kathy was really tired and
wanted to sit alone and eventually ended up sitting in the ladies for over an
hour. We got back at 2am and headed for the baby dome. I met some
horsey people just down for the races but failed to get any decent tips.
Frank McNamara a well known pianist then offered to buy me a pint and was
asked me what it was like being an escort. I could get used to celebrities
approaching me and buying me drink. He was with 3 others and when one of them
pulled out a notebook alarm bells started flashing. It turned out he was
Peter Howick from the Evening Herald. I was quoted in Wednesday night's paper
but thankfully nothing major. We retired to the Brandon bar and I got
filled in with all the latest gossip which they couldn't print. The 2 girls
were from the Irish Press but definitely not fans of Fianna Fail. Apparently
one well known politician and notorious womaniser had propositioned a 20 year
old that day. They couldn't last the pace and went home at 4.30 but I
didn't fancy going home in the dark and remained in the bar which was still
quite full. The pubs in Tralee didn't close all week.

Tuesday was another day off and another day for the beach. We called
into the dome for a few minutes to watch the rehersals and I discovered that
Kathy would be on stage that night. The rehersals were quite interesting
but Gay Byrne was giving nothing away. I was talking to Denise the Cork Rose
for a few minutes and in that time 2 judges approached her and started
chatting. I became more and more convinced she was going to win. A quick
visit to Interflora ensured that Kathy would receive some flowers to wish her
good luck and then it was off to Banna. The water was so appealing. The
weather all week was fabulous and Banna was glorious. High waves and strong
undercurrents made bathing a little dangerous so we stayed well within our
depth. It was in total contrast to the hustle and bustle of Tralee. A quick
bite to eat and a quick phone call home to let them know I was still alive
and it was back to the B&B to get ready for the night ahead.

We assembled as usual in the Brandon but you could cut the tension
with a knife. 16 girls were on stage on Tuesday night and for many it was
their first time on television. The dome would also be packed to capacity.
We had great seats just to the side of the stage beside the garda band. The
roses who weren't going on stage that night were just in front. Kathy was
3rd on stage and survived the ordeal very well. She was asked about her
family and how her Mum had worked 3 jobs to get there. She talked about
Labashida the small village in Co. Clare where her grandfather came from.
She seemed mightly relieved when it was all over. Leonora the Midlands U.K.
Rose was next on stage and she endeared herself to everyone by complaining
that her escort was too small. She became immediate favourite for the title
of "Thorn of Tralee" although the roses wanted to reserve that one for the
escorts. Still there was always the "Tulip of Tralee." Most of the evening
was like a blur and I haven't yet watched the whole video. Peggy from Boston
talked about her first kiss with boyfriend Roberto, Siniad had half of
Ulster in the dome supporting her and spoke and sang very well. Lisa from
Manchester spoke about how much she enjoyed working with handicapped children,
about being secretary of the local Christian association and about how much
she loved Egypt. The sick bags were being passed around at this stage but
she was being totally sincere and honest. She's a lovely lovely person and
it just shows it's not fair to judge people on a few minutes on TV. I
overheard a Telegael interview with another Rose poking fun at Lisa and I hope
they don't show it. Lisa is one of the Roses I'll be keeping in touch with in
the future. Maura from Washington was very impressive and when asked about
her escort Robert Duggan made him out to be some sort of superhero. He even
produced anadin at the rose ball when she had a headache. Needless to say
we Christianed him Daniel O'Donnell in honour of that other great Irishman
that every mammy wants as a son in law. Petrina from South Wales also
did very well and sang a beautiful Welsh love song. Petrina is another of
the Roses with whom I'll be keeping in touch. The worst part was Gay Byrne's
continual plugging of Killarney Manor now run by his pal Austin Gaffney.
Of course all the roses that were asked had to say Killarney Manor was the
highlight of their week. Some of them would make excellent politicians as
that was akin to the escorts claiming that the makeup demonstation during the
fashion show was the highlight of the week. The 16 girls afterwards were
mightily relieved. Their ordeal was over but this only increased the pressure
on the other 16 who had to go live on TV the following night. We had
a quick bite in the Earl of Desmond Hotel before going to an Irish Distillers
reception in the baby dome. This reception raised a few heckles among the
escorts. We had being paying for our drink and that of the roses all week.
I had no complaints and accepted this and everyone else was paying too.
However at the Irish Distillers reception everyone else seemed to have vouchers
for free drink except the roses and their families consequently the only
people paying cash at the bar seemed to be the escorts. Nothing was said
but it was noted. The other talking point of the day was an article by
Miriam Lord in the Independent in which she described the escorts as a bunch
of wimps. This resulted in the quote of the week from one of the committee
who knew her and made the comment "She's the kind that will die wondering."
Our opinions of Miriam Lord are not suitable for publication. I spent the
rest of the morning with Kathy's family and I got to know them pretty well.
We all eventually departed for our beds around 5.30am.

The week had flown by yet so much had happened. It was now Wednesday
morning and we were thinking about going home but there was plenty to come
yet. My landlady had got Germany in a sweep while her daughter Anna had got
Cork. The German rose had won last year and since no centre had ever taken
the title 2 years in a row Germany was a long shot. At 1pm the escorts had
a secret meeting. Needless to say everybody in Tralee knew the time and
location as there are no secrets in Kerry. I got quite a shock when I
arrived to find the Telegael crew there with a camera. They did interview
a few of us but respected our privacy in the meeting. It was common
knowledge in Tralee that we were meeting to pick the winner and place a little
wager however what went on in the meeting will remain there. One of the
escorts got a nice bruise on his shin from me when he tried to reveal the
results of our discussion that night. Suffice to say the escorts as a group
did not recoup our expenses although I backed my own private conviction that
the Cork rose would win with a #5 stake at Ladbrooks who offered the
generous odds of 14/1. I rarely gamble but this was too good a chance to
miss as I knew far more about the situation than the bookies who appeared
to base their odds on beauty and snippets from the radio. Rumour has it
that the escort to the Cork rose had a lot more faith in her than I had but
my mate Hugh is kicking himself for not backing her but then he never gambles.
Obviously we didn't want the roses to know we were betting on them but I'm
sure they guessed anyway. The bookies still make a killing as many of the
bets placed are for sentimental reasons and not out of conviction. The
consensus around the town was that the previous night had been a bad show.
Gay hadn't performed well and the roses who didn't have a party piece seemed
to be in the majority. Everyone was hoping for a big improvement. I had
enjoyed the previous night but then I knew the girls. Apparently it didn't
make good television. It was then back to the house for a lie down before
getting ready to head out. It was easy to pick the 16 roses that were
going on stage that night. This was more memorable. Brigid from Las Vegas
brought the house down with "Hey Big Spender." She was never going to win
but then she came for a good time and she sure had one. Denise from Cork
danced a jig and kept us all entertained being more than a match for Gay.
When asked was he fiancee a big farmer she replied that he was 6 feet 4 and
when asked why they were going to Iceland and Greenland for their honeymoon,
"20 hours darkness" was the reply. She whipped off her skirt to reveal a
dancing costume underneath and danced a jig. Mary Pat from Southern California
talked about Malaysia and her 2 summers spent here in Galway. Ciara Byrne
the German rose stole the show. She didn't give a damn what people thought
and was absolutely hilarious. She then read an excellent poem which she had
composed herself about Berlin. Denise the Cork rose was selected as the
winner and she was whisked away to be presented on stage before the thousands
packed into Denny Street. What followed is known as "Midnight Madness" and
I can't think of a better term. This was another parade but we danced rather
than walked beside our floats as the whole town was in a party mood. Time
was now irrelevant but we ate sometime around 1.30 in the Brandon and we
then went to the Guinness reception in the Hotel. Yet another late night
ensued. Nobody wanted the week to end.

Thursday morning for the roses meant a trip to the amusement arcade.
This was optional for the escorts and all bar 6 failed to make it. I was
one of the 26. With a ratio of 5 roses to each guy maybe I should have made
more of an effort but c'est la vie. Thursday afternoon we went to the races
or rather we went to the racetrack. After meeting at 2pm and going out by
coach Kathy was one of the 13 roses required for the parade. We were left at
the far side of the track, out in the sun with nobody else around. The race
officials decided to delay the parade until 4.30. Needless to say nobody was
too enamoured with their decision but threats of a strike by a few of the
roses never materialised. The anger abated somewhat when none of their tips
came in. We couldn't bet from where we were. The parade eventually
started, finished and nobody noticed as they were down placing bets or gone
to the bar. One pint later and it was back on the bus. Thursday nught was
our party night but first we attended Siamsa. This is a new theatre
recently opened in Tralee which Gay Byrne was told to mention on Wednesday
night after his constant plugging of Killarney Manor on Tuesday night.
They performed Ding Dong Dedero - Forging the dance. The music and dance
were both excellent although the Irish was over the heads of many of the roses
not to mention the escorts although we remembered some from our schoodays.
I'm glad I went but I wouldn't rush back although I would recommend it to
anybody interested in Irish music and dance. Then it was on to Tralee Rugby
Club.

The rugby club party was the last function of the week. It was
a private party and a chance for all of us to let our hair down and have a
good time (not that we hadn't been having a good time all week). It was a
wild night and a brilliant disco. The highlight being obviously the
escort's party piece when we all emerged from the gents in single file
dancing around the room chanting "hi ho hi ho it's off to work we go,
we work al day we don't get laid hi ho hi ho hi ho hi ho etc etc etc" The
roses sat around in a circle as Alan - the smallest escort proceeded to do
a Robin Williams impersonation, tell some very funny jokes (watch the Festival
in 10 years time and Gay will tell them) and do a party piece involving a
inflated condom which is best left unexplained. Suffice to say this was the
best night of the week and that's saying something. It was back to the Brandon
and the roses were allowed stay downstairs in the bar for once. Then came
the farewells, some tears and promises to meet again. It's so sad to say
goodbye but then there's always next year.

For some it didn't end there. Rachel from Melbourne had a birthday
party in Ernies in Donnybrook on Friday night and some of the roses and escorts
met in the Burlington on Saturday night. I spent the weekend in bed (my
own - alone).

Q Would I go back?

A Yes (if I'm asked) obviously it depends on work, holiday plans etc but it
is a fabulous holiday and I'd love to do it again. I'd definitely recommend
it.

Q How do you become an escort?

A Not that easy. They had 150 applications this year. Hugh sent a joint
letter from the two of us which apparently went down pretty well. They sent
us back application forms and we were accepted without going through an
interview. They do hold preliminary interviews in Limerick around April
for some applicants. Write to Eileen Kenny, Festival of Kerry, 5, Lower
Castle Street, Tralee, Co Kerry. You must be single, under 28 and I think
over 21.

Q Is it expensive?

A Not when you back the winner at 14/1. :-) :-) Seriously, yes in a way.
Expect to spend a minimum of #200. however you B&B is covered and when you
consider the costs involved in a holiday anywhere else it is relatively
inexpensive.

Q OK how about the scandal?

A The roses are very well chaperoned. They are watched night and day for
the week. Obviously what happens after Friday is none of the committee's
concern. One rose described it as "like being back in boarding school."
It may sound incredible that 32 guys and 32 girls were together for a week
and nothing more than a slow dance or a chaste kiss on the cheek happened
between them but it happens to be true. Who knows what will happen in the
future.

Q How about the festival itself?

A Very well organised. They've already begun planning for next year.
Well worth a visit but it's much better to go as a rose or as an escort.
Accomodation is available because everyone in Tralee does B&B for the week
and they have special campsites. Tralee was buzzing all week. It may seem
a bit sexist and old fashioned but it works. The roses certainly aren't
exploited like contestants in a beauty contest but then this isn't a
beauty contest. Why not go along next year and see for yourself.

Postscript

I'm back in work a couple of days now and somehow it seems a little
distant. It's great to enjoy the good lifeand a little fame for a week.
It sure beats writing software.

|---------------------------------------------------------------------------- |

Vi skall resa till Sverige ocksa

God thinks he's Jackie Charlton

Gary Spain, DEC, Galway, Ireland - sp...@galvia.enet.dec.com

|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------|