How to tell if your man is gay pr bisexual
Rootsman
How to Tell if Your Man is Gay or Bisexual (It hit the stores in Sept
2003)
In the front she states:
Let's get this Straight up Front:
This is not a book against Homosexuals (Gays)... However...We have
the right to
analyze and discuss the social-sexual behavior among Black males
which now
threatens the health and existence of Black women and their babies.
Excerpts for her latest book follow below:
Girls... Ladies... Women...Sistahs...Home girls: There's something
strange going
on inside the hood'... This is something brand new...Ladies, yall'
know the only
thing we like new is clothes, new jewelry, new cars and new houses.
But the
current sex game out there has a whole new set of rules - that we
didn't make.
It seems our men have expanded their sexual appetites to include
having sex with
other men... Lying about the other woman is always painful for us to
accept, but
somehow, if we are honest, we eventually admit that is realistically
understandable and not uncommon. We hate it but we know men crave
novelty; they
want more sexual variety than most of us.... If we suspect or know
that he's
getting it on with another female, we can expand our imagination to
visually
conjure up vivid full color pictures, including Dolby sound and
special-affects;
but when we call upon our five senses to visualize our man, or any
man we know,
absorbed in a sexual act with brother man, we just can't let that
image in. It
goes against everything we think we know about him...It's at this
point that
even the best of us ask...What kind of nonsense (or some other word)
is this?
They can do whatever they want to do, but when what they do starts to
affect
whether we live or die - it's time to pull the cover off their little
blunders.
These men apparently give no thought to the health threat it creates
against his
female partner - the ones back home who he returns to after washing
the feces
off his penis... If your man is 'rimming' or 'tossin' salads' with
his secret
male partner... he's coming home kissing us in the mouth...
Gay men fit in better with women than they do men. We especially like
having
them for a sort of 'play girlfriend.' We see them as no threat to us.
Sometimes
they even tag along with us to go shopping, to lunch or even to the
club. They
do their thing. We do ours. At least that's the way we thought it
was. It never,
in a million years, occurred to us that we had more to worry about
than just
other women.
No amount of shame or distain will detour them [DL/bisexual men] at
this
juncture, many are hooked by now. Therefore we have to discover and
create our
own preventive measures when dealing with this possibility in our
men. If we
want to live.
This is not a good position for us to be in because we are already
naturally
suspicious when it comes to our mate. We have already been
distrustful and
insecure for a long time. We have abandonment issues and fears of our
own so our
man possibly being bisexual makes us want to wail at the moon.
They have been denied nothing in bed. They are ungrateful and self-
centered
Bisexuals. Other say that by addressing this problem head on and
publicly
debating it, that we're forcing our men (the ones have sex with men)
to bury
themselves even deeper in hiding to prevent the humiliation and
rejection of
discovery. But right now we must feel our own pain, try to save our
own lives
and protect the fruit of our wombs. And if they feel bad about it.
Tough.
Our men have been able to function on the DL unencumbered with no
interruption
except a newspaper article about once a year, or a few comments on
the internet.
For a very long time we have stayed out of the discussion purposely
in order not
to have to confront the … issue... But now it's time for a roll call,
for the
men's section of our tribe. We are not calling for a huge
confessional booth to
be installed in each of our bedrooms. But we are calling for a
moratorium - a
pause in the action while we try to sort this thing out.
Make no mistake, if a man (or woman) is Gay, that's their...business.
But we'll
have none of that [bisexual] 'having your cake and eating it too.'
...it's not about 'outing' anyone or making them a public spectacle
up for
ridicule in the family or community... This is also not about gaining
information to use against him for the rest of his life. But when
there are
dangerous killers among us who are loose in our bed where they
attempt to murder
us by penetrating our bodies; we must identify the culprits and
seclude
ourselves from sexual involvement with them - until they change - and
until they
submit to routine HIV testing.
There will always be men on the inside of this ... group who will
insist that
discussing this publicly or checking out the men in our circle is a
no-no.
They will say that the situation is too delicate and that the men on
the DL are
a touchy temperamental bunch who have to be approached with great
care and
unresentfulness. Above all they request that we be patient, forgiving
and
understanding. Well, that would be all fine and good if they dealt
with us the
same way and were open and honest. Openness and honesty is not
necessarily one
of their attributes anyway. If it was we wouldn't be in this
predicament. Right
now all bets are off regarding how we should handle this.
We are being sacrificed by men who selfishly and maliciously only
think about
their own... pleasure, and it's a game to them to remain unfoundout.
They say
they consider Men-having-sex-with-men as another form of 'swinging.'
So now we are planning for our own destiny. The survival part of our
brain is
taking over and we are relying on our cerebral intelligence...
So they can't come telling us now that we shouldn't be concerned
about checking
our men out, even if we have to sneak and do it. After all they're
sneaking and
being Bisexual. All is fair from this point on.
'In the Life' as some call it, there are several signs that men on
the prowl
look for to see if a man is Bisexual, or potentially Bisexual. They
call it
'Gayday'. This is a science we have to develop. We must train our
eyes to SEE.
THE 1st Rule:
EVERY MAN WE KNOW IS NOT BISEXUAL!!
So let's be discrete and cautious so as not to give way to our panic
and
imagination. We have to be as shrewd and undetectable as they are
because the
signs are very very subtle, very slight, and very low key. Some of he
signs to
look for and observe are:
1) Men are very territorial, if another man enters their space or
violates their square, he'll move away or take a step back, if he
doesn't move this might be a sing that he's open for getting closer.
Notice if they brush shoulders or lean over across each other
touching ever so slightly – like lovers do.
2) Is he effeminate? Some men slowly move into a more feminine stand,
or pose. They might start wearing their belts tighter to show their
shape, or it might just be the flinging up of a finger or how they
place their feet when standing. Or they may start wearing footies
around the house and walking on their toes. It's doubtful they'll
slip and do any of this.
3) If he holds eye contact too long with a man, or if he holds on to
his hand after shaking it, or if he prolongs hugging a man past the
greeting stage.
4) If you notice him watching other men just a little bit too much,
or if he raises his voice a bit too loud when he's with you and other
men are present to get their attention. Does he seem to follow a man
to the restroom at a restaurant or club?
5) Check out his friends, how do they act with each other, are they
masculine or working hard to appear so, do they talk on the phone a
bit too much for two adult men?
6) How does he sleep at night, what position does he sleep in? Does
he sleep like a woman, or like a man? What does he talk about in his
sleep?
7) Has he been single just a bit too long? What is his history with
women? Why did they break up, Does he go on long drives alone? Is he
cruising?
8) Discuss homosexuality with him, see how he reacts. If he reacts
too strongly on the negative or too violently – perhaps he's
protesting so strongly to throw you off track so he isn't suspect
himself.
9) Discuss child molestation with him and see how he feels about it,
ask him was he ever molested, does he know any men who were, and how
does he think it affects a man's sexuality.
10) You can touch his rectum to see if he has those tale-tale humps
on his anus from having it stretched open with a penis. Then later on
ask him if he's ever had hemorrhoids really bad.
11) Check his underwear for tiny streaks of bloodstains, or clear
stains which may be semen. There may not be any because men on the DL
are usually `Tops' so they can justify themselves as not being Gay.
12) Chart your sex life. Note how often you and he are intimate and
if you're always the one who has to start the process rolling. Is he
in a hurry? Is it a problem for him getting an maintaining an
erection, when it never used to be that difficult?
13) If he has a lot of unexcused absences, and if he's out later than
he usually is a couple of times a week. He might be cruising or
stopping by a Gay after-hour joint after his regular activities.
14) If he likes anal stimulation, or likes to have his prostrate
massaged – and asks/begs for it.
15) If he wants to have anal sex more than vaginal sex, or skips your
vagina altogether.
16) If he asks you to "toss his salad" and you agree, and his legs go
up too quickly, he's probably used to doing it.
17) Some women get their Gay friend to "hit" on their man to see if
he goes for it (Not good).
18) If he asks you to strap on a dildo and do him in the rear this
may be a hint of what he's used to.
Don't starts accusing until you know you've seen several signs,
discussed it with a counselor or some other trained professional.
Remember, the motion or sign might be ever so slight. They work hard
to camouflage… if we check some of the websites where many of these
Bi's advertise their sexual preference with pictures and short ads
describing what type of Bisexual men they're looking for, it is such
a mind-blowing surprise to see that these dudes look just like
regular men. Young, strong-bodied men, rough, hard-ankles, and
dressed like any and every other young or old man you might see on
the street – or in church. They have manufactured themselves a cover
that will be difficult to probe. Amazingly, as they advertise for
dates most of them request/require that their dates look and act just
like them. `No Fems', `no Queens,' or `Fags.' Our daughters (and us)
are in trouble because we now have a world where the men are
undercover and all the signs are reversed in meaning.
This is the first document we've ever had designed to explore this
Bisexuality
problem. Yes, we'll make mistakes but we must persevere and not get
discouraged
by setbacks or criticisms... Obviously this list is basic, but each
of us knows
our man and the men in our circle so you may think of other ways to
verify what
we're looking for...
Of course some onlookers say that this type of book will just drive
our Bisexual
men further underground, and if that should happen we will continue
to root them
out by going further underground ourselves. We are not bounty
hunters, we don't
want to lynch them, we just want to know who they are, level the
playing field
and decide it we want to take the risk. It's only fair.
Gaydar is a science that can be learned and once you understand the
science
you'll recognize the motions. Then comes the shock, then comes the
bewilderment.
And it is amazing. You'll see that they're everywhere… No matter how
small their
numbers end up being, we still have to know who they are. Not to
expel them from
among us, but to quarantine them regarding sex.
Let's start networks and trade observations. Let's step into their
world since
they are already stomping around in ours. PLUS- this list can also be
used to
find out if he's got another woman on the side. This is also
dangerous if you
are unaware of her.
Source: How To Tell if Your Man is Gay or Bisexual by Shahrazad Ali,
2003, Civilized Publications, Philadelphia, PA