Piseth Pilika: complete diary pt. 4

[anon...@cotse.com]

I don't think that I was lucky [only] because I could
achieve what I had wished for. I am only desperate and
desperate forever. I am thinking that I am now very lonely
like the earth with nobody [else] living on it. The earth
seems very crowded and [people] are almost unable to find a
place to live, but it seemed like there was nothing, because
I have to be separated from him and can't find the man I
have met for a period of time. I had always prayed that I
wouldn't ever ecounter such a story.

I think that I met Bang Sen on Thursday at 9 or 10 o'clock
in the morning, which was the time when the sun was shining
beautifully. It [Thursday] was the day which is considered
the strong day, the hard day which cannot be broken, and I
would have to be as shining as the sunlight. It is as strong
as the day which was cherished [in the ancient rules]. On
that day, I am very sure that I had sex as husband and wife.

On the night of Wednesday approaching Thursday the 8th, I
dreamed about Bang Sen sending me a letter through a son of
old man Cheng Pon. That letter was a letter of mourning
[written] on white paper with a black-ink pen. The
characters in the letter were signs, but I understood that
Bang Sen was being requested by his wife for divorce... I
didn't take it seriously, because I thought that it was just
a dream.

One day, at exactly 3 o'clock in the afternoon, Samdech Hun
Sen telephoned me to tell me that on Sunday, the 11th of
April 1999, I would received the words of apology from him,
because he could not struggle with me anymore.

He told me to deny anything which had happened. I accepted
because he said that his wife adamently refused to allow him
to contact me [anymore]. He listened to his wife. Finally, I
understood the taste [of suffering]. He told me that I must
try to [forget] him. Thanks God that let me know the taste
in life.

Every day, I would always be anticipating telephone calls
with my liver almost bursting. I couldn't be determined [to
forget him]. I would always be sitting so thoughtfully that
I almost became an insane woman. I had written several
phrases of poems from the bottom of my heart. I shed tears.
At 7.40 at night would be remembered in life. [the rest of
this sentence is not clear in the original text]

I went to give my thumbprint forcing me to return the house
which Samdech Hun Sen had given me to his wife. I was so
painful I couldn't speak. They told me to give them
[everything] in remorse.
Friday, 23 April, 1999:

I was called by Uncle Thai Seng Long to go and meet the
right hand person of Chumteav Bun Rany. He conveyed the
words from Chumteav to me that she needed to get back the
car that Bang Sen asked Uncle Long to buy for me and told me
to stop phone contact with Bang Sen.

On Monday, 26 April 1999 at 7:30am I went to get my money at
the Canadia Bank. But they did not process the money for me,
because there was an order from Bun Rany not to allow [them]
to give it to me, because she said it was her husband's
money given to [me]. The total amount of money was $200,000,
but I had cashed $50,000 and an interest of nearly $2,000.

Saturday, 1 May 1999 Bang [darling] Sen asked Uncle Thai
Seng Long to come and collect a picture I had taken with him
and his wife with my husband. That picture was taken in
Korea in 1993 or 1994. I gave it to him with sadness and
worry.

I tore off the picture and gave it to him [Seng Long] with
shaking hands. I just realized that I was a moth who was
flying into the fire. I didn't know whether I [could live]
in peace or not now that it was her own master [husband] who
did this to me.

For a period of time, I always hid myself in the house
[soaked] with [so much] sadness that I thought I wanted to
go [to the pagoda] and become a nun. Later on, I tried to
forget [and] cope with all the painful stories. I became
confused. I didn't know when I [could completely] forget
[this]. [So sad] that I fell ill slowly with pain.

On Monday, 10 May 1999 at 9:15am, General Director of
National Police Hok Lundy called me to go and meet him to
tell me about something. He sent two bodyguards to pick me
up. I went with my younger sister. [I was mixed] with fear
and gladness lest I would get any news from Bang Sen
conveying any words [to me]. I went to meet Hok Lundy in
Kien Svay at a quiet place which was a restaurant. He told
me to escape to another place for a period of time because
Lok Chumteau Bun Rany Hun Sen was being very angry [and]
intended to take my life. I was very frightened, but I still
tried to hold my spirit, bite my lips [and] shed tears
unable to believe that I had been seriously deceived like
this. My heart was broken because I hadn't sold myself to
Samdech Hun Sen, it was [that] we loved each other like
husband and wife. But I was too stupid to believe his words
because I had never been deceived by anyone.
This was the first lesson that had made me know [a deceitful
man] and I knew a person who [knows] all the expressions. I
don't know whether they will let me live or die, because the
earth is under their control. I only have God [to go to] and
build merit to return to confront them.

Monday 14 June 1999, 9am I withdre

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