Caucasian dating Asian girl w/ strict parents?

52 views
Skip to first unread message

john walsh

unread,
Jan 16, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/16/00
to
Im a 34 y.o. caucasian guy dating a 27 y.o. Vietnamese girl for 2
months. We are in love & get along extremely well. I havent met her
parents yet, she has sort of avoided this. Her parents are old fashioned
& conservative & she said they dont approve of her dating boys. I dont
understand all of this. This is the first Asian girl I have dated. I am
the first guy she has ever dated. She said her parents want her to get
married one day but how will she if she cant date anyone? She wants to
still be with me but her parents dont approve of her dating. She said
its not because I am Caucasian.
I am very confused & I want to do the right thing without insulting or
hurting her or her family. I care about her alot & I only want the best
for her. Anyone have any advice? This is all very different than
Caucasian females that I have dated in the past. Thanks for any comments
or help.


evil kitty

unread,
Jan 17, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/17/00
to

Ruisha

unread,
Jan 17, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/17/00
to
<<<<Maybe shes a little ashamed of you to let you meet her
parents, if so...thats another reason to move on. I dont know the whole
story behind your relationship or anything but I wanted to add in my
2cents. >>>>


I agree --- I think she is ashamed for you to meet her parents. At 27, I don't
think her parents would have any issue with her 'dating', unless they have
arranged for her to be married or are currently actively looking to find her a
mate --- If this is the case, I'm sure she wouldn't want to introduce you as
her 'choice' and
she may be conflicted.

27 is considered pretty 'old' traditionally --- are you sure she isn't married
already? :)

It sounds like a pretty potentially nasty situation --- If you really love her
and want to get closer, I'd say 'hey, let me meet your folks or we're going to
have to call it quits'.

Maybe it's the 'pragmatic Asian side' of me, but I wouldn't get into that kind
of a situation with the cards kind of stacked against you!

Once again, I don't know the *whole* story - but that was my initial gut
reaction.

Teresa

hassani youssouf&toko suzuki

unread,
Jan 17, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/17/00
to
She said her parents want her to get
>married one day but how will she if she cant date anyone?

arrange marriage could be a good way


\


She wants to
>still be with me but her parents dont approve of her dating. She said
>its not because I am Caucasian.

Culture what a beautiful thing:I am a male the only woman I brought in my
parents' house was my wife,culturally in my country (madagascar) woman are
not supposed to date as it would considered as "shameful".
My conclusion is :I would not like to be in your situation ...


> I am very confused & I want to do the right thing without insulting or
>hurting her or her family. I care about her alot & I only want the best
>for her. Anyone have any advice?

I think she is your best advisor concerning her culture


Hassani youssouf

Harry Ballsman

unread,
Jan 17, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/17/00
to
I've dated several different Vietnamese women over the last ten
years. Other than the one who was adopted by two Jewish
American parents, they all had problems with their parents
knowing they dated white guys. It has nothing to do with racism,
just protection of their culture, which they feel may be
diluted by the introduction of a white guy into the family. This
is normal and it is common. It's not the girls fault. The fact
that she is as old as 27 and you're her first real relationship
is nothing to look down on. She may come from a very conservative,
catholic background. She's trying to make both you happy and
her parents happy. It's not easy. Don't be hard on her. See
if you can deal with the hassle, as I did, and let the chips fall
where they may. After a while, things will probably smooth out,
especially if you show an interest in learning her culture and language.


john walsh <RACE...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:28020-38...@storefull-156.iap.bryant.webtv.net...


> Im a 34 y.o. caucasian guy dating a 27 y.o. Vietnamese girl for 2
> months. We are in love & get along extremely well. I havent met her
> parents yet, she has sort of avoided this. Her parents are old fashioned
> & conservative & she said they dont approve of her dating boys. I dont
> understand all of this. This is the first Asian girl I have dated. I am

> the first guy she has ever dated. She said her parents want her to get
> married one day but how will she if she cant date anyone? She wants to


> still be with me but her parents dont approve of her dating. She said
> its not because I am Caucasian.

> I am very confused & I want to do the right thing without insulting or
> hurting her or her family. I care about her alot & I only want the best

Ying Yang

unread,
Jan 17, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/17/00
to
John, the fact ur caucasian unfortunately has a factor.
The lady is simply being polite.
And it could be that ur 7 YEARS older then her.
I dont care about age but society does, especially parents.

I suppose the fact that white men have abused and raped soo many females
during the war might have a factor in you not being accepted readily.

Keep trying for a little longer. Dont lose hope too quickly.


Ms. Qué

unread,
Jan 17, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/17/00
to
john walsh wrote:
>
> Im a 34 y.o. caucasian guy dating a 27 y.o. Vietnamese girl for 2
> months. We are in love & get along extremely well. I havent met her
> parents yet, she has sort of avoided this.

Have you asked her point blank why you haven't met her parents yet? The
only person that can tell you why this hasn't happened and why she's
avoiding the situation is her.

>Her parents are old fashioned
> & conservative & she said they dont approve of her dating boys. I dont
> understand all of this.

It's a part of their culture, you should ask her more about this.
Usually in traditional Asian culture the man you introduce to your
parents is the man you plan to marry.

>This is the first Asian girl I have dated.

Aha! That explains why you don't know much about Asian culture. Since
she comes from a traditional background why not have a cultural chat one
of these days so you can understand it better.

>I am
> the first guy she has ever dated. She said her parents want her to get
> married one day but how will she if she cant date anyone?

It's called arranged marriage and is still quite popular. Do you know
if she has a future husband back in Vietnam...have you asked?

>She wants to
> still be with me but her parents dont approve of her dating. She said
> its not because I am Caucasian.

She's being polite dear, it is most likely because you are Caucasian.
Traditional parents favour same culture marriages and very rarely make
an exception. It may not be the entire reason but it certainly plays a
part. Have you asked her what the real reason is if it is not because
you are Caucasian?

> I am very confused & I want to do the right thing without insulting or
> hurting her or her family. I care about her alot & I only want the best
> for her. Anyone have any advice?

Yes. Try talking to her! Geesh! Certainly we can give you opinions
and such on the newsgroup but you won't know the real reasons unless you
actually get her to open up and TELL YOU!

~ Qué
--
~*~ "Through interpretation, comes appreciation, through appreciation
comes understanding, through understanding, comes protection." -Freeman
Tilden ~*~

Harry Ballsman

unread,
Jan 17, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/17/00
to

Ying Yang <yingyan...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:HaNg4.1597$pU.1...@typhoon1.gnilink.net...

> John, the fact ur caucasian unfortunately has a factor.
> The lady is simply being polite.
> And it could be that ur 7 YEARS older then her.
> I dont care about age but society does, especially parents.
>
> I suppose the fact that white men have abused and raped soo many females
> during the war might have a factor in you not being accepted readily.

LOL. How about all the Japanese soldiers who raped countless
asian and white women? Would her Vietnamese parents have
a problem with them? The VietCong weren't exactly innocent
parties to rape either. Your comments are regrettable to
say the least.

Zarathustra

unread,
Jan 17, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/17/00
to
Perhaps the female subject has exhibited a pattern of making bad and unwise
decisions in the past, and her parents are worried that she will continue in
this manner in the sphere of dating and human relationships.

john walsh wrote:

> Im a 34 y.o. caucasian guy dating a 27 y.o. Vietnamese girl for 2
> months. We are in love & get along extremely well. I havent met her

> parents yet, she has sort of avoided this. Her parents are old fashioned


> & conservative & she said they dont approve of her dating boys. I dont

> understand all of this. This is the first Asian girl I have dated. I am


> the first guy she has ever dated. She said her parents want her to get

> married one day but how will she if she cant date anyone? She wants to


> still be with me but her parents dont approve of her dating. She said
> its not because I am Caucasian.

> I am very confused & I want to do the right thing without insulting or
> hurting her or her family. I care about her alot & I only want the best

diamente

unread,
Jan 18, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/18/00
to john walsh
John,

how much money you got? what kind of occupation are you in?

If you are rich, there shouldn't be that much problem.

-------------------------------------------------------------
Get Paid to Surf the Net, Get Free DSL, Free Internet and Other Freebies

http://www.TheyPayYou.cjb.net

Ying Yang

unread,
Jan 18, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/18/00
to
How typical.
Always finding excuses and straying off the topic.
Will you men never face up to ur faults.

JJ Lipari

unread,
Jan 18, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/18/00
to
Now you are making excuses for Asian racism. If a white family expressed
outrage that their son or daughter were dating an Asian, most Asians would
no doubt, justifyably, call the white family racist. If Asian parents
express outrage that their daughter is dating outside their race, you cant
have a different set of rules and say, "Oh, they just want to protect their
culture...etc, etc". The same could be said of the Nuremberg Laws. If its
racist for one group to behave that way, then it is damn well racist for the
other group to do those things! NO DOUBLE STANDARDS!
JJ
Harry Ballsman <deja...@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:s876jd...@corp.supernews.com...

> I've dated several different Vietnamese women over the last ten
> years. Other than the one who was adopted by two Jewish
> American parents, they all had problems with their parents
> knowing they dated white guys. It has nothing to do with racism,
> just protection of their culture, which they feel may be
> diluted by the introduction of a white guy into the family. This
> is normal and it is common. It's not the girls fault. The fact
> that she is as old as 27 and you're her first real relationship
> is nothing to look down on. She may come from a very conservative,
> catholic background. She's trying to make both you happy and
> her parents happy. It's not easy. Don't be hard on her. See
> if you can deal with the hassle, as I did, and let the chips fall
> where they may. After a while, things will probably smooth out,
> especially if you show an interest in learning her culture and language.
>
>
> john walsh <RACE...@webtv.net> wrote in message
> news:28020-38...@storefull-156.iap.bryant.webtv.net...

Ying Yang

unread,
Jan 18, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/18/00
to
I agree. Racism is not just a mental disease that whites have.
But why whites have them (well off in the US) is a mystery.
I can understand blacks being somewhat racist considering the white/black
wars.

JJ Lipari

unread,
Jan 18, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/18/00
to
Anyone can be racist. It is correct that most of the hurtful racism in
America comes from whites, since they are in the majority and are in
positions of power. But fortunately that is beginning to change. It is a
mystery why some whites who are rich and well off, who have little to worry
about, are racist. The way blacks have been treated in America for 300
years, up until the 1960s and sometimes even today, it's a wonder more of
them dont hate whites.
JJ

Ying Yang <yingyan...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:Nj4h4.2464$xX3.1...@typhoon2.gnilink.net...

Dicky Cockman

unread,
Jan 19, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/19/00
to
Troll.

Ying Yang <yingyan...@yahoo.com> wrote in message

news:igVg4.1684$pU.1...@typhoon1.gnilink.net...

Ying Yang

unread,
Jan 19, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/19/00
to
TRAILER PARK TRASH !

Will some kind female please go out on a date with this Dicky character so
he'll leave us alone 8)


Dicky Cockman

unread,
Jan 19, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/19/00
to
Trailer Park? LOL. Are we projecting a little here? How is it you even
thought to mention "Trailer Park"? Sounds like you're all to familiar
with that.

The only person around here who sounds like they need a date is you.

Ying Yang <yingyan...@yahoo.com> wrote in message

news:D8bh4.1875$pU.2...@typhoon1.gnilink.net...

leerh

unread,
Jan 19, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/19/00
to
Dicky Cockman (fus...@bellatlantic.net) wrote:
: The only person around here who sounds like they need a date is you.


And you.

stephen

unread,
Jan 19, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/19/00
to
you're fucked

Me Luv U Long Time

unread,
Jan 20, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/20/00
to
LOL. Man, are you a jerk. Is everyone from Queens as big an ass?

leerh <le...@aludra.usc.edu> wrote in message
news:8657fm$pqm$1...@aludra.usc.edu...

Ying Yang

unread,
Jan 20, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/20/00
to
Hmmm...... sensitive ego.

> you're fucked


OK would it make you hapier if Tereesa had said.
"The family doesnt think they are good enough to accept a WM as a god son"

No complaints then ha.


Santoki

unread,
Jan 26, 2000, 3:00:00 AM1/26/00
to
Protecting their culture could be part of it. I really don't think that this
is the main reason that she is relunctant however. Do you think that if you
or this other man was Asian, this relunctancy would exist? I am an Asian guy
and Asian girlfriends are more often than not, relunctant to introduce me to
their parents. Being a white boyfriend adds an additional spin to the
equation. But isn't everyone relunctant to introduce their parents? Of
course they are, why wouldn't they? There can be so many reasons for
relunctance, simply saying it's because of race is simply too simple. I
especially don't get offers after a mere 2 months of dating. If they have
'cool' parents, then sure it is 'no big deal'....ie. no marriage concerns and
background checks. Most parents are not 'cool' per se, but are very seriously
concerned about their little girls life and happiness. 2 months is hardly
serious, why would anyone want to meet their parents after 2 months? That's a
bizarre desire to me. I know American parents take this much more casually,
but Asian parents mostly do not When Asian parents meet you, they are
thinking about marriage in one form or another and will be very critical with
whoever is carrying thier little girl's heart....I would hardly say this is
strict.

Ying Yang

unread,
Feb 5, 2000, 3:00:00 AM2/5/00
to
Chris ! U still claiming to have married a asian girl.
So now your caucasian again ! LOL, u change ur race as often as you change
your NG name.

> I am also a caucasian and married to an asian woman. Fortunately we never
> had to deal with any of these pressures from either family. I wish you
well,
> and sincerely hope everything will turn out the best for both of you...


Ying Yang

unread,
Feb 5, 2000, 3:00:00 AM2/5/00
to
Everyone knows the American GI (mostly) only cared about molesting the
children.


> When the Americans finally arrived, the Chinese were amazed at how
friendly
> they were. The GIs just wanted to play with the children, flirt with the
> girls....and just make the place as pleasant as possible. That's not a
spin,
> that's a first-hand account of people who were there.
>
> My in-laws lived through this, and maybe that's why they were so ready to
> accept an American son-in-law.
>
>

Leo

unread,
Feb 5, 2000, 3:00:00 AM2/5/00
to
What nonsense are you bullshitting? There weren't many American soldiers in
China during WW2 except for a few group of pilots who flew bombing missions
from Chongqing. And why will be the Chinese be "terrified" when Americans
at that time are allies from the start of the war?

"TheRuggedOne
> Initially, the Chinese were terrified when they heard these people who
could
> actually BEAT the Japanese were coming. The considered what the Japanese
> could do to them, and assumed the Americans could only do worse.


Walter Lee

unread,
Feb 5, 2000, 3:00:00 AM2/5/00
to

TheRuggedOne wrote:
>
> Ying Yang wrote in message ...


> >I suppose the fact that white men have abused and raped soo many females
> >during the war might have a factor in you not being accepted readily.
> >

> >Keep trying for a little longer. Dont lose hope too quickly.
> >

> Actually, Ying Yang, I know you're speaking of the Vietnamese War, but my
> in-laws tell a different story of the Americans who liberated China from the
> Japanese.


> Initially, the Chinese were terrified when they heard these people who could
> actually BEAT the Japanese were coming. The considered what the Japanese
> could do to them, and assumed the Americans could only do worse.


Chinese were not terrified of the USA because the USA for the most
part never fought in China during WWII. The Americans never liberated
China. Nor did the USA occupy china after the War. China was never
able to beat militarily the JIA during WWII but the JIA was never
able to completely destroy the ROC/CCP military forces completely
either. It was sort of a stalemate. China only regain control over
its borders when Japan unconditionally surrendered during WWII.
The USA never fought over to China to liberated it from the Japanese.
In fact, one of the main reasons for supplying the Chinese military
during WWII was keep the chinese military viable so it to pin down
the majority of JIA forces in China while the US/Allied forces island
hop towards Japan. China pinned most of the JIA forces down so the
Allied forces didnot have to fight the entire JIA force to get to
Japan close enough to bomb/invade it. US high command is very sensitive
to U.S. casualities - and didnot even want to take back the Philippines until
General McArthur intervened. However, stories that I have read and seen
show that the chinese were very grateful for the supplies that the
British and the USA sent via the Burma road and China was also grateful
for the service and protection provided by the american mercenary pilots,
the Flying Tigers. While the Flying Tigers were piloted mainly by white
american Pilots they actually were considered a special detactment of
the ROC air force and flew with Chinese markings. Most chinese never
saw the men who were the Flying Tigers ( since this flying group was
very small). There was also a small detactment of chinese-american
pilots from the Westcoast who flew for the ROC to combat the Japanese
imperial airforce as well.

Walter Lee

unread,
Feb 5, 2000, 3:00:00 AM2/5/00
to

TheRuggedOne wrote:
>
> "Gentlemen",
>
> I don't know who Chris is.
> I'm relaying a story told by people who were there.
> I'd assume the Chinese were generally distrustful of foreigners, after a
> long history of colonialism.

By the 1930's , China was a neo-colony of europe, the USA, and Japan
with no central court system or law enforcement. Distrust was not
just for foriegners but anyone a person didnt know. I think one of the
reasons chinese today put a high value on law and order is because
many chinese know what it means to live in a world without law and
order. It was the CCP that eventually eliminated the unequal treaties
and stop neo-colonialism in China - they unitied the country by making
foreigners the scapegoat for all of china's problems (starting with
the Opium War/British Illegal Drug Trafficking) - The CCP didnot
unite China until 1950. During neo-colonial rule - chinese had few
civil rights - while foriegners had civil protection (e.g. in
Hong Kong chinese never had full citizenship but white britishs had
full citizenship ) so chinese had to be careful when dealing with
the whites. When the PRC eventually took over Hong Kong in 1997 -
such stories finally surfaced. If you watch the move "Dragon: the
bruce lee story" this legal issue also is an important reason for
Bruce Lee leaving Hong Kong to the USA. The distrust of the past
is base on the inequalities of the past. When those inequalities
are eliminated trust can be regained.

PHILLIP L NEWTON

unread,
Feb 7, 2000, 3:00:00 AM2/7/00
to


--
-----------------------------------------------------
Click here for Free Video!!
http://www.gohip.com/freevideo/

"Ying Yang" <yingyan...@yahoo.com> wrote in message

news:cCNm4.2751$%r3.1...@typhoon1.gnilink.net...

PHILLIP L NEWTON

unread,
Feb 7, 2000, 3:00:00 AM2/7/00
to

Once again you have offended every decent American soldier who ever servied
his country. As usual I'm sure that you would blame the Americans (only the
white ones) for every crime in the world, it would fit nicely with your
agenda, and if you can't find one you will then blame a black one, it's the
way your kind works. There will be, at some point in time, an incident or
occurrence where you will need help and the only one there to help you is an
American. That low rotten dog that you have been kicking for so long, will
because he does not know any better give you all of the help that he can
even to the point of giving his life if need be. Why? Could the reason that
Americans, and not just soldiers, serve all over the world helping others,
be that we Americans are just like any other people who live on this earth,
you know kind and decent. It's only political hacks and foolish children
that see a darker purpose in the deeds of their fellow men. Not wanting to
think of you as a political hack, I can only hope that you grow up soon.
With Regards your elder
First Sergeant Retired Phillip L. Newton
Reply all
Reply to author
Forward
0 new messages