small small weddings
Rsinger4
Hiyall --
We just got engaged and, neither of us being 'social butterflies' or
caring much for crowds of people we barely know, are considering having a
smaller, intimate wedding with just immediate family (parents, living
grandparents, brothers and sisters -- about 16 total including us and the
rabbi), in either our or my future in-laws' home.
I'd love to hear from anyone who has done this -- did you have regrets
later that you didn't have the big show, or are your parents still trying
to make you feel guilty that second-cousin-Fred didn't get to come?
Complicating the issue is the fact that my parents and grandparents live
out of town and would have to fly (from Washington State to Chicago) to
attend a ceremony that might for them be somewhat of a letdown (I'm the
first child and grandchild to get married and the only daughter). I know
this day is 'supposed' to be for me and my fiance, but ....
Renee
Rachel -- I'm in a similar situation. My fiance and I only want our
immediate families at the wedding (about 35 people), and it too involves
extensive travel (from near Boston to upstate NY, actually on the Canadian
border).
Are you planning to have a reception? Our problem is made worse since we
really don't want a reception, maybe cake & champagne someplace, but that's
about it. I feel kind of guilty asking people to make the 6+ hour drive
for a 30-minute service, but that's all we want. Originally, I almost felt
like I "owed" the guests something for making the trip. However, I've sort
of resolved myself that this day needs to be special to US for OUR reasons.
I really do want my family to share in the day, but I plan on making it
clear to them all that if they can't/don't want to make the trip we'll
understand. I don't want this to turn into a major stressful event, nor do
we want to spend lots of money on a reception (that we don't want in the
first place) just to make it "worth it" for people to come.
If you *are* planning a reception, I wouldn't let the size (or lack there
of) deter you. I think an intimate celebration can be just as special, and
in many cases more so, than a 350-guest event. You can make things much
more personal with a small group, and I don't think you'll regret it later.
Just my opinion... good luck, and please post as you progress with your
plans!
In article <50vqe5$3...@newsbf02.news.aol.com>, rsin...@aol.com (Rsinger4)
wrote:
Rsinger4
>Are you planning to have a reception? Our problem is made worse since we
>really don't want a reception, maybe cake & champagne someplace, but
that's
>about it. I feel kind of guilty asking people to make the 6+ hour drive
>for a 30-minute service, but that's all we want. Originally, I almost
felt
We were thinking about doing a late morning ceremony and then having a
brunch following, again just for family (catered or at a restaurant, so
nobody would get nervous about burning food etc DURING :)). For about 16
people it should be reasonable.
I would feel terribly guilty about not having a reception at all, since
people are going to have to take a 3 1/2 hour plane flight to get here!
Also my future in-laws have already offered to take the whole family out
to dinner the night before. So they will be at least somewhat entertained
:).
If you're planning on having cake and champagne someplace, that counts, I
would think! Call it a family gathering instead of a reception and at
least give them the chance to wish you well..
>If you *are* planning a reception, I wouldn't let the size (or lack there
>of) deter you. I think an intimate celebration can be just as special,
and
>in many cases more so, than a 350-guest event. You can make things much
>more personal with a small group, and I don't think you'll regret it
later.
> Just my opinion... good luck, and please post as you progress with your
>plans.
Thanks so much for responding! I was starting to feel abnormal :).
Please give updates on your ongoing plans, as well.
Rachel
http://www.zoots.com/libjob/libjob.htm
rsin...@aol.com
fez...@ix.netcom.com
Sharon L. Kazmierski
Rsinger4 wrote:
> We just got engaged and, neither of us being 'social butterflies' or
> caring much for crowds of people we barely know, are considering having a
> smaller, intimate wedding with just immediate family (parents, living
> grandparents, brothers and sisters -- about 16 total including us and the
> rabbi), in either our or my future in-laws' home.
> I'd love to hear from anyone who has done this -- did you have regrets
> later that you didn't have the big show, or are your parents still trying
> to make you feel guilty that second-cousin-Fred didn't get to come?
There were about 12 people at our wedding. Our immediate families, my grandmother and
great uncle, and our witnesses were in attendance. My sister dragged along her boyfriend
(whom I could have done without, but this was a last minute surprise and I did not feel
like making an issue of it.)
We made the decision for various reasons. First of all, Jeff was being scheduled to
go to Saudi Arabia for a temporary tour of duty. This was averted but not until after we
were married. The original wedding date was Oct. 12 and we were planning a larger (but not
huge) wedding. We expected about 75-100 people to attend in Oct. But the other reason
we decided to change the date and circumstances was because the original date comes in the
middle of the school year and I had just gotten a new teaching job. Also, my father in
law is a college professor and this would have been a problem for him since he would have
to travel from upstate New York.
We also realized that we did not want to spend a huge sum of money on a wedding. Both my
mom and his sister were having problems dealing with the excitement. Neither of them
handles stress well and it was making our immediate families a little crazy trying to deal
with their inability to deal with the stress.
Do we regret not having the bigger celebration? Not really. I regret not having
a photographer. When we decided to make our vows in July, we still planned to have a
second ceremony but changed our minds about a month later. I regret the fact that my mom
and his sister cannot handle the stress, but I realize that it would have been really
hard for us to have a good time knowing it had made our immediate families miserable.
Both our parents were actually relieved. It was a lot of stress for his parents to deal
with his sister and her stress. It was a lot of stress for my dad dealing with my mother
and her stress. Neither of our sets of parents had large weddings. Both of them had
very, very, very small weddings too and kind of thought the larger celebration would be
a little silly anyway.
> Complicating the issue is the fact that my parents and grandparents live
> out of town and would have to fly (from Washington State to Chicago) to
> attend a ceremony that might for them be somewhat of a letdown (I'm the
> first child and grandchild to get married and the only daughter). I know
> this day is 'supposed' to be for me and my fiance, but ....
--
Sharon L. Kazmierski
Latin Teacher
Westside High School - District 66 - Omaha, NE
Latina Lingua Non Mortua Est!
Kat
>We just got engaged and, neither of us being 'social butterflies' or
>caring much for crowds of people we barely know, are considering having
a
>smaller, intimate wedding with just immediate family (parents, living
>grandparents, brothers and sisters -- about 16 total including us and
the
>rabbi), in either our or my future in-laws' home.
>
>I'd love to hear from anyone who has done this -- did you have regrets
>later that you didn't have the big show, or are your parents still
trying
>to make you feel guilty that second-cousin-Fred didn't get to come?
>
>out of town and would have to fly (from Washington State to Chicago) to
>attend a ceremony that might for them be somewhat of a letdown (I'm the
>first child and grandchild to get married and the only daughter). I
know
>this day is 'supposed' to be for me and my fiance, but ....
>
Hi Rachel...my sis is getting married on Sept 28/96 and there will be a
total of 28 people there. They are still renting a hall, and she has her
gown, and he will be in a tux, however the bridal party is more relaxed,
and there will be a sit down dinner & dancing (tho no DJ or band - jsut
pre-made-up tapes & their own stereo). They are doing the WHOLE DEAL for
under $3000 and aren't regretting a thing. They are getting the feel of a
big wedding without the cost, and everyone is happy. The only people put
off were people inviting themselves...or their kids, and they are rude,
so who cares how they feel. It is going SMASHINGLY well.
Best of luck. My advice - take lots of pics/video...and I HIGHLY doubt
you will EVER have regrets. If ya do, you can renew your vows & have a
big ceremony on an anniversary. Do it YOUR way, and you'll be happy. :)
All the best
Kat :)
JCole71997
Hi-
We are getting married in July 97 and are having 20 people (max) at the
ceremony and supper afterwards. We booked a winery in Napa Valley and are
inviting our immediate family and best friends out for a 4 day celebration
(we live in Ohio). The planning is going great-it will be a formal
ceremony(with my gorgeous fancy dress!) and 2 attendants each.
In fact, I wish my plans for a cake/champagne celebration when we get back
home were going as smoothly as my California plans are!
Best o'luck,
Jennifer & August