Thank you Notes?
LINDA PAK
Hi!
This is a question to all brides & grooms about the etiquette
of sending thank you notes.
We just got married couple of weeks ago. It was one of those
tight scheduled weddings....I took two weeks off from work...
had all the ceremonies...and before I could really relax and
realize fully what I have recently gone through...I'm faced with
this question of whether to send thank you notes to the 500+ guests
who attended the wedding!
Could someone help me out on this! is it ok not to send any?!
Thanks,
Linda.
Dorothea M. Rovner
> I'm faced with
> this question of whether to send thank you notes to the 500+ guests
> who attended the wedding!
>
> Could someone help me out on this! is it ok not to send any?!
ABSOLUTELY *NOT*. Start scribbling. It is just *beyond* rude and
callous and unfeeling not to send individual, handwritten thank-you
notes.
That said, I think it may be possible to temporize -- send a printed
note now and a personal one later. But then you're stuck addressing all
those envelopes twice, so why not get the whole business over with now
and just write the notes?
BTW, you really ought to consider tying hubby to a desk until he
has completed a certain portion of the notes. I don't see any reason
*you* have to be the one to write them all.
Dorothea
--
Dorothea M. Rovner | "Nuestras vidas son los rios
Gradual Student | que van a dar en la mar/qu'es el morir."
dmro...@students.wisc.edu | Jorge Manrique
AnneNoe
Just curious... Am I expected to send Thank You notes to all who
attended?? I thought it was only for those who gave gifts. Uh oh, got a
few more to write...
Anne
Abort? Retry? Macintosh?
Megan and/or Kevin
> Hi!
>
> This is a question to all brides & grooms about the etiquette
> of sending thank you notes.
>
> We just got married couple of weeks ago. It was one of those
> tight scheduled weddings....I took two weeks off from work...
> had all the ceremonies...and before I could really relax and
> realize fully what I have recently gone through...I'm faced with
> this question of whether to send thank you notes to the 500+ guests
> who attended the wedding!
>
> Could someone help me out on this! is it ok not to send any?!
>
Good Lord NO! It is never okay to *not* send someone a thank you note for
*anything* they have done for you--especially where it involves a wedding!
You need to write every person a handwritten note (not preprinted) and
send it soon. BTW, since you have a husband and it was his wedding, too,
he should be writing notes as well.
Megan (& Kevin)-12/7/96
--
I watch the rabbits in my yard,
There goes another 'round the bend...--Paul Westerberg
JULIA THAXTER
> We just got married couple of weeks ago. It was one of those
> tight scheduled weddings....I took two weeks off from work...
> had all the ceremonies...and before I could really relax and
> realize fully what I have recently gone through...I'm faced with
> this question of whether to send thank you notes to the 500+ guests
> who attended the wedding!
>
> Could someone help me out on this! is it ok not to send any?!
Do you mean the thank yous for gifts or just for attending? My friend who
was married last summer has never sent a thank you card to me for coming (I
had to travel about 5 hour to get their, rented a motel room for 2 nights,
plus purchase a gift, and since I was in the wedding party, I spend $100 to
have my dress made) And all I can say, is that I'm really hurt that she
hasn't done it. I mentioned in once casually last year, and her reply was
it was her husband's job to do the half that I was in. So, in my opinion,
do them.....they don't all have to be done at once, but try to get them all
sent out.
Julia
LINDA PAK
> btw, where on earth did you find 500 people? we invited everyone we know
> and that was more like 125 people. I've never understood where people
> come up with that many guests.
>
> Mandie Harrington
Well, infact my wedding ceremony was held back in Seoul, Korea...and believe
me these were not the people I know, almost all of them were my parents' and
my brothers' friends and relatives and their friends and relatives...and it
goes on!!
My parents paid for everything, they were too keen on having a big wedding.
Anyways, not only do I have to send thank-you notes to those who attended the
wedding, but also to my friends in US, who sent gifts by mail...so thoughtful
of them!
Thanks for your input.
Linda.
Megan and/or Kevin
> Just curious... Am I expected to send Thank You notes to all who
> attended?? I thought it was only for those who gave gifts. Uh oh, got a
> few more to write...
>
Anne,
No, I would just send notes to those who gave gifts. When the others send
gifts (they have up to a year), you can send those.
Megan
Liz Andrews
ann...@aol.com (AnneNoe) wrote:
>Just curious... Am I expected to send Thank You notes to all who
>attended?? I thought it was only for those who gave gifts. Uh oh, got a
>few more to write...
>Anne
>Abort? Retry? Macintosh?
Note: nobody is "obligated" to give a gift to the bride and groom.
That being said, I have never heard of sending thank you notes to
wedding attendees who didn't give a gift, but then, I haven't heard of
too many people who attend a wedding and don't give a gift. Perhaps
if you did send the non-gift givers a thank you for "sharing your
day", you would then find out if they had sent or brought a gift that
was somehow lost.
But definitely, if someone gives you a wedding gift, you MUST MUST
MUST send them a thank you. IMO it should be hand written. I once
received a thank you six months after the wedding, which in itself was
okay, except that it was a preprinted note with no handwriting, even
the bride/groom's signatures. I was particularly offended, as I had
driven 250 miles to attend this wedding and was broke at the time.
The bride was well aware of my financial situation, because she had
wanted to ask me to be a bridesmaid but knew I couldn't afford it.
If you are pressed for time, do a set number each day, as part of your
daily routine. The thank yous will be completed in time.
Liz
A J Harrington
Megan and/or Kevin (meg...@premierweb.net) wrote:
: > Hi!
: >
: > This is a question to all brides & grooms about the etiquette
: > of sending thank you notes.
: >
: > We just got married couple of weeks ago. It was one of those
: > tight scheduled weddings....I took two weeks off from work...
: > had all the ceremonies...and before I could really relax and
: > realize fully what I have recently gone through...I'm faced with
: > this question of whether to send thank you notes to the 500+ guests
: > who attended the wedding!
: >
: > Could someone help me out on this! is it ok not to send any?!
: >
: Good Lord NO! It is never okay to *not* send someone a thank you note for
: *anything* they have done for you--especially where it involves a wedding!
: You need to write every person a handwritten note (not preprinted) and
: send it soon. BTW, since you have a husband and it was his wedding, too,
: he should be writing notes as well.
She does NOT have to send a thank you to guests who attended but did not
give a gift. There is really no reason for this. If the gift giver was
present when the gift was opened it's arguable whether you have to send a
thank you or not. Some people say a verbal thank you is sufficient, but
certainly a written thank you is always appreciated. If you received a
gift from someone who wasn't there when you opened it, you really have to
send a thank you, if only to let the gift giver know it was received (and
appreciated).
I really doubt any guest at a wedding with 500 other guests would expect
to get a thank you just for attending (ie no gift). 500 is an awful lot
of notes.
btw, where on earth did you find 500 people? we invited everyone we know
and that was more like 125 people. I've never understood where people
come up with that many guests.
Mandie Harrington
9/28/96
--
Mandie
ape...@minerva.cis.yale.edu
Department of Neuroscience
Yale University
Sandy
I read Linda's post completely differently: I assumed she thought she
had to thank guests in writing for attending her wedding, nothing more,
which she does not. I didn't come across any mention of gifts in her
post.
The written thank you is for gifts, special efforts, or support given to
her and/or her husband. Perhaps it would be very thoughtful to thank an
elderly guest who endured a hardship to attend the ceremony, but thank
you notes across the board for attending the ceremony is not required or
expected.
My .02 --Sandy
dmro...@students.wisc.edu (Dorothea M. Rovner) wrote:
>In article <32697F...@AOL.COM>, LINDA PAK <USA...@AOL.COM> wrote:
>
>> I'm faced with
>> this question of whether to send thank you notes to the 500+ guests
>> who attended the wedding!
>>
>> Could someone help me out on this! is it ok not to send any?!
>
Sandy
A J Harrington
ok, from another response to this thread, it's come out that the wedding
was in Korea (and most of the guests were Korean)
That said, all of this advice people are giving is based on western
culture, so it may be completely different there. I suggest you ask your
parents what they think.
Michele St. Martin
LINDA PAK wrote:
>
> Hi!
>
> This is a question to all brides & grooms about the etiquette
> of sending thank you notes.
>
> We just got married couple of weeks ago. It was one of those
> tight scheduled weddings....I took two weeks off from work...
> had all the ceremonies...and before I could really relax and
> this question of whether to send thank you notes to the 500+ guests
> who attended the wedding!
>
> Could someone help me out on this! is it ok not to send any?!
>
> Linda.
Linda,
You don't have to send thank yous for attending the wedding, but you
do have to send them (handwritten) for each gift you received. The
etiquette I've heard is within two weeks for each gift received before
the wedding, and within 6-8 weeks for each gift received after the
wedding.
Michele
Julie James
LINDA PAK (USA...@AOL.COM) wrote:
: We just got married couple of weeks ago. It was one of those
: tight scheduled weddings....I took two weeks off from work...
: had all the ceremonies...and before I could really relax and
: realize fully what I have recently gone through...I'm faced with
: this question of whether to send thank you notes to the 500+ guests
: who attended the wedding!
: Could someone help me out on this! is it ok not to send any?!
Linda,
Thank you notes are not necesarry for those who attended, but they ARE A
_MUST_ FOR GIFTS!! Anyone who took the time and went to the expense to
send a gift and attend the wedding (or send a gift if they didn't attend)
deserves the common courtesy of a brief note mentioning the gift and how
much you and your husband appreciate it... As to people who went spent
the time and/or expense to attend without a gift, they might appreciat a
line or two in your holiday cards mentioning how great it was to see
them and how much you appreciate their presence at the wedding!
julie
Sara M.
jja...@college.antioch.edu (Julie James) wrote:
>Linda,
>Thank you notes are not necesarry for those who attended, but they ARE A
>_MUST_ FOR GIFTS!! Anyone who took the time and went to the expense to
>send a gift and attend the wedding (or send a gift if they didn't attend)
>deserves the common courtesy of a brief note mentioning the gift and how
>much you and your husband appreciate it... As to people who went spent
>the time and/or expense to attend without a gift, they might appreciat a
>line or two in your holiday cards mentioning how great it was to see
>them and how much you appreciate their presence at the wedding!
>julie
Yep, it *would* be nice to send a card to those who took the time,
effort and expense in this manner. I attended the wedding of a
friend a few years back who I'd known in college -- I lived across
the hall from her, and I was the one there who she came to when she
first discovered her love for this man, when she made her decisions
on her future to be with him, when she agonized over whether to give
up opportunities to be with him, etc. I spent hours at the local
bookstore finding just the perfect books for her gift (I didn't know her
fiance very well), etc.
So, it was more than slightly annoying when I didn't receive a little
thank-you card, and never heard from her again. Oh well. Hope she
liked the books -- for all I know, she might have thrown them away.
-- Sara (who will be sure to send thank-yous for her wedding,
you can be sure of that!)
Janet Hunt
A J Harrington wrote:
>
> Megan and/or Kevin (meg...@premierweb.net) wrote:
> : In article <32697F...@AOL.COM>, LINDA PAK <USA...@AOL.COM> wrote:........
> : > We just got married couple of weeks ago. It was one of those
> : > tight scheduled weddings....I took two weeks off from work...
> : > had all the ceremonies...and before I could really relax and
> : > realize fully what I have recently gone through...I'm faced with
> : > this question of whether to send thank you notes to the 500+ guests
> : > who attended the wedding!
> : >
> : > Could someone help me out on this! is it ok not to send any?!
I think its appropriate to send thank you notes to those who gave gifts.
It surprises me that at this day and age that anyone would attend yet not
give a gift! That's pretty rude. Perhaps these people without gifts are
less fortunate? Then if you know why there was no gift (and you
understand) then yes-Send a thank you note. But definitely to all those
who gave gifts!!
>
> btw, where on earth did you find 500 people? we invited everyone we know
> and that was more like 125 people. I've never understood where people
> come up with that many guests.
>
We're pushing over 250 people for our wedding. I know its very easy to
invite so many. We are however on a limit. Its easy to do. And as
someone else said-You now have a husband, and most likely haf the guests
were friends of his also....have him help you!!! (If my SO is reading
this-You remember that, ok??)
Good luck writing!!!
Janet
Janet Tunney
>A J Harrington wrote:
>>
>> Megan and/or Kevin (meg...@premierweb.net) wrote:
..I'm faced with
>> : > this question of whether to send thank you notes to the 500+ guests
>> : > who attended the wedding!
>> : >
>> : > Could someone help me out on this! is it ok not to send any?!
>> : >
>I think its appropriate to send thank you notes to those who gave gifts.
>It surprises me that at this day and age that anyone would attend yet not
>give a gift! That's pretty rude.
I agree with your statement that thank you notes should be sent for those who
gave gifts, but I think you're a little harsh in saying that people
attending that don't bring gifts with them are rude. You have up to a year
after the wedding to send a gift. My fiance and I tend to wait to the
six months mark and then send a gift.
Janet (& Bolton, 2/1/97)
Dorothea M. Rovner
In article <jtunney.20...@media.utah.edu>, jtu...@media.utah.edu
(Janet Tunney) wrote:
> >A J Harrington wrote:
> >I think its appropriate to send thank you notes to those who gave gifts.
> >It surprises me that at this day and age that anyone would attend yet not
> >give a gift! That's pretty rude.
>
> I agree with your statement that thank you notes should be sent for those who
> gave gifts, but I think you're a little harsh in saying that people
> attending that don't bring gifts with them are rude. You have up to a year
> after the wedding to send a gift. My fiance and I tend to wait to the
> six months mark and then send a gift.
Um, not to mention that a gift is not like a ticket to an event. It is
*never* obligatory, *never* expected. One's attendance at a wedding is
gift enough; anything else is icing on the cake.
Dorothea
(who is surprised to be offering etiquette advice, being pretty etiquette-
challenged)
A J Harrington
would just like to point out that this was falsely attributed to me. I
don't happen to agree that not giving a gift is rude. Gifts are optional
Dorothea M. Rovner (dmro...@students.wisc.edu) wrote:
: In article <jtunney.20...@media.utah.edu>, jtu...@media.utah.edu
: (Janet Tunney) wrote:
--
Figaro
>It surprises me that at this day and age that anyone would attend yet not
>give a gift! That's pretty rude.
I don't think it's rude. Especially if these are the same people who attended your shower(s). I think it
is silly that people expect people to give them presents at their wedding, and at their shower. Gees,
not all of us won the lottery yesterday!