Thoughts - Relationships
Juliette
We are all different. All of us have our own reality. We can only see
what our eyes lets us perceive and
no matter how much we know the person or people we have around us, we
are only able to see our
own reality.
We can say that two people that share a relationship are on different
sides of the street even if they
walk on the same path or share common ideas.
That’s where the gap between people resides.
For example, women are completely different than men. Women sense the
world in a different way
than men and act accordingly. Most women need to talk when facing
challenges, most men need to go
into shells and solve problems on their own.
Right then and there, we find a huge gap.
But this gap is not only between women and men, it’s between all of
us. We find the same gap between
New and old generations, between young and old people, etc. even
between people of the same sex,
the same age, the same upbringing, etc.
Because we are all UNIQUE even if we all have eyes, hands, feet…
All of us hold our unique reality.
Some people are able to walk to a middle point with other people, but
others just lose themselves in
their own reality and aren’t able to find a common ground, so either
they give up or they live a very hard
life.
What do we have to do to find a common ground?
Communication:
This is one of the biggest secrets. Without communication we can’t
understand each other no matter
how hard we try. We have to be able to talk and to listen.
Respect:
We need to respect other people’s reality in order to have a good
relationship. We have to
understand that the concept of right or wrong doesn’t exist. One
person may think that something is
right for them or resonate for them, and the other person may see it
differently.
As human beings we only understand duality. We can understand right,
with wrong as opposite. We
can understand white having black as opposite. We can understand light
if we are able to have darkness,
yet, that doesn’t mean that those dualities are existent.
So we need to respect other people’s opinions, understand that their
reality could be different than ours
and accept all human beings in any way they are, even if they don’t
fit in our reality.
When we are able to Respect, then we can analyze what resonates with
us. If a person is
respected, their self esteem doesn’t get hurt and they may be able to
understand and work with their
mistakes if they had made them.
It’s very important to validate people instead of arguing or trying
to convince them that they
are wrong. Nothing can work that way because at that point we may face
a war. We should be able to
accept others point of view and compromise. We always need to find a
common ground.
Judgment:
Let’s take the example of somebody that we put in jail because in our
books that person did something
very wrong.
Who has the power to judge others because they think that what they
did was wrong?
Maybe that person has a brain imbalance and there is no way that we
can judge him/her. If that person
lacks certain chemicals, how can they perceive or have certain
feelings that will help them stop before
doing damage to others?
Who are we to judge?
Instead of punishing them, we should help them find their path.
Yet jails are jammed and when some of them are out, they may follow
the same path they were before
or worse.
We can’t judge anybody, no matter how bad their behavior is before our
eyes. We aren’t in their shoes,
so we don’t know what could have triggered a certain behavior.
We all have the power to understand and to change.
We should allow ourselves to change with times. And we have to allow
others to change as well.
Experience doesn’t mean “I know it all”, it means that
we walked more than others, but that doesn’t mean that we are the
owners of the truth. Every
single day new ideas are born. Every single day new paths are created.
We are evolving creatures,
therefore we have the necessity to evolve with time.
We can’t live in the past because the past had a better balance than
the present. We should be able to
find a balance incorporating the new into our reality. We should be
able to change rules, to change
approaches, to change points of view.
We could take the Earth as an example. The Earth is not the same as it
was when it was created. The
Earth now is polluted, is over populated, etc. therefore if we plant a
seed we can’t expect this plant to
grow exactly as it grew billions of years ago. It will be a different
plant, with different chemicals or
components.
In different eras people lived up to certain years. We had managed to
surpass the 100 years and that’s
because we evolve, we find new cures for diseases, we eat in a
different way, we live in a different way.
So, we should change with time. We should stop in our tracks and try
to understand the newer
generations. We should allow them to teach us even if they don’t have
the experience. They do have an
inner knowledge that tells them how they want their world to be, and
the future is in their hands
because it won’t be the previous generation future. We need to give
them the tools they will need for
the world they will live in. We need to see who they are and respect
them. We can’t impose rules or
behaviors, they are different, they come with new ideas and
perspective. We must work together.
We can adapt ourselves to their points of view and they can adapt
themselves to our point of view. And
right then and there we’ll have a balanced relationship. We must give
in order to receive and vice versa.
And the same happens with partnerships.
We need to find a common ground to understand each other. But if there
is no way that we can do it,
we need to find an arbitrator. This person needs to be non judgmental,
needs to help without
bringing feelings of it’s own and without imposing his/her point of
view. He/she can’t tell to one or the
other that they did this or that right or wrong, he/she needs to let
them find out on their own if they
acted in a right or wrong way in a situation, or they need to realize
that what they thought or said was
valid even if the other person doesn’t think so. So the arbitrator has
to be very wise, has to be able to
make points straight and short guiding them to focus properly if they
want to immerse themselves into
long explanations that don’t take them anywhere, and has to be
committed to help to find solutions
because it may take hours or even days of their time.
Only those that share love no matter the situation they are in, are
able to overcome any kind of
problems they may encounter if they are willing to find that common
ground.
Michael Feir
what you say. Although I hope to eventually beet the odds and find a woman
to partner with in life, I recognise how incredibly unlikely that is given
my circumstances. Being both unemployed and blind puts me at a staggerring
further disadvantage above and beyond the myriad differences which cause
over half of all marriages to fail.
I tend to be one who prefers to communicate when solving problems but don't
know that this is all that rare among men. I tend to retreat into my cave
when I'm writing or working on creating my accessible game Enchantment's
Twilight. Ultimately though, I may be forced to bring more people into the
game creation process. In general, I prefer being in the company of others.
However, I also like to have as much control as possible over what I create.
One area where I tend to have stronger reservations is in the area of
morality. I believe there is a degree of absolute morality. There are acts
which are evil and good. If I understand you correctly, you seem to say that
we should try to come to terms with even those people who have committed
truly dispicable things like unnecessary murder. I'm a pretty liberal-minded
man and can usually see more than one side to an issue. I recognise that
there are times when we must choose the lesser of two evils. I would use
deadly force to defend myself and would hope that I had the courage to do so
in order to defend innocent people if such an opportunity presented itself.
Even in such circumstances, however, I would feel bad about having to make
that choice and kill an aggressive person. It would still be a hard thing to
live with for me afterwards but I would rather that than live with having
failed to act or not live at all. There are also circumstances where I might
feel justified in stealing in order to avoid starving to death. However,
taking what someone else has obtained fairly isn't a good thing even if I
have a greater need for it. It is still a wrong thing to do from a moral
standpoint.
You put me in mind of the vacation I had at Lake Joseph this summer. There
is a resourt especially set up for blind people to be able to enjoy a week's
vacation in the Mascoca area. I go there most years. It's a very rare
opportunity for me to meet other blind people who share some of the
experiences that I have faced in life. During that week away, there were two
people with some mental difficulties in addition to being blind. Both of
them were basically nice people. They didn't intend to cause me problems.
However, both of them made my vacation far less enjoyable than it could have
been. I couldn't count the number of excellent conversations they came along
and rouined. One of them intentionally annoyed me to the point where I was
nearly at the point of either slapping him or simply leaving my dinner.
There are occasions where even I find it impossible to just accept other
people as they are. I recognise that these people and those who care for
them need a facility like Lake Joseph as well. However, surely all of us
have the right to enjoy our vacations there to the greatest extent possible.
One fellow who attended would sometimes have psychotic episodes and become
violently angry. After one such episode which frightened most of us who
shared a cabin with him, he was sent home. I tthank God none of us were
caught out in the open in the hallway of the cabin. He hit pretty much
everything he could reach and chased one lady down the boardwalk a ways
before coming into our cabin and threatenning people as he pounded on the
various doors. There are clearly times where collective rights outweigh
individual rights.
Michael Feir
Owner of Silver Smiles
Join and share the silver lining in your life.
Group home page: http://groups.google.com/group/silver-smiles
2010--
Author of Personal Power:
How Accessible Computers Can Enhance Personal Life For Blind People
2006-2008
www.blind-planet.com/content/personal-power
A Life of Word and Sound
2003-2007
http://www.blind-planet.com/content/life-word-and-sound
Creator and former editor of Audyssey Magazine
1996-2004
Check out my blog at:
www.michaelfeir.blogspot.com
----- Original Message -----
From: "Juliette" <sta...@hotmail.com>
To: "Silver Smiles" <silver...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Thursday, November 25, 2010 11:21 PM
Subject: [Silver Smiles] Thoughts - Relationships
Why are relationships so complicated and why do they sometimes end?
We are all different. All of us have our own reality. We can only see
what our eyes lets us perceive and
no matter how much we know the person or people we have around us, we
are only able to see our
own reality.
We can say that two people that share a relationship are on different
sides of the street even if they
walk on the same path or share common ideas.
That�s where the gap between people resides.
For example, women are completely different than men. Women sense the
world in a different way
than men and act accordingly. Most women need to talk when facing
challenges, most men need to go
into shells and solve problems on their own.
Right then and there, we find a huge gap.
But this gap is not only between women and men, it�s between all of
us. We find the same gap between
New and old generations, between young and old people, etc. even
between people of the same sex,
the same age, the same upbringing, etc.
Because we are all UNIQUE even if we all have eyes, hands, feet�
All of us hold our unique reality.
Some people are able to walk to a middle point with other people, but
others just lose themselves in
their own reality and aren�t able to find a common ground, so either
they give up or they live a very hard
life.
What do we have to do to find a common ground?
Communication:
This is one of the biggest secrets. Without communication we can�t
understand each other no matter
how hard we try. We have to be able to talk and to listen.
Respect:
We need to respect other people�s reality in order to have a good
relationship. We have to
understand that the concept of right or wrong doesn�t exist. One
person may think that something is
right for them or resonate for them, and the other person may see it
differently.
As human beings we only understand duality. We can understand right,
with wrong as opposite. We
can understand white having black as opposite. We can understand light
if we are able to have darkness,
yet, that doesn�t mean that those dualities are existent.
So we need to respect other people�s opinions, understand that their
reality could be different than ours
and accept all human beings in any way they are, even if they don�t
fit in our reality.
When we are able to Respect, then we can analyze what resonates with
us. If a person is
respected, their self esteem doesn�t get hurt and they may be able to
understand and work with their
mistakes if they had made them.
It�s very important to validate people instead of arguing or trying
to convince them that they
are wrong. Nothing can work that way because at that point we may face
a war. We should be able to
accept others point of view and compromise. We always need to find a
common ground.
Judgment:
Let�s take the example of somebody that we put in jail because in our
books that person did something
very wrong.
Who has the power to judge others because they think that what they
did was wrong?
Maybe that person has a brain imbalance and there is no way that we
can judge him/her. If that person
lacks certain chemicals, how can they perceive or have certain
feelings that will help them stop before
doing damage to others?
Who are we to judge?
Instead of punishing them, we should help them find their path.
Yet jails are jammed and when some of them are out, they may follow
the same path they were before
or worse.
We can�t judge anybody, no matter how bad their behavior is before our
eyes. We aren�t in their shoes,
so we don�t know what could have triggered a certain behavior.
We all have the power to understand and to change.
We should allow ourselves to change with times. And we have to allow
others to change as well.
Experience doesn�t mean �I know it all�, it means that
we walked more than others, but that doesn�t mean that we are the
owners of the truth. Every
single day new ideas are born. Every single day new paths are created.
We are evolving creatures,
therefore we have the necessity to evolve with time.
We can�t live in the past because the past had a better balance than
the present. We should be able to
find a balance incorporating the new into our reality. We should be
able to change rules, to change
approaches, to change points of view.
We could take the Earth as an example. The Earth is not the same as it
was when it was created. The
Earth now is polluted, is over populated, etc. therefore if we plant a
seed we can�t expect this plant to
grow exactly as it grew billions of years ago. It will be a different
plant, with different chemicals or
components.
In different eras people lived up to certain years. We had managed to
surpass the 100 years and that�s
because we evolve, we find new cures for diseases, we eat in a
different way, we live in a different way.
So, we should change with time. We should stop in our tracks and try
to understand the newer
generations. We should allow them to teach us even if they don�t have
the experience. They do have an
inner knowledge that tells them how they want their world to be, and
the future is in their hands
because it won�t be the previous generation future. We need to give
them the tools they will need for
the world they will live in. We need to see who they are and respect
them. We can�t impose rules or
behaviors, they are different, they come with new ideas and
perspective. We must work together.
We can adapt ourselves to their points of view and they can adapt
themselves to our point of view. And
right then and there we�ll have a balanced relationship. We must give
in order to receive and vice versa.
And the same happens with partnerships.
We need to find a common ground to understand each other. But if there
is no way that we can do it,
we need to find an arbitrator. This person needs to be non judgmental,
needs to help without
bringing feelings of it�s own and without imposing his/her point of
view. He/she can�t tell to one or the
other that they did this or that right or wrong, he/she needs to let
them find out on their own if they
acted in a right or wrong way in a situation, or they need to realize
that what they thought or said was
valid even if the other person doesn�t think so. So the arbitrator has
to be very wise, has to be able to
make points straight and short guiding them to focus properly if they
want to immerse themselves into
long explanations that don�t take them anywhere, and has to be
committed to help to find solutions
because it may take hours or even days of their time.
Only those that share love no matter the situation they are in, are
able to overcome any kind of
problems they may encounter if they are willing to find that common
ground.
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