Cowboy Jokes

[Edward]

Nobut seriously, the unifying cowboy theme can be found in plenty of joke styles! And if your regular cowboy dad joke is as corny and simple-minded as it gets, then longer, story-format jokes offer a more sophisticated take on this once-lowly career.

Yeehaw, pardner! Looks like we got ourselves some of the greatest cowboy-themed jokes in the world! When you've recovered after reading these frankly excellent gags, why not check out our superhero jokes, Marvel jokes or Batman jokes whilst you're here?

Cowboy poetry is one of my efforts. I do my best, but sometimes when I am in the Corn Belt or entertaining the Western Pistachio Growers, I'm asked why I don't do more farmer poetry? I try to explain to them that cowboy poetry is about wrecks: horse wrecks, cow wrecks, sheep wrecks, dog wrecks, financial wrecks, Tyrannosaurus wrecks and never-ending wrecks.

For instance, when someone tells a story about a horse buckin' over the haystack and dumping the cowboy into the pig pen; or a rancher missing a cow in the chute, then getting run over while he's trying to check her teeth; or the vet wrapping the calving chain over his wrist, then looping the other end over the nearly-born calf's feet followed by the inevitable escape; or the mama cow chasing the cowboy around the pickup and through the cab while he tries to eartag said calf, everybody listening is laughing their heads off!

The cowboy mentality is an attitude, a view of life, an ability to focus so intently on one thing that other parts of the picture are blocked out. Like he's standing on a railroad track at night, concentrating on the head lamp so hard he does not see the locomotive behind it.

On the other hand, farmer wrecks are always about machinery. Hanging your Carhartt coverall sleeve in the PTO and being stripped naked in a nanosecond or getting run down by a robotic controlled chemical spraying drone doesn't really illicit large guffaws. That's why I don't write more farmer poetry. Of course, there's always the one about the farmer's daughter!

From co-workers, different groups I'm involved in, those at the nearby grocery store, and In-laws, all know I'm a die hard Skins fan. Those others who are not skins fan but anti-cowgirls come and ask for good jokes on the cowgirls. I know many, but alot of them are old. Please enlighten me with new ones and keep them clean enough to be kept on this thread.

I also tell these same jokes, with no hesitation or no fear, to the many cowgirl fans down here in San Antonio, TEXAS, especially when they're down and losing. So please pour them in.

A woman in Dallas calls 911. When the officer answers the phone the woman is hysterical and tells the cop that a man has just broken into her home and she thinks he intends to rape her. The officer explain that they are just extremely busy at the moment and tells her "Just get the guy's jersey number and we'll get back to you."

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Dallas Cowboy fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Cowboy fans. Everyone in the class raises their hands except one little girl. The teacher looks at the little girl with surprise and says, "Jenny, why didn't you raise your hand?" Jenny replied, "Because I'm not a Cowboy fan!" The still shocked teacher asked, "Well, if you aren't a Cowboy fan, then who are you a fan of?" Jenny answered, "I'm a Washington Redskins fan and proud of it!" The teacher couldn't believe her ears. "Jenny, why on Earth are you a Redskins fan?!?!" Jenny replied, "Because my daddy is a Redskins fan, and his daddy is a Redskins fan, so I'm a Redskins fan, too!" The teacher answered in a slightly annoyed tone, "That is no reason for you to be a Redskins fan! You don't have to be just like your family all of the time. What if your daddywas a moron and his daddy was a moron, what would you be then?!" Jenny smiled and said, "Then I'd be a Dallas Cowboy fan!"

A man stands up in a bar and says "All Dallas fans are obnoxious jerks!" Another man on the other side of the bar too stands up and yells "Hey! I take offense to that!" The first guy says "Oh really? So you're a Cowboy's fan?" Other guy goes "No, I'm an obnoxious jerk!"

The guy from Montana says, "I must be the strongest, meanest, toughest cowboy there is. why, Just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral. It had gored six men before i wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth."

That's nothing, "I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot diamondback rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that bitch with my bare hands, bit it's head off and sucked the poison down in one gulp and didn't even get a bellyache."

The cowboy just groaned.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"

"Sam," the cowboy moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?"

With pain in his voice, Sam replied... "The balcony."

3a8082e126