Bachelor Party Movie Watch

[Autumn Pitz]

Ifyou wish to throw yourself and your bachelordom a party, make these three assurances to your friends: (1) This is in lieu of a traditional stag party later; (2) you will not make them pay for your steak; (3) they will have more fun than they will with a bunch of married dudes sitting around a cabin on a mountain.

My husband's good friend is having a bachelor party. They are going to a strip club, and they're hyped. I've been hearing things on the phone like "One of us is going to end up in jail," and I believe it. Because my husband has been a nice, loyal guy since I met him at 20, I would never worry for the normal reasons a wife might about this bachelor party.

I also didn't mind the gross sexism about a male-only bachelor party, because my husband is not sexist, would never want or request that women not be around. In this case it's just not really his call.

But then I found out that, actually, one woman is attending the party. She's single and unfortunately not gay; she's very straight, a boy-crazy type. She's the groom-to-be's best friend. I love when men have female best friends, but the notion of her watching my husband at a bachelor party creeps me out. I know she'll be enjoying the exclusivity, and it seems like another kind of sexism: Wives are too dorky to attend; typical women can't "hang" with guys viewing naked women.

Am I crazy to think she's going to be putting the wives and girlfriends of these guys down while she watches them watch strippers? Listen, if she were doing the stripping, I'd be fine with that too. But I think it is more of an "I'm cooler than all other women" type of position. I've had guy friends all my life, but I never relished "being one of the boys" or their being somehow "My Boys." (There is a nauseating show titled this. Ugh.) It seems so unnecessarily anti-woman. Thoughts?

The problem is the bachelor party. There is no way you can have any reasonable feelings about the chick at the bachelor party because "bachelor party" negates everything. "Bachelor party" is like "forest fire." It burns everything in sight and takes lots of firefighters to put out.

The "bachelor party" is the male equivalent of a "tea party" at Lovejoy's. Excuse me, I mean Lovejoy's. (I just wanted you to see both links, so you get the full impact.) So it doesn't matter if a woman attends. She'll probably be coming straight from a "tea party."

A bachelor party is a self-negating goodbye to a freedom that never existed. It is an exercise in futility in which futility never breaks a sweat or even gets a corsage. A bachelor party is a clich, and a clich is something that exists so many times right next to itself that it disappears into the very pattern that it makes. It is the endless repetition in an endless field.

A "bachelor party" is a starved crowd bereft of passion unable to find itself in the dark. It is a lump of men drunk and unable to unzip their trousers, hugging each other in the parking lot, and saying, I love you, dude, wishing they could set fire to their hair but having no matches because you can't even smoke in a strip club anymore.

And this is the cruel torture of the bachelor party, indeed of the entire wedding celebration, that faux panoply of lost nonexistent virtue and innocence, and lost nonexistent freedom and virility: You are cordially requested to feel something utterly vacuous and inconsequential, and this puts you in the cruel position of either admitting that 99 percent of your life is like tearing the covers off remaindered Danielle Steel romance novels, or continuing with the cheery and upbeat fiction that you manufactured in high school so as not to have everybody looking at you like you're a scary freak. So in trying to go along with the bullshit, you end up in the kind of lame, vaguely nonexistent haze that drives you to put your finger in the candle flame or start cutting parallel lines across your calf just so you can feel something, anything, that is not three-quarters bullshit.

Admit it: You don't really feel anything at all about this bachelor party, except what we usually feel when instructed by our electronic social minders to feel something vacuous and lame about something vacuous and lame: What we feel, actually, is vague anxiety: We are vaguely aware that there are some social requirements we are not meeting. We're vaguely aware that we are not sure what those requirements are. We're vaguely aware that it is utter bullshit but also vaguely aware that there are grim consequences for noticing and announcing it. We don't even know what the consequences are. We just know there will be consequences.

So we walk outside the wedding tent into the night and sit down on an old log and look up at the sky and dig deep down, trying to remember a time when we were truly alive, and we realize that living in absurdity and not voicing it has left a grimy, gray film over existence that normal detergents cannot clean. You need a fire, or a scream, or a poem.

He is going to a bachelor party. You have said, "That's cool. I'm cool with that." But it's so outrageously lame it makes you want to set fire to the couch. But you are so used to going, That's cool, that it will take you a few minutes to realize that you really want to set fire to the couch. So remove all the matches from the house before you really start thinking about this.

A chick is going to be at the bachelor party, but that doesn't matter either because the bachelor party doesn't matter and she can't do anything anyway because she ceases to exist when she enters the bachelor party because the bachelor party is like temporary black hole. The only difference -- and this is the lamest thing of all -- is that the black hole is not even a real black hole, just a temporary black hole, like one of those bounce houses set up on the crabgrass for a kid's party.

So mix a few drinks, watch some reruns of "Dallas" and try not to kill yourself. Get a paperback of "Being and Nothingness" and start reading it, and fall asleep on the couch so when he comes home he finds you passed out on the couch with about six glasses on the table, the "Dallas" episodes long ended and by now an episode of "Magnum, P.I." blaring on the television, and the copy of "Being and Nothingness" open on your breast.

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For the first time, the Bachelor franchise has cast a widower as its male lead. Midwesterner Gerry Turner is 71 years old and a retired restaurateur who seems like a hopeless romantic and is looking for a second chance at love. He has been quoted as saying he enjoys playing golf and pickle ball in his free time, as well as spending time with his close family. His first wife, Toni, was his high school sweetheart. The two were married for 43 years. Toni passed away in 2017, shortly after she retired.

Gerry Turner is originally from Ottumwa, Iowa and is the oldest of four children. He and his wife, Toni, married in 1972 and subsequently raised their two daughters, Angie and Jenny. In 2017, after Toni retired, the two moved into their dream home located on Big Long Lake in LaGrange County, Indiana. The home features a gray-and-white exterior with a charming balcony that overlooks the water. Gerry also has two granddaughters, Payton, 21, and Charlie, 16. He loves to root for the Iowa Hawkeyes.

The premiere of the Golden Bachelor is set to air on ABC this Thursday, Sept. 28 at 8 p.m. EST. It will be followed by Bachelor in Paradise, which is a slight change from previous years. One-hour episodes of the Golden Bachelor will air every week through the finale.

You can watch the Golden Bachelor directly on ABC. It can also be streamed on the following platforms: Sling TV Orange + Blue, Hulu + Live TV, YouTube TV, fubo TV, DirectTV Stream. You can also download the free ABC app, which available from the App Store and Google Play.

Sure, you can simply crack open a bottle of wine for the big night of viewing. But who wants a wine hangover going into the weekend. And this is the premiere of an entirely new series within the Bachelor franchise.

The first is simply beautiful with its iridescent golden flakes floating gracefully within the champagne flute (plus it taste great as well). The second is a new twist on a classic favorite, kind of like the Golden Bachelor itself.

First, I set everything up on this fantastic gold bar cart. I love this cart and have used it time and time again for home entertaining. Its clean, sleek lines create a modern, timeless look that is perfect for my Golden Bachelor watch party.

Finally, you need glassware. And these gold rimmed glasses are perfect to serve the Golden Bachelor margarita. These simple champagne flutes are great for the Golden Bachelor champagne cocktail and really allow the shiny gold flakes within the drink to sparkle. I also love these stemless, acrylic champagne flutes with a gold rim for parties.

It has officially been one week since The Bachelorette finale reality show. Now that our wine hangover has officially subsided, we wanted to share our finale party with you! Every Monday, we invite some friends over, open a bottle (or three) of wine, and watch the suspense of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette.

Of the many iconic celebratory events perfect for cigar smoking, the classic bachelor party ranks high, close on the heels of celebrating childbirths and winning Super Bowls. More often than not, the smokers in your crew will bring along several different cigar selections for the golf course, the whiskey room, or the campfire to enjoy together. Follow suit, and consider accessorizing the celebration with cigar-themed gifts.

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