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Here's something to amuse you.
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? A Jewish Response
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Abraham
And G-d appeared to me and said, Avraham, Avraham, take the chicken, thy
only chicken, that thou lovest, and take it across the road...
Shulamit Aloni
I'll eat as many chickens as I like on Yom Kippur,
it's nothing to do with the haredim what I do in my home...
Baal Shem Tov
There was once a chicken in Medzibozh...
Ben & Jerry
New Launch: Grandma's Funky Chicken Soup Ice Cream, or
Funky Chicken for short. 20c per tub to the Environmental Chicken Fund
David Bar-Ilan
This question represents the worst sort of gross antisemitism on the part
of the world's media. Reuters is particularly culpable...
Buber: I and Thou, Chicken
Complete Artscroll Siddur
Bend once when the chicken goes on to the road (bending first at the
knees, bending fully as it takes its second step); bend again as it
reaches the middle of the road (only a half bow); bend a third time as
it nears the other side. If it gets across without being run over, say
also a shehecheyanu (p358); unless the congregation is saying brochos
before and after the shema, in which case no interruption, even for a
brocha, is permitted. No brocha is said on yontef, rosh chodesh, or
during the entire month of nissan. On erev Yom Kippur the chicken
may be used for kapporos.
G-d: Thou Shalt Cross The Road !!
Ibn Ezra
It was not a specific chicken, it was any chicken (cf. Rashi)
Fackenheim
We must all help the chicken across the road, whether the chicken wants
to or not; to fail to do so would be to grant motorized vehicles a
posthumous victory. The responsibility to help the chicken across the
road is holy; it is not negotiable; it is the 615th Commandment...
Viktor Frankl: It was searching for meaning.
Arthur Green
A contemporary Jewish theology must incorporate the chicken's need to
cross the road, even if we don't fully understand why it wanted to cross
the road in the first place.
Blu Greenberg
In the first ten years or so of our marriage, Yitz and I didn't really
focus on this question, we lived quite conventional Jewish lives, and had
chicken soup every Friday night. I remember quite clearly the moment at
which I first began seriously to think about this important question in
a radically new light....Nevertheless I want to emphasize that in my view
a synthesis of orthodoxy, feminism and the rights of the chicken is
absolutely possible, difficult though this may sometimes seem in practice.
Yitz Greenberg
There have been three quite distinct historical Jewish responses to this
question...
Bonna Haberman
What's most important is that chickens be able to
daven freely at the kotel...
Theodore Herzl
One day, chicken, you WILL reach the other side. You may not believe it;
others may not believe it; but fifty years from now...
Abraham Joshua Heschel
If that chicken makes it to the other side I'll be radically amazed!
Hillel
If I am not for the chicken, then who will be? But if I am only for the
chicken, then what am I? And if it doesn't cross now, when?
Meir Kahane: The only good chicken is a dead chicken.
Levi Lauer: Levinas is the key contemporary thinker on this problem.
Yeshayahu Leibowitz
Stupid question. We simply follow the halacha. The chicken crosses the
road. That's it.
Michael Lerner
When I was the leading chicken's rights activist in the 60's, I actively
studied the question. In the politics of meaning, no chickens will have
to cross the road if they don't want to...
Levinas: [Answer completely unintelligible]
Yediot Aharonot
Chicken Run Over By Mack Truck!!! Graphic photos, pages 1,2,3,4 and 5;
The Sex Life Of The Chicken, pages 6 and 7; You Too Can Have Sex With
A Chicken, page 8; other news, pages 9 &10.
Moses
And the L-rd said: "Thou shalt cross the road"
Orthodox rabbi
A very interesting sh'eyla. There are many different halachic opinions
on this vital question for our time. In my tshuva I shall review the
opinions of the tannaim, amoraim, rashi, ralbag, ramban, rambam, the ger,
the gor, the grib, the grilbag, the grandpa, grodzinskis, my grocer,
jerry garcia, and heilige harav hagaon hashlita rebbe mashiach mendel
shneerson...zt'l.
Israeli Ashkenazi Chief Rabbi:
There can be no answer to this or any other question until this government
increases allocations to the yeshivot immediately, fires Shimon Shetreet,
and ends all archeological digs...
Israeli Sephardi Chief Rabbi:
There can be no answer to this question until I consult with Arye Deri.
He's awaiting a jail sentence for fraud? Err, let me get back to you...
Mordechai Kaplan: Give the chicken a voice,not a veto.
Yosef Leibowitz
Why did it cross the road? Creation, revelation, redemption...
Pinchas Peli
I was privileged to hear the Rav, Rabbi Joseph B. Soloveitchik, speak on
this subject. His discourses, which lasted several hours, were an
experience which represented an exquisite and unparalleled combination
of erudition, western philosophy, Torah learning and knowledge of poultry...
Pirkei Avot
Moses heard the answer at Sinai and transmitted it to Joshua...
Judith Plaskow
Where was the chicken in Jewish history? What was its name? Let us begin
now to reclaim its significance, to refashion new rituals, to allow its
voice to speak through the ages ...
Letty Cottin Pogrebin
In the early days on Ms magazine I cared more about women than chickens;
but I see now that this was a sort of false consciousness, an anti-
chickenism within the movement...
Ramban
Really the chicken didn't have to cross the road: this was G-d's allowance
for the weakness of human nature. In the time of the mashiach chickens
will no longer have to cross the road.
Rashi
THE chicken:[ie: without the definite article this might be any chicken,
but THE suggests a particular chicken]; there is a midrash that this is
the first chicken created in gan eden. A second opinion: poulez [old
french]
Reform rabbi
Because it wanted to; in the modern era we all have autonomy, including
chickens. And if any "orthodox" institution attempts to stop chickens
crossing the road we will protest at this outrageous infringement of
religious, civil and poultry freedoms...
Franz Rosenzweig
The chicken hasn't actually crossed yet, but I hope it may one day do so.
Jonathan Sacks : It is impossible to answer this quesion, (or, for
that matter, any other), without referring to Alasdair MacIntyre's
magisterial "After Virtue" (London: Duckworth, 1981). His argument is
taken further in his "Whose Justice ? Which Rationality ?"
(London:Duckworth, 1988) and "Three Rival Versions of Moral Enquiry"
(London: Duckworth, 1990). Also of interest are his earlier works, "A
Short History of Ethics" (London: Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1967),
"Against the Self-Images of the Age" (London: Duckworth, 1971) and
especially "Secularization and Moral Change" (London: OUP, 1967).
MacIntyre's ideas are developed in a theological context in Stanley
Hauerwas, "The Peaceable Kingdom" (London:SCM,1983). The Talmud Bavli
and the London Beth Din also hold views on this question....
Sforno
It is desirable that the chicken should cross the road, even in the time
of the coming of the mashiach (cf. Ramban)
Shammai
Typical Hillel! Comes out with complete nonsense, and everybody ends
up quoting him! Life is so unfair! And as for the chicken! - if I get
my hands on that chicken it'll be straight to my talmidim for Intro
Schechting 101...
Danny Siegal
The chicken was doing a mitzvah, and so should we!
Adin Steinsaltz
See my book, The Many Petalled Chicken.
Art Waskow
At Chavurat Shalom we experimented with a chicken-free Judaism; the
beginnings of modern eco-kashrut...
Ezer Weizman: Grunt [expletive deleted]
Leslie Wexner
I'm happy to announce a new $40 million endowment to help answer this
crucial question.
The Zohar:
Rabi Pinhas was on his way to visit his daughter, the wife of Rabi Shimon
bar Yochai. On the way, he encountered a chicken crossing the road, and
he heard the sound of a cow. He said: There are no cows in sight. The
chicken answered him: I am a cow, I am crossing the road to Yerushalayim,
so that I can be offered up as an olah. Rabi Pinhas responded: Would
that I could offer you as an olah, for your fragrance would rise directly
to the ein sof. But, alas, cows don't have feathers.
Kitve ha-Ariza"l: If Rabi Pinhas had only offered the chicken up as an
olah, Mashiach would have come.
Kafka: I woke up one morning to discover that I had been turned into a
chicken. I immediately felt a compulsion to cross the road. I can not
say why.
Rav. M. Tendler: Of course I could answer this most simple and obvious
question, but this attempt to state the most fundamental belief of Judaism
through the impersonal medium of email is fraught with danger. Can I
possibly prevent your erroneous and illogical deductions in this attempt
to teach the Torah "while standing on one foot." In all likelihood, you
couldn't understand, although I can tell you one thing. Chicken, kosher;
swordfish, treif.
Judah ha-Levi: My road is the East, but my chicken is in the farthest West.
Committee on Jewish Law and Standards (Conservative legal panel):
Some of us view the chicken which crossed the road as having a reason
which we can ascertain with direct certainty, while others view the
chicken's decison as a metaphor for all of life's decisions. In any
case, the halakha is that the chicken must cross the road. Orthodox
chickens feel that they must take exactly 6 minutes to cross the road, or
they forfeit their trip, but we in the Conservative movement believe
that a trip may also be halakhically acceptable if the trip takes 2,3,5,
or 6 minutes. In times of great need, the chicken may drive across the
road. [This ruling not applicable in Israel per ruling of the Va'ad
Halakha of the Masorti movement]. [Footnote: Female chickens may wear
a tallit, but are not required to do so.]
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