Xlibris shows its colors
Chuck Rothman
I got a mailing from Xlibris the other day. If there was ever any
doubt as to the vanity nature of the company, the first line dispells
that once and for all, saying you never have to worry about getting a
rejection again. I wonder if you don't get rejected if you neglect to
send them their $450.
As for what they publish, here are excerpts:
From Lamenting Maria by Peter J. Crisanto-Croox
"She loved him. She really loved him. So much so - she washed his
rectum every time they showered together... which was quite often.
And it was not only from the standpoint that the anus was the most
hygienically neglected orifice of the human body. She loved him. She
loved him so much."
<true love, indeed!>
From Ocean Revels by Sharyn Otis
"I can't believe you did that! You wily devil! Brett will want
your head on a silver platter when he receives that letter."
"Why are you acting so self-righteous, Anne-Marie?" The girl in
question teased. "It's somewhat ludicrous coming from someone who was
just voted the residence's number one prankster. Deception, my
dearest Anne-Marie, is your middle name."
Anne-Marie, a petite blonde with laughing blue eyes, tossed her
long blonde curls over her shoulder and eyed her closest friend with
amusement. "That's besides the point, Shayna. Besides, I've never
been up against the proverbial brick wall."
<Anne-Marie speaks fluent cliche>
From A Manifest Destiny by A. A. Hines
"His skin flickered as Alex Stewart adjusted the gas feed into the
fireplace."
<how does he make his skin do that?>
From A Sinister Agenda by Gene Killion
"The man in the Olds leaned his head out of the window and looked
skyward, watching dark clouds drift slowly eastward revealing a new
moon nestled in a sea of stars."
<"new moon"? Astronomy isn't his strong point>
--
Chuck Rothman
http://www.sff.net/people/rothman
Join Albacon '98!
http://www.sff.net/people/rothman/Albacon
Keith Stokes
rot...@sff.net (Chuck Rothman) wrote:
>From A Manifest Destiny by A. A. Hines
>"His skin flickered as Alex Stewart adjusted the gas feed into the
>fireplace."
<Snort!!>
Keith
Deb Houdek Rule
>And it was not only from the standpoint that the anus was the most
>hygienically neglected orifice of the human body.
>"His skin flickered as Alex Stewart adjusted the gas feed into the
>fireplace."
Obviously they're publishing medical books.
Deb (D.A. Houdek)
Love cats? Read Cat Tales http://www.jps.net/georule/CatTales/
deb...@jps.net
http://www.sff.net/people/Deb
Hoosier Red
In article <356ae9a...@news.sff.net>,
rot...@sff.net (Chuck Rothman) wrote:
>I got a mailing from Xlibris the other day. If there was ever any
>doubt as to the vanity nature of the company, the first line dispells
>that once and for all, saying you never have to worry about getting a
>rejection again. I wonder if you don't get rejected if you neglect to
>send them their $450.
I'm sorry, but I just gotta play. These are too bad to pass up.
>As for what they publish, here are excerpts:
>
>From Lamenting Maria by Peter J. Crisanto-Croox
>
>"She loved him. She really loved him. So much so - she washed his
>rectum every time they showered together... which was quite often.
>And it was not only from the standpoint that the anus was the most
>hygienically neglected orifice of the human body. She loved him. She
>loved him so much."
Of course, he was assured by her doctors that they were working on this
little obsession. But it would take time. Time, and many, many drugs. In
the meantime, he was saving beaucoup on Preparation H and toilet roll.
>From Ocean Revels by Sharyn Otis
>
> "I can't believe you did that! You wily devil! Brett will want
>your head on a silver platter when he receives that letter."
> "Why are you acting so self-righteous, Anne-Marie?" The girl in
> question teased. "It's somewhat ludicrous coming from someone who was
>just voted the residence's number one prankster. Deception, my
>dearest Anne-Marie, is your middle name."
> Anne-Marie, a petite blonde with laughing blue eyes, tossed her
>long blonde curls over her shoulder and eyed her closest friend with
>amusement. "That's besides the point, Shayna. Besides, I've never
>been up against the proverbial brick wall."
>
"That's not what the boys down at the wharf say," Shayna said teasingly,
tossing her own mop of raven curls that framed her heart-shaped face so
fetchingly as she rolled her chocolate brown eyes. "I hear you've been up
against a brick wall, the side of a ship, and a six-pack of drunk Samoan
stevedores."
Anne-Marie burst into a golden trill of inane giggles, and fluttered her
eyelashes coquettishly. "I never heard any complaints from Brett. After
all, girls will be girls."
"And boys, with the right strap-on," Shayna cooed, as she knocked her
half-full glass of vodka into the fireplace. The resulting fireball that
licked out of the ornate, even rococo 18th Century fireplace set both their
heads ablaze. Luckily, nothing of importance was damaged.
>From A Manifest Destiny by A. A. Hines
>"His skin flickered as Alex Stewart adjusted the gas feed into the
>fireplace."
His tongue flickered as well, in the equally flickering light of the
fireplace, as a scantily clad Rush Limbaugh and Barbara Bush danced by in
an erotic ballet to the haunting tune of "Dare to be Stupid." They waved
their arms, inviting him to join the dance.
"Man, I gotta stop dropping acid on the weekends," he mused.
>From A Sinister Agenda by Gene Killion
>"The man in the Olds leaned his head out of the window and looked
>skyward, watching dark clouds drift slowly eastward revealing a new
>moon nestled in a sea of stars."
"Musta driven into the planetarium again," he murmured, as the howling mob
of schoolchildren edged closer.
MMF
Melanie Miller Fletcher xan...@ibm.net http://www.io.com/~hoosier
Expatriate Chicagoan * Babe Feminist * Will Write For Food
Member, Starfleet Ladies' Auxiliary and Embroidery/Baking Society
EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
l...@gila.demon.co.uk
sfre...@unicom.net (Keith Stokes) wrote:
>rot...@sff.net (Chuck Rothman) wrote:
>>From A Manifest Destiny by A. A. Hines
>>"His skin flickered as Alex Stewart adjusted the gas feed into the
>>fireplace."
><Snort!!>
>
> Keith
Aiee! And they've nicked the name of one of my closest friends! Fame
at last!
Richard Parks
Oh, my.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Richard Parks
http://home.teclink.net/~brp1/
news://news.sff.net/sff.people.brp1
email: br...@teclink.net
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoosier Red
In article <356ccc5d....@news.sff.net>,
vo...@sff.net (Vonda N. McIntyre) wrote:
>Melanie, you are mean, mean, mean.
I know. And I'm deeply ashamed. Can't you just see me hanging my head?
>And VERY funny.
Years of experience in MISTing bad media. :-)
MMF
Melanie Miller Fletcher xan...@ibm.net http://www.io.com/~hoosier
Expatriate Chicagoan * Babe Feminist * Will Write For Money
Member, Starfleet Ladies' Auxiliary and Embroidery/Baking Society
"In some cultures, what I do would be considered normal."
l...@gila.demon.co.uk
xan...@ibm.net (Hoosier Red) wrote:
>In article <356ccc5d....@news.sff.net>,
>vo...@sff.net (Vonda N. McIntyre) wrote:
>>Melanie, you are mean, mean, mean.
>I know. And I'm deeply ashamed. Can't you just see me hanging my head?
>>And VERY funny.
>Years of experience in MISTing bad media. :-)
MISTing?
Liz <bemused as always...>
Vera Nazarian
On Tue, 26 May 1998 16:27:56 GMT, rot...@sff.net (Chuck Rothman)
wrote:
...snippety...
>From A Sinister Agenda by Gene Killion
>"The man in the Olds leaned his head out of the window and looked
>skyward, watching dark clouds drift slowly eastward revealing a new
>moon nestled in a sea of stars."
>
><"new moon"? Astronomy isn't his strong point>
But my big question is, did he start barking?
~ Vera
--------------------------------------------
news://news.sff.net/sff.people.vera-nazarian
http://www.sff.net/people/vera.nazarian/
Yog Sysop
Yog stirred in the depths when rot...@sff.net (Chuck Rothman)
uttered:
>
>From A Sinister Agenda by Gene Killion
>"The man in the Olds leaned his head out of the window and looked
>skyward, watching dark clouds drift slowly eastward revealing a new
>moon nestled in a sea of stars."
>
><"new moon"? Astronomy isn't his strong point>
Nah, there are _three_ new moons, after the seleniforming
efforts of the early 2000s, when the Feds found something to do
with the budget surplus.
--
James D. Macdonald
http://www.sff.net/people/doylemacdonald/
Bruce Baugh
>I know. And I'm deeply ashamed. Can't you just see me hanging my head?
It's customary to hang the whole person, actually. Making a noose that
would, I guess, secure under the nose and ears seems silly.
In any event, I'm still giggling.
--
http://brucebaugh.home.mindspring.com/
Rolegaming, writing tools, miscellany
"It's raining my soul, it's raining, but it's raining dead eyes."
Guillaume Apollinaire, La Nuit d'avril 1915, on enemy fire.
l...@gila.demon.co.uk
vo...@sff.net (Vonda N. McIntyre) wrote:
>MSTing = Dissing old sci fi movies and making like
>one of the commentators in Mystery Science
>Theater.
Ah, I've heard about that but not seen it. I don't think it's
available over here, even on cable (which I can no longer afford - big
alas, since The Pretender is only available on Cable...)
Liz
Debra Doyle
vo...@sff.net (Vonda N. McIntyre) wrote:
>Which _I_ don't get to see because our wonderful
>cable company thinks shopping channels and
>televangelists are indispensable to the world.
>
>Whine.
Sounds like our wonderful cable company, which doesn't have Warner or
F/X or UPN . . . but does have _both_ ESPN and ESPN2, plus The Outdoor
Channel. And you'd think that Outdoors is one thing that we've got
more than enough of up here already.
--
Debra Doyle
http://www.sff.net/people/doylemacdonald
Diana Rowland
Vonda N. McIntyre wrote:
>
> MSTing = Dissing old sci fi movies and making like
> one of the commentators in Mystery Science
> Theater.
>
> cable company thinks shopping channels and
> televangelists are indispensable to the world.
>
> Whine.
Try a mini-dish? They've come down in price dramatically and the
service is only slightly more than cable, for about three times as many
channels.
Unless, of course, you're content to Shop and be Saved. ;-P
Diana
--
Diana Rowland: http://www.sff.net/people/diana
news://news.sff.net/sff.people.diana
Christy Hardin Smith
May I recommend to those of you who have cruddy cable that a dish can be
a lifesaver? Living in the middle of nowhere (in West Virginia), the only
way we could get any decent programming was to get a dish. We now get about
115 channels, including the sci-fi network, 2 UPNs, a showtime package that
includes the Sundance channel, an independent film channel and all the old
movies I could ever want -- plus the national PBS feed (no more local garbage,
yeah!). All for an under $30 per month price. There are several options
from which to choose -- you should consider looking at them. We were paying
some ungodly amount -- well over $40 for cable, and we couldn't even get
decent reception.
-- Christy Hardin Smith
Peter H. Granzeau
On 1 Jun 98 01:08:18 GMT, Redd...@sff.net (Christy Hardin Smith)
wrote:
My problem is an old TV set, which will only tune in 63 channels off
of the cable. I don't have a cable box, since I don't want any pay
channels, so any channel past 64, I can't get. The TV dates from
1989. The owner's manual says there is an attachment which would fix
that, but when I called the manufacturer, I was advised they were
discontinued, out of stock, and I was SOL.
--
Pete
Jim Bailey
Peter H. Granzeau wrote:
>
> My problem is an old TV set, which will only tune in 63 channels off
> of the cable. I don't have a cable box, since I don't want any pay
> channels, so any channel past 64, I can't get. The TV dates from
> 1989. The owner's manual says there is an attachment which would fix
> that, but when I called the manufacturer, I was advised they were
> discontinued, out of stock, and I was SOL.
need *one* channel on your television, since they give you a completely
separate tuner (the "box") that plugs into your TV (usually channel 2,
3, or 4) along with your VCR (which again is yet another tuner that can
handle more than 64 chanels these days.
Best,
Jim Bailey
Peter H. Granzeau
On Mon, 01 Jun 1998 13:12:54 -0700, Jim Bailey <jba...@sff.net>
wrote:
>Moot point. With most of today's cable and satellite systems, you only
>need *one* channel on your television, since they give you a completely
>separate tuner (the "box") that plugs into your TV (usually channel 2,
>3, or 4) along with your VCR (which again is yet another tuner that can
>handle more than 64 chanels these days.
Not this cable company. They RENT you the cable box, at a monthly
charge (which my spouse insists that I be too cheap to pay). I could
use the VCR as a tuner, but my spouse adamantly refuses to do it that
way.
I'm still SOL.
--
Pete
Peter H. Granzeau
On Tue, 02 Jun 1998 17:09:16 GMT, wild...@sff.net (John Betancourt)
wrote:
>You can buy tuners for about $20.00. Or, you can use a VCR -- modern
>VCRs have built-in tuners that usually handle more than 100 channels.
>
>If you want to ditch cable, check out this DBS company, which sells
>Dish Network and DSS mini-dish satelite systems very cheaply. (I
>bought one for my parents from them.)
Not with MY spouse, I can't. She refuses to use the VCR as a tuner.
--
Pete