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Avoid Blaming, Take Responsibility
It’s easy in this situation for one partner to be labeled as the “problem” and for the other to deny any responsibility, claiming that they are happy with the way things are. If you’re that partner, ask yourself if you’re really happy knowing that your partner is unhappy? In reality, if one partner in a relationship is dissatisfied often the other is as well. When you do talk about issues of difference in sex drives avoid the temptation to blame each other and make an effort to each take responsibility for the situation.
Remember You’re a Team
Sometimes differences in sex drive are so great that a couple will choose to end the relationship. Ultimately this is the couple’s decision to make. But regardless of the outcome, if your partner is someone you love and respect, try to cultivate a sense of teamwork between the two of you rather than being on opposite teams battling it out. The ultimate goal is one you want to arrive at together, but when defenses go up and we feel challenged its often easier to get into a fighting posture than a cooperative one.
Make Change a Possibility
Often we can talk about ourselves and our partners as if we are incapable of change (“I’m just not that kind of person.” “She would never do that,” “I can’t see him offering that in a million years.”) The fact is that we are all capable of change, probably far more change than we imagine. This doesn’t mean we will change, but it does mean we can. But when we talk about our situation as if change were impossible we shut ourselves and our partners down and may actually make change harder to accomplish.
Talk About Your Options
There are many causes of sex drive discrepancies in a relationship and many ways of addressing the problem. Read over the above tips and talk about the options available to you. Are you both willing to try counseling or therapy? If you found a good book to help you navigate through these issues will you both be committed to reading it and talking about it regularly? In the end if only one of you is willing to work on this issue there may not be a lot of hope for a mutually satisfying resolution, so making sure you’re both on board seems like a crucial step in working toward change.
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1. If you plant premarital sex, you reap extra marital sex as
the harvest. Surveys have revealed that people who have indulged in
premarital sex are more promiscuous or more susceptible to extra marital
sex and affairs while married. Gen.8:22.
2. It opens the door
for demonic spirits to wreak havoc in the relationship. Remember, sex is
as spiritual as it is physical. 1 Corinthians 6:16.
3. It will
turn off God’s supply of favour from reaching you. As Christians we know
that God frown at it. The Bible in 1 Corinthians 6:18 says; ‘Flee
fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body, but he that
commits fornication sins against his own body. What? Know ye not that
your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have
of God and ye are not your own?’
4. Your conscience will be
wounded and you will be tormented by the thought of such acts of
disobedience. Sexually transmitted diseases are often passed when
couples have had multiple sexual partners. Although premarital sex
doesn’t necessarily mean the couple have had multiple sexual partners,
the chances are greater than if a couple vows to abstain until marriage
5.
It blinds you from seeing the flaws and negative attitudes of your
partner. You may be constrained to manage the relationship that may lead
to a bad marriage because of the temporary pleasure of sex.
6.
You lose the respect of your partner and your focus gets blurred. Sex
creates a bond between sex partners that can easily be violated if the
commitment isn’t strong enough to sustain it. Marriage creates a
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7. It
erodes the trust you have for each other. As a result suspicion comes
up, and there is room for severe jealousy even when nothing is
happening.
8. Premarital sex replaces intimacy. This might end up
in heartbreak if you lost interest. A married couple could also be more
likely to experience problems if one or both partners had been sexually
active before marriage. Couples with multiple past sexual partners may
find themselves comparing their marital sex life to their premarital sex
life, often leading to dissatisfaction.
9. Couples who cohabit
or engage in premarital sex before marriage are at greater risk of
divorce and report a lower level of dedication to the relationship,
which increases the risk of a single-parent household if a child is
involved. You open yourself up to shame and regrets if it leads to
pregnancy. If you try to cover up by committing abortion, you become
guilty of murder that is if you survive it.
10. It will also lead
to bad reputation. Usually if adolescents commit premarital sex, this
secret would be confined between the couple themselves. Many times this
act is hard to be kept as a secret as the man tend to brag amongst their
friends thus leading to rumours. The girl’s reputation is at stake as
she will be gossiped and judged by her own peers.
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