Failure DeSantis Relaunches Presidential Campaign From Inside Burning Tesla

[ANOTHER TRUMP FAILURE 2024]

DeSantis Relaunches Presidential Campaign From Inside Burning Tesla


TALLAHASSEE, FL—Attempting his formal announcement again in an effort to
compensate for last night’s glitch-ridden debacle on Twitter, Florida Gov.
Ron DeSantis reportedly relaunched his presidential campaign Thursday from
inside a burning Tesla. “America deserves a president who won’t cave to
wokeness and will instead embrace the values of our founding fathers,” said
DeSantis, who, sitting in the front seat of a Tesla Roadster as it filled
with smoke and the doors automatically locked, looked on helplessly when the
hood erupted in flames, the self-driving function engaged, and the fiery
vehicle tore through the streets, running over numerous pedestrians. “We must
rein in the administrative state, and President…President Biden isn’t… Shit,
shit, shit. Um, we need—oh God!—we need to shut down the border, and…we, ugh,
I need help! Please, call 9-1-1! I can’t control this thing!” At press time,
first responders had reportedly rescued DeSantis by pulling him out through
one of the Tesla windows, its bulletproof glass having shattered immediately
after an officer fired a single shot at it.


https://www.theonion.com/ron-desantis-relaunches-presidential-campaign-from-
insi-1850475896