Week 29 -- Bill Gates Secret Diary
Bill G.
THE SECRET DIARY OF BILL GATES, AGED 41 1/4
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http://www.billg.org
July 20, 1997 -- I'm #1!
MY DIARY, WEEK 29 -- July 14 to July 20
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http://www.tiac.net/users/billg40/diary98/week29.htm
MONDAY, JULY 14
Great week for lists! I topped the Forbes Richest Dudes on the
Planet list for the third straight year! Way cool! I'm showing Sam
Walton (I thought he was dead?) and Warren Buffet and Larry
Ellison (a pathetic #27!) how it should be done. Eat my dust,
losers! Poor old Larry... How can you live on a paltry $7.1
billion?
$36 billion? Now THAT'S what I call a Personal Fortune. Here's
the Top Ten (for the full list check out http://www.forbes.com):
1. Me! I'm just so cool!
2. Waltons of Wal-Mart. Isn't that the store for poor people?
3. Warren, my buddy.
4. Some Hong Kong dude I've never heard of.
5. Roche Pharmaceuticals families in Switzerland.
6. Paul Allen! Microsoft stock rocks, huh?
7. Levi jeans family. Nearly as good as Gap khakis.
8. More Hong Kong dudes.
9. The Mars Bar people.
10. BMW family.
TUESDAY, JULY 15
I'm just EVERYWHERE! I'm the richest, most powerful guy on the
planet. I'm on CNN nearly every day! And after nearly 7 years of
headaches my neighbors can relax -- my little waterfront
techno-palace is just about ready for move-in!
And to think that just 13 years ago, Time featured me and my
"personal fortune estimated at $ 100 million." Wow! Only $100
million? Those were the days! I may have been poor, but I was happy.
More great stuff in Forbes! How to make sure your Pre-Nuptial
Agreement is iron-clad! Cool! After all, I wouldn't want Melinda
walking away with $18 billion dollars of my hard-earned retirement
fund...
WEDNESDAY, JULY 16
Another e-mail from one of my fans!
To: Supercool Bill G.
From: a Quark dude
Hey, Bill! But godDAMN you're FUNNY!!
The closest thing that could relate to the
quality, timeliness and darn-right excellent
humor/parody/industry ego-nuking, has to be
a comment from one of the writers of MST3K
which was: "for every gag or line we place
there's someone out there saying. 'Oh my
God -- he's in my HEAD. He knows me! He
knows too much about me!'"
I've placed your URL on high alert with
the team at my office -- Quark Inc.
Hell, I think I'll forward it to Tim Gill,
the Pres, tomorrow!
Awesome! Now my buddy Tim might be reading too. He's done pretty
well for someone who, basically, just has a slightly more expensive
version of my go-getting Publisher product. Frames? He stole that
idea from me.
THURSDAY, JULY 17
I thought Forbes were, like, supercool. But they've blown their
street cred with their totally random list of the Most Powerful
Public Companies in the World. I don't believe it! Microsoft didn't
even make the top ten!
And what's this International Business Machines outfit at #4? Is
this a Fantasy League Company Top Fifty?
Hey, I forgot to include the bumper sticker on my old Mustang
convertible in last week's list... "Honk if you think I'm sexy." I
am, I am. (The bigger the wallet, the sexier the man.)
FRIDAY, JULY 18
Jeez. Wall Street. What do you have to do to keep these guys
happy? We made $3.18 billion in revenues this quarter (only 40% up
on last year!) and $1.06 billion in net income (only 85% up on
last year!) and earnings of 80 cents per share (a penny above
projections). And the stock fell! Like 5% or so. GIVE ME A BREAK,
LOSERS!
Luckily, I'm still worth a cool $35 billion. He, he, he...
SATURDAY, JULY 19
Hey! This month's PC Magazine looks mighty fine... They've come
up with the PC Magazine 100 -- the companies that make the personal
computer what it is and what it will be. We're Number One, we're
number one... Man, I love this magazine.
I don't like to criticize a former babe of mine, but Ann's
numbers ain't that impressive. Her Hummer Winblad VC fund turned
$30m into $250m... Sounds great until you realize that instead of
risky start-ups she could have thrown it all into Microsoft and
made $3000m. Now THAT'S what I call ROI!
SUNDAY, JULY 20
Supercool! Kelloggs are running a free McDonalds meal coupon on
selected boxes of Raisin Bran... Now I can enjoy my favorite cereal
and save money on my favorite fast food. I'm such a thrifty guy!
But, hey, you know what they say... "Look after the pennies, and
the billions will look after themselves."
O.J. lost his mansion. Hmmmm... At $2.5m it hardly qualifies as a
mansion. A $30m lakeside techno-palace -- now THAT'S what I
call a mansion.
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(c) Bill G. 1997. The Secret Diary of Bill Gates.
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The Secret Diary of Bill Gates, Aged 41 1/4. Enjoy!
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LATEST SITE NEWS for this week...
A BOOK DEAL!!!! With supercool, publishing powerhouse Andrews &
McMeel! I'm in good company with Dilbert, The Far Side and Doonesbury
(among others). And they're nearly as good as me!
http://www.uexpress.com/
SYNDICATION!!!! Now in CRN (Computer Reseller News) and England's
PC Answers. E-mail me for low-cost syndication deals!
APOLOGIES!!! To all gift certificate requesters, and everyone that's
asking to be added to the mailing list, and everyone that's sent me
information and requests. I currently have a 1000 message backlog,
but I hope to get it cleared soon. Hey, it's not easy... Microsoft
just keeps getting bigger and more time consuming!
NEW URL! Check out BILLG.ORG (So coooooool!) With more bandwidth
from the supercool MY ROOM... They're cheap, too! (Tell 'em I sent
you and get 50% off the sign-up fee!)
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http://www.myroom.com
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http://www.visionx.com/ddmain.htm
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