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Brian Dunbar

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Apr 2, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/2/96
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Life on Jupiter? NASA's reply

America Online is reporting that NASA's Galileo mission found life in
Jupiter's atmosphere and
have been sitting on the discovery. On a story this earth-shaking, you
should bypass the
government bureaucracy and go directly to the source. These people have
the details: Ms. Kathy
Johnson in AOL's PR deparment (703/453-1899) or Ms. Margaret Ryan in the
marketing
department (703/918-1625). AOL's toll free number is 800-827-6364; press
1, 2 or 6 to speak to
an AOL representative. You can also send e-mail to <a = HREF
"mailto:postm...@aol.com>postm...@aol.com</a>.

Since no one will believe anything NASA Public Affairs says on the
subject, we'll be forwarding all calls and e-mail directly to AOL.


Brian Dunbar
Internet Services Manager
NASA Public Affairs


Michael Gallagher

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Apr 6, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/6/96
to
Brian Dunbar <bdu...@pao.hq.nasa.gov> wrote:
>
>Life on Jupiter? NASA's reply
>
>America Online is reporting that NASA's Galileo mission found life in
>Jupiter's atmosphere and
>have been sitting on the discovery ....
>
.. which just goes to show that we never should have let George Herbert
buy those cheep cloaking devices. At least we've got time to retrofit
the base in the Bermuda Triangle boefore THOSE cloaks go FZZT!


" ... I walked upon high ... to see my world below ... it's the world
that I know" -- Collective Soul
MMF...@prodigy.com --- Michael J. Gallagher


Keith Cowing

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Apr 6, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/6/96
to
In article <4k6p79$1v...@usenetp1.news.prodigy.com>, MMF...@prodigy.com
(Michael Gallagher) wrote:

> Brian Dunbar <bdu...@pao.hq.nasa.gov> wrote:
> >
> >Life on Jupiter? NASA's reply
> >
> >America Online is reporting that NASA's Galileo mission found life in
> >Jupiter's atmosphere and
> >have been sitting on the discovery ....
> >
> .. which just goes to show that we never should have let George Herbert
> buy those cheep cloaking devices. At least we've got time to retrofit
> the base in the Bermuda Triangle boefore THOSE cloaks go FZZT!


Gee, does this mean that next year's Zeta Reticulan Reunion is on Jupiter?

Frank Crary

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Apr 7, 1996, 4:00:00 AM4/7/96
to
In article <kcowing-0604...@jobrien-ppp.clark.net>,

Keith Cowing <kco...@reston.com> wrote:
>> >America Online is reporting that NASA's Galileo mission found life in
>> >Jupiter's atmosphere and
>> >have been sitting on the discovery ....

>> .. which just goes to show that we never should have let George Herbert
>> buy those cheep cloaking devices. At least we've got time to retrofit
>> the base in the Bermuda Triangle boefore THOSE cloaks go FZZT!

>Gee, does this mean that next year's Zeta Reticulan Reunion is on Jupiter?

No. I was a human visitor to one of their reunions on Mars (see the
photo of me, http://dosxx.colorado.edu/craryhome.html, for proof)
and I've been on their mailing list ever since. As I understand
it, their reunion for this year was supposed to be on Ganymede
(Even the Zeta Rets like a solid surface, and the main base is on
Ganymede, not Jupiter), but the reunion has been put off and
will be held at a different location, because of several close
flybys by Galileo, later this year, and because of concerns about
the reliability of the cloaking devices. (George, why did you
buy them from the lowest bidder?) They are talking about
rescheduling for a reunion on Pluto, sometime in December.
There's some objections to the location, because of travel
times and costs (even on the best Zeta spacecraft, it's
almost a day sitting in, effectively, a plane) but they
are fairly sure NASA is never going to send a probe to
Pluto.

Frank Crary
CU Boulder

George Herbert

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Apr 7, 1996, 4:00:00 AM4/7/96
to
Frank Crary <fcr...@rintintin.Colorado.EDU> wrote:

>Keith Cowing <kco...@reston.com> wrote:
>>> .. which just goes to show that we never should have let George Herbert
>>> buy those cheep cloaking devices. At least we've got time to retrofit
>>> the base in the Bermuda Triangle boefore THOSE cloaks go FZZT!
>
>>Gee, does this mean that next year's Zeta Reticulan Reunion is on Jupiter?
>
>No. I was a human visitor to one of their reunions on Mars (see the
>photo of me, http://dosxx.colorado.edu/craryhome.html, for proof)

What, you let those photos go public? Those the ones with you in the
Suit or which? [my GUI web browser is stuck at work, and me on vacation,
so I can't check right now...]

>[...] and I've been on their mailing list ever since. As I understand


>it, their reunion for this year was supposed to be on Ganymede
>(Even the Zeta Rets like a solid surface, and the main base is on
>Ganymede, not Jupiter), but the reunion has been put off and
>will be held at a different location, because of several close
>flybys by Galileo, later this year, and because of concerns about
>the reliability of the cloaking devices. (George, why did you
>buy them from the lowest bidder?)

Since when do I buy anything from the lowest bidder? You should have *seen*
the lowest bidder; kept looking around confidently and asking me what I
really wanted. When I told him I just wanted a T-95 battleship, five thousand
gallons of good scotch whiskey, a lifetime supply of teranova torpedos and
a thousand nubile yet buff young space marine-ettes he said "yes". You know,
when someone like that answers your trick question with "yes", you know you
can't trust them, so I handed him one of my trick exploding business cards
and told him to call back tomorrow.

I bought the cloaking devices from the same company that the ZR leedership
bought their enhanced-neutrino nova bombs from, before that little scandal
was exposed within the procurement circles I work in. Trust me, we didn't
get shafted the worst, some poor sod in Q sector got a warp drive which
randomly shuffles which axis of motion it works in (X, Y, Z), making
navigation a bit tricky...

>They are talking about
>rescheduling for a reunion on Pluto, sometime in December.
>There's some objections to the location, because of travel
>times and costs (even on the best Zeta spacecraft, it's
>almost a day sitting in, effectively, a plane) but they
>are fairly sure NASA is never going to send a probe to
>Pluto.

Oh? I had better retract my bid for a Z-4 booster + positronium upper stage
for the launch vehicle for it, then. That would actually have gotten the
probe there fast enough for them to locate the base.


-george william herbert
Yoyo^H^H^H^HRetro Aerospace
gher...@crl.com


Keith Cowing

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Apr 7, 1996, 4:00:00 AM4/7/96
to
In article <4k7am2$8...@lace.colorado.edu>, fcr...@rintintin.Colorado.EDU
(Frank Crary) wrote:

> In article <kcowing-0604...@jobrien-ppp.clark.net>,
> Keith Cowing <kco...@reston.com> wrote:

> >Gee, does this mean that next year's Zeta Reticulan Reunion is on Jupiter?
>
> No. I was a human visitor to one of their reunions on Mars (see the
> photo of me, http://dosxx.colorado.edu/craryhome.html, for proof)

> and I've been on their mailing list ever since.

They sure send a lot of junk mail out to their membership. Do you know
ANYONE who has bought any of those metallic hydrogen ingots featuring the
flags of the Reticulan Federation? It will take forever to collect them
all on a monthly basis - especially since the ZRs conquer - err - "add"
member planets about once every 2 weeks.

> As I understand
> it, their reunion for this year was supposed to be on Ganymede
> (Even the Zeta Rets like a solid surface, and the main base is on
> Ganymede, not Jupiter), but the reunion has been put off and
> will be held at a different location, because of several close
> flybys by Galileo, later this year, and because of concerns about
> the reliability of the cloaking devices.

Doesn't that damn monolith in near-jovian orbit work anymore? I thought
that was supposed to prevent this sort of thing from happening...that
thing wasn't exactly cheap to install...

> (George, why did you
> buy them from the lowest bidder?) They are talking about

> rescheduling for a reunion on Pluto, sometime in December.

Gee, and just try and find your hotel from the spaceport on Pluto ... the
HST maps they give you at the rental saucer desk are only accurate to the
nearest 350 miles.

> There's some objections to the location, because of travel
> times and costs (even on the best Zeta spacecraft, it's
> almost a day sitting in, effectively, a plane) but they
> are fairly sure NASA is never going to send a probe to
> Pluto.

Y'know guys, this really steams me up - I mean, these ZRs have all this
fancy interstelar technology and just *assume* that the rest of us can
change our travel plans at the last minute! I bought a cheap,
non-refundable seat on a cruise ship that was making stops at all of the
Galilean satellites. Now, if I want to see my dear friends again, I'll
have to forfeit my tickets and get a stand by ticket on one of those fast
ZR ships. What's the per diem rate for Pluto anyways?

Time to update the ZR Homepage I guess.

Frank:

I *really* like your faux photo BTW!!! - my compliments to the artist -
from one forger to another ;-)

Bruce Lewis

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Apr 7, 1996, 4:00:00 AM4/7/96
to
gher...@crl.com (George Herbert) wrote:

>Oh? I had better retract my bid for a Z-4 booster + positronium upper stage
>for the launch vehicle for it, then. That would actually have gotten the
>probe there fast enough for them to locate the base.


>SNICKER< Inertial propulsionŠhow quaint.

Zquillyx Pasper-Henderson
NAAZRP

George Herbert

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Apr 7, 1996, 4:00:00 AM4/7/96
to
Bruce Lewis <bc...@deltanet.com> wrote:
>gher...@crl.com (George Herbert) wrote:
>>Oh? I had better retract my bid for a Z-4 booster + positronium upper stage
>>for the launch vehicle for it, then. That would actually have gotten the
>>probe there fast enough for them to locate the base.
>
> >>SNICKER< Inertial propulsion how quaint

Hey, have you tried to get an export license to sell hu-mans
warp drives, wormhole drives, and the like? It's thousands
and thousands of pages of forms, and it's still *paper*...
those burecrats *spit* over in ZR Technology Export Division
*like* it that way...

-george


Jim Kingdon

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Apr 8, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/8/96
to
> their reunion for this year was supposed to be on Ganymede
> (Even the Zeta Rets like a solid surface

Well, as I understand it, it isn't the Zeta Rets themselves who really
care much. But the solid surface makes it a lot easier to handle all
those cows.

Keith L. Cowing

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Apr 8, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/8/96
to
In article <m2ivfaz...@harvey.cyclic.com>, kin...@harvey.cyclic.com
(Jim Kingdon) wrote:

Ah ... cows grazing on moons in the outer solar system - so THAT is where
all the frozen Methane comes from.

And you planetary types thought it was all primordial stuff left over from
the formation of the solar system!

--
http://www.reston.com

Bruce Lewis

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Apr 8, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/8/96
to
gher...@crl.com (George Herbert) wrote:

>Hey, have you tried to get an export license to sell hu-mans
>warp drives, wormhole drives, and the like? It's thousands
>and thousands of pages of forms, and it's still *paper*...
>those burecrats *spit* over in ZR Technology Export Division
>*like* it that way...


Listem, my alien brother: I don't care how you make
a living. God knows, finding a gig these days is hard
enough even with our superior psychic powers. But
if you're "dealing" 115 or quantum holes to the natives,
I don't want to know! Not only would it upset the
balance of trade (how much corn is equal to a mini-
black hole? Why, enough corn to fill a sphere of R=2GM/c^2,
that's how much!) but do you really want to be responsible
for turning these shaved apes loose on an unsuspecting
Galaxy? I mean, sure, they make great TV, and that
Coca-Cola stuff resists replication (although the "store
brand" stuff they have at Znorquax Wiggly on Vorlon is
pretty close) , but I don't want to live in a universe where
Marshall Savage and G. Gordon Liddy are coming off the
line at the corner of Beta Pictoris and Aldeberan for
kicks and pinks! Please, PLEASE restrict your sales
efforts to the blue suiters and the guys over at the
International Jewish Conspiracy and leave Joe Six-Pack
OUT of it!

Best to Margie and the larvae,


Zqullyx ny Pasper-Henderson
Sherman Oaks, CA

doyle@problem_with_inews_gateway_file

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Apr 8, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/8/96
to
Keith L. Cowing (kco...@reston.com) wrote:
> In article <m2ivfaz...@harvey.cyclic.com>, kin...@harvey.cyclic.com
> (Jim Kingdon) wrote:

> > > their reunion for this year was supposed to be on Ganymede
> > > (Even the Zeta Rets like a solid surface
> >
> > Well, as I understand it, it isn't the Zeta Rets themselves who really
> > care much. But the solid surface makes it a lot easier to handle all
> > those cows.

What about mad cow disease?

Lee Thompson-Herbert

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Apr 9, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/9/96
to
In article <4kbi4f$d...@news02.deltanet.com>,
Bruce Lewis <bc...@deltanet.com> wrote:
[...]

>
>Best to Margie and the larvae,

My, my. That auxillary memory unit is going, isn't it?
My name is Lee, and we haven't hatched any of our eggs yet.

Better run a diagnostic check quick, before you forget what you're
not supposed to tell the hu-mans.

--
Lee M.Thompson-Herbert lee @crl.com All spelling lames will be cheerfully
Chaos Monger KD6WUR deleted. If your hands were as mangled
and as mine, you might type funny too.
Jill-of-all-Trades Member, Knights of Xenu (1995)

Stephen Gardner

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Apr 9, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/9/96
to
doyle@PROBLEM_WITH_INEWS_GATEWAY_FILE () wrote:
>> But the solid surface makes it a lot easier to handle all
>> those cows.
>
>What about mad cow disease?
>

Didn't you hear the latest rumour. BSE was genetically engineered to
drive off the ZRs! Sneaky huh!

Stephen Gardner

NB Standard Discalimer. My views are my own, not my employers


George Herbert

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Apr 9, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/9/96
to
Bruce Lewis <bc...@deltanet.com> wrote:
>gher...@crl.com (George Herbert) wrote:
>>Hey, have you tried to get an export license to sell hu-mans
>>warp drives, wormhole drives, and the like? It's thousands
>>and thousands of pages of forms, and it's still *paper*...
>>those burecrats *spit* over in ZR Technology Export Division
>>*like* it that way...
>
>Listem, my alien brother: I don't care how you make
>a living. God knows, finding a gig these days is hard
>enough even with our superior psychic powers.

I *sob* have a confession to make. I actually earn my money by
breaking computers. And on really bad days, fixing them.

[Today was a Very Bad Day.]

>But if you're "dealing" 115 or quantum holes to the natives,
>I don't want to know!

Those? We use those for flavoring in our cola-drinks, hu-man.
Jeez. Why aren't you worried about something dangerous, like the
ultraplaid ray or the producers of YOG, PRIMITIVE BARBARIAN WITH STARSHIP!,
the pseudodocumentary of a primitive and his sexual conquests loose
on the space lanes. Now *that* is a galactic threat. The whole
Moral Massivity battlefleet are looking for them, but except for
anhilating a small Duckoid mining fleet by accident and rendering
the third moon of Orkth a ring, they haven't managed to stop the
outrage yet. We can only hope and pray and provide them with
further intelligence information and ordinance.

>Not only would it upset the
>balance of trade (how much corn is equal to a mini-
>black hole? Why, enough corn to fill a sphere of R=2GM/c^2,

>that's how much!) ...

You know, it's not the space. It's the *time*. I keep explaining the
coordinate shift, and nobody *gets* it. You guys are *never* going to
make good hyperspace navigators, unless you find that spice stuff.

>...but do you really want to be responsible for turning these


>shaved apes loose on an unsuspecting Galaxy?

Me? My fault? My god, you sound like an appologist for the
containment doctorine. They will be free!, sooner or later,
might as well make a buck on it.

>I mean, sure, they make great TV, and that
>Coca-Cola stuff resists replication (although the "store
>brand" stuff they have at Znorquax Wiggly on Vorlon is

>pretty close)...

You *drink* that sludge? Don't you realize where it's *been*?!?

>....but I don't want to live in a universe where


>Marshall Savage and G. Gordon Liddy are coming off the
>line at the corner of Beta Pictoris and Aldeberan for
>kicks and pinks! Please, PLEASE restrict your sales
>efforts to the blue suiters and the guys over at the
>International Jewish Conspiracy and leave Joe Six-Pack
>OUT of it!

What's wrong with Coors In Space? (except that you can't drink it
and it corrodes my reactor cooling system, damn it)

>Best to Margie and the larvae,

I believe my life-partner has replied seperately; suffice it to say
that she was most suprised to learn that you thought we'd reproduced
before we moved back to the floating cities in the homeworld.

>Zqullyx ny Pasper-Henderson
>Sherman Oaks, CA

Steinn Sigurdsson

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Apr 15, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/15/96
to
In article <8290358...@pc016.sil.com> Stephen Gardner <gar...@sun001.sil.com> writes:


doyle@PROBLEM_WITH_INEWS_GATEWAY_FILE () wrote:
>> But the solid surface makes it a lot easier to handle all
>> those cows.
>
>What about mad cow disease?
>

Didn't you hear the latest rumour. BSE was genetically engineered to
drive off the ZRs! Sneaky huh!

Don't believe it, this is typical ZR disinformation,
I think Pike should go on Newsnight and do a proper
expose of this abuse of ignorant na-tives.

BSE is entirely down to Pat's sense of hu-mour.
George tried to restrain it, said sub-viral infections
were bad sport given current hu-man technology, and anyway
the corn circles were keeping the Brits busy enough,
but would PAT listen, naaaah.

If you don't stop messing around I'll file a report
with ZRSP(E)CAL (that's The Zeta Reticulan Society for Prevention
of (Excess) Compassion to Alien Lifeforms), some of us still
retain the Old Sportingness. Subduing planets should be
a challenge, not a larval prank.


George Herbert

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Apr 15, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/15/96
to
Steinn Sigurdsson <ste...@sandy.ast.cam.ac.uk> wrote:
>Stephen Gardner <gar...@sun001.sil.com> writes:
>
> doyle@PROBLEM_WITH_INEWS_GATEWAY_FILE () wrote:
> >> But the solid surface makes it a lot easier to handle all
> >> those cows.
> >
> >What about mad cow disease?
>
> Didn't you hear the latest rumour. BSE was genetically engineered to
> drive off the ZRs! Sneaky huh!
>
>Don't believe it, this is typical ZR disinformation,
>I think Pike should go on Newsnight and do a proper
>expose of this abuse of ignorant na-tives.
>
>BSE is entirely down to Pat's sense of hu-mour.
>George tried to restrain it, said sub-viral infections
>were bad sport given current hu-man technology, and anyway
>the corn circles were keeping the Brits busy enough,
>but would PAT listen, naaaah.

Pat, at least, has a sense of humor. If a sick one.
Some teenagers from Urpsalon 3 were going around dressed
like "angels" trying to peddle Pocket Terawatt Lasers to some
hu-man religious organization.

>If you don't stop messing around I'll file a report
>with ZRSP(E)CAL (that's The Zeta Reticulan Society for Prevention
>of (Excess) Compassion to Alien Lifeforms), some of us still
>retain the Old Sportingness. Subduing planets should be
>a challenge, not a larval prank.

The key here is that some of us are trying to preserve the
hu-mans long enough for them to be a real, serious challenge
rather than the pushover they would be today if we applied
the full might of even the sophomore class of Nova Reticula High School.
Hitting them now is like hunting a dread Zaal beast in its larval
state... ok, so the larvae are poisonous and radioactive and if you
put a thousand of them in one collection jar like Profezzor Xkhlatt
did it causes a nuclear explosion, but they're not nearly as bad
as the fire-breathing, teleporting, ninja-tickle-of-doom creatures
they become once they pass puberty. As the local representative
of the Galactic Lethal Sports Federation, it is my duty to make
sure that the hu-mans achive a sufficient level of technology
to give us a run for our money when we start to come to take
them over. Either that, or wait until they get Pizza just right
so they'll make good servibeings.

Dwayne Allen Day

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Apr 15, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/15/96
to
Steinn Sigurdsson (ste...@sandy.ast.cam.ac.uk) wrote:
: Don't believe it, this is typical ZR disinformation,


The truth is, ALL of the information here on Zeta Reticulans has been
total disinformation.

To set the record straight--as I stated here months and months ago, I am
the only Zeta Reticulan on Usenet. (Go use dejanews and look it up--it's
on file on an, albeit primitive, data storage unit.)

After I made the declaration (with the full knowledge of my superiors, mind
you), various other posers and malcontents decided to hop on the some weird
kind of bandwagon and declare themselves to ALSO be Zeta Reticulans.
After consulting with higher authority, I decided to allow them to do this
without protest. This was useful for our purposes, for these other declared
Zeta Reticulans would sow enough disinformation to distract attention from
our REAL plans for Earth. The more outrageous their claims became, the more
useful it was for us, since soon no one would know WHAT to think.
For instance, it has been reported here that Zeta Reticulans are
insectoid and travel with the aid of gravity inverters--both of
which are totally false. But as long as this disinformation
continued, soon everything would be questionable and eventually even the
existence of Zeta Reticulans would be in doubt. That was our plan.

In fact, my fellow cohorts at the Bland Corporation had actually
conducted a study on implementing an active disinformation campaign.
Knowing of paranoid humanoid nature, we felt that this would be an
effective tool for our use (although the study remains classified,
certain details of it are contained in the otherwise bland Martin Sheen
film "The Roswell Incident."). The fact that such a program sprouted up
on its own, at no cost to us, was an added and unforseen benefit (and
earned me a promotion).

But, to tell the truth, we have become concerned about the level of
disinformation that is being spread. Some of this information may
constitute slander. Our legal department is currently looking at the
postings of all claimed Zeta Reticulans and deciding if there is grounds
for legal action. Although, to the best of our knowledge, all the
so-called "Zeta Reticulans" on this group are ape-descended and
inhabitants of Earth, the 4th Circuit Court of the Intergalactic
Confederation still holds ultimate legal jurisdiction over this sector and
all of its inhabiatants. If such legal action is taken, the information
will be posted here.

Suffice to say, you have all been warned.


D-Day

Thomas Kalbfus

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Apr 16, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/16/96
to
Yeah, we all know that NASA's keeping a warp drive under wraps.
It just likes to do things the hard way using chemical rockets.
NASA doesn't want the public to know that it can just break
into hangar 13, steal the flying saucer and use it to launch
satellites into orbit. If it did that it would have to lay off
all of its areospace workers, so therefore it keeps it secret.
Actually from time to time the President borrows the
downed flying saucer when he's really in a hurry and Air force
One won't get him there in time.


Steinn Sigurdsson

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Apr 16, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/16/96
to
In article <4kuabk$l...@cronkite.seas.gwu.edu> wayn...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu (Dwayne Allen Day) writes:

Steinn Sigurdsson (ste...@sandy.ast.cam.ac.uk) wrote:
: Don't believe it, this is typical ZR disinformation,

The truth is, ALL of the information here on Zeta Reticulans has been
total disinformation.

You said it you Betelgeusian slimeball!

To set the record straight--as I stated here months and months ago, I am
the only Zeta Reticulan on Usenet. (Go use dejanews and look it up--it's
on file on an, albeit primitive, data storage unit.)

Hah! More disinformation.

But, to tell the truth, we have become concerned about the level of
disinformation that is being spread. Some of this information may
constitute slander. Our legal department is currently looking at the
postings of all claimed Zeta Reticulans and deciding if there is grounds
for legal action. Although, to the best of our knowledge, all the
so-called "Zeta Reticulans" on this group are ape-descended and
inhabitants of Earth, the 4th Circuit Court of the Intergalactic
Confederation still holds ultimate legal jurisdiction over this sector and
all of its inhabiatants. If such legal action is taken, the information
will be posted here.

Suffice to say, you have all been warned.

Sue and be damned! We spit in the eye of your feeble injunctions.
We bare our bottoms at your inadequately armoured bailiffs.
Soon our plans will bear fruition and the true deviousness
of the mighty ZRs will be revealed. Then we will track down
all (both!) the Betelgeusion impostors - shouldn't have gone
for the special discount cosmetic surgery for you hu-manoid disguise.

Michael Gallagher

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Apr 16, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/16/96
to
Thomas Kalbfus <tkal...@westnet.com> wrote:
>
>Yeah, we all know that NASA's keeping a warp drive under wraps ...

Though some ZR wiseacres at OSC ALMOST let it slup, when they put a "warp
drive access hatch" on the X-34 mock up! What were they thinking!?

Michael Gallagher

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Apr 16, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/16/96
to
wayn...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu (Dwayne Allen Day) wrote:
>
> .... -as I stated here months and months ago, I am
>the only Zeta Reticulan on Usenet ... Our legal department is currently
looking at the
>postings of all claimed Zeta Reticulans and deciding if there is grounds

>for legal action ....

No need for draconian measures, Dwayne. I've done some homework and
discovered the source of your confusion: there are TWO planets named Zeta
Reticuli! You are from Zeta Reticuli, and the rest of us are from the
"other" Zeta Reticuli. The confusion lies in Earth languages: Galactic
standard has 97 characters, many of which do not exist here. So in the
process of translation, two proper names that are spelled very
differently in Galactic are spelled the same in English! (The names are
alos pronnounced very differnetly, though human Ears can not detect it.)

So there you are, Dwayne: an honest mistake. Sorry it took so long to
figure it out.

Bruce Lewis

unread,
Apr 17, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/17/96
to
Poor DAD--thinks he's the only one of us here.
Just because his pod-parent got that big AWAAAAARD
last month, suddenly he's the only "true" Insectoid-
American on the planet! Well, I for one thought the
job they did on Beta Pictoris was crappy and poorly
executed虐table heavies, monopoles (all south!) and
the usual transuranic junk all over the system--and
for WHAT? A crappy Dyson Sphere that's going to
fall apart anyway? Feh. DAD, your family may have
the Galactic Engineering Award for this time-cycle,
but I hear the Beaveroids are gearing up for a big
hyperspace dam project over Pollux way that's a shoo-in
next time around. Tell your pod-parent to enjoy his
statuette while he can!

And oh yeah--you're not the only ZR in town. Here in
LA we OWN Sherman Oaks. They're calling the section
of Ventura west of Van Nuys "Little Reticulum" these
days...

Zquillx ny Pasper-Henderson
Insectoid-American

*******************************************
Celebrate Insectoid-American Heritage Day
7 July 1996
*******************************************

A Karchmer

unread,
Apr 17, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/17/96
to

wayn...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu (Dwayne Allen Day) says:

[some disinformation deleted]

> To set the record straight--as I stated here months and months ago, I am

> the only Zeta Reticulan on Usenet.

[LOTS of disinformation deleted]

Well, then, prove it - and publicly. There is THE verification question
(Which,
if you you are true ZR, know ONLY ZR's will know whether your publicly
posted
response is correct or not):

Tell us Mr. Day: WHAT IS YOUR VIEW ON SWEET-POTATO PIE?



Allen Karchmer

E-Mail:
AKar...@aol.com or
bhh...@prodigy.com

==============================
Everyone is Entitled to my Opinion
==============================

Bruce Lewis

unread,
Apr 17, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/17/96
to
akar...@aol.com (A Karchmer) wrote:

>Well, then, prove it - and publicly. There is THE verification question
>(Which, if you you are true ZR, know ONLY ZR's will know whether your >publicly posted response is correct or not):
>
>Tell us Mr. Day: WHAT IS YOUR VIEW ON SWEET-POTATO PIE?


Uh ohŠ


************************************************
Bruce Lewis‹Pop Culture Guru
Studio Go! Multimedia
Manhattan Projects Multimedia
******************************
My opinion‹it ain't necessarily Go!'s
******************************
Producers of STAR BLAZERS MAGAZINE
and other quality publications.
*****************************************
Celebrate Insectoid-American Heritage Day!
7 July 1996

Paul T. Wilson

unread,
Apr 17, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/17/96
to
In article <4l29do$o...@newsbf02.news.aol.com>, akar...@aol.com (A
Karchmer) wrote:

>wayn...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu (Dwayne Allen Day) says:
>
>[some disinformation deleted]
>
>> To set the record straight--as I stated here months and months ago, I am
>
>> the only Zeta Reticulan on Usenet.
>
>[LOTS of disinformation deleted]
>

>Well, then, prove it - and publicly. There is THE verification question
>(Which,
>if you you are true ZR, know ONLY ZR's will know whether your publicly
>posted
>response is correct or not):
>
>Tell us Mr. Day: WHAT IS YOUR VIEW ON SWEET-POTATO PIE?

Wait! This is a trick question! You know the medical sciences people
haven't been able to determine why it works so well as a skin replacement
patch. And they also haven't figured out why it leaves permanent orange
splotches (yyeeecccchhh!) on some individuals!
--
Paul T. Wilson Programmer Guy (:-)
Look, do you mind if we have an argument here? - Merlo
Do you have enough mind for an argument here? - Marty

Dwayne Allen Day

unread,
Apr 18, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/18/96
to
Michael Gallagher (MMF...@prodigy.com) wrote:
: >the only Zeta Reticulan on Usenet ... Our legal department is currently
: looking at the
: >postings of all claimed Zeta Reticulans and deciding if there is grounds
: >for legal action ....

: No need for draconian measures, Dwayne. I've done some homework and
: discovered the source of your confusion: there are TWO planets named Zeta
: Reticuli! You are from Zeta Reticuli, and the rest of us are from the
: "other" Zeta Reticuli.

No. This is clearly not the case. I am from Zeta Reticuli. Some of you
are VERY VERY confused (or drunk) ape-descended bipeds. A few of the
others (we know who you are and you know who you are but we are not going
to let you know that we know who you are so that you will always be
wondering if we _do indeed_ know who you are and therefore you'll get
sloppy..) are from Centaurus. That Herbert guy clearly is. Although
he's also confused as well.

And, frankly, we can understand WHY you would claim to be from Zeta
Reticuli instead of Centaurus. Zeta Reticuli is a wonderful place
with the purple mountains and the low-cost condos on beautiful
amber beaches. On the other hand, Centaurus is a pretty bleak place to
be from, especially since the Great Farting Incident...


D-Day

Dwayne Allen Day

unread,
Apr 18, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/18/96
to
Bruce Lewis (bc...@deltanet.com) wrote:
: Poor DAD--thinks he's the only one of us here.

What do you mean by "we" you ape?

And, for the record, I never claimed to be the only Zeta Reticulan on
Earth, only the only one on Usenet. The true number of Zeta Reticulans
on Earth is, of course, classified. But I wouldn't be worried.

: Just because his pod-parent got that big AWAAAAARD


: last month, suddenly he's the only "true" Insectoid-
: American on the planet!

THIS!, this, folks, is EXACTLY what our legal team is talking about! As
I have said before, ZETA RETICULANS ARE NOT INSECTOID!

But, this post is also indicative of the other thing we are worried
about--the fact that these posts do indeed contain some truthful
information. My MENTOR (not pod-parent) did indeed get a design award.


: Well, I for one thought the


: job they did on Beta Pictoris was crappy and poorly

: executed‹

Jealousy is not the sign of an enhanced species, ape.


: the usual transuranic junk all over the system--and


: for WHAT? A crappy Dyson Sphere that's going to
: fall apart anyway? Feh. DAD, your family may have
: the Galactic Engineering Award for this time-cycle,
: but I hear the Beaveroids are gearing up for a big
: hyperspace dam project over Pollux way that's a shoo-in
: next time around.

Beaveroids! BEAVEROIDS! The blinking Beaveroids couldn't add a deck to
their house without help from Bob Villa! Their only decent talent was
Ix, and he took a much better job working for the New Jersey Department
of Transportation! Don't give me none of this crap about the
Beaveroids! You want to know who can _honestly_ give us a run for our
money? The Vakrans, that's who. But they're not doing anything until
after they get out of receivership.


: And oh yeah--you're not the only ZR in town. Here in


: LA we OWN Sherman Oaks. They're calling the section
: of Ventura west of Van Nuys "Little Reticulum" these
: days...

Once again, Bruce, you're an ape, not a Zeta Reticulan.

But I am well aware of the Ventura area. When you're there, eat at
Zagrebs' and try the scampi.


D-Day


--
"If a tree falls on a mime, does it make any noise?"


Michael Gallagher

unread,
Apr 18, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/18/96
to
wayn...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu (Dwayne Allen Day) wrote:
>
>Michael Gallagher (MMF...@prodigy.com) wrote:
>:
>: ... I've done some homework and
>: discovered the source of your confusion: there are TWO planets named
Zeta
>: Reticuli! You are from Zeta Reticuli, and the rest of us are from the

>: "other" Zeta Reticuli.
>
>No. This is clearly not the case. I am from Zeta Reticuli. Some of
you
>are VERY VERY confused (or drunk) ape-descended bipeds. A few of the

>others ... are from Centaurus. That Herbert guy clearly is. Although

>he's also confused as well.
>

"Cenaturus" is the human name for Zeta Reticuli. I know, it looks the
same as the world your from, but that's IN ENGLISH! Remember, in
Galactic, they are spelled very differently owing to the 97 character
glactic alphabet.

> ... Centaurus is a pretty bleak place to

>be from, especially since the Great Farting Incident...
>

Hmmm .... I seem to rember that afterwards, galactic security was looking
for a Zeta Reticulan named DaD. Rumor had it he had consumed several Pan
Galactic Gargle Blasters in the presence of Zaphod Beeblebrox and let a
BIG ONE go. (Why do you think they're called "blaster"?) Must be
someone else, I'm sure .... but where were you at the time?

Phil G. Fraering

unread,
Apr 18, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/18/96
to
In article <4kuabk$l...@cronkite.seas.gwu.edu> wayn...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu (Dwayne Allen Day) writes:

To set the record straight--as I stated here months and months ago, I am

the only Zeta Reticulan on Usenet. (Go use dejanews and look it up--it's
on file on an, albeit primitive, data storage unit.)

You know, after your most recent posts, I finally believe you. You
don't seem to be from this planet.

Maybe the software piracy thing is some ZR trait. Let me guess, y'all
wrote Wing Commander as a propaganda thingey, and wound up suprised
at all the profits you lost when you didn't have adequate copy protection,
to assure proper proliferation of the anti-felinity memes?

Phil

--
Phil Fraering I mourn for that most lonely thing,
p...@srl03.cacs.usl.edu and yet, God's will be done,
sorry, no phone yet... I knew a phoenix in my youth,
so let them have their day. - W.B. Yeats


Dwayne Allen Day

unread,
Apr 18, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/18/96
to
etp1.news.prodigy.com>:
Distribution: world

Michael Gallagher (MMF...@prodigy.com) wrote:
: "Cenaturus" is the human name for Zeta Reticuli. I know, it looks the

: same as the world your from, but that's IN ENGLISH! Remember, in
: Galactic, they are spelled very differently owing to the 97 character
: glactic alphabet.

I refuse to take grammar lessons from an ape. Go eat your bananas.


: > ... Centaurus is a pretty bleak place to

: >be from, especially since the Great Farting Incident...
: >
: Hmmm .... I seem to rember that afterwards, galactic security was looking
: for a Zeta Reticulan named DaD. Rumor had it he had consumed several

More illiteracy. You don't read the papers, do you? I will be perfectly
happy to repost the details of this unfortunate incident (which never
involved me, since I was vacationing in Boulder at the time and have
excellent alibis). If you want the information, I can provide it, but it
would be much better if an actual Centauran posted it, since they tend to
be rather sensitive about what happened to their homeworld...

Dwayne Allen Day

unread,
Apr 18, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/18/96
to
Phil G. Fraering (p...@srl03.cacs.usl.edu) wrote:
: You know, after your most recent posts, I finally believe you. You

: don't seem to be from this planet.

Well, thank you...


: Maybe the software piracy thing is some ZR trait. Let me guess, y'all


: wrote Wing Commander as a propaganda thingey, and wound up suprised
: at all the profits you lost when you didn't have adequate copy protection,

To tell the truth, I am actually less concerned about Chinese piracy of
software than of other materials, such as CDs. I am deeply worried about
all the potential profits that such wonderful artists like Madonna have
lost over the years. It's sad really.

Needless to say, this kind of activity does not happen on the homeworld.

Rand Simberg

unread,
Apr 19, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/19/96
to
In <4l47es$6...@cronkite.seas.gwu.edu> wayn...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu
(Dwayne Allen Day) tries in vain to deceive us:

>I am from Zeta Reticuli.

Well then, I'm sure that you can tell us...

Who won the 530989Y$99 World Series? And how many blortfirghhs did
they score?
..
..
..
..
What's the matter? Pakrosh got both your tongues?

The truth will out.
--
************************************************************************
sim...@interglobal.org * 310 372-7963 (CA) 307 739-1296 (Jackson Hole)
interglobal space lines * 307 733-1391 (Fax) http://www.interglobal.org
NASA's role is not to send someone to Mars--it's to make it possible for
the National Geographic Society to send someone to Mars...

Dwayne Allen Day

unread,
Apr 19, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/19/96
to
ixnews5.ix.netcom.com>:
Distribution:

Rand Simberg (sim...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
: (Dwayne Allen Day) tries in vain to deceive us:

: >I am from Zeta Reticuli.

: Well then, I'm sure that you can tell us...

: Who won the 530989Y$99 World Series? And how many blortfirghhs did
: they score?

Yeah, Centauran, you won and we lost. Go ahead, rub it in. Just watch
out next year!

Patricia Watkins

unread,
Apr 20, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/20/96
to
In <4l8g9l$f...@cronkite.seas.gwu.edu> wayn...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu
(Dwayne Allen Day) writes:

>Yeah, Centauran, you won and we lost. Go ahead, rub it in. Just
>watch out next year!

We won?.... We won, he says.

We cleaned your f'ing clock. Either you're not a Zeta Reticulan, or
you're too embarrassed to state the score of the final barstig.

Watch out next year? That would be a *real* field of dreams.

George Herbert

unread,
Apr 21, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/21/96
to
Dwayne Allen Day <wayn...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu> wrote:
>Michael Gallagher (MMF...@prodigy.com) wrote:
>>[...]
>: No need for draconian measures, Dwayne. I've done some homework and
>: discovered the source of your confusion: there are TWO planets named Zeta
>: Reticuli! You are from Zeta Reticuli, and the rest of us are from the
>: "other" Zeta Reticuli.
>
>No. This is clearly not the case. I am from Zeta Reticuli. Some of you
>are VERY VERY confused (or drunk) ape-descended bipeds. A few of the
>others (we know who you are and you know who you are but we are not going
>to let you know that we know who you are so that you will always be
>wondering if we _do indeed_ know who you are and therefore you'll get
>sloppy..) are from Centaurus. That Herbert guy clearly is. Although
>he's also confused as well.

That's ok, being confused has its advantages. Beings who are sure of
themselves tend to do things like believe hardware manufacturers
reliability numbers, believe that software will do what it is supposed
to, and believe the normal safety margins for black hole buzzing.

And some of us have known for some time that you know who we are and who
we are but that you were not going to let us know that you knew who we
were and that we knew who we were so that you would have us wondering
all the time if you knew who we really were and that we knew who we
really were, but you just blew the whole shamoozle wide open by admitting
that you knew who we were and that we knew who we were and were trying
to keep us confused about whether you really knew who we were and if
we knew who we really were, so obviously this whole thing was a giant
plot to subvert our logic circuits by postulating who we were and
guessing that we knew who we were and extrapolating that letting us
know that you knew who we were and that you know that we know who
we are would lead to us confirming our existence, which we have just
done for you above; however this leaves you guessing whether this
whole posting was a canned response our psy-ops department has prepared
to confuse the whole issue should anyone from the wrong side of
the nebula state that they know who we are and that we know who we
are and try further pointless mindgames, so now you have to wonder
if you really do know who we are, if we really do know who we are,
and if we really know who you are and whether you know who you are,
or if this all is just some evil plot by bored technicians at some
small asteroid base outside Centaurus Prime to get you to type
long incomprehensible statements to confuse and bewilder the
high and mighty Zeta Reticulans into thinking that they know
anything at all about the Centauri Empire when in fact they do not
know who we are or that we know who we are and especially do not
know that we know who you are and that you know who we are.


>And, frankly, we can understand WHY you would claim to be from Zeta
>Reticuli instead of Centaurus. Zeta Reticuli is a wonderful place
>with the purple mountains and the low-cost condos on beautiful
>amber beaches.

...you neglect to mention the Seas of Fire, the great carnivorous
forests, the Sludge-Pond-Reserves where you keep the life forms
which evolved in your early industrial era, that annoying habit you
have of subjecting visiting teenagers to hours of psychobabble
in the name of interplanetary relations, and the fact that your
condo back home in fast is a timeshare.

>On the other hand, Centaurus is a pretty bleak place to

>be from, especially since the Great Farting Incident...

Oh, fooey, we thought we'd filtered that up...

George Herbert

unread,
Apr 21, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/21/96
to
Dwayne Allen Day <wayn...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu> wrote:
>Bruce Lewis (bc...@deltanet.com) wrote:
>: Poor DAD--thinks he's the only one of us here.
>
>What do you mean by "we" you ape?
>And, for the record, I never claimed to be the only Zeta Reticulan on
>Earth, only the only one on Usenet. The true number of Zeta Reticulans
>on Earth is, of course, classified. But I wouldn't be worried.

It's 42. Oops, admitting that would be admitting that we from Proxima
Centauri know the ZR Deep Secrets, which would let the cat out of the
bag that ZR internal intelligence is great against lower life forms but
hopeless against advanced penetration agents from Asteroid 13, so you
know that it is highly likely that I have manipulated that number somewhat
to keep ZR Counterintelligence in the dark about exactly how badly
they have been penetrated. On the other hand, I could have picked
the number up out of their annual report (5 credits to ZR Info Bureau,
publication X-1107-GYK34-R-9507) on activities on planet earth, which
is public information. So these hu-mans should be well and confused
right now, Dwayne. Now that I've done you this service, you owe me
a beer during the Boulder meeting this summer.

>: Just because his pod-parent got that big AWAAAAARD
>: last month, suddenly he's the only "true" Insectoid-
>: American on the planet!
>
>THIS!, this, folks, is EXACTLY what our legal team is talking about! As
>I have said before, ZETA RETICULANS ARE NOT INSECTOID!

Not in the last 3 million years, at least. You can't hide your evolutionary
past for long, though, our ExoPalentology Commando Corps will have the goods
any decade now! Ha!

>But, this post is also indicative of the other thing we are worried
>about--the fact that these posts do indeed contain some truthful
>information. My MENTOR (not pod-parent) did indeed get a design award.

Pod-parents indeed. Jeez, nobody hangs around with the Yakkuwi anymore,
they're the only pod-beings in this sector of space.

>: Well, I for one thought the
>: job they did on Beta Pictoris was crappy and poorly
>

>Jealousy is not the sign of an enhanced species, ape.
>
>: the usual transuranic junk all over the system--and
>: for WHAT? A crappy Dyson Sphere that's going to
>: fall apart anyway? Feh. DAD, your family may have
>: the Galactic Engineering Award for this time-cycle,
>: but I hear the Beaveroids are gearing up for a big
>: hyperspace dam project over Pollux way that's a shoo-in
>: next time around.
>
>Beaveroids! BEAVEROIDS! The blinking Beaveroids couldn't add a deck to
>their house without help from Bob Villa! Their only decent talent was
>Ix, and he took a much better job working for the New Jersey Department
>of Transportation! Don't give me none of this crap about the
>Beaveroids! You want to know who can _honestly_ give us a run for our
>money? The Vakrans, that's who. But they're not doing anything until
>after they get out of receivership.

What about that spaceport you built on Degataruis III, the one with no
tie in to the groundside transport net, that needed to re-ship everything
via air shuttles to local airports? How about the "1200 oops 943 km
majestic tower of Parak 9" and its imploding structural members?
The disaster of the grav sky-city of Olkalon Zambruxix which rammed
a small moon by accident?

>: And oh yeah--you're not the only ZR in town. Here in
>: LA we OWN Sherman Oaks. They're calling the section
>: of Ventura west of Van Nuys "Little Reticulum" these
>: days...
>
>Once again, Bruce, you're an ape, not a Zeta Reticulan.
>
>But I am well aware of the Ventura area. When you're there, eat at
>Zagrebs' and try the scampi.

At least you're well traveled.

-george


George Herbert

unread,
Apr 21, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/21/96
to
Dwayne Allen Day <wayn...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu> wrote:
>Rand Simberg (sim...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
>: (Dwayne Allen Day) tries in vain to deceive us:
>
>: >I am from Zeta Reticuli.
>
>: Well then, I'm sure that you can tell us...
>
>: Who won the 530989Y$99 World Series? And how many blortfirghhs did
>: they score?
>
>Yeah, Centauran, you won and we lost. Go ahead, rub it in. Just watch
>out next year!

Centauran? He's not a Centauran, Dwayne, I could have sworn he was
one of you...

OH I get it, disinformation, trying to make the hu-mans think there
are fewer of you onworld than there really are... clever, clever.

-george


George Herbert

unread,
Apr 21, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/21/96
to
Michael Gallagher <MMF...@prodigy.com> wrote:
>wayn...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu (Dwayne Allen Day) wrote:
>>[....]

>>No. This is clearly not the case. I am from Zeta Reticuli. Some of
>>you are VERY VERY confused (or drunk) ape-descended bipeds. A few of the
>>others ... are from Centaurus. That Herbert guy clearly is. Although
>>he's also confused as well.
>
>"Cenaturus" is the human name for Zeta Reticuli. I know, it looks the
>same as the world your from, but that's IN ENGLISH! Remember, in
>Galactic, they are spelled very differently owing to the 97 character
>glactic alphabet.

What? WHAT? Keep it up, Monkey Boy, I can have the Centaurus High Command
notified in less than a centon and have the whole Screaming Death Battle,
Mining, and TriDee Productions Fleet down on this dirtball faster than
you can say "oops".

>> ... Centaurus is a pretty bleak place to

>>be from, especially since the Great Farting Incident...
>>

>Hmmm .... I seem to rember that afterwards, galactic security was looking

>for a Zeta Reticulan named DaD. Rumor had it he had consumed several Pan
>Galactic Gargle Blasters in the presence of Zaphod Beeblebrox and let a
>BIG ONE go. (Why do you think they're called "blaster"?) Must be
>someone else, I'm sure .... but where were you at the time?

Dwayne, you told them about this, you either clear the air about
what really happened or I'm gonna file a diplomatic protest.

-george

George Herbert

unread,
Apr 21, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/21/96
to
Dwayne Allen Day <wayn...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu> wrote:
>Michael Gallagher (MMF...@prodigy.com) wrote:
>: "Cenaturus" is the human name for Zeta Reticuli. I know, it looks the
>: same as the world your from, but that's IN ENGLISH! Remember, in
>: Galactic, they are spelled very differently owing to the 97 character
>: glactic alphabet.
>
>I refuse to take grammar lessons from an ape. Go eat your bananas.

That's telling him. Uppity hu-mans.

>: > ... Centaurus is a pretty bleak place to

>: >be from, especially since the Great Farting Incident...
>: >
>: Hmmm .... I seem to rember that afterwards, galactic security was looking
>: for a Zeta Reticulan named DaD. Rumor had it he had consumed several
>

>More illiteracy. You don't read the papers, do you? I will be perfectly
>happy to repost the details of this unfortunate incident (which never
>involved me, since I was vacationing in Boulder at the time and have
>excellent alibis). If you want the information, I can provide it, but it
>would be much better if an actual Centauran posted it, since they tend to
>be rather sensitive about what happened to their homeworld...

Our homeworld? It's not like it was the whole planet. Just the Great
Hall and Convention Facilities in Centaurus Prime's main arcology.
Just because there was a minor meeting of the Greater Galactic Powers
Lawn Bowling and Sport Invasions Clubs' High Council in the facility
at the time, it made the press, and we've never been able to get
the true story out. Let it be said however that the importers
of Kagalian Ale were all taken out to the shuttle field and landed
on by cargo transports as fitting punishment.

-george


George Herbert

unread,
Apr 21, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/21/96
to
Dwayne Allen Day <wayn...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu> wrote:
>Phil G. Fraering (p...@srl03.cacs.usl.edu) wrote:
>: You know, after your most recent posts, I finally believe you. You
>: don't seem to be from this planet.
>
>Well, thank you...

Some hu-mans do have discerning intellects.

>: Maybe the software piracy thing is some ZR trait. Let me guess, y'all
>: wrote Wing Commander as a propaganda thingey, and wound up suprised
>: at all the profits you lost when you didn't have adequate copy protection,
>
>To tell the truth, I am actually less concerned about Chinese piracy of
>software than of other materials, such as CDs. I am deeply worried about
>all the potential profits that such wonderful artists like Madonna have
>lost over the years. It's sad really.
>Needless to say, this kind of activity does not happen on the homeworld.

Yes, and your invention of the automatic electrowhip copier to deal
swift and instant veangance upon offenders of your copyright laws has
singlehandedly crippled your educational institutions, except for the
masochistic students. Well, they're the good ones, but...

-george


George Herbert

unread,
Apr 21, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/21/96
to
Dwayne Allen Day <wayn...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu> wrote:
>George Herbert (gher...@crl.com) wrote:
>: >And, for the record, I never claimed to be the only Zeta Reticulan on
>: >Earth, only the only one on Usenet. The true number of Zeta Reticulans
>: >on Earth is, of course, classified. But I wouldn't be worried.
>
>: It's 42. Oops, admitting that would be admitting that we from Proxima
>: Centauri know the ZR Deep Secrets, which would let the cat out of the
>: bag that ZR internal intelligence is great against lower life forms but
>: hopeless against advanced penetration agents from Asteroid 13, so you
>
>Sheesh! You are more confused than I thought.

Thank you.

>: know that it is highly likely that I have manipulated that number somewhat


>: to keep ZR Counterintelligence in the dark about exactly how badly
>: they have been penetrated. On the other hand, I could have picked
>: the number up out of their annual report (5 credits to ZR Info Bureau,
>: publication X-1107-GYK34-R-9507) on activities on planet earth, which
>: is public information.
>

>The annual report is all sold out, and those numbers were based on the
>projected 5-year budget plan, not the actual numbers. And the plan got a
>little off kilter during the government shutdown.

Ha. Another great strength of the Centaurus Government: no annual
budgets, no shutdowns, merely constant duels over funding percentage
allocations.

>: So these hu-mans should be well and confused


>: right now, Dwayne. Now that I've done you this service, you owe me
>: a beer during the Boulder meeting this summer.
>
>

>: >THIS!, this, folks, is EXACTLY what our legal team is talking about! As

>: >I have said before, ZETA RETICULANS ARE NOT INSECTOID!
>
>: Not in the last 3 million years, at least. You can't hide your evolutionary
>: past for long, though, our ExoPalentology Commando Corps will have the goods
>: any decade now! Ha!
>

>Yeah, keep it up and I'll shove my ovipositor down your throat and lay my
>eggs in your chest.

One of your people tried that last time I visited. No thanks, by the time
we were done untangling the two of us it required five medics and two
professors of knot theory and the local Kai-Fu martial arts champion
(there are some pins I now know not to try in the field).

>: >Beaveroids! You want to know who can _honestly_ give us a run for our

>: >money? The Vakrans, that's who. But they're not doing anything until
>: >after they get out of receivership.
>
>: What about that spaceport you built on Degataruis III, the one with no
>: tie in to the groundside transport net, that needed to re-ship everything
>: via air shuttles to local airports?
>

>The connection was in the original plans, but they didn't want to pay us
>to complete it. Blame their parliament, not us, bub.

You should have gotten stable funding to start with.

>: How about the "1200 oops 943 km


>: majestic tower of Parak 9" and its imploding structural members?
>

>Glorious, wasn't it? Our finest work of performance art.

One of my relatives was on the 2,944,328th floor when the lower floors
imploded, you nobk! They escaped only by the skin of their teeth and
the fact that the floor below them was full of Oolian Slugoids.

>: The disaster of the grav sky-city of Olkalon Zambruxix which rammed


>: a small moon by accident?
>

>That was the fault of a Beaveroid sub-contractor, which just goes to
>prove my point.

You trust your subcontractors?


-george


George Herbert

unread,
Apr 21, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/21/96
to
Dwayne Allen Day <wayn...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu> wrote:
>George Herbert (gher...@crl.com) wrote:
>: And some of us have known for some time that you know who we are and who

>: we are but that you were not going to let us know that you knew who we
>: were and that we knew who we were so that you would have us wondering
>: all the time if you knew who we really were and that we knew who we
>
>See, Mr. Herbert confirming that he is, indeed, quite confused.

Well educated, and current in interstellar intelligence information, though.
I think.

>: >And, frankly, we can understand WHY you would claim to be from Zeta

>: >Reticuli instead of Centaurus. Zeta Reticuli is a wonderful place
>: >with the purple mountains and the low-cost condos on beautiful
>: >amber beaches.
>
>: ...you neglect to mention the Seas of Fire,
>

>An excellent tourist spot. You yourself just proved it--it's really more
>like a Lake of Fire, but the public affairs people have done an excellent
>job of playing it up.

You should at least have adequate burn treatment centers nearby if you
want to use it for that purpose. Jeez.

>: the great carnivorous
>: forests
>
>The trees eat each other, so they're "carnivorous" only to each other.
>
>
>: the Sludge-Pond-Reserves where you keep the life forms


>: which evolved in your early industrial era,
>

>Yeah, so? They've still got voting rights.

...and you let them parade down main street once a year like everyone else,
only the day *after* everyone else, and you spend a week decontaminating
afterwards. Some improvement.

>: that annoying habit you


>: have of subjecting visiting teenagers to hours of psychobabble
>: in the name of interplanetary relations,
>

>That is not "psychobabble." We are _seducing_ the teenage girls...

You mean that those little... are your... BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

>: and the fact that your


>: condo back home in fast is a timeshare.
>

>Mine is indeed a timeshare. But since I spend most of my time in the
>Interplanetary Diplomatic Corps., I don't get back there enough to use it.

You're just afraid to admit that the IDC doesn't pay worth Ogolian slimebeans.


-george

George Herbert

unread,
Apr 21, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/21/96
to
Dwayne Allen Day <wayn...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu> wrote:
>George Herbert (gher...@crl.com) wrote:
>: >Yeah, Centauran, you won and we lost. Go ahead, rub it in. Just watch
>: >out next year!
>
>: Centauran? He's not a Centauran, Dwayne, I could have sworn he was
>: one of you...
>
>Your alumni group is pretty lousy. You should know who your fellow
>beings are. Here's a quick guide:
>
>Herbert--Centauran

ok

>Lewis--ape

ok

>Simberg--Centauran

Nope, nope, I have hard evidence that he's not from Centaurus.
Insufficient Nitrogen-17 isotopic presence in his body.

>Gallagher--ape
>Most other posters to s.s.p. and s.s.s.--apes
>Me--I am the very model of a modern Z. Reticulan...

...which makes you neither animal nor vegetable nor properly mineralian...

-george william herbert
Yoyo^H^H^H^H^HRetro Aerospace
gher...@crl.com


Dwayne Allen Day

unread,
Apr 22, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/22/96
to
George Herbert (gher...@crl.com) wrote:
: >No. This is clearly not the case. I am from Zeta Reticuli. Some of you
: >are VERY VERY confused (or drunk) ape-descended bipeds. A few of the

: >sloppy..) are from Centaurus. That Herbert guy clearly is. Although

: >he's also confused as well.

: And some of us have known for some time that you know who we are and who
: we are but that you were not going to let us know that you knew who we
: were and that we knew who we were so that you would have us wondering
: all the time if you knew who we really were and that we knew who we

See, Mr. Herbert confirming that he is, indeed, quite confused.

: >And, frankly, we can understand WHY you would claim to be from Zeta
: >Reticuli instead of Centaurus. Zeta Reticuli is a wonderful place
: >with the purple mountains and the low-cost condos on beautiful
: >amber beaches.

: ...you neglect to mention the Seas of Fire,

An excellent tourist spot. You yourself just proved it--it's really more
like a Lake of Fire, but the public affairs people have done an excellent
job of playing it up.


: the great carnivorous
: forests

The trees eat each other, so they're "carnivorous" only to each other.


: the Sludge-Pond-Reserves where you keep the life forms
: which evolved in your early industrial era,

Yeah, so? They've still got voting rights.

: that annoying habit you
: have of subjecting visiting teenagers to hours of psychobabble
: in the name of interplanetary relations,

That is not "psychobabble." We are _seducing_ the teenage girls...

: and the fact that your
: condo back home in fast is a timeshare.

Mine is indeed a timeshare. But since I spend most of my time in the
Interplanetary Diplomatic Corps., I don't get back there enough to use it.


D-Day


--
"I evaluated the chances of success and the chances I was doing something
really stupid... and I did it anyway."--Crow

Dwayne Allen Day

unread,
Apr 22, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/22/96
to
George Herbert (gher...@crl.com) wrote:
: >And, for the record, I never claimed to be the only Zeta Reticulan on
: >Earth, only the only one on Usenet. The true number of Zeta Reticulans
: >on Earth is, of course, classified. But I wouldn't be worried.

: It's 42. Oops, admitting that would be admitting that we from Proxima
: Centauri know the ZR Deep Secrets, which would let the cat out of the
: bag that ZR internal intelligence is great against lower life forms but
: hopeless against advanced penetration agents from Asteroid 13, so you

Sheesh! You are more confused than I thought.

: know that it is highly likely that I have manipulated that number somewhat
: to keep ZR Counterintelligence in the dark about exactly how badly
: they have been penetrated. On the other hand, I could have picked
: the number up out of their annual report (5 credits to ZR Info Bureau,
: publication X-1107-GYK34-R-9507) on activities on planet earth, which
: is public information.

The annual report is all sold out, and those numbers were based on the
projected 5-year budget plan, not the actual numbers. And the plan got a
little off kilter during the government shutdown.

: So these hu-mans should be well and confused


: right now, Dwayne. Now that I've done you this service, you owe me
: a beer during the Boulder meeting this summer.


: >THIS!, this, folks, is EXACTLY what our legal team is talking about! As
: >I have said before, ZETA RETICULANS ARE NOT INSECTOID!

: Not in the last 3 million years, at least. You can't hide your evolutionary
: past for long, though, our ExoPalentology Commando Corps will have the goods
: any decade now! Ha!

Yeah, keep it up and I'll shove my ovipositor down your throat and lay my
eggs in your chest.

: >Beaveroids! You want to know who can _honestly_ give us a run for our
: >money? The Vakrans, that's who. But they're not doing anything until
: >after they get out of receivership.

: What about that spaceport you built on Degataruis III, the one with no
: tie in to the groundside transport net, that needed to re-ship everything
: via air shuttles to local airports?

The connection was in the original plans, but they didn't want to pay us
to complete it. Blame their parliament, not us, bub.

: How about the "1200 oops 943 km
: majestic tower of Parak 9" and its imploding structural members?

Glorious, wasn't it? Our finest work of performance art.

: The disaster of the grav sky-city of Olkalon Zambruxix which rammed
: a small moon by accident?

That was the fault of a Beaveroid sub-contractor, which just goes to
prove my point.

Dwayne Allen Day

unread,
Apr 22, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/22/96
to
George Herbert (gher...@crl.com) wrote:
: >Yeah, Centauran, you won and we lost. Go ahead, rub it in. Just watch
: >out next year!

: Centauran? He's not a Centauran, Dwayne, I could have sworn he was
: one of you...

Your alumni group is pretty lousy. You should know who your fellow
beings are. Here's a quick guide:


Herbert--Centauran
Lewis--ape
Simberg--Centauran


Gallagher--ape
Most other posters to s.s.p. and s.s.s.--apes
Me--I am the very model of a modern Z. Reticulan...

Michael Gallagher

unread,
Apr 22, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/22/96
to
wayn...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu (Dwayne Allen Day) wrote:
>
> ... You should know who your fellow
>beings are. Here's a quick guide:
>
>
>Herbert--Centauran
>Lewis--ape
>Simberg--Centauran
>Gallagher--ape
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


TRANSLATION: Dwayne is still mad at me for that time during the reunion
when I ate a bannana split; for the record, I had NO IDEA his healer had
put him on an Earth-fruit-free diet when I ate it in front of him! When
shall I be forgiven?

Dwayne Allen Day

unread,
Apr 23, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/23/96
to
Michael Gallagher (MMF...@prodigy.com) wrote:
: > ... You should know who your fellow
: >beings are. Here's a quick guide:
: >
: >
: >Herbert--Centauran
: >Lewis--ape
: >Simberg--Centauran
: >Gallagher--ape
: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

: TRANSLATION: Dwayne is still mad at me for that time during the reunion
: when I ate a bannana split

You're still in denial, monkeyboy...

Michael Gallagher

unread,
Apr 23, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/23/96
to
wayn...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu (Dwayne Allen Day) wrote:
>
>Michael Gallagher (MMF...@prodigy.com) wrote:
>: > ... You should know who your fellow
>: >beings are. Here's a quick guide:
>: >
>: >
>: >Herbert--Centauran
>: >Lewis--ape
>: >Simberg--Centauran
>: >Gallagher--ape
>: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>
>: TRANSLATION: Dwayne is still mad at me for that time during the
reunion
>: when I ate a bannana split
>
>You're still in denial, monkeyboy...
>
What denial? I've gone a long way in controling my addiction to Earth-
fruit --- you don't want to know how much I used to pig out after a
hardey meal of cow entrails! I'M not in denial over anything! YOU'RE
the one who can't touch the stuff anymore, and you should have said
something instead of sitting there and glaring at me. Jeez man, I kept
wondering if there was a snark on my shoulder or something .... and
spending the last few months calling me an ape hasn't helped ... yeesh ...
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