Google Groups no longer supports new Usenet posts or subscriptions. Historical content remains viewable.
Dismiss

Jokes heard on other planets all over the Universe.

0 views
Skip to first unread message

Spaceman

unread,
Oct 5, 2008, 9:33:06 PM10/5/08
to
Hi, I am a human and I believe in curved spacetime.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

Planets,stars and moons curve space.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

The shortest distance between two points is a curved line.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

If you travel fast enough, time slows down.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

If you travel fast enough, a meter shrinks in size.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

The Big Bang created the entire universe from a single point.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

Black holes can be made by a particle accelerator on Earth.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

Black holes are gateways to other dimensions.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

In the center of a black hole is a singularity
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

Time can reverse direction.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

There are about 10 or more dimensions in the Universe.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

1c +1c = 1c and also 1c-1c = 1c
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

You can simply make a 2D spherical map.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

The Universe used to be smaller than a golfball.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

A singularity exists yet has no length, width or height.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

Spaceships could never travel faster than light.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

Earthlings don 't exist.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

Thank You, Thank You.
You have all been great!
See ya next "planetary orbit" and I bet the humans
will have even more funny stuff.
:)

--
James M Driscoll Jr
Creator of the Clock Malfunction Theory
Spaceman

stric...@gmail.com

unread,
Oct 6, 2008, 12:45:12 PM10/6/08
to
Let me add:

Dirk: Hi, I am a human...


(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

Dono: If I travel fast enough, my mind slows down.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA! You must be at c!

PD: If I travel fast enough, my dick shrinks in size.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA! You must be at c!

Doug: The Big Echo is the sound I create when I scratch my head.


(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

Eric: My mind is a black hole. All information is lost in it.


(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

Igor: Black holes are gateways to other dimensions.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA! The gateway to ignorance.

Eric: Time can reverse direction.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA! What a liar.

Eric: There are about 10 or more dimensions in the Universe.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA! What a crook.

OG: 1c +1c = 1c and also 1c-1c = 1c
(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA! OG, go back to KG.

Doug: The Universe used to be smaller than a golfball, same size as my
brain now


(audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!

PD: My brain exists as a singularity and has no length, width or

gabydewilde

unread,
Oct 6, 2008, 1:06:32 PM10/6/08
to
On Oct 6, 3:33 am, "Spaceman" <space...@yourclockmalfunctioned.duh>
wrote:

http://www.sound-effect.com/sounds1/human/monster.wav

Spaceman

unread,
Oct 6, 2008, 1:24:46 PM10/6/08
to

Sold out show.
It's a hit all across the Universe.
:)


stric...@gmail.com

unread,
Oct 6, 2008, 1:57:11 PM10/6/08
to
On Oct 6, 1:24 pm, "Spaceman" <space...@yourclockmalfunctioned.duh>
wrote:
> :)- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

At least we have a job lined up for them after relativity fades in a
big wham.

Spaceman

unread,
Oct 6, 2008, 2:01:00 PM10/6/08
to

:)


Igor

unread,
Oct 6, 2008, 7:14:49 PM10/6/08
to
On Oct 5, 9:33 pm, "Spaceman" <space...@yourclockmalfunctioned.duh>
wrote:


Spaceman thinks (-1)*(-1) = -1.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HA HA...No wait. That's just pathetic.

Spaceman

unread,
Oct 6, 2008, 7:43:00 PM10/6/08
to

Poor Igor,
The audience actually said.
That is not funny.
What is wrong with that. It only means that apples times apples
does not make more oranges.
The audience yells. Boooooooo Igor sucks
He is not funny at all.!


hanson

unread,
Oct 7, 2008, 1:54:04 PM10/7/08
to
------------------- ahaha ---------
---------------- AHAHAHA ----------
------------- ahahahahahaha ---------
---------- ahahAHAHAahaha ----------
-------- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -----------
>
"Spaceman" <spac...@yourclockmalfunctioned.duh> wrote in message
news:d7SdnUleT5KY13fV...@comcast.com...
hanson wrote
Good one!... Sidebar: Spaceman JD, you quoted Eric:

"There are about 10 or more dimensions in the Universe".
>
To normal folks Dimensions means length, width & height
and maybe time. The stuff you can see "floating" by, ...the
4 Dimensions needed to tell the story of the interplay of
mass & energy in 3D space and time...
>
But Eric might have a case, depending how he and his
handlers define "Dimension". In the rarefied mental
masturbations of the Erictum where they like to circle jerk,
there are indeed as many dimensions as they need to tell
their st(he)ories.. ahahaha... & they make'em up on the fly:
>
There is 3D space plus imaginary 4 to 28+ "higher dim
spaces", some curled, twisted and others with vanishing tails,
and those with all kinds of geometric configurations like their
manifolds and matrix spaces, subspaces, warped spaces,
virtual or collapsed & emergent spaces. There are charged
spaces, rotating and oscillating ones, photonic spaces, dark
spaces, matter- & antimatter spaces or "seas" as they call'em...
NONE of which you can feel or see , except on TV in Sci-Fy
fantasies... ahahahaha...
>
Count'em now and keep on counting, dude.. and make up
your own personal space while you are at it... ahahaha....
>
10 such dimensions?... It shows you that Eric was very
conservative with his humble 10+. Eric's ilk wants to have
all those dimensions because it is easier for them to pull
wool over your eyes when they tell their stories which they
love to call "theories"... ahaha... The more mysterious their
story sounds the louder the audience applauds and the
better their chances become to get more "funding"...
>
Hey, Driscoll, they've gotta make a living too... Don't they?
Better to have them telling their stories about the universe
then to let'em finagle their Einstein shit on Wall street and
fuck it up beyond any known dimension.. .. hahahaha
.. ahahahhaha.. ahahaha...ahahanson

>


Dirk Bruere at NeoPax

unread,
Oct 7, 2008, 2:48:52 PM10/7/08
to

I can understand anthropic arguments for a minimum number of dimensions,
but what constrains the maximum?

--
Dirk

http://www.transcendence.me.uk/ - Transcendence UK
http://www.theconsensus.org/ - A UK political party
http://www.onetribe.me.uk/wordpress/?cat=5 - Our podcasts on weird stuff

hanson

unread,
Oct 7, 2008, 5:07:40 PM10/7/08
to
"Dirk Bruere at NeoPax" <dirk....@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:6l1p88F...@mid.individual.net...
Dirk

> I can understand anthropic arguments for a minimum number of dimensions,
> but what constrains the maximum?
>
hanson wrote:
Since ALL theories are anthropic by definition,
the number of dimension in their stories, read
(s)t(he)ories, are only limited/constrained by
the imagination and fantasies of the authors,
anthropoid or modern,... ahahahaha... ahahanson

Androcles

unread,
Oct 7, 2008, 5:46:12 PM10/7/08
to

"hanson" <han...@quick.net> wrote in message
news:0nNGk.1309$yI6...@nwrddc01.gnilink.net...

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dimension

1 a (1): measure in one direction ; specifically : one of three coordinates
determining a position in space or four coordinates determining a position
in space and time
(2): one of a group of properties whose number is necessary and
sufficient to determine uniquely each element of a system of usually
mathematical entities (as an aggregate of points in real or abstract space)
<the surface of a sphere has two dimensions> ; also : a parameter or
coordinate variable assigned to such a property <the three dimensions of
momentum>
(3): the number of elements in a basis of a vector space
b: the quality of spatial extension : magnitude , size
c: a lifelike or realistic quality
d: the range over which or the degree to which something extends :
scope 蓉sually used in plural
e: one of the elements or factors making up a complete personality or
entity : aspect

2 obsolete : bodily form or proportions
3: any of the fundamental units (as of mass, length, or time) on which a
derived unit is based ; also : the power of such a unit
4: wood or stone cut to pieces of specified size
5: a level of existence or consciousness


Now figure out the dimensionality of Merriam-Webster's definitions of
"definition".

The language of physics is mathematics. Learn the language.


Driscoll: Aether fills my universe and has the permeability of free space.
(audience): HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!


gabydewilde

unread,
Oct 7, 2008, 6:03:40 PM10/7/08
to
On Oct 7, 1:14 am, Igor <thoov...@excite.com> wrote:
> Spaceman thinks (-1)*(-1) = -1.
> (audience): HA HA HA HA HA HA...No wait.  That's just pathetic.

Multiplication by less than one is erroneous. It's a product of
mathematical psychosis. You can pretend it makes sense all you like
but at the end of the day there is nothing "multi" about it.


Igor

unread,
Oct 7, 2008, 7:53:10 PM10/7/08
to
On Oct 6, 7:43 pm, "Spaceman" <space...@yourclockmalfunctioned.duh>
wrote:
> He is not funny at all.!-

Do you agree with cos (A + B) = cos A cos B - sin A sin B ?

Igor

unread,
Oct 7, 2008, 7:54:30 PM10/7/08
to

Let me guess. You failed fractions in school.

hanson

unread,
Oct 7, 2008, 8:52:20 PM10/7/08
to
------------------- ahaha ---------
---------------- AHAHAHA ----------
------------- ahahahahahaha ---------
---------- ahahAHAHAahaha ----------
-------- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -----------
>
"Androcles" <Headm...@Hogwarts.physics> wrote:
> "hanson" <han...@quick.net> wrote:
>> "Spaceman" <spac...@yourclockmalfunctioned.duh> ...

>>> stric...@gmail.com wrote:
>>>> Let me add:
>>>>
>>>> Dirk: Hi, I am a human...
>>>> (audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!
>>>>
>>>> Dono: If I travel fast enough, my mind slows down.
>>>> (audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA! You must be at c!
>>>>
>>>> PD: If I travel fast enough, my dick shrinks in size.
>>>> (audience): HA HA HAHA HA HA HA! You must be at c!

>>>>
>>>> Doug: The Big Echo is the sound I create when I scratch my head.
>>>> (audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!
>>>>
>>>> Eric: My mind is a black hole. All information is lost in it.
>>>> (audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!
>>>>
>>>> Igor: Black holes are gateways to other dimensions.
>>>> (audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA! The gateway to ignorance.

>>>>
>>>> Eric: Time can reverse direction.
>>>> (audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA! What a liar.
>>>>
>>>> Eric: There are about 10 or more dimensions in the Universe.
>>>> (audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA! What a crook.
>>>>
>>>> OG: 1c +1c = 1c and also 1c-1c = 1c
>>>> (audience): HA HA HA HA HAHA HA! OG, go back to KG.
>>> --------------- next post --------------
>
Androcles, rather unoriginally, reached for the dict & pasted:

> http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dimension
>
> 1 a (1): measure in one direction ; specifically : one of three
> coordinates determining a position in space or four coordinates
> determining a position in space and time
> (2): one of a group of properties whose number is necessary and
> sufficient to determine uniquely each element of a system of usually
> mathematical entities (as an aggregate of points in real or abstract
> space) <the surface of a sphere has two dimensions> ; also : a parameter
> or coordinate variable assigned to such a property <the three dimensions
> of momentum>
> (3): the number of elements in a basis of a vector space
> b: the quality of spatial extension : magnitude , size
> c: a lifelike or realistic quality
> d: the range over which or the degree to which something extends :
> scope 蓉sually used in plural
> e: one of the elements or factors making up a complete personality or
> entity : aspect
>
> 2 obsolete : bodily form or proportions
> 3: any of the fundamental units (as of mass, length, or time) on which a
> derived unit is based ; also : the power of such a unit
> 4: wood or stone cut to pieces of specified size
> 5: a level of existence or consciousness
>
Androcles wrote:
> Now figure out the dimensionality of Merriam-Webster's definitions of
> "definition".
> The language of physics is mathematics. Learn the language.
>
>
hanson wrote:
.... ahahahaha... besides your rather pedestrian regurgitation
of Webster's tripe.. WHAT is in it for YOU, Andro, to advocate
and urge people to "figure out" and "Learn"?... ahahahaha...
>
YOU go ahead & YOU show the figures & YOU peddle what is
in/on your mind and what YOU advocate... ahahahahahaha....
Usually it's the Einstein Dingleberries that spew the line
"figure out" and "Learn" when they are at the end of their own
wits & keep dangling & twisting in the farts from Einstein's
sphincter. Have you been infected now by ED ?... ahahaha....

>
Androcles wrote:
> Driscoll: Aether fills my universe and has the permeability of free space.
>
hanson wrote:
Why do you get so hysterical and fly off the handle over that?
Driscoll says "**my** universe".... What's wrong with that?
For crying out loud, do you think/believe that "*your* universe"
is more valid than his is to himself ?.... Andro, remember:
http://groups.google.com/group/sci.math/msg/607cab38a637041c?hl=en
>
>
Androcles, NOT the (audience):

> HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
> HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
> HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
> HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
> HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
> HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
> HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
> HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
> HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
> HA!
>
hanson wrote"
ahahaha... Now, that's a bit better, your "HA HA HA HA HA...",
albeit it's still very forced, artificial, phony & cramped ....
Lighten up, Andro... and improve the peddling of your own
universe which has not exactly been a smash hit so far...
ahahaha... But thanks for the laughs!
>
BTW, why are you always so jealous when I have laughs with
people over a post that does not include you?.... ahahahaha....
It's flattering, Andro, but... sheesh... hahahaha... AHAHAHA...
Remember http://tinyurl.com/48nybm with you at center stage.
ahahaha... ahahanson


Androcles

unread,
Oct 7, 2008, 8:58:52 PM10/7/08
to
------------------- ahaha ---------
---------------- AHAHAHA ----------
------------- ahahahahahaha ---------
---------- ahahAHAHAahaha ----------
-------- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -----------

"hanson" <han...@quick.net> wrote in message
news:8vTGk.1366$yI6...@nwrddc01.gnilink.net...

Spaceman

unread,
Oct 7, 2008, 11:24:43 PM10/7/08
to
Androcles wrote:
> Driscoll: Aether fills my universe and has the permeability of free
> space. (audience): HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
> HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
> HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
> HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
> HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
> HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
> HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
> HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
> HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
> HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

They are only laughing because they know it makes Androcles cringe.
:)

Lets all sing the Aether song!
We all believe in Aether reality, aether reality, aether reality.
sing along everyone!
LOL


Spaceman

unread,
Oct 7, 2008, 11:28:27 PM10/7/08
to

Yes,
Imagine that.
So because I had said that -1 equals oranges
and oranges times oranges equals more oranges.
They get all mad that I won't fall for thier "imaginary" negatives as
reals bullshit.
And they keep telling me multiplying oranges (negatives) equals
positive apples.
And I simply say no,
-1*-1 has to equal -1 still for logic to hold.
Sadly, they can not get the logic.
even when I show a numberline like such.
oranges | | | | | 0 | | | | | apples.
So they all say multiplying oranges will create apples
but multiplying apples stays apples.
:)

:)


Spaceman

unread,
Oct 7, 2008, 11:32:14 PM10/7/08
to

Why do you bring imaginary math into this?
What does the cos stand for physically?
How about sin?
You like sin don't you?
Is that why you are a con man for relativity also?


gabydewilde

unread,
Oct 7, 2008, 11:36:13 PM10/7/08
to
On Oct 8, 5:28 am, "Spaceman" <space...@yourclockmalfunctioned.duh>
wrote:

If would be in a negative universe things would disappear

1*1 would be -1

Now that not just doesn't seem right to me.

On Oct 8, 1:54 am, Igor <thoov...@excite.com> wrote:


> On Oct 7, 6:03 pm, gabydewilde <fotot...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > On Oct 7, 1:14 am, Igor <thoov...@excite.com> wrote:
>
> > > Spaceman thinks (-1)*(-1) = -1.
> > > (audience): HA HA HA HA HA HA...No wait. That's just pathetic.
>
> > Multiplication by less than one is erroneous. It's a product of
> > mathematical psychosis. You can pretend it makes sense all you like
> > but at the end of the day there is nothing "multi" about it.
>

> Let me guess.

You mean you do not understand?

> You failed fractions in school.

You want to blame the misunderstanding on me?

I guess I could compensate for your lacky understandings.

multiplication from multi from multus, meaning much or many.

If you multiply X it should always result in moar than X.

Fraction from Latin frāctus, past participle of frangere, or "to
break"

A fraction of X can never exeed X.

Every engineer knows this.

_____
http://blog.360.yahoo.com/factuurexpress

hanson

unread,
Oct 7, 2008, 11:42:34 PM10/7/08
to
> "hanson" <han...@quick.net> wrote in message
> news:8vTGk.1366$yI6...@nwrddc01.gnilink.net...
http://groups.google.com/group/sci.physics/msg/bcbed7b4dc599583?hl=en

>> ------------------- ahaha ---------
>> ---------------- AHAHAHA ----------
>> ------------- ahahahahahaha ---------
>> ---------- ahahAHAHAahaha ----------
>> -------- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -----------
>
"Androcles" <Headm...@Hogwarts.physics> ECHOED & wrote:
news:MBTGk.9218$dG5....@newsfe14.ams2...

> ------------------- ahaha ---------
> ---------------- AHAHAHA ----------
> ------------- ahahahahahaha ---------
> ---------- ahahAHAHAahaha ----------
> -------- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -----------
>
hanson wrote:
Flattering, Andro. Very much so!. Thanks for the laughs!
and always remember this: http://tinyurl.com/48nybm
ahahaha... ahahahahanson


Spaceman

unread,
Oct 7, 2008, 11:46:00 PM10/7/08
to

That would be silly huh?
That would be apples turning into oranges instead.
Sadly physics morons have allowed for "negatives" to be
real instead of just being positives in a different direction.
:)


Androcles

unread,
Oct 8, 2008, 3:34:05 AM10/8/08
to

"hanson" <han...@quick.net> wrote in message
news:K_VGk.1405$yI6...@nwrddc01.gnilink.net...
<yawn>


stric...@gmail.com

unread,
Oct 8, 2008, 10:05:57 AM10/8/08
to
On Oct 7, 2:48 pm, Dirk Bruere at NeoPax <dirk.bru...@gmail.com>
wrote:

> hanson wrote:
> > -------------------  ahaha   ---------
> >  ---------------- AHAHAHA ----------
> > -------------  ahahahahahaha ---------
> >  ----------  ahahAHAHAahaha  ----------
> > -------- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA   -----------
> > "Spaceman" <space...@yourclockmalfunctioned.duh> wrote in message
> >news:d7SdnUleT5KY13fV...@comcast.com...
> http://www.transcendence.me.uk/- Transcendence UKhttp://www.theconsensus.org/- A UK political partyhttp://www.onetribe.me.uk/wordpress/?cat=5- Our podcasts on weird stuff- Hide quoted text -

>
> - Show quoted text -

Anthropic arguments --> Not valid

0 new messages