Acceptance Is the Key to Serenity

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Acceptance Is the Key to Serenity

This Might be the Key that Unlocks Happiness

By Buddy T, Jan 30, 2017

It seems almost too simple to be true, but acceptance --
accepting things exactly as they are -- can be the key that
unlocks the door to happiness.

It may be one of the most quoted passages in recovery literature.
It's from Page 449 (first 3 editions, pg. 417 in the 4th ed) of
Alcoholics Anonymous or The Big Book as it is widely known.

The chapter, we know now, was written by Dr. Paul Ohliger, who
died Friday, May 19, 2000, in Mission Viejo, Calif at age 83.

Following is the passage/prayer:

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.
When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place,
thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me,
and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place,
thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be
at this moment.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake.
Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober;
unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I can't be happy.
I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in
the world as on what needs to be changed in me & in my attitudes."

Acceptance of a Love One's Alcoholism

For me, a grateful member of Al-Anon, serenity began when I
learned to distinguish between those things that I could change
and those I could not. When I admitted that there were people,
places, things, & situations over which I was totally powerless,
those things began to lose their power over me.

I learned that everyone has the right to make their own mistakes,
and learn from them, without my interference, judgment, or
assistance!

The key to my serenity is acceptance. But "acceptance" does not
mean that I have to like it, condone it, or even ignore it.
What it does mean is I am powerless to do anything about it, and
I have to accept that fact.

Today, I Have Choices

Nor does it mean that I have to accept "unacceptable behavior."
Today, I have choices. I no longer have to accept abuse in any
form. I can choose to walk away, even if it means stepping out
into the unknown. I no longer have to fear change or the unknown.
I can merely accept it as part of the journey.

I spent years trying to change things in my life over which I
was powerless but did not know it. I threatened, scolded,
manipulated, coerced, pleaded, begged, pouted, bribed and
generally tried everything I could to make the situation better
-- only watch as things always got progressively worse.

Not An Accident

I spent so much time trying to change the things I could not
change, it never once occurred to me to simply accept them as
they were.

Now when things in my life are not going the way I planned them,
or downright bad things happen, I can remind myself that whatever
is going on is not happening by accident. There's a reason for it
and it is not always meant for me to know what that reason is.

That change in attitude has been the key to happiness for me.
I know I am not the only who has found that gift of serenity.

See also The Complete Serenity Prayer, sometimes called the A.A.
acceptance prayer.

https://www.verywell.com/al-anon-topics-for-beginners-63304