Cute Math Joke
SCOTT I CHASE
Three statisticians go deer hunting. They spot a deer.
The first statistician aims - and fires wide to the right.
The second statistician aims - but fires wide to the left.
The third statistician throws down his gun and shouts "We got him! We got him!"
-Scott
--------------------
Scott I. Chase "The question seems to be of such a character
SIC...@CSA2.LBL.GOV that if I should come to life after my death
and some mathematician were to tell me that it
had been definitely settled, I think I would
immediately drop dead again." - Vandiver
CCB...@psuvm.psu.edu
Because 7 8 9.
Richard Zach
Gerald E Mortensen
been lugging around for years
Q: what's purple and commutes?
A: an abelian grape
Q: what's yellow and logically equivalent to the axiom of choice?
A: zorn's lemon
i think credit for these groaners goes to Drs. Cateforis and Spencer
at Potsdam College.
jay mortensen
syracuse research corp.
Frank - Hardware Hacker - Borger
>this gives me an opportunity to unload a couple stupid math jokes i've
>been lugging around for years
Might as well tell a really old math joke, (one that post slide rule
people might not catch.)
After the ark landed, Noah told all the animals, "go forth and multi-
ply." So they left, two by two.
Some time later Noah and his sons were checking on how babies were
coming and checked by the snakes. No little ones. Noah asked why.
"We can't multiply," said the male snake, "We're Adders!"
Noah and his sons felt so sorry for the snakes that they cut down
some trees and made a log house for the snakes, along with some
furniture, then left.
Some time later, on the second check, Noah found the house full of
little snakes. "But you said you couldn't multiply?" said Noah.
"Oh yes," said the male snake, "that's why we were so happy when you
gave us those log tables."
Frank R. Borger - Physicist __ Internet: Fr...@rover.uchicago.edu
Michael Reese - Univ. of Chicago |___ Phone : 312-791-8075 fax : 567-7455
Center for Radiation Therapy | |_) _ Buy old masters. They bring better
| \|_) prices than young mistresses. -
"Birthplace of Softball" |_) Lord Beaverbrook
David Palmer
You can't--a tsetse fly is a vector, but a mountain climber is a scaler.
--
David Palmer pal...@tgrs.gsfc.nasa.gov
David Mcgregor SQUIRE
A: |elephant||grape|sin(theta)
and also
Q: What do you get if you cross a philosopher with a grape?
A: A raison d'etre
--
Squizz
Marc Conrad
>Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a grape?
>A: |elephant||grape|sin(theta)
I'm stupid, but can someone explain this to me ??
Marc
--
\ / | Marc Conrad, Universitaet des Saarlandes
\ Luxemburg | ma...@math.uni-sb.de phone: 0681 302-2297
France \| Germany | these opinions are not necessarily these
\x <---- you are here! | of the SIMATH-group (and maybe even not mine).
Jarle Brinchmann
In article <marc.71...@vieta.math.uni-sb.de>, ma...@vieta.math.uni-sb.de (Marc Conrad) writes:
|>From: ma...@vieta.math.uni-sb.de (Marc Conrad)
|>Newsgroups: sci.math,sci.physics
|>Subject: Re: Another Cute Math Joke (explanation of)
Well, sorry if this disturbs you, but there isn't really an explanation.
The original versions are :
Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a zebra.
A: Elephant zebra sin theta.
Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a mountain climber.
A: You can't do that. A mountain climber is a scalar.
or
"What do you get when you cross an elephant with a banana?
Elephant banana sine theta in a direction mutually perpendicular to the two
as determined by the right hand rule."
---------
Quite surrealistic really.
Jarle.
---------------------------------------
Internet: jar...@medusa.uio.no
or Jarle.Br...@astro.uio.no
---------------------------------------
Colin Mclarty
In a previous article, gm...@amtp.cam.ac.uk (Gabor Megyesi) says:
>You are just taking the cross product of two vectors called elephant and
>grape.
>
>Gabor
>
The problem is that the expression given,
|elephant||grape|sin(theta)
is not a vector. If it said cos instead of sin it would be the inner
product. As it stands it is the norm of the cross product. It
confused me for a while, but maybe that's just easy to do.
Bronis Vidugiris
)d...@krang.vis.citri.edu.au (David Mcgregor SQUIRE) writes:
)
)>Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a grape?
)
)>A: |elephant||grape|sin(theta)
)I'm stupid, but can someone explain this to me ??
)Marc
Hmm. Well, the reason it's funny is that the joke implies you are
taking a CROSS product of an elephant and a grape, but the math shows
a DOT product of an elephant and a grape!
(if A and B are vectors, |A| * |B| * sin(theta) is one expression for the
dot product || -> absolute value, theta is the angle between the vectors).
That's pretty funny :-) :-) :-)
Jarle Brinchmann
--In article <1992Oct1.2...@lmpsbbs.comm.mot.com>, b...@areaplg2.corp.mot.com (Bronis Vidugiris) writes:
|>Newsgroups: sci.math,sci.physics
|>From: b...@areaplg2.corp.mot.com (Bronis Vidugiris)
|>Subject: Re: Another Cute Math Joke (explanation of)
|>
Yes, espescially since you're wrong :-)
A dot B = |A||B| cos(theta)
A x B=|A||B| sin(theta).
Now, thats enough math for today.
Here's the excuse :
TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR NOT DOING THE MATH HOMEWORK
1. I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
2. Isaac Newton's birthday.
3. I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't
actually reach it.
4. I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
5. I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove
that it converged.
6. I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
7. I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in
and ate it.
8. I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or
i is the square root of negative one.
9. I took time out to snack a doughnut and a cup of coffee. I spent
the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.
10. I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but
this morning I couldn't find it.
Dave Seaman
ma...@vieta.math.uni-sb.de (Marc Conrad) writes:
> )d...@krang.vis.citri.edu.au (David Mcgregor SQUIRE) writes:
> )
> )>Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a grape?
> )
> )>A: |elephant||grape|sin(theta)
> )I'm stupid, but can someone explain this to me ??
> )Marc
Actually, the problem is that it wasn't told properly. It should be:
Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a mosquito?
A: |elephant| |mosquito| sin(theta)
Q: What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
A: You can't cross a vector with a scaler.
(Puzzled? Look up "vector" and pay attention to non-mathematical
definitions.)
--
Dave Seaman
a...@seaman.cc.purdue.edu
Erick Bryce Wong
I thought Newton was born on December 25, 1642? :-)
--
-- Erick, the perfect square :-)
Bronis Vidugiris
)|>
)|>Hmm. Well, the reason it's funny is that the joke implies you are
)|>taking a CROSS product of an elephant and a grape, but the math shows
)|>a DOT product of an elephant and a grape!
)|>
)|>(if A and B are vectors, |A| * |B| * sin(theta) is one expression for the
)|>dot product || -> absolute value, theta is the angle between the vectors).
)|>
)|>That's pretty funny :-) :-) :-)
)|>
)|>
)
)Yes, espescially since you're wrong :-)
Ooops!
Got some E-mail on this too. Oh well. :-( :-( :-(
Cosma R. Shalizi
>Hmm. Well, the reason it's funny is that the joke implies you are
>taking a CROSS product of an elephant and a grape, but the math shows
>a DOT product of an elephant and a grape!
>(if A and B are vectors, |A| * |B| * sin(theta) is one expression for the
>dot product || -> absolute value, theta is the angle between the vectors).
Are you QUITE sure of this? |A||B|sin(theta) is the magnitude of
the CROSS product, |A||B|COS(theta) of the DOT product - at least the last
time I looked at my Math CRC. They may have changed things since then.
>
>That's pretty funny :-) :-) :-)
Cosma Rohilla Shalizi
In Real Life: li...@ocf.berkeley.edu
larval physicist
--
"Some savages are persuaded by the 'natural light' that it is their duty to
eat people, and even Voltaire's savages, who are led by the voice of reason
to hold that one should only eat Jesuits, are not wholly satisfactory."
-Bertrand Russell on Rousseau in _A History of Western Philosophy_, p. 694
Dennis Watson
\epsilon < 0
I have been away, did anyone ever explain this joke??
wat...@clark.edu
Sven Guckes
Take n courses in Calculus, n>=1.
Take m functions and prove that they're continuous.
Read the joke again.
If you still don't get it,
consult a math prof, a psychologist or a professional comedian.
Sven ;)
Arthur Rubin
>Sometime back someone posted the following joke?
>\epsilon < 0
There's a \delta for every \epsilon,
That's a fact the can be relied upon,
There's a \delta for every \epsilon,
...and now and again, there's also an \n.
But one condition I musta give,
The \epsilon must be positive,
A lonely life all the others live,
.
.
.
-- Tom Lehrer
(I can't remember the rest of the song.)
--
Arthur L. Rubin: a_r...@dsg4.dse.beckman.com (work) Beckman Instruments/Brea
216-...@mcimail.com 7070...@compuserve.com art...@pnet01.cts.com (personal)
My opinions are my own, and do not represent those of my employer.
My interaction with our news system is unstable; please mail anything important.
Tsunefumi Tanaka
What do you call the result of three mountain climbers going into a
manufacturing business together?
"Triple Scaler Product"
Bill McHargue
Barry Schlesinger
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant?
Michael Knapp
>In <1992Oct4.2...@clark.edu> wat...@clark.edu (Dennis Watson) writes:
>
>>Sometime back someone posted the following joke?
>
>>\epsilon < 0
>
>There's a \delta for every \epsilon,
(some lyrics deleted.)
>(I can't remember the rest of the song.)
>
Here it is, courtesy of the lyrics server.
AMM, 81 (1974) 612:
THERE'S A DELTA FOR EVERY EPSILON (Calypso)
Words and Music by Tom Lehrer
There's a delta for every epsilon,
It's a fact that you can always count upon.
There's a delta for every epsilon
And now and again,
There's also an N.
But one condition I must give:
The epsilon must be positive
A lonely life all the others live,
In no theorem
A delta for them.
How sad, how cruel, how tragic,
How pitiful, and other adjec-
Tives that I might mention.
The matter merits our attention.
If an epsilon is a hero,
Just because it is greater than zero,
It must be mighty discouragin'
To lie to the left of the origin.
This rank discrimination is not for us,
We must fight for an enlightened calculus,
Where epsilons all, both minus and plus,
Have deltas
To call their own.
Mike
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
| "The fight is what's important. Doing
Michael P. Knapp | what is good and right is why we're here.
| The end is variable and relative. A person
mkn...@casbah.acns.nwu.edu | can only do what his heart tells him and
mkn...@isp.nwu.edu | break away from the terrible things
| around him. We do what we can ... and live
| with the consequences.
| -Marc Zanoni
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John J. Chew III
> TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR NOT DOING THE MATH HOMEWORK
>
> 2. Isaac Newton's birthday.
er...@fraser.sfu.ca (Erick Bryce Wong) writes:
> I thought Newton was born on December 25, 1642? :-)
Yes, by the Julian calendar. If you count actual (say mean solar) years
however, the anniversary of his birth occurs in early January in the
Gregorian calendar that many of us use today.
John
--
john j. chew, iii / department of mathematics / university of toronto
pos...@gpu.utcs.utoronto.ca / pos...@utorgpu.bitnet / jjc...@math.toronto.edu
Dennis Watson
>
>>Sometime back someone posted the following joke?
>
>>\epsilon < 0
>
>There's a \delta for every \epsilon,
>That's a fact the can be relied upon,
>There's a \delta for every \epsilon,
>...and now and again, there's also an \n.
>
>But one condition I musta give,
>The \epsilon must be positive,
>A lonely life all the others live,
>.
>.
>.
>
>-- Tom Lehrer
>
for asking: I don't have a typesetter program that uses \anything
in that I have a mac and don't need weird precharacters so thought
the "joke" was related to "slash-epsilon-less-than-zero" and tried
tipping it on the side to see a face :-) or something!! I think
I like the vector X scalor joke better!! I know, it is all my fault!!
I am used to jokes that are funny! I will try better next time!
:-) wat...@clark.edu