Song lyric translation "shura no hana"

[Ben Bullock]

Here is a translation of a song lyric:

http://www.sarudama.com/japanese_music/kajimeikolyric2.shtml

----------

修羅の花

死んでいた朝に　とむらいの雪が降る
はぐれ犬の遠吠え　下駄の音きしむ
いんがなおもさ　みつめて歩く
闇を抱きしめる　蛇の目の傘一つ
いのちの道を行く女　涙はとうに捨てました

Shindeita asa ni tomorai no yuki ga furu
Hagure inu no touboe geta no otokishimu
Iin na naomosa mitsumete aruku
Yami o dakishimeru janomeno kasa hitotsu
Inochi no michi o yuku onna namida wa tooni sutemashita

On a dead morning, a burial of snow falls.
The howling of a stray dog and the sound of geta (wooden clogs) break the
silence.
I walk with the weight of the heavens on my mind.
Embracing the darkness of the night, with a patterned (wooden) umbrella
in hand,
Treading the path of a woman's life, tears falling to the ground
throughout the journey.

-----------

ふりむいた川に　遠ざかる旅の灯が
凍てた鶴は動かず　哭いた雨と風
冷えた水面（みずも）に　ほつれ髪映し
涙さえ見せない　蛇の目の傘一つ
怨みの道を行く女　心はとうに捨てました

Furimuita kawa ni toozakaru tabinohima
Itteta tsuru wa ugokasu naita ame to kaze
Kieta mizu mo ni hotsure ga miutsushi
Namida sae misenai janomeno kasa hitotsu
Urami no michi wo yuku onna kokoro wa tooni sutemashita

Following the twisting river, the path leads me far by the lamplight.
The frozen cranes cannot move, weeping rain and wind.
The ice of the frozen pond reflects the silhouette of a woman's hair.
If only I could not show my tears, with a patterned (wooden) umbrella in
hand.
Treading the bitter path of a woman, her heart falling to the ground
throughout the journey.

-----------

義理も情けも　涙も夢も
昨日も明日も　縁のない言葉
怨みの川に身をゆだね
女はとうに捨てました

Giri mo nasake mo namida mo yume no
Kinou mo ashita mo henno nai kotoba
Urami no kawa ni mi o yudanete
Onna wa tooni sutemashita

Honor, compassion, tears, and dreams,
yesterday, today.. all without the hope of words.
I commit my body to the river of bitterness.
A woman falling to the ground throughout the journey.

----------

I thought of trying to retranslate it myself, but it's very hard to get
these song translations right.


--
sci.lang.japan FAQ/language tools: http://www.sljfaq.org/afaq/

[Ben Bullock]

On Wed, 08 Feb 2012 01:38:06 +0000, Ben Bullock wrote:

> Here is a translation of a song lyric:
>
> http://www.sarudama.com/japanese_music/kajimeikolyric2.shtml

P.S. I didn't make it clear, but that translation is not by me.

[Bart Mathias]

On Wed, 8 Feb 2012 01:40:29 +0000 (UTC)
Ben Bullock <benkasmi...@gmail.com> wrote:

> On Wed, 08 Feb 2012 01:38:06 +0000, Ben Bullock wrote:
>
> > Here is a translation of a song lyric:
> >
> > http://www.sarudama.com/japanese_music/kajimeikolyric2.shtml
>
> P.S. I didn't make it clear, but that translation is not by me.

Who attempted the romanization?
--
Bart Mathias <mat...@hawaii.edu>

[Bart Mathias]

If I had had the sense to click the URL first, I wouldn't have asked that
dumb question. Anyway, I'm glad that you weren't responsible for either the
translation or the romaji.

--
Bart Mathias <mat...@hawaii.edu>

[Ben Bullock]

On Fri, 10 Feb 2012 03:03:27 +0000, Bart Mathias wrote:

> On Fri, 10 Feb 2012 02:58:33 +0000
> Bart Mathias <mat...@hawaii.edu> wrote:
>
>> On Wed, 8 Feb 2012 01:40:29 +0000 (UTC) Ben Bullock
>> <benkasmi...@gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>> > On Wed, 08 Feb 2012 01:38:06 +0000, Ben Bullock wrote:
>> >
>> > > Here is a translation of a song lyric:
>> > >
>> > > http://www.sarudama.com/japanese_music/kajimeikolyric2.shtml
>> >
>> > P.S. I didn't make it clear, but that translation is not by me.
>>
>> Who attempted the romanization?
>
> If I had had the sense to click the URL first, I wouldn't have asked
> that dumb question.

My post was not very clear. I apologize for making people think I expect
people to have to click on the URL just so they can understand my unclear
posts.

> Anyway, I'm glad that you weren't responsible for
> either the translation or the romaji.

I learned from doing those Momoe Yamaguchi translations, which I posted
some of here, that song translations are very difficult to get right and
easy to get wrong. However, the translation from the SaruDama.com website
can well be classified as "highly imaginative", for example

"女はとうに捨てました"

is translated as

"A woman falling to the ground throughout the journey."

In fact I thought that this might be one case in which machine
translation would triumph over the human being. But I was wrong, Google
translation gives me:

-------------

Snow in the morning of the funeral was dead
Squeaky sound of wooden clogs howling of stray dogs
Walk gazing at the heavy in-
Embracing the darkness of the bull's-eye one umbrella
Woman tears go the way of life was discarded party

Lights of the trip was turned away to the river
Rain and wind was not Ite crane does not move
Hair reflects fray (even water) cold water
Umbrella of the bull's-eye does not show even one tear
Mind go the way of grudge woman was discarded party

Dreams and tears mercy-law also
Words with no border yesterday and tomorrow
Entrusted himself to the river of grudge
Party girl was discarded

--------------

Google translation says that "party" is a translation of "tou" here.

I had a notion of retranslating it myself into English, but I find this
task daunting, since I am not practised at writing things like song
lyrics or poetry in English, and I might end up entrusting myself to the
river of grudge.