OT: Customer Service Horror Stories

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Mark Jones

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Mar 5, 2005, 12:57:28 PM3/5/05
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Share 'em. Here's one from 2003 when I was an internet support rep for a major
US internet service provider.

Me: "Thank you for calling _______, my name is..."
User: "Fix my e-mail!"
Me: "Yessir, may I have your account num..."
User: "No, just fix my mail!"
Me: "Well... sir... to do that, I need to bring up your account..."
User: "You have all my account info right there, why do all you people think I
was born yesterday!"
Me: (sighing) "I don't sir, but to bring up your account I am required to verify..."
User: "I don't care what you are required to do, just fix my mail! Call whoever
you have to call, do whatever you have to do, just fix it! Before I go insane!"
Me: <pause>
Me: "What seems to be the problem sir?"
User: "The government has turned off my e-mail again and this is going to stop NOW!"
Me: "I'm sorry, did you say the government..."
User: "Don't mock me, dolt! Just like the last guy. Read my account notes!"
Me: "Excuse me? Look pal, I'm trying to help you here. One more insult like
that and I WILL terminate this call. Now do you want help or not?"
User: "Do I have a choice? Fine. As I've already explained in the last seventeen
million calls," (looking at his account history there is a long list of rude
calls, all escalated to supervisors), "The government has turned off my e-mail
yet again. I can't send or receive anything, it's so goddamn frustrating!
Eschelon-this, cypher-that! Why do they keep meddling in my MY private business!
All I want to do is send an email to my family..." (guy almost starts sobbing)
Me: "Well I can definately understand your dilemma... and we should be able to
fix this. Can we start some troubleshoot..."
User: "Oh no you don't! I'm not spending four more hours on the phone when the
problem isn't me! You're gonna have to call Washington, I'm telling you its the
gov... nevermind, just give me your supervisor!"

;)


-- "Why do computer math geeks confuse Halloween with Christmas? OCT31 = DEC25."
Jim at RSTengineering

Jim Thompson

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Mar 5, 2005, 1:07:04 PM3/5/05
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On Sat, 05 Mar 2005 12:57:28 -0500, Mark Jones <ab...@127.0.0.1>
wrote:

>Share 'em. Here's one from 2003 when I was an internet support rep for a major
>US internet service provider.
>
>Me: "Thank you for calling _______, my name is..."
>User: "Fix my e-mail!"
>Me: "Yessir, may I have your account num..."
>User: "No, just fix my mail!"

[snip]


>User: "Oh no you don't! I'm not spending four more hours on the phone when the
>problem isn't me! You're gonna have to call Washington, I'm telling you its the
>gov... nevermind, just give me your supervisor!"
>
> ;)
>
>
>-- "Why do computer math geeks confuse Halloween with Christmas? OCT31 = DEC25."
>Jim at RSTengineering

For every kooky customer call I can give you ten where the "support"
person was utterly clueless.

For example, on at least two occasions, cox.net has lost their western
region DNS server COMPLETELY, and wouldn't do anything about it until
the next scheduled back-up restoration, days away.

When I complained, they started thru their standard bull-shit that it
must be my machine, and did I re-boot before I called.

Likewise they've had mail servers down for hours, yet claim they have
no system problems.

That's why I think ISPs should be regulated like all other utilities,
and should have to rebate charges when they fail to provide normal
service.

...Jim Thompson
--
| James E.Thompson, P.E. | mens |
| Analog Innovations, Inc. | et |
| Analog/Mixed-Signal ASIC's and Discrete Systems | manus |
| Phoenix, Arizona Voice:(480)460-2350 | |
| E-mail Address at Website Fax:(480)460-2142 | Brass Rat |
| http://www.analog-innovations.com | 1962 |

I love to cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

Active8

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Mar 5, 2005, 1:49:48 PM3/5/05
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IIRC, SBC has dns.indianapolis.com or .net. You can pop some domain
names into whois at samspade.org and find a DNS that works when your
normal one is down. Just put it in your network TCP/IP settings


--
Best Regards,
Mike

Active8

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Mar 5, 2005, 1:55:00 PM3/5/05
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On Sat, 05 Mar 2005 11:07:04 -0700, Jim Thompson wrote:

Yeah. Read your contrct. It's not guaranteed that you can even
connect let alone expect a certain transfer rate.
--
Best Regards,
Mike

Jim Thompson

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Mar 5, 2005, 2:11:46 PM3/5/05
to
On Sat, 5 Mar 2005 13:49:48 -0500, Active8 <reply...@ndbbm.net>
wrote:

>On Sat, 05 Mar 2005 11:07:04 -0700, Jim Thompson wrote:
>

[snip]


>> For example, on at least two occasions, cox.net has lost their western
>> region DNS server COMPLETELY, and wouldn't do anything about it until
>> the next scheduled back-up restoration, days away.
>>
>> When I complained, they started thru their standard bull-shit that it
>> must be my machine, and did I re-boot before I called.
>>
>> Likewise they've had mail servers down for hours, yet claim they have
>> no system problems.
>>
>> That's why I think ISPs should be regulated like all other utilities,
>> and should have to rebate charges when they fail to provide normal
>> service.
>>
>IIRC, SBC has dns.indianapolis.com or .net. You can pop some domain
>names into whois at samspade.org and find a DNS that works when your
>normal one is down. Just put it in your network TCP/IP settings

But how do I send E-mail via the crap ISP, when its server thinks the
address doesn't exist?

Active8

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Mar 5, 2005, 2:42:12 PM3/5/05
to
On Sat, 05 Mar 2005 12:57:28 -0500, Mark Jones wrote:

> Share 'em. Here's one from 2003 when I was an internet support rep for a major
> US internet service provider.

Auto parts counter droids are often idiots.

I had a guy tell me the gov't was watching, too :)

My favorite was after 3 weeks of DSL training when I was
side-jacking ( :) ) with this great looking AmerIndian babe, handle
"shy_fox". US Prime, Grade A, stamped "Guaranteed".

Cust: "Yes, I can't log onto the internet."

shy_fox: "Ok, maam, what's your user name?"

Cust: "Candy S."

It was an ebonics chick and it sounded like "candy-ass". So after a
few attempts.

shy_fox: "Maam, I can't get your account to come up. You should've
been able to connect when you did the online registration and this
tech support number is only for people who have connected at least
once. Otherwise you need to call self-installation support. Were you
able to connect when you registered?"

That's always a good blow off to keep the call times down. Setting
up e-mail and such kills the call times.

Cust: "I guess. My boyfrien' did all dat."

Me: [quick note to shy_fox] "Try candyass."

And there she was. Her boyfriend registered her as "candyass". Boy
was she pissed off.

I took a while for shy_fox and I to get it together enough to take
another call.


>
> -- "Why do computer math geeks confuse Halloween with Christmas? OCT31 = DEC25."
> Jim at RSTengineering

I didn't know they did.

We normally didn't get customers into the registry, but one guy
seemed smart enough to handle it. He swore neither he nor his wife
ever visited a porn site, but some site set his registry to always
use a porn site for a home page ( changing it in IE didn't help) and
a registry search on the URL, got it cleaned up.

At that time, Ameritech (soon to be SBC) was giving people Compaqs
and DSL for $30 a month, so every bonehead on welfare in Chicago was
getting a computer and bugging the hell out of us. Late at night,
you'd get the wackos. Some old black dude called in.

Toby: "When I open IE it goes to a porn site and I get a box that
pops up. It says, 'Logon to Free Sex Now.' And there's an ok
button."

Me: [LOL] "Just 'cause that sex is free, doesn't mean it's safe."

Toby: "So I've found out."

I wasn't about to mess with that one. The Compaqs came with a
recovery disk so I referred him to Compaq tech support.
--
Best Regards,
Mike

Rene Tschaggelar

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Mar 5, 2005, 2:52:26 PM3/5/05
to
Jim Thompson wrote:

> On Sat, 5 Mar 2005 13:49:48 -0500, Active8 <reply...@ndbbm.net>
> wrote:
>
>
>>On Sat, 05 Mar 2005 11:07:04 -0700, Jim Thompson wrote:
>>
>
> [snip]
>
>>>For example, on at least two occasions, cox.net has lost their western
>>>region DNS server COMPLETELY, and wouldn't do anything about it until
>>>the next scheduled back-up restoration, days away.
>>>
>>>When I complained, they started thru their standard bull-shit that it
>>>must be my machine, and did I re-boot before I called.
>>>
>>>Likewise they've had mail servers down for hours, yet claim they have
>>>no system problems.
>>>
>>>That's why I think ISPs should be regulated like all other utilities,
>>>and should have to rebate charges when they fail to provide normal
>>>service.
>>>
>>
>>IIRC, SBC has dns.indianapolis.com or .net. You can pop some domain
>>names into whois at samspade.org and find a DNS that works when your
>>normal one is down. Just put it in your network TCP/IP settings
>
>
> But how do I send E-mail via the crap ISP, when its server thinks the
> address doesn't exist?

Jim,
you need a second account, such as gmx, yahoo, whatever.
Then another DNS and youre done.

Rene

Jonathan Kirwan

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Mar 5, 2005, 2:57:41 PM3/5/05
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On Sat, 05 Mar 2005 12:57:28 -0500, Mark Jones <ab...@127.0.0.1> wrote:

>Share 'em. Here's one from 2003 when I was an internet support rep for a major
>US internet service provider.

In 1984, I was the Director of Technology for a small firm (28 employees) and
managed a small staff of programmers. However, I set aside 2 hours of time, on
every other day, to handle screened technical calls our support staff couldn't
fathom or handle well. I got this one (reduced for brevity) from a lady:

HER: "I can't get the program to work."
ME: "What's not working?"
HER: "Nothing. It just won't work for me."
ME: "Can you describe the problem?"
HER: "Well, it just doesn't work. Nothing happens."
ME: "What screen are you looking at? What does the screen show you?"
HER: "What do you mean?"
ME: "Well, on the screen... what words can you see there?"
HER: "I don't know."
ME: "Do you see any words you can tell me about?"
HER: "Well, the program's not working. There's nothing."
ME: <getting the point, finally>
"Is the computer on?"
HER: "On? How do I tell?"
ME: "Do you see, on your right side towards the back.. a BIG RED switch?"
HER: "Hmm... Yes, there is one there."
ME: "Would you try and flip it to the other position for me?"
HER: "Oh! It's working!! Something is happening!"
...

Sometimes, I have wondered how this person ever managed to feed herself.

Jon

Active8

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Mar 5, 2005, 2:56:50 PM3/5/05
to
On Sat, 05 Mar 2005 12:11:46 -0700, Jim Thompson wrote:

>
> But how do I send E-mail via the crap ISP, when its server thinks the
> address doesn't exist?
>

You don't. Try mollymail or whatever web-based e-mail you can find
that's not associated with those cheap-assed low-contractor-paying
Coxuckers. If it goes through you've got your guns loaded for bear,
not that that'll get you anywhere with Cox. An old partner of mine
and some other country boys suggest a 12 gauge shotgun and a dish.
Aim at the hardline. Maybe a rifle for the amps and LEs. Feed a
contractor.

I remember a woman in Chicago that kept getting bounces on mails to
a client in FL. It turned out that her client's ISP would not accept
mail from a non-secure server. Ameritech had such a POS server.
--
Best Regards,
Mike

Active8

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Mar 5, 2005, 3:14:54 PM3/5/05
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I asked a woman to right click on the desktop and she started
tapping her pen[cil] on the work surface.
--
Best Regards,
Mike

RST Engineering (jw)

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Mar 6, 2005, 12:35:55 AM3/6/05
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You idiots that reply at the bottom of a long post without snipping DO
understand that nobody reads your stuff, don't you?\

Jim


Clarence_A

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Mar 6, 2005, 2:33:57 AM3/6/05
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"RST Engineering (jw)" <j...@rstengineering.com> wrote in message
news:112l5mc...@corp.supernews.com...


They ARE about as bad as the TOP POSTERS aren't they?


Robert Baer

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Mar 6, 2005, 4:45:01 AM3/6/05
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Jim Thompson wrote:

...AND the rebates must by law come out of the pocket of the CEO!

Robert Baer

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Mar 6, 2005, 4:52:55 AM3/6/05
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RST Engineering (jw) wrote:

Cut some slack; there are at least a few of us that are not stupid
and are intrested...

Nico Coesel

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Mar 6, 2005, 12:07:09 PM3/6/05
to
Jim Thompson <thegr...@example.com> wrote:

>On Sat, 05 Mar 2005 12:57:28 -0500, Mark Jones <ab...@127.0.0.1>
>wrote:
>
>>Share 'em. Here's one from 2003 when I was an internet support rep for a major
>>US internet service provider.
>>
>>Me: "Thank you for calling _______, my name is..."
>>User: "Fix my e-mail!"
>>Me: "Yessir, may I have your account num..."
>>User: "No, just fix my mail!"
>[snip]
>>User: "Oh no you don't! I'm not spending four more hours on the phone when the
>>problem isn't me! You're gonna have to call Washington, I'm telling you its the
>>gov... nevermind, just give me your supervisor!"
>>
>> ;)
>>
>>
>>-- "Why do computer math geeks confuse Halloween with Christmas? OCT31 = DEC25."
>>Jim at RSTengineering
>
>For every kooky customer call I can give you ten where the "support"
>person was utterly clueless.
>
>For example, on at least two occasions, cox.net has lost their western
>region DNS server COMPLETELY, and wouldn't do anything about it until
>the next scheduled back-up restoration, days away.

I know what you mean. I had to make similar calls last week to Dell.
I'm the one to convince Dell their GX280's PCI bus isn't according to
the PCI startup timing specifications. I wonder how long it will take
me to get them to fix it.... I tried to leave it alone so one of my
collegues would make the call, but no such luck.

--
Reply to nico@nctdevpuntnl (punt=.)
Bedrijven en winkels vindt U op www.adresboekje.nl

Active8

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Mar 6, 2005, 12:12:19 PM3/6/05
to
On Sat, 05 Mar 2005 11:07:04 -0700, Jim Thompson wrote:
<snip>
>
> That's why I think ISPs should be regulated like all other utilities,
> and should have to rebate charges when they fail to provide normal
> service.

I wouldn't be surprised if that started enough class-action suits to
wreck the infrastructure. Then the gov't would have to get their
noses into it further. That's scary thought #2 for the day.

Shhh ;)

And sorry, I misspoke. Molly Mail gets you into your ISP mail from
"anywhere in the world." I guess not all ISPs have webmail.

http://www.mollymail.com/webmail/

I like google's gmail for an alternate. You get free storage space,
too, FWIW.
--
Best Regards,
Mike

keith

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Mar 6, 2005, 12:11:15 PM3/6/05
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You want to give them even less of an incentive to pay?

--
Keith

Carl D. Smith

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Mar 6, 2005, 12:58:05 PM3/6/05
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I read it.

m II

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Mar 6, 2005, 2:51:03 PM3/6/05
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RST Engineering (jw) wrote:

> You idiots that reply at the bottom of a long post without snipping DO
> understand that nobody reads your stuff, don't you?\


Not deleting unneeded portions of a post is in bad form, regardless. Top
posting, however, as acknowledged by nine out ten major religions, is the work
of the Devil.


> Because it makes a response hard to read
>> Why is top posting bad?

>YES
>> Should I avoid Top posting?


mike


Mark Jones

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Mar 6, 2005, 7:27:23 PM3/6/05
to


Jim, I could give you an invite to www.gmail.com - very nice free webmail with
POP3 capability.

Mark Jones

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Mar 6, 2005, 7:39:38 PM3/6/05
to


I know, maybe we should start writing sentances backwards, from left to right,
bottom to top? Or maybe all browsers should just start at the bottom of the post.

JeffM

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Mar 6, 2005, 8:27:02 PM3/6/05
to
>You idiots that reply at the bottom of a long post without snipping
>DO understand that nobody reads your stuff, don't you?
> Jim -- RST Engineering (jw)

Folks can pooh-pooh Google Groups (I'm read this there now),
but now that the new Beta has the - Show quoted text - thing,
I can see the whole untruncated post--and on one screen (usually)
and view the blockquoted stuff easily, if necessary.

A newsreader isn't hasn't got anything over a browser on that point.

Rich Grise

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Mar 6, 2005, 9:36:40 PM3/6/05
to
On Sun, 06 Mar 2005 19:39:38 -0500, Mark Jones wrote:

> RST Engineering (jw) wrote:
>> You idiots that reply at the bottom of a long post without snipping DO
>> understand that nobody reads your stuff, don't you?\
>>
>> Jim
>>
>>
>
>
> I know, maybe we should start writing sentances backwards, from left to right,

^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

That would be a switch, wouldn't it? ?:-|

Cheers!
Rich

kstahl

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Mar 6, 2005, 9:55:58 PM3/6/05
to
Mark Jones wrote:


?siht ekiL

Rich Grise

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Mar 6, 2005, 11:01:38 PM3/6/05
to

> ?siht ekiLN

.senoJ kraM ot gnidrocca ,sdrawtnorF :tfel ot thgir s'taht ,oN

!sreehC
hdiR

Rich Grise

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Mar 6, 2005, 11:02:43 PM3/6/05
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On Sun, 06 Mar 2005 21:55:58 -0500, kstahl wrote:

Vs lbh ernyyl jnag gb znxr vg vapbzcerurafvoyr, whfg ebg13 rirelguvat. :-)

Purref!
Evpu

kstahl

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Mar 6, 2005, 11:34:33 PM3/6/05
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Well then what about this?

?yaw siht ti od ot evah I od rO


Rich Grise

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Mar 7, 2005, 2:46:56 AM3/7/05
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On Sun, 06 Mar 2005 23:34:33 -0500, kstahl wrote:
> Rich Grise wrote:
>>On Sun, 06 Mar 2005 21:55:58 -0500, kstahl wrote:
>>>Mark Jones wrote:
>>>>RST Engineering (jw) wrote:
>>>>>You idiots that reply at the bottom of a long post without snipping DO
>>>> I know, maybe we should start writing sentances backwards, from left
>>>?siht ekiLN
>>.senoJ kraM ot gnidrocca ,sdrawtnorF :tfel ot thgir s'taht ,oN
> Well then what about this?

[whole bunch sdrawckab HTML snipped]

It's wrong, because this is a textual newsgroup.

Thanks,
Rich

Message has been deleted
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kstahl

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Mar 7, 2005, 8:40:39 AM3/7/05
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Rich Grise wrote:

Hey! It was hard work finding that backwards font.

Mark Jones

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Mar 7, 2005, 10:41:48 AM3/7/05
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http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/PsycCrus.shtml
Read the rest of the story at:

opportunity to investigate any hidden aspects of his personality.
routine situation. Therefore, it does not provide me with the
more than to react in a routine manner in response to an equally
scientific or informative value since the subject has done nothing
the other end of the wire say "Hello," the experiment will lack any
reactions. For example: if I make a phone call and I hear a voice on
placing the subject in a totally new situation and observing his
A good system for revealing as yet unknown facets in man consists of

except being right-justified:
Actually, no. I meant reading backwards (from bottom-to-top) like this,

xray wrote:
> ,hciR
>
> .gv ferire qan gfbc cbg bg gbtebs hbL


>
> On Mon, 07 Mar 2005 04:02:43 GMT, Rich Grise <rich...@example.net>
> wrote:
>
>
>>On Sun, 06 Mar 2005 21:55:58 -0500, kstahl wrote:
>>
>>
>>>Mark Jones wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>>>RST Engineering (jw) wrote:
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>You idiots that reply at the bottom of a long post without snipping DO
>>>>>understand that nobody reads your stuff, don't you?\
>>>>>
>>>>>Jim
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> I know, maybe we should start writing sentances backwards, from left to right,
>
>

> ?on ,tfel ot thgir tnaem uoY
> Is middle posting ok?

Rich Grise

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Mar 7, 2005, 11:48:19 AM3/7/05
to
On Mon, 07 Mar 2005 07:47:17 +0000, xray wrote:
> On Mon, 07 Mar 2005 04:02:43 GMT, Rich Grise <rich...@example.net>
>>On Sun, 06 Mar 2005 21:55:58 -0500, kstahl wrote:
>>> Mark Jones wrote:
>>>> RST Engineering (jw) wrote:
>>>>>You idiots that reply at the bottom of a long post without snipping DO
>>>>>understand that nobody reads your stuff, don't you?\
>>>> I know, maybe we should start writing sentances backwards, from left to right,
>
> ?on ,tfel ot thgir tnaem uoY
> Is middle posting ok?

Yes. In fact, according to the netizens who know the difference, it's preferred.

But be sure to set off your new contribution with some sort of
distinguishing mark, like, lose all of the extraneous blank lines and
other crap and trim to appropriate context. I also like to include as much
attribution as possible, so the right people get blamed when they fuck up. ;-)

>>>> bottom to top? Or maybe all browsers should just start at the bottom
>>>> of the post.
>>>
>>> ?siht ekiL
>>
>>Vs lbh ernyyl jnag gb znxr vg vapbzcerurafvoyr, whfg ebg13 rirelguvat.
>>:-)
>>
>>Purref!
>>Evpu

Cheers!
Rich

Michael A. Terrell

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Mar 7, 2005, 10:34:17 PM3/7/05
to
Mark Jones wrote:
>
> I know, maybe we should start writing sentances backwards, from left to right,
> bottom to top? Or maybe all browsers should just start at the bottom of the post.


I'm still using an older version of Netscape and it automatically
puts the cursor at the bottom of existing text. Its one of the reasons I
don't use OE.

--
Cyber stalking is a crime!

Michael A. Terrell
Central Florida

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