Blair: So that begs the question, what feels right to you? What would make you happy?
::Was Jon really the man for her? The question surprised her, but she realized she’d been questioning that since he’d walked out on her that night. He clearly cared about her and there were obviously things she loved about him or she wouldn’t have him in her life. But could be what she needed when she needed it most?::
::It was scary to imagine the possibility that she was settling...that she was so focused on having a baby that she’d fool herself into believing there was chemistry just so she could get pregnant. She closed her eyes, a pained grimace contorting her features. She missed Jax desperately. It was a hole she thought she’d filled when Maddy had come into her life. But Toryn had reopened that wound.::
::How well did she know Toryn, really? She had small details, but did she really know enough about him to say that he was the person she was willing to spend the rest of her life with? That she’d never regret leaving Jon and what was surely one of the more stable relationships she’d ever been in.::
Rosek: ::sighs and runs her hands through her hair:: I honestly don’t know. Jon is the exact opposite of the type of guys I usually go for. He’s steady, he’s stable...but at the same time, Toryn makes me feel alive in a way I haven’t since Jansen and I ended things.
Blair: Lael, I know it sucks but sometimes we have to make the hard call, and sometimes that will lead to people getting hurt. But you know what? It’s worth it.
::She sighed, hearing her own voice in those words. She’d said similar enough things to Chythar on several occasions and while she knew they had a strong ring of truth to them, it was hard to make the connection with her situation with Jon. She wanted to give him another chance...to believe that something of the spark that she’d felt at first with him was still there.::
Blair: While you still love Jon, are you still in love with him or is it the easy way? ::pauses:: Would you be able to live with yourself if you don’t see what it is between you and Toryn?
::Not that anything happening between her and Toryn was much of a possibility at the moment...if ever. The fact that they both shared Al-Leyan heritage was actually more of a hindrance than a help. Because she also had Human heritage, they were literally a world apart. She was an outsider among her father’s people. It would be stupid to sacrifice the kind of love Jon clearly felt for her to a chance that Toryn would willingly cross that line.::
::She shook her head. She’d been down this road. Even if he’d been willing to make the sacrifice for her, she wouldn’t have let him.::
Rosek: ::murmurs:: I wish this wasn’t so damned complicated.
Blair: Those are the questions you need to ask yourself, and honestly no one else can answer them for you Lael. Again, I’ve told you this before, but you will have me and Chythar here for you no matter what you decide. But I think you’ve hit a point where you need to make a choice.
Rosek: ::grimaces:: You know I hate it when you’re right, don’t you?
Blair: Oh, I know and I love it so much! Lucky for me, I’m right more often than I’m not.
Rosek: ::sighs:: Thanks for the pep talk.
Blair: Anytime, that’s what I’m here for. ::pauses:: You’re not looking too great Lael. I can tell that this decision has really been affecting you.
Rosek: ::gaze drops to her PADD and she shrugs:: I guess the lack of sleep hasn’t been helping. ::grimaces:: Chythar synthesized a medication to help delay my season, but it’s made me more of an insomniac than usual.
Blair: How’s that coming along? Is he making any positive progress?
::Lael sombered. The situation with Jon was still a bit rough and it hadn’t gotten too much easier since their disagreement at Mei’konda and Evan’s wedding. Jon had tried to get past the front that she was putting up and Lael had, true to form, diverted by attacking him about his jealousy towards Alex.::
::She grimaced. That had been a low blow and it had been incredibly unfair of her to drag Alex into the mess that was her and Jon’s relationship. Any flirting she had may or may not have been consciously doing with Alex had nothing to do with her feelings for Toryn. Jon had hit a nerve and she’d done her damndest to prod him right back.::
Rosek: ::sighs:: I’d kind of hoped that he’d be able to synthesize an injectable dose of Al-Leyan male pheromones...to trick my body into thinking Jon is Al-Leyan. But the way things are going with Jon and I, finding an Al-Leyan exile might be my best shot.
Blair: And from what you’ve told me, that would be quite the challenge too right?
Rosek: ::grimaces:: Yeah. Last I heard, dad has the list...he just needs to locate one close enough to where we are...or at least to Esperance.
Blair: Well, I have an immense amount of faith in Chythar. If he thinks he’s going to be able to help, come hell or high water he’ll help. He didn’t earn that nickname of his for nothing.
Rosek: ::smiles wanly:: Yep. Doctor Lazarus is in.
::It always seemed so surreal to look back on everything that had happened to her in the last year and a half. Her life had been turned upside down and sideways and her world as she’d known it had changed in the blink of an eye. She had friends now besides her close-knit circle and she had strong professional relationships with people she hadn’t spent a year in hell with. Hell, some of them she’d even dare to call her friends. Surprisingly, she’d even developed somewhat of a rapport with her captain, leading her to take on more of a leadership role in Engineering.::
Blair: ::smiles:: So on to brighter topics. Are you planning to head down to the surface once the grew gets the go ahead?
Rosek: ::shrugs:: Other than for this project I’m planning? Not likely. I’ve been up to my ears in work since the Captain added that half pip...especially with our little side project. ::pauses and leans on the palms of her hands:: What about you? ::smirks:: Surely you and Chythar have some amazing romantic getaway planned. You two really don’t get much time alone together off ship. You’re both complete workaholics.
Blair: ::shakes his head:: I’m not planning to, but if he decided to go, I’m sure Chythar could talk me into it. ::break:: I haven’t been cooped up inside the Veritas long enough to make me stir crazy yet.
Rosek: ::grins:: It’ll happen. You watch.
Blair: I don’t know about that, but we haven’t hung out as a group lately. You know, you, Dassa, Chythar, me. It’s been a while.
Rosek: ::arches an eyebrow:: It has.
Blair: ::smiles:: I’m just saying it’s been a while. It’s something we’ll have to correct soon.
Rosek: ::smirks:: Definitely. I’m hoping that before long, we’ll even have something to celebrate.
Rosek: ::laughs:: Don’t forget...I noticed how mushy you were being at Mei and Evan’s wedding. ::smiles:: You two have certainly been together long enough. And knowing Chythar like I do, he noticed, too.
Rosek: ::arches an eyebrow:: You know that man is hopelessly in love with you, right? And he’d say yes in a heartbeat if you asked?
Rosek: ::grins and claps excitedly:: Is it bad that I’m so excited about this?
Rosek: ::rolls her eyes:: You two are made for each other. How could I begrudge you that?
Lieutenant Commander Lael Rosek, Eng.D.
USS Veritas NCC-95035