JP Petras & Kelrod: Wherever the destiny send us (2 of 3)
Kelrod Dickens
(USS Veritas - Holodeck )
Kelrod: Jayla,... we need to… have a talk.
No, she didn’t like the sound of that. Bad news always started with “we have to talk”. She had been on both sides of that conversation before. There had been very few men in her life, and she was used to being on the outside. She lost her desire for the drink and set it down.
Petras: I suppose we do. ::she took a deep breath:: What do you want to talk about?
Kelrod: Well, I need to talk to you… about us.
Petras: ::a touch of wariness:: What do you mean?
Kelrod: I’d like to know,... where do you see us, in the near future?
Petras: Kel… What are you getting at? I mean… I’ve played by your rules. You said to give you time and I have.
Kelrod: Well, :: sitting up :: I see us, together, somewhere else. I know I haven’t been too forward about committing myself, but I guess there’s a point where you know that a decision must be made and I’d like to say it to you. Feel free to say what you feel, I’m an adult and I’ll take it well. What I want to say is, that I’m attracted to you, you know that, but over those months I’ve found that it goes beyond a physical or momentary attraction. I’d like to have a relationship with you. I could say I love you, but before I open myself completely to you I’d like to know if your feelings are similar.
She looked at him, her eyes wide with surprise. The last thing she had expected him to say was the word ‘love’.
Petras: My… my feelings…?
Kelrod: I fell in love twice and twice they went away. I’d like you to take the journey with me, for real. But I want you to know that I’ve been offered a position as teacher at the academy on Earth and on Psi Epsilon III. So, if you want, we can start our life together in any of those places.
She stared at him. Her stomach in knots. Abruptly she got to her feet. Her arms wrapped around her stomach as she stared down at him.
Petras: You can’t do this to me! You just can’t. Your love is a condition on whether or not I drop everything, my career to go with you?
Kelrod: I,... :: getting up as well :: I didn’t mean that!
Petras: That’s what it sounds like, Kel.
Kelrod: I’m not good with expressing feelings with words,...I just want to know your feelings, all of them
Petras: ::her dark eyes glittered with tears:: My feelings? You want to know my feelings? I love you. But you weren't ready to fully open up to me. I understood that. You’ve been let down before. I get it. I’ve tried to be patient. Letting you open up to me when you were ready. But this… This is about you, not us. Not me. ::a tear trickled down her cheek::
Kelrod: Maybe,... you’re right. I guess my feelings got in contradiction with my head, at least in part. What I’ve told you about those options,... they’re that, options. I just thought you must know about it before we go anywhere else, in our relationship or anywhere.
Petras: ::shakes her head:: Gods, I love you so much. But I’m not going to make the decision of whether you stay or go. That is on you. Your career. A relationship is two people. Not one. You’re a telepath. I thought at least that would give you reason to open up to me.
She was right, she was damn right. All this time he’d been holding up, as he used to say, hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. She’s been way too patient with him, leaving him space, playing by his rules and now he dropped that statement as an ultimatum or something like that. He’s quite an idiot, and despite all that, she has confessed that she loved him. Since she wasn’t as good with words, he decided to open up another way of trust, not words, pure thoughts and emotions.
Kelrod: ~ You’re right,... you’re absolutely right,... I’ve spent so much time of my life keeping to myself, especially when no one, or almost no one, knew about Kelrod, then bearing the suspicions from my colleagues about my double, me, … it seems I’ve become used to it,... ~
Petras: ~ So you held back from me like you do everyone else. ~
Kelrod: ~ Like an old leather jacket, … one ends up feeling… comfortable with it. But I’ve opened myself since we started this relationship~
Petras: ~ Keeping me at arm’s length, you mean. ~
Kelrod: :: grabbing her hands with his :: ~ That doesn’t mean I won’t leave it aside,... throw it away. It’s just that, until a few months ago,, I haven’t had a good enough reason to do it. Until you became part of my life, of my world ~
Petras: ~ You made it hard to feel that from you. ~
Kelrod: ~ I want you to feel it, I want you to be sure that I love you, that all I want is to make you happy, because seeing you happy would also make me happy. I want to be with you, no matter where, no matter how. It’s true that my career is important for me, but I believe you understood it wrong,... or rather, I expressed myself so badly ~
Petras: ::stares up at him:: ~ I think it was the latter. ~
He couldn’t help but a faint smile to appear in his face for a second.
Kelrod: ~ When I got the options, I immediately thought that it was a sign, after all we’ve been through on the Shoals, I thought we’ll be good in a more peaceful assignment for a change, at least for a while. Besides, since we’re not … family, we won’t be granted assignments in the same place, who knows if even in the same sector. As I said, I just wanted you to have all the facts, I’m opening to you so you know exactly what you’re getting into, if you really want to. ~
Petras: ::drops her eyes:: ~ I knew what I was getting into, Kel. You made that clear from the beginning.~
Kelrod: Did you have any orders about your next assignment? I guess we’ll have some time at Esperance when Veritas is sent to the drydock, but what comes after that? What were your future plans, before I let my mouth mess everything up?
Petras: ::takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly:: I wouldn’t have made plans without talking to you first, Kel.
Kelrod: I’ve been a Starfleet officer more than half of one life, I’ve been a soldier for most of my previous one, so, I feel I’m ready to do whatever it takes to make this work.
Jayla pulled her hands away from his and took a step back before sitting back down on the towel. She wrapped her arms around herself as if chilled. In a way, that was how she felt.
TBC:
NCC-95035
K238008KT0
&
Lt. Jayla Petras [PNPC]
Computer Operations Officer
USS Veritas
G239107RM0