Lt JG Wil Ukinix - A hint of bogan
Danny Lee
((Stage 2 - The Settler’s Arms - 2025 hours))
Daymo: Mate, this is Wil, he’s from Frezza.
Ukinix: (Correcting Daymo) Freo. (Offering hand to Gaz) How are ya?
Gaz: (Throwing his hands up) MATE!
Ukinix: (Chuckling) I see you’ve had a few bevvies then-
Daymo: MAAAATE!
Gaz: MAAAAAAATE!
Ukinix: (Looking around, grimacing) Uh, mate-
Gaz: MAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!
Ukinix: OK maybe more than a few-
Daymo: MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!
Ukinix: oO How did I end up at this moment in my life? Oo
Australia the continent, formerly Australia the nation, was a resilient one.
The Eugenics wars being so close to its doorstep had stretched it as a nation in many ways. And then thirty years later, World War III, like the two World Wars before it, had yet again defined the young nation as resilient. Even when “lucky country” wasn’t as lucky the third time, it had been hit hard like the rest of the old countries on Earth had been. Yet somehow, it had still retained its character and identity.
After first contact in 2063, there was a new hope for human civilization globally. Swept up in that wave, over the next 50 years Australian culture and identity went through both a cultural renaissance and a redefinition, the latter thanks in part to the elimination globally of disease, poverty and hunger.
A common misconception which persisted even in the 24th century was that Australia was the last country to join United Earth. While inaccurate, it was one of the last to join in the 22nd century. A move that required constitutional change, which was historically notoriously difficult – a referendum was required with approval by a majority of voters nationwide, as well as a majority of voters in a majority of states. Multiple referendum attempts to change the constitution and join the United Earth government failed. It became a political issue in every federal election. And each election and referendum campaign during this period brought out the worst in some Australians, who campaigned negatively on platforms of fear, nationalism and xenophobia. They said that Australian “fair dinkum” identity would be destroyed.
But eventually, and sensibly, the electorate voted in favour of joining United Earth’s government. They were rewarded with a Vulcan consulate in Canberra, which was considered a milestone by many. The fear mongers were wrong - people from all over Earth, and eventually beyond, joined the multicultural melting pot that was the Australian continent (especially the large Andorian population that had migrated to the subtropical Gold Coast – almost outnumbering the number of people from Melbourne who were also trying to escape cold conditions).
And yet, the things that defined Australia as a culture remained – its people’s irreverent dry sense of humour and funny accent (although they themselves thought not quite as funny as their smaller neighbours to the East), their belief in fairness, a sense of informality, a quiet sense of pride and achievement, the need to be recognised on the large stage, yeast extract spreads and meat pies, and of course the jokes they secretly shared with each other that exaggerated the dangers of its deadliest native creatures – including a mythical one.
Wil had heard that low numbers of born and bred Australians (regardless of heritage or species) had historically joined Starfleet, which was a head scratcher for the recruiters at Starfleet HQ, considering how so many “Aussies” loved to travel to explore the galaxy.
And it was because of all of this, Wil realised at that moment that not only had he paid attention during history lessons at school, but that for all those reasons, people like his good friend and colleague from Sydney, Niccolo del Vedova, existed.
As did characters like Daymo and Gaz. They were very different to Del though. The two Aussies at the pub were loveable larrikins, with a slight hint of bogan. A little smile appeared on his face.
Ukinix: oO That’s how. Oo
Gaz: MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!
G’Var: Response
Anyone: Response
Petras: (takes a sip of her drink.) I am going to need a couple more of these.
Teller: Agreed - Wil, what's next after this? I need to plan my drinking schedule accordingly.
Still chuckling, Wil turned to his friend and Chief.
Ukinix: My friend, warm up those vocal chords, because you’ll soon be able to belt out some sea shanties at a Karaoke bar.
Gaz: Aww I dunno mate.
G’var: Response
Petras: ::chokes:: There ain’t enough alcohol in the sector for that.
Teller: Karaoke? Really? ::Teller waved towards the bar:: Yeah bartender, I'm going to need two more - make them both doubles. Please and thank you.
Daymo: (Draining the rest of his cup) I don’t think they got any Barnsey out here.
((Flashback - The Ukinix Apartment, Fremantle, Australia, Earth – Stardate xxxxxx.xx))
Eating straight out of a replicated tub of banana ice cream, Wil had his feet up on the glass desk that was located near the doors to the balcony. The normally transparent desk that had turned dark was showing a list of music from the Federation database. He was, hopefully, soon to pass his final exam at Starbase 118 – which meant he’d be off somewhere in the galaxy in a few weeks. This was his last chance to build up his personal music collection. He’d always picked music at random, usually based on title or genre. But this day was different. On the desk’s display was a list of Australian music from the late 20th and early 21st century – he thought he’d take a slice of home with him, even if it was centuries old, provided he liked what he heard.
He was moving alphabetically through the list. The next name in the “composer” column was someone named “Jimmy Barnes”. He tapped the console. The sound of a piano filled the apartment, before the composer began to sing.
Apartment Speakers: // Workin’ haaaard to make a livin’ … bringin’ shel-ter frooom the raaaaaaiiin… a fa-ther’s-son.. left to caaaaa-rry on… bluuee den-immmm inn his veeeinnnss… woaaaaa-oaa-oaa-oaaa, he’s a work-in’ class man... ///
Furrowing his brow, he skipped to a point near the end of the song, to hear the singer painfully screaming.
Apartment Speakers: // I-TELL-YA HE’S A WORK-ING CLASSA-MAAAAA-AAAAA-AAANNNN! //
Ukinix: Hmmmm. Nup. (Pressing console).
After the music stopped, his Australian born half-Betazoid Dad spoke up.
Anacem: Reckon I’ve heard that old song once or twice before. (Challenging) It’s alright, I like it.
Ukinix: Pffft (Chuckling) Then I’m definitely not taking it!
Wil went to reach the desk to pick another son, as one of the nearby couch’s cushions hit the back of his head.
((End Flashback))
Ukinix: oO What’s a “Barnsey”? Oo
Daymo: (shaking his empty cup at Teller) If your free drink is still on the table, I’ll take another pint of Human Draught.
Ukinix: oO Well they’re definitely from Melbourne with that beer choice. Oo
Gaz: I’ll second that.
Daymo: Mate, you still got one there.
Gaz: I’ll finish it by the time he gets back (quickly picking his cup back up and taking two big gulps). See, it’s fine.
Daymo: Nah I know how you drink, you’re always double parked.
Gaz: Get stuffed, I can have two drinks if I want.
Ukinix: oO Do I sound like that when I talk? Oo
Ukinix: So, umm…. How long have you two known each other?
G’var: Response
Daymo: Yeah nah, Forever. What we were like twenty two when we met?
Gaz: (Still on the previous topic) At least I don’t drink myself stupid. Mate this is why you’re always passed out before we get home.
Daymo: Oi, how old were we when we met?
Gaz: What? I dunno. Whaddaya think I know everything about everything?
Ukinix: oO OK, I don’t sound as nasally as that. Oo
Daymo: So… Forever.
Anyone: Response
The dartboard made a “thwunk” sound as Jalya and Geoffrey resumed their game.
Gaz: Dibs playing the winner.
Petras: Suddenly Karaoke doesn’t sound that bad.
Wil almost spat out his drink as he burst out laughing at Jayla’s excellent quip.
Teller: Response
Wil went to speak, but couldn’t say anything. Now he was laughing too hard at Teller’s quip.
G’var: Response
Gaz and Damo looked at each other and started laughing.
Daymo: So we’re on our way back from smoko when we heard something get knocked over at the other end of the warehouse. Night shift is the worst cos everything sounds a billion times louder. So Gaz here gets it in his head that there’s a possum loose.
Gaz: I didn’t say it was a possum, I thought it was a wild animal like a possum.
Daymo: There’s no possums on Ketar V mate.
Anyone: Response
Daymo: So then, looking for the “possum”, we find a starfleet and a copper hiding behind some crates.
Gaz: Shoulda seen them. Just sitting there staring at me like a roo in headlights.
Anyone: Response
Daymo: And then this bloke. (Clapping Teller on the back) He uses a crane to crash a pile of crates at the other side of the warehouse. And we find this poor kid in it looking like he had no clue what he was doing. You’re just standing there and say that you’re the safety inspector, and that the crane was definitely unsafe.
Gaz: That was hilarious. Crapped myself when I got home.
Petras: ::rolls her eyes:: Hilarious…. Chief, are you going to shoot or what?
Teller: Response
Anyone: Response
((2050 hours))
With a scotch and cola and two darts in his left hand, and a single dart in the right, Wil was lining up his shot. Somehow, and he wasn’t sure how, he’d got in on the game, with a bunch of the others.
Wedrinaar: (To Teller) Hello.
MacKenzie: Response
Teller: Response
Wedrinaar: (Preening hair) I hear you’re into fixing… things.
Petras: Response
Anyone: Response
Wil threw his first dart. It hit the metal “1” of the number thirteen, and fell to the floor.
Ukinix: He’s more into blowing up things.
The second dart that Wil threw narrowly stuck in on the lower part of the bottom of the dart board.
Wedrinaar: (To Wil) Well at least he’s not bread loaf stealing clepto, hmmm? (To Teller) Well I’m sure doing… whatever it is you do on that ship is… dangerous.
T’Sapey: There you are, Taps.
Wil threw his third dart as T’Sapey walked in front of the dart board. It landed right in the middle of her large bun that was on top of her head. She blinked her eyes, before slowly reaching up and pulling out the dart.
Anyone: Response
Tags/TBC
Lieutenant JG Wil Ukinix
Assistant Chief Engineer
USS Veritas
V239511WU0