Ensign Janai Zol - Unpacking

[Janai Zol]

((Counselor Strathmore's Office, Deck 5, USS Valkyrie-A))  

Zol: Zol is a part of me. But sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough for him. It feels like someone made a mistake somewhere. I'm not the first Trill to be in Starfleet, nor the last - what do I have that others did not, that I was selected for the Joining?

Strathmore: Have you ever heard of Survivor’s Guilt?

Janai had to pause at the question. She took a breath, sipped on her hot chocolate, then returned her gaze to the Counselor.

Zol: I know the basics.

Strathmore: It doesn’t always just involve literal survivors of a tragedy or disaster. It can also involve accomplishment. “Why did I get into the Academy? Why did I get that promotion? Why was I selected for the Joining?” It embodies the struggles of sentience and empathy. The self awareness of one’s own situation and you relating to other lifeforms’ disappointment. Know that these feelings are quite normal.

She hadn't thought of it that way, she had to admit. She scratched at her chin, let the silence drag out until it almost became uncomfortable, trying to delve deeper into what the Counselor had said.

Zol: You are right, Counselor. A part of my feelings definitely comes from thinking about others in my place, people who did far more than me - at least I think so - and didn't get chosen for Joining. Does that make sense to you as a statement?

The Counselor smiled and leaned forward.

Strathmore: Absolutely.

Janai took another sip of her chocolate. It was very tasty, but it lacked something - or perhaps the usual chocolatey flavor was something she'd gotten used to. She ought to add some stuff to the brew, she thought. 

Zol: I am still somewhat confused, however. Even if your Survivor's Guilt hypothesis is true, it only explains things from my point of view, right? It doesn't really explain why the Commission back on Trill would see fit to let me Join with Zol.

Strathmore: Response

Zol: ::Sighs:: Then again, I don't think I can get the answers to that question without going back to Trill at some point. Or sending some kind of message to the Commission, but that sounds kind of weird, doesn't it? "Hello. I got a great gift from you people. Why would you give me that?"

Strathmore: Response.

She drank the last of her hot chocolate, thought about asking for another cup, decided against it. She tapped her fingers on the table, felt Zol - agitated until now - slowly calm.

Zol: Counselor, to be quite honest, this conversation has left me with a lot of thoughts, and I'd like to unpack them both by myself and with you, at a near date. Do you have any suggestions for what I should do in the meantime? Anything specific? Meditation, walks in the holodeck, journaling? I know it's a bit strange to ask, but I'm feeling a bit lost.

Strathmore: Response

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Ensign Janai Zol

Science Officer

USS Valkyrie-A, NCC-76418-A
V240304JZ2